1 week ago. Mon 06 May 2019 10:38:18 PM IDT
I sit here writing with a heavy heart and depressive thoughts on My mind. Reflecting over the last year of My life; both on a personal level as well as watching as the world around U/us is in such turmoil and the suffering of so many which brings Me such emotional pain and doubts that has Me asking WHY?
I used to have so much faith and belief in the good of others. But today I see so many people both online and in the real world struggling, hurting, suffering, and dying due to lack of empathy, caring, and inaction of those who could really make a difference in someone’s life.
The country that I loved and proudly served for over 20 years and would have given My life to in defense of while I served in the Air Force is almost unrecognizable. There is so many people I see who have suffered due to indifferences, inequalities, divisions, social status, economical differences, and the list can go on and on. As I witness in disbelief of all this country’s and world events and the loss of lives, people being treated so poorly, and the anger toward one another; I ask what happened to empathy, understanding, and humanity toward others? All I see is hatred, violence, separations, people turning a blind eye to others in need; pretending it’s not their world and/or problem; living in their personal bubble. I personally am ashamed of the country I now live in!!! This country used to be seen as the land of hope and dreams and one that everyone in the world wished they lived in. Today, it is not so. What happened to believing in the powers to be to do what is right thing for the all the people who are in need; not just the few who are oblivious of the troubles of others around them due to them having the financial status whereas they have everything they would ever need? I recognize that many people who do care, do their best to help others; but so many more people can do the same. Taking care of Thy neighbor.
As far as My years online; it used to be a place to escape your troubles and that of the world around U/us. It used to be an opportunity to meet people from every corner of the world that would have been impossible to do years ago thanks to the ability to send text, do voice calls, and video chats. Used to be a place to get to know others, learn of their cultures, share commonalities and differences, develop a friendly communities whereas W/we all got along and enjoyed each others’ company and have a good time in doing so. This too seems to have lost its purpose and enjoyment in My eyes. You talk to and read on a daily basis of someone’s pain and anguish due to lack of empathy and compassion toward others.
Many of Y/you may think that this online life is not meant to be taken so seriously and shouldn’t allow yourself to fall victim to others words or actions. But to many; this is more than simply coming online and saying and doing things in a mindless, careless way thinking there are no consequences in result. For many online, W/we are seeking friendships, connections, romance, real-life partners and dare I say “love”. Online has opened up the world to U/us in which you don’t have to find whoever you seek in just the communities W/we live in. It has given U/us the opportunity to look for what W/we seek basically anywhere in the world. But at the same time, it has opened U/us up to many who are online who are not honest and get a thrill out of causing others harm mentally and/or physically should someone open themselves up and fall victim to the deceit that some take such pride in seeing how many people they can pull into their web of mental and/or physical hurt. Although many of U/us in the community have always offered a lending ear to others who need it, written many blogs offering advice of their experiences and support, and have had spent hours and hours talking to those who sought U/us out for someone to listen and lean on; it’s still disheartening of how many of U/us find fall victim to those who are not here for the right reasons.
I have thought on many occasions of going dark, removing Myself from all this pain, anguish, anger; for its hard to read day after day those who have been betrayed, used, ghosted, and abused by those they have given their trust to. Many of those who have felt this sting by others are who I consider close and dear friends. It angers Me to read or hear of their struggles in trying to find their O/one; for I too understand what is feels to have been betrayed or disappointed on a few occasions. Such experiences makes those of U/use less trusting, build higher walls, less sociable, hesitant to continue O/our search for the right O/one, and sometimes get U/us asking “Is it Me?”
But I am a hopeless romantic at heart and still believe My “one” can be found in here in time and I will continue to try to find her and when the Gods above bless Me for her to come across My path; I will know her. I can’t say that My experiences while in the online relationships were all bad; there were many beautiful moments/months shared; until they weren’t. That is what I hold onto in order to continue My journey in My search of finding My “one”. Knowing I will once again find those moments and hopefully one where those moments turned into never-ending real time loving, caring, exciting, and kinky as hell lifetime with that special “one”!!
In the meantime, I patch up the bleeding heart, reflect on the relationship, determine My ownership as to why it may have failed, and learn for My mistake or theirs. Keeping the dream alive knowing someone out there is experiencing the same thing and perhaps W/we will find each other and find that W/we belong together?
So, in closing, to those who are just beginning to look for their O/one, keep your walls up until you really know the person who has your interests. Know them on a personal level first before entering any lifestyle conversations. Make them earn your trust and respect. For those of U/us who have been stung by the deceivers in here, take a bit of time to mend, learn from the experience what you can and know it’s not YOU! Also I had mentioned in an earlier blog; Know Your Self Worth. Don’t let someone else’s words and/or actions define you, only YOU can do that!