Notes of an Aria

Various things that I choose to write about. You never know what will come up next when I get inspired.
4 days ago. Tue 20 Mar 2018 05:25:04 PM IST

Shakespeare wrote of "the winter of our discontent."   Methinks the man was single when he penned those immortal words.  Winter, for those in a relationship, is a magical time filled with indoor activities  such as snuggling by a fireplace.  For the single, it's one gray day after another.   One puts on layer after layer of warmth, grabs a hot mug of beverage, and stares out the window.  To those in waiting for Spring, try the following:


Coffee mug with snarky message

Guilty pleasure music

Mani/pedi in a bright color

Ordering strappy shoes

Flavored coffee/tea

Irresponsible weekend of going out

3 weeks ago. Mon 26 Feb 2018 09:28:29 AM IST

Hello, my darlings.  Put down your drinks and prepare for the first in a promised series.  I'm placing ads on free BDSM sites, spending a good week there, and coming back with the results.  If you don't want to read the whole thing, just skip to the bottom.


If you've been in the BDSM world for long, you've heard about CS.  Actual Lifestylers and responsible kinksters go there to laugh and make fun.  There are some absolutely insane personals there.....taboo, huanimals, etc.  The majority are either abusers looking for broken women who feel that they don't deserve better, predators looking for newbie prey, or idiots living in fantasy land who are looking for doormats.


Kink there is on full display.  No one hides it, no one covers it up.   It's in your face.  You can check a wide variety of interests and people know specifically what you're into.  I screwed with mine a bit to reflect only vanilla interests and hard limits.  You are going to learn that I like chili flavored pork rinds with Man Cave dip long before you find out that I like.....  Anyway, guys weren't happy.  


Actually, happy isn't the word to describe CS men.  Aggressive and demanding would be better.  Two messages and they want an offsite messenger.  Half a day of talking to you on the site and they want a picture.  There's this atmosphere of rush.  It's like an online auction where the cost for a Dominant is your dignity and personality as you pander to manbaby egos.  What the fuck ?  Hell no !


My profile (RekindlingAria) was somewhat aggressive.  I listed things I had refused to do and humanized myself.  There was a definate attempt to be seen as person, lady, and submissive.  I listed things that I was looking for and made it clear that I wasn't going to take just anyone.  Didn't go over well.  The messages dropped to a trickle.  Maybe three new contacts a day verses the hundreds of messages that many women report on getting.


The majority of my responses who actually read my profile were men in their 50's and older.  They appreciated my humor and spirit, but I had to politely point out that their age would make it a bit harder for me to form a relationship.  Actually, one gentleman who was 79 approached that point I added a desired age range.


The level of rudeness of there was astonishing.  I would be talking to someone and they would suddenly just drop me without a goodbye.  The place lives up to the bottom of the barrel reputation.


Edit:  I did meet some nice guys.  They have my email.  


Pros: large population, huge age range, good for nitche kinks and extreme masochists

Cons: extreme amounts of rudeness and entitlement, no community policing or feeling, pressure to immediately form attachment


Aria's verdict: Stay the Hell away unless you want to type in certain keywords and have a good laugh.  Jokes are meant to be laughed at.

1 month ago. Tue 20 Feb 2018 07:36:34 AM IST

This is to announce the coming of a new series of blog posts.  I'm going undercover on different free BDSM sites because I'm not wasting my shoe funds.  After a week, I'm posting a review of that week's site, albeit name disguised.  First up: SollarCpace.  Prepare for snark......

2 months ago. Wed 17 Jan 2018 05:21:26 PM IST

"I am a submissive; I am not your submissive."  It's a common enough phrase on sites like this.  I could tell dominants or other submissives what it should mean to them, but I won't.  What I am going to do is tell what it means to me.  Everyone else can take what they want from this post; sometimes a writer writes for themselves.


I obey no strange voice; it doesn't call to my heart.  I don't care about pleasing a stranger; they have taken no time or effort to better me or make me stronger.  I offer no stranger a title; they have not written it on my heart. I allow no one to call me anything that reduces me to an object; they have not made me desire their use.  


I am a submissive; I am not your submissive.  Understand ?

