Blog About Me

I watch as the swirling flakes of white come crashing in, covering the ground silent and still but icy and frozen. One can only wonder what sunrise will bring as the kisses the sky and lights the snow packed terrain to show the newly formed disaster. 

While fun to play in when it falls down, eventually playtime comes to an end and if not cared for properly, a child will be harmed or become ill left alone to deal with their own problems.

The same goes with Doms and subs. Whether a play scene or not, a long time partner or a one time thing, know who you are playing with. Know their limits, their reactions, check in with them. Because while being a snowstorm is fun at the time, afterwards there is serious repercussions on both sides. Especially if there is no aftercare given and the Dom walks away leaving the sub alone, confused and conflicted. 

Never say "I'm a Master" then demand absolute obediance and respect from a sub, and give zero back to them. That is abuse nothing more no excuses.

We are all human. At least on the outside physically no matter our inner mindset. With that being said, every person, pup, little, sub or dom learns in different ways. This is just a fact that is part of life and it is something that some people tend to forget I think. What works for one person may not work for someone else. Now you may be saying wait a minute, Doms do the teaching! This is inncorect however, yes I admit they do teach a lot of handy and very useful skills that are also very fun at times for many things. However, they are not all knowing and they learn just the same as anyone else. In fact there are many skills that those who do not identify as a Dom have to offer and can actually teach that are also quite useful as well.

See the thing about that is that everyone learns in different ways. They see the world differently and what works for one person may or may not work for another. Being able to translate skills into words and teaching abilities that another can understand is a skill that we aquire in our lifetime. It comes easily and naturally to some people which is great, however others have to work for that skill. They struggle to learn how best to use this skill, how to interpet signals from others and how to figure out the best way to teach another the skills they have to offer. Words of kindness and encouragement are fantastic tools to help boost someone's confidence up and show them they are on the right track. Gentle corrections when they are wrong along with an explanation as to why they are wrong helps them understand and correct the issue in the future.

Knowing a person and how they see things always helps but also treating people like actual human beings not like they are to be disgarded because they are not what you expect of them is what a real educator and decent human being does. The person who is wrong is the one who attempts to teach, gets it wrong and cannot fully explain themselves to someone, then they end up getting it wrong. The person then goes off getting angry, degrading the student for being an idiot, and stupid. For not understanding and therefore being worthless and not worth teaching. This is a bad teacher and inpatient person in general. A real teacher in the face of failure or a students misunderstanding, instead of giving up, looks at the student, takes time to understand the problem, then goes about finding a new way to teach the same thing in a new way that the student will be able to understand better.

This is called teaching with empathy and compassion for others. Changing how you do things in order to help another person learn a skill you have and become the very best they can at it and become great at it so they blossom like a beautiful sunflower reaching for the light. If you want to be a teacher then be the sun, help the flowers grow and reach for the light by opening their petals, expanding their worlds and shining brightly.

The ground where you once found yourself to be standing was stable, concrete and flat. You now find it is round, twisting and ever changing! It is not what you had thought it was and nothing is as you once thought it was before!

My point is that life is like this ground, or supposeded box you are standing on. Society builds the box for us. Expects us to believe everything we are taught and never step outside the lines and limits that have been set. What happens to those of us who do, who find the box isn't a box but a sphere that changes and evolve around and under us as we learn there is more to the world than just what we are told by the people around us?

Life is not lineas and can change in an instant when you are least expecting it to do so. The best wat to handle this is to be open, honest with yourself and accept the changes. Don't see things in black and white, as if they can only be one way or the other. Changes can have fun and unique side effects that make your life turn out even better than it was previously.

Let things happen and enjoy the journey that comes to you. Stress comes from trying to fit into the box others think you need to fit, so stop trying to fit that box and be yourself, be happy and learn something new and different everyday you can, even if it might be frightening at first. You never know where you might end up going, learning or who you might end up meeting

I think being open in our community is a very important and big part of teaching others. It can help others to find themselves and who they are, what they like and don't like as well as help free them from every day stresses. Those who are not open or are narrow minded and unwilling to discuss certain topics with those who are new or curious within the community, only shut people down. We need to help build people up and teach them more about their interests and likes, show them how much fun, love, and support there is out there for them if they only ask for it.

