Seeking advice on encouraging my partner to explore a more dominant role.

Seeking advice on encouraging my partner to explore a more d

Sweetworshipper​(sub male) • May 22, 2024

Hey everyone,

I'm seeking some advice on a situation I've found myself in. Recently, I met a woman and introduced her to the concept of Femdom, which she found intriguing. She enjoys being spoiled and worshipped, but she's not particularly interested in giving pain or doing anything that might humiliate or hurt me.

I really enjoy the dynamic we've developed so far, but I'd love to explore more of the traditional Femdom aspects, like discipline or humiliation. I've been thinking about ways to potentially stimulate her interest in these areas. One idea I had was to provocate her gently, maybe by making comments that could prompt her to take a more dominant stance. For example, I thought about saying something like, "Even though I desire you, sometimes I find your arrogance and unfriendliness a bit much." She's a big woman, and I wondered if mentioning that might also push her towards a more authoritative role.

However, I'm concerned that this approach might backfire. I'm afraid she might get offended and stop talking to me altogether. So, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Should I go ahead with this plan, or would it be better to avoid such comments?

Do you have any advice or strategies to help me encourage her to explore these aspects of Femdom without risking our relationship? Or should I simply accept that these elements might not be part of our dynamic?

Thanks in advance for your insights!

Miki • May 22, 2024

Have an honest and "out of role" conversation with her. Out of role of course meaning as peers, not as partners in a BDSM dynamic.

In that conversation, bring up what you would like her to explore and how important it is for you and by extension, her. There should be no urge to rush the topic. Haste makes waste or probably more along the lines of what I like to write, "Push too hard and you'll only end up screwing the pooch."

Anyway, if she thinks it's something she'd might want to try, pursue it at a pace that works for both.

Conversely, if she indicates that doing the discipline/humiliation/pain aspects of BDSM then that's it. Game over for that idea. Then you have to decide "what's next"

I always write this when I see these square peg-and-round-hole topics:

"It's No Good if You Have to Force It"
---------------

Doing so often leads to one of two things, neither very good.

Either the one who "doesn't" forces themselves to comply in order to make the partner happy.. to please them.. and after a time resentment develops in doing something they're not into, just to please a partner and sooner or later it's "I don't like this. This won't work. I have to leave."

or...

The one who wants X, Y, and Z gets frustrated over the reluctance of the other and either "makes up for it" by screwing around behind their back, in non-poly scenarios or they exit stage left leaving Partner B holding an empty bag..

In both likely but not exclusive scenarios, someone will be hurt. Pulling the plug on a non-starter hurts too, but a lot less than if a lot of time and feelings are invested in a relationship.

-------------------------------------------------------

So, to boil it all down, I'm back to that oft written phrase about forcing something that makes another uncomfortable. That dog won't hunt.

* * * * *

Of course and always:

"That's Just Me."


Others will have other ideas. Read, consider, communicate.


Best of Luck!


M

Re: Seeking advice on encouraging my partner to explore a mo

I'mME • May 22, 2024

[quote="Sweetworshipper"]Hey everyone,

I'm seeking some advice on a situation I've found myself in. Recently, I met a woman and introduced her to the concept of Femdom, which she found intriguing. She enjoys being spoiled and worshipped, but she's not particularly interested in giving pain or doing anything that might humiliate or hurt me.

I really enjoy the dynamic we've developed so far, but I'd love to explore more of the traditional Femdom aspects, like discipline or humiliation. I've been thinking about ways to potentially stimulate her interest in these areas. One idea I had was to provocate her gently, maybe by making comments that could prompt her to take a more dominant stance. For example, I thought about saying something like, "Even though I desire you, sometimes I find your arrogance and unfriendliness a bit much." She's a big woman, and I wondered if mentioning that might also push her towards a more authoritative role.

However, I'm concerned that this approach might backfire. I'm afraid she might get offended and stop talking to me altogether. So, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Should I go ahead with this plan, or would it be better to avoid such comments?

Do you have any advice or strategies to help me encourage her to explore these aspects of Femdom without risking our relationship? Or should I simply accept that these elements might not be part of our dynamic?

Thanks in advance for your insights![/quote

@sweetworshiper,
Yall both have to give consent to practice kink. Would you like it if someone manipulated you? You can't make someone DO D/s, sure you can work her but that would only last so long, and if you really like her, you may want to be 100% honest. Why don't y'all take a case, there are articles written here, listen to a podcast, listed here. Be upstanding person, there is enough BS around w/o adding to it.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • May 22, 2024

'recently met' and 'how do I do this' just don't go together.

If this woman is a fabulous match in many ways, and you guys could potentially build a great relationship, then I'd be focusing on that rather than your list of kink desires. In my experience, it's not till you have a very solid foundation of friendship, trust, love, respect, that you can broach these things. The reason being you can navigate and communicate without it meaning the end.

Too much too fast, and trying to build a relationship resting on kink/based on kink rarely works. Not saying it doesn't, but it's rare in my 20+ years experience and meeting a great many people.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 23, 2024

Hearty ditto to those who advice against manipulation and advocate for honest, open communication.

i do not believe the manipulative approach will actually evoke what either of you want or need because it will be built on a false premiss. As i see it, relationship is about connection, and you cannot connect under false pretenses.

i think the word "evoke" is key. We cannot 'evoke" what is not there. Things like pain and humiliation can be complex. The desire to receive them is counterintuitive... or at least, counter the cultural conditioning most have received throughout their life. If this person cares about you, she may not connect that those things are both pleasurable and affirming to you. Even if you explain it and she (and you) grasp those things intellectually, emotional disposition is not always quick to follow suit, or may rebel against it outright. But i don't think you will ever know sans open, honest communication.