2 months ago. Fri 12 Jan 2018 06:32:12 PM IST

Dark blue nail polish......fucking dark blue polish.  What was the man thinking ?  I had tried to get out of it by roundabout ways, but he had stood firm.  Even being forced to pick the exact shade via pictures hadn't been enough to stop him.  I was under orders to paint my nails dark blue.


Oky, the truth of the matter was that I had been in a rut, had been doing what everyone expected me to.  However, dark blue polish was completely out of character for me.  Still, orders are orders, so I told the nail technician color #622.


An hour later, I walked out of that salon with dark blue finger and toe nails.  Looking at them, it wasn't that bad.  The color was actually pretty and it felt good to have done something so completely unexpected.  Going home for the holidays, every time I saw my nails, it made me think of him and the person I really was inside.  Not the good daughter who lived up to


Great story, but what's the point ?  Why am I telling this ? Too often we submissives tend to overthink things and resist.  Some times we fight when there's a purpose for doing things, even though we don't know what it is.  


Surrender and just give in.  I'm not saying to do anything unsafe or violate a hard limit, but shut up and dance.  Turn off your brain and enjoy the music that your dominant wishes you to hear.  Oh, and my next mani/pedi.....dark red.  

2 months ago. Wed 10 Jan 2018 08:41:50 PM IST

Yellow: the color of the sun or the inside of a daisy.  Yellow is a bright, hopeful color.  However, it's also my least favorite color.  To me, it represents cowardice and failure.  Yellow means that I wasn't enough for my dominant, that I couldn't take all that he needed to give at his intensity level.  I had to admit weakness and let him know I have limits.I


However, it has to be done.  Continuing when limits are being neared is essential.  A dominant has to know to stop, access, and decrease.  Better to break than to be broken.  You have to communicate.


Submissives: if you are reaching the point where you have had enough, fucking speak up.  Yes, push yourself by all means, but don't be afraid to speak up.  However say something.  Let your dominant know where you are in your journey.  You may hate doing it, but there is no shame in admitting that you need a rest.  You can always continue intensity later, work back up after a few minutes break or a position shift. 


Dominants:  If your submissive calls yellow, stop what you are doing immediately.  Just stop.  Ask them what they need to continue or if they can continue.  Acknowledge their courage and praise their use of communication.  If you don't think a submissive has pride, then you have never met one.  


Some of you have mentioned that I didn't use the word red.  That's because red should be reserved for emergencies.  Even the hardest players shouldn't need to use the word because things will not have gotten to that point.  With proper communication, you can go to the edge and back safely and enjoyably.

2 months ago. Mon 08 Jan 2018 10:55:21 PM IST

I had a charge tell me that she can act as she pleases until she finds a dominant because he'll straighten her out then.  After I came to from banging my head against a wooden surface repeatedly, I set her straight.  Submissives, please pay attention: your behavior reflects on your dominant even before you choose them.  


No dominant worth anything will accept a badly behaved submissive.  They might forgive and tolerate one who acts from ignorace, but not one who purposedly acts up for attention.  A submissive who is known to cause trouble or have drama as a constant companion is not desirable by any means.


Submissives, imagine your dream dom/me.  Take a minute.  Like I ever go anywhere ?  Okay, now that they're in your mind, ask yourself: would they approve of your current behavior and the reputation that you have ?  No ?  Fucking change  Be the submissive your dominant wants.  Act like they're watching your every move and act accordingly.  Let it be "Wow, ______ is lucky." not " Really ?  Guess ______isn't picky. "


Look at your profile page.  Is it just a list of what you do sexually, or is there a hint of personality.  Do you have something there to catch the eye or is it just an encouragement to basically use you for sex ?  There are guys out there who will do that.  Can your page attract the guy you want ?  If not, change it.  Let your personality shine, not your kink.


Dominants, you have a responsibility to your counterparts.  If you spot an unattached sub acting in an unbecoming manner, privately speak up.  Gently and firmly attempt to correct the behavior, keeping in mind that you're not that submissive's dominant and have no real authority over them.  If they're rude when you have been polite, then write them off.


Okay, this lesson is over.  I have cold medication to take and profiles to read.  I'm not feeling that well and need a good dosage of snark.  Seriously submissives, behave're being watched and talked of.  If you want quality, be quality. 