 It is important to remember that at one point we were all new and had no idea what was out there waiting for us. Pass on your knowledge to someone else so they can learn and grow as a person. They will eventually pass it on to others and help spread it among the community to make great connections and friendships that are important.

Maybe they don't know what they like and don't like, that is perfectly okay, they are brand new it simply means they are a blank slate. Don't start by freaking them out with whipping, piercing with needles and hard core S&M stuff that might freak them out, start with basic safety stuff they should know. Maybe termonolgy would be good so they are not so in the dark in this new environment. Give them a link or two with real BDSM topics to look at so they can see what all is out there that perhaps they might want further information about. They dont have to try anything just because they are curious mind you, but the more they know the safe they are and the better choices they can make.

Anyone can be a teacher Dom, sub, Master, slave, Handler, pet or switch, it doesn't matter your title or standing in the community. If you know things and are asked questions about things and feel comfortable, then I say go ahead and answer them to the best of your ability. Make a new friend even one can never have too many friends and perhaps along the way you will happen to learn new things as well to expand and grow yourself. This is my general opinion but you can never stop learning in our community and the day you say you have nothing left to learn, or that you know it all, is the day you need to step back, take a deep long look at yourself in the mirror (both externally and internally), and ask yourself this one question: Do I know everything there is to know about everything going on within the BDSM community all the time to the point I am expert at everything? If the answer is no then great you have room to learn some more, if it is yes. . .I'm sorry your mind has been clouded by bad judgement.

Recently it was pointed out to me "the grass is always greener on the other side", now most people scoff and move past this because it means nothing to them. However, to me this is not so true! To this puppy my yard is my domain and sanctuary from the outside world. I know this sounds silly or even dumb to people who do not understand this. My point is this. Everything is a matter of perspective. Maybe what you are going through is totally terrible and you feel like nothing could be worse. However think that there are totally worse things out there. The woman you look at right across the street? Maybe she is getting over the loss of her husband and has to struggle with two jobs just to keep her family alive and housed. That guy in the really nice car? Sure he has a nice car, a mansion and everything, but who does he have to be close to him really? Is he surrounded WITH people or BY people? With people means they pay attention and talk to you. By people means they know you are there, may speak a word or two but otherwise they dont say a word to you, just another face in the crowd. Maybe you are sick and have been for a while, heck maybe you have an illness like cancer. What is worse you ask yourself bitterly. How about a sickness that can't be cured but controlled, can kill in an instant and wreak havoc on your body no matter what you do to stop it. How about being so poor you cant afford the medicine you need for treatment and knowing you are going to die for it? That all seems much worse than what you have right?

Be thankful, take time to appreciate what you have, things you use everyday and think about what it would be like if you had to do without those items. Do you think you can cope without your . . .(phone, car, computer, tv, music, etc)? Take time to sit outside and appreciate the wind in your hair, the sun on your skin and the sounds of life all around you.

Stress affects us all differently. What our job is essentially is to keep everything in perspective and judge when is the right time and place to be upset, and when is it time to stay calm and figure out the next steps that need to be taken in order to make things in our world right once more. Sometimes our minds are so overactive and busy figuring things out they dont give us time to understand the information being given and correctly process it. The brain is a tool, a computer that gets signals. It has no emotional reactions, those come from you which you process carefully or not, and figure out how to handle what is going on in your world. Just remember, loving starts from the inside. Love thyself before others (or something like that) which is totally true. Learn to be happy with yourself then figure out the rest.

So I have recently been through a super rough time. Family is not always the greatest when it comes to dealing with your kink identity or who you are as a person inside your head right? I know a lot of people hear the word therapy and shudder or think 'what a waste of time' but therapy comes in SO many ways that it can help no matter who you are it is all a matter of perspective.

