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A Dominants Thoughts, Advice and All Things BDSM

Hello all, Just some thoughts, suggestions, and other tibbits I hope will represent the BDSM community in a positive light and help others learn.
1 month ago. Sun 06 Jan 2019 01:35:54 AM IST

BDSM is a catch-all phase used to describe an interest in a number of related patterns of human sexual behavior including sadomasochism, power exchange or bondage. Strictly speaking, fetishism is not part of BDSM, but fetish imagery is very common in visual depiction of BDSM activities.

The major sub-groupings are described in the abbreviation “BDSM” itself:

bondage & discipline (B&D)
Domination & submission (D&S, DS, D/S)
sadism & masochism (or sadomasochism) (S&M, SM)

To someone outside of the fetish / BDSM scene it might appear to be a very homogeneous group of people and it may even seem to be a paraphilia. This is not necessarily the case however. The stimulus that brings on the sexual arousal in an individual will vary from person to person. For one person objectification and sexual humiliation might be a huge turn on whilst the thought of being caned by a dominant does nothing to them at all. For another person the reverse might be the case.

This emphasis on informed consent and safety is also known as SSC (safe, sane and consensual), though others prefer RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), which places the emphasis more on informed consent, and acknowledges that all activities are potentially risky.

In the past, sadomasochistic activities and fantasies were regarded by most psychiatrists as pathological, but have been regarded as increasingly acceptable since at least the 1990s. Indeed, the DSM-IV asserts that “The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviours” must “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning” in order for sexual sadism or masochism to be considered a disorder. People who practice BDSM tend to reject the view of their activities as disordered.

Power exchange
The term power exchange is associated with a submissive exchanging his/her authority to make decisions (either just for a scene, or for his/her entire life) for the dominant’s agreement to take responsibility for his/her happiness and health.

The nature of the power exchange varies greatly and can be explicitly negotiated or implicit in the consensuality of the relationship.

Submissive behaviour
A submissive person is one who submits of their own free will and seeks to submit to another. This can be in the context of play times within a set scene, totally immersed within a power exchange relationship or anywhere in between.

Dominant behaviour
A dominant person enjoys being with a submissive person, either just during a scene or as a way of life. Reasons for this include a desire for personal power; being the object of devotion; having the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal; sadism.

Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching — that is, playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A ‘switch’ may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realise his or her unsatisfied BDSM needs with others.

Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if proper precautions are neglected. One aspect to make sure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the Dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort for one or both, a safe word can be uttered to warn the Dominant of trouble and immediately call for a stop to the scene.

Adequate care is prudent in bondage to ensure safety from injury. For activities involving bodily fluids, hygienic precautions should be duly considered for avoiding the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Various practices
Many of the specific practises in BDSM are those which, if performed in neutral or nonsexual contexts, are widely considered unpleasant, undesirable, or disadvantageous. For example, pain, physical restraint and servitude are traditionally inflicted on persons against their will and to their detriment. In BDSM, however, these activities are engaged in with the mutual consent of the participants, and typically for mutual enjoyment.

BDSM may encompass practices such as erotic spanking, flagellation, such as flogging, paddling or whipping, or medical submission (i.e. a submissive partner submits to humiliating and/or painful medical procedures).

BDSM activities are practised by male and female individuals of all sexualities: gay or straight, or bisexual, as well as the transgendered. Many practise their BDSM activities exclusively in private, and do not share their predilections with others. Others socialize with other BDSM practitioners. The BDSM community can be regarded as a subculture within mainstream society. Being involved in BDSM or Dominant/submissive relationships is often referred to as being “in the lifestyle”.

Some sources estimate the prevalence of BDSM behaviour in countries such as the United States at around 5 to 10% of the adult population. While the stereotype of heterosexual BDSM is a male dominant and female submissive, the reality is almost evenly split between “maledom” and “femdom” couples.

On a physical level, BDSM “sensation play” often involves inflicting pain, even if without real injury. This releases endorphins, creating a sensation somewhat like runner’s high or the afterglow of orgasm, sometimes called “flying”, which some find enjoyable. Some writers use the term “body stress”. This experience is the motivation for many in the BDSM community but is not the only motivating factor. Indeed, a strong minority of BDSM participants (especially ‘bottoms’) may well take part in a scene they do not derive any physical pleasure from in order to provide their ‘top’ with an opportunity to indulge their desires or fetishes.