2 months ago. Sun 07 Jan 2018 01:52:25 PM IST

Lying in my bed, hot and dehydrated, I logged on the site for distractions.  Sick women enjoy flirty banter while fighting off the next bout of nausea.....true fact.  Anyway, some wankstain wannabe instadom typing from his mother's basement told me that it was a shame I was sick but that it wouldn't change a thing if he were my dom.  What the fuck ?


It's cold and flu season, so I am going to address this issue.  Lucky you people.  Pay attention and take my advice or leave, but don't try to pick a fight.  I ran out of fucks and stopped being nice years ago.


D/M types, if your s tells you they are sick, assess the situation and take care of things.  On or offline, make sure they are getting what they need.  Are they eating ?  Going to the doctor if not better in a few days ?  Sleeping ?  Getting fluids ?  Keep checking and dom/me their sick ass if need be.


If in the training portion of the relaionship, rethink things.  Standing orders may have to be suspended and lesson plans changed.  If you've been doing something physical, then may be time to switch to mental conditioning.  If you are doing something mentally exhausting, you may need to stop for a while.  Ask and accept any answer of not being well enough to continue.  Now is not the time to push.


For the s types, did you think I could forget about you ?  Nope.....have some words of wisdom for you.  Your job is to get better as soon as possible and don't let your pride get in the way.  A good s goes above and beyond at all times.  Your D/M depends on you to be at your best, which means taking care of yourself.  Go to the doctor if it's severe, take your medicine, drink plenty of fluids, eat healthy foods, and let your D/M know if you can't do something.


Okay, rant over and done.  I'm going back to lie down and to my urgent care place when it opens.  People are depending on me to get better very soon.  Plus, running out of crap to watch.


EDIT: It's the flu.  Here's my quick and dirty chicken soup recipe.  Take one container of mushrooms, one bag of precooked chicken breast already cubed, one carton of chicken bone broth and one container of poultry herbs.  Combine in crock pot, turn on high, and pray that appetite comes back.  The recipe is best consumed in a large "not adulting today" mug while wearing your favorite flannel pajamas, thick socks, and slipper boots.

2 months ago. Sat 30 Dec 2017 08:38:20 PM IST

"You didn't offer me your room."

 " If I had, would you have accepted ?"

 "No.  I would have told you to keep it.  You've always been selfish and that's why you're getting a divorce.  When you were nine months old....."

4 months ago. Fri 10 Nov 2017 02:53:55 AM IST

"Oh.....and spank me daddy."


This was a message that I sent to a friend to make him laugh, knowing that he was going to get the message during a bad day......quoting the first message he ever received on the site.  It worked and he laughed at that, plus my other jokes.  We then moved on to discussing Plantagenet history and a series of fiction set at the time of the War of the Roses.  


A few minutes later, my messenger went off.  Another dominant friend I met at the site started spamming me with music bands and I found some great new songs that I really enjoyed.  We then moved on to making some really bad puns before he started giving me shit for drinking Starbucks.


I know some of you new submissives are reading this in shock.  I'm on a kinky dating site and discussing non-sexy books ?  I'm a submissive with dominant friends and we don't talk about sex constantly ?  We talk about normal, everyday life ?  Why ?


It's for the simple reason that they're dominants and don't need to prove it.  It's just a part of their lives, like their eye color or their height.  It's a personality trait like being intelligent or funny.


Another dominant I know (I don't name names) has a newbie sub.  He assigns her homework.  No, not pouring water on herself and self spanking until she cums (seriously, get a grip on yourself, horny teens).  Instead, she writes essays on very well-chosen topics relating to submission.  Actually doing a little homework myself.....I'm on page 87 of Dune by Frank Herbert.  Why ?  Because the men in question see us as whole persons, not walking vaginas.


I freely admit to flirting with half the dominants on this site.   They enjoy cheeky humor and double entendres.  However, any time that I seem off or distracted, they're quick to ask what's wrong and offer suggestions on how to fix problems that aren't theirs.  Why ?  Because they're decent guys, plain and simple.


Seriously, thanks to all the real dominants on this site from a submissive who adores you.