Do absolutely have to talk with a therapist? Most likely not, as long you are not feeling harmful to yourself or others and still feel like life is worth living and screw the rest of the world. But most of us dont NEED therapy, but stress comes in our lives in every form every thought of. I have found that writing things inside your head or stories if you have an imagination, even if no one ever reads them but you, is super helpful and calming. Delving deep into your writing can clear your head and be considered a type of therapy releasing stress.

Some like to work out and exercise for this same reason, they don't know specifically why they work out so hard other than they want big muscles. While this might very well be true, their brain knows this is a stress and tension reliever and can be a therapy session and bring on a sub space like feeling for them, euphoric in the extreme to the point others get confused by it but as we all know that space is very special to us.

Recently I have done a bit of work crafting. Making two 10 ft pony reins and a pony collar. I found during the making of these items I found myself slipping into that special space due to being a rope top and the 550 cord is like rope I just fell into rope space and it cleared my mind and created a sense of peace within me through the extreme stress I had been under.

So no matter what you do, if it can be thought of as repetitve and calming to you, then I have learned it can be looked at as a type of therapy to help center yourself. Above are the pictures of the pony reins and collar.

So I watch a lot of youtube videos, listen to a lot of conversations at classes and at events, read posts on other social media sites. The one thing I have really noticed as a common theme within the community, is a fairly common theme which is easily fixed if other people are willing to spread the message and try to practice it themselves.

The one problem I have noticed is kink shaming. I know that a lot of times perhaps it is unintentional. I also realize that there are kinks out there that people cannot understand, do not like or trigger bad thoughts or memories in them. The thing I am saying is that is fine if you don't like something or it is a hard limit for you for whatever reason. However please take the time to think about the other person. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the world from their prospective, or at least ask yourself this, "How would I feel if someone attacked me for (insert favorite kink here)"? This is how we should be thinking. Maybe you dont like needles and they are not your thing but someone is really into them and loves them. They want to talk about them because it makes them so very happy. If this is not a trigger for bad things/memories for you, then why can you not talk to them about it? They ware not asking you to use needles or play with them, just talk about them and they want to tell you about why they are happy. How do you know if say you are into spanking and they are not and you talk about an amazing spanking scene you did with your partner and the person listened to you, responded correctly and interacted with you about it. Showing interest, asking questions and genuinely was nice about it, however they really are not into it. They did it though because it was making you happy. So how come if they can do this for you, then you can not do the same for them?

Also if there is something you really cannot stand then rather than attacking the people who are doing it and enjoying it, ask yourself "What do I get by attacking them?", "Are they hurting anyone?",  "Am I actually doing anything by attacking them or just causing stress and discomfort?" These questions need to be answered fully before you go attacking someone for what they like and enjoy. You have no idea what someone else has been through or is going through in their life either now or in the past that has led up to the current moment. This is not a contest about who has a worse life either, it is about what makes YOU happy and what YOU personally find pleasurable. Now whether that is sexual or not is entirely up to you of course. For some people of course it totally is not, it is more about the head space they get, the sense of belonging and "rightness of the world" feeling that comes from play. For others sexual gratification is part of it and that is totally great for them. It helps them release tension, stress and make them happy and relaxed as well as let go of whatever is going on in their lives at the current moment in time. Either way is totally fine and great as long as it is Safe, Sane and Consensual between all members involved and there is no abuse involved.

So one of the major issues I have encountered in today's society at least is that being non-binary, most people have been trained to see gender a certain way. AKA a male means deep voice, broad chest, very masculine features, and short hair. A female is seen to have a curvy body, usually longer hair, softer voice and features like her face.

I mean okay I get it. Most people are trained that being a girl means one thing and being a boy means something else. But honestly what is wrong if someone wants to be different and try something that maybe is not exactly "gender normal"? Is that so bad?

