1 week ago. April 28, 2024 at 3:10 AM
I had a funeral this morning. It was a great uncle who had passed away, and they even pushed the funeral back due to my surgery so I could attend. About a week before, I got the unexpected call to lead the service. I was humbled by the request and agreed to do it. While leading up to the service, I was nervous about what I would say, the order of the service, and how it would go (due to my lovingly agreeable OCD). However, as I was preparing in the small chapel at the funeral home, I suddenly realized it wasn't about my performance, words, or me. It is about the memories surrounding him, the people who have gathered to mourn his passing, and the stories we share that make us laugh and cry. Suddenly, as I was scribbling notes for the service, it wasn't a stress but a relief. I just put my energy into delivering the memories and stories to people in a way that reminded them of him, but it had nothing to do with me.
I used to fear death as a kid and a bit into high school. I used to worry about how it would happen if it hurt and how people around me would be affected. I came to peace with it as I entered college and began my journey into adulthood. It wasn't something I could control. It was in the future at some point and would happen when it would happen. My job now was to live each moment and experience what I could. I am calling to help people and serve those around me with my gifts and talents. So that is what I do now. I pour myself into work, and I love helping them succeed more. I strive to be there for my friends and family as they need me to be a sounding board or whatever is required at the time. And I know who is there for me when I have those moments of doubt, sadness, and depression. I'm not saying I'm an expert by any means. But I believe I have grown quite a bit, and I can't wait to see the next step on the journey.