There are many definitions on what gender is out there and what it means. Also what it means to different people is personal and is different for each person. There is also a spectrum to which people need to understand and respect as well even if they may not understand fully what it is. They could learn what it is, what it means and what the levels are, mean and maybe become at least educated on the subject which, at least within the community, would be a very good thing for everyone involved.

Let's face it, no one likes being left out, it is a horrible feeling and makes everyone feel bad so why do it? Why not include everyone? Just ask nicely, "What are your pronouns you prefer?" If you are not sure of someone new you are meeting, this is not a mean or rude question and will not offend anyone. They will simply respond "I prefer, (insert proper pronoun)" (He/she/they). That way you won't offend anyone and it helps stop confusion and will not upset anyone either with misused pronouns.

Inclusion is a wonderful thing, it makes everyone feel loved, supported and wanted. So just remember that no matter what is going on or your feelings toward something in particular, there is a human being attached to whatever going on, gay, lesbian, genderfluid, non-binary, pet, little, Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, a drag queen or whatever the case may be, love and support the actual human being not the actions going on, because love is what matters and what helps make a community flourish and keep going here not people who make hate comments and are mean.

So I have noticed recently that in today's society there is a problem running that everyone is deeply affected by and it causes massive stress for everyone. This problem is that instead of PROgressing we are REgressing in terms or time and expectations.

This basically means that the pressure is on for all people that come of age 18 and older, to immediately partner up, get married, have kids, and do the 1950's thing. AKA 2 1/2 kids, white picket fence, a dog, two story suburban house hold that's perfect with a house wife who raises kids and bakes at home while her husband goes to work all day and earns money for the house hold.

This is total bullshit. It creates way too much pressure on people into making poor choices they later regret because they get hurt rushing into relationships that weren't right to begin with in the first place. When they really should have been finding out more about themselves, learning to be comfortable with who they are as people both inside and out and learning to accept who they are. Then after they figure that out figuring out what is right for them in terms of a relationship before the go and find that perfect partner with whom they want to spend their life with.

It has created a lot of stress on a lot of people that has led to severe depression and suicidal situations for many of my friends that has obviously not been good. So please, if you find yourself in a situation where you think you HAVE to be in a relationship to be happy, pause, look at yourself. Do you really, deep down know yourself? Do you really know who you are inside? Know every inch and cranny of yourself comfortably? Can you honestly say that you know every tiny little thing about yourself inside and out? Are you sure you are ready to share every inch of yourself with another human being? If any answer here is no then you need to step back, breathe, take time to yourself, do some deep self awareness soul searching and learn more about yourself before you embark on your quest to please anyone else.

The goal here is to make yourself happy which you cannot do if you try to please society. Screw society it is filled with assholes who basically are filled with the "all about me" mentality which is bad. Be open minded. helpful and positive to everyone. Love everyone and be encouraging and don't shame anyone for things they like. Be helpful and if they like something you don't, that's okay nothing wrong with it, politely tell them it is not your thing and change the topic.

Sorry about my rant I will end it here and let things go. I apologize in advance if I have offended anyone however I felt this was very important and needed to be said. Thank you for taking the time to read my post feel free to ignore me, block me or whatever you feel is right I totally understand.

Alone in the darkness, alone in my head

I am not afraid of the darkness as it is my friend.

We walk side by side together forever, hand in hand, side by side

forever together, forever isolated. We shall be alright for we are comfortable in our world.

Nothing to stop us, nothing to harm us or tell us no.

Things come, things go but here we stay never changing, always the same and always alone.

We are comfortable in our aloneness, to be happy with ourselves is light in our world,

the air we breathe, the light we feel and space we feel to move and be free.

Do not feel sorry for those who are alone, feel sorry for those who are trapped by rules,

the ones who have walls they cannot see the light, feel the air or have the space.

They are trapped in a circle of cruelty and pain of evil called society that is sad,

I may be alone, but at least I am free.