In some kinds of BDSM play, the ‘top’ (usually a dominant partner) applies sensation to the ‘bottom’ (usually a submissive partner) by spanking, slapping, pinching, stroking or scratching with fingernails, or using implements like straps, whips, paddles, canes, knives, hot wax, ice, clothespins, bamboo skewers, etc. The sensation of being bound with rope, chains, straps, cling wrap, handcuffs or other materials can also be part of the experience. The tools of BDSM play encompass a variety of items from specifically designed implements to ordinary household items, known as “pervertibles”.

A pleasurable BDSM experience is thought to depend greatly upon a competent top and the bottom attaining the correct state of mind. Trust and sexual arousal help a person prepare for the intense sensation. Some have even gone so far as to compare adept BDSM play to musical composition and performance, each sensation like a musical note. Likewise, different sensations are combined in different ways to produce the total experience.

Other points
BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind.
BDSM may or may not involve sexual roleplaying.
BDSM may or may not involve ageplay.
How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not always determine their preferred role in BDSM play though many people do manifest these tendencies. Often people who express one role in their regular life, such as at work, strongly desire to express the opposite role within their sexual life, as a kind of release.
BDSM play often includes the psychological pleasure of fetishes.
Some BDSM players are polyamorous, or are sexually monogamous but engage in non-sexual play with others.
A couple may engage in BDSM sexually, and otherwise have a completely normal relationship.
When there is abuse in the relationship, the submissive is as likely to be abusive as the dominant.


See List of BDSM terms

There are many historical precursors to BDSM; however, the modern BDSM movement (in the sense of the coming together of those with various different alternative interests into one common mutually-supportive pan-fetish movement) didn’t fully take shape until the 1980s, while the term “BDSM” itself was apparently not invented until ca. 1990 (the earliest surviving use of this term in the Google Groups archives of the Usenet group dates from June 1991).

There are anecdotal reports of people willingly being bound or whipped as a prelude to, or substitute for, sex going back to the fourteenth century. The medieval phenomenon of courtly love in all of its slavish devotion and ambivalence has been suggested by some writers to be a precursor of BDSM. Some sources claim that BDSM as a distinct form of sexual behaviour originated at the beginning of the eighteenth century when Western civilisation began medically and legally categorising sexual behaviour. Other sources give a broader definition citing BDSM-like behaviour in earlier times and other cultures, such as the medieval flagellants and the physical ordeal rituals of some Native American societies.

Although the names of the Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch are attached to the terms sadism and masochism respectively, the question remains as to whether their ways of life would meet with modern BDSM standards of informed consent.

BDSM ideas and imagery have existed on the fringes of Western culture throughout the twentieth century. Some of the key artists were John Willie and Eric Stanton. Robert Bienvenu attributes the origins of modern BDSM to three sources, which he names as “European Fetish” (from 1928), “American Fetish” (from 1934), and “Gay Leather” (from 1950). Another source is the sexual games played in brothels, which go back into the nineteenth century if not earlier.

There are ideas that much of the BDSM ethos can be traced back to gay male leather culture, which grew out of post-WWII biker culture. This subculture is epitomised by the Leatherman’s Handbook by Larry Townsend, published in 1972, which essentially defined the “Old Guard leather” culture. This code emphasised strict formality and fixed roles (i.e. no switching), and did not really include lesbian women or heterosexuals. In 1981, however, the publication of Coming to Power by Samois led to a greater knowledge and acceptance of BDSM in the lesbian community.

In the mid-nineties, the Internet provided a way of finding people with specialised interests around the world and communicating with them anonymously. This brought about an explosion of interest and knowledge of BDSM, particularly on theusenet group When that group became too choked with spam, the focus moved to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm.

New Guard leather subculture appeared around this time.

BDSM and fetish imagery has spread out into the mainstream of Western culture through avant-garde fashion, the Gothic subculture, rap, hip-hop and heavy metal music, video clips, and science fiction television and movies.

The modern BDSM subculture is widespread. Most major cities in North America and western Europe have clubs and play parties, as well as informal, low-pressure gatherings called munches. There are also conventions like Living in Leather,TESfest and Black Rose, as well as the annual Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco.

The Leather Pride Flag is a symbol used by the leather community or subculture.

BDSM and feminism
Many feminists have criticised sadomasochism/BDSM for eroticising power and violence, and for reinforcing misogyny (Rubin, 1984). They argue that women who choose to engage in BDSM are making a choice that is ultimately bad for women (often without distinguishing between maledom and femdom). Some radical feminists suggest connections between consensual BDSM scenes and non-consensual rape and sexual assault.

Sex-positive feminists argue that consensual BDSM activities are enjoyed by some women and validate the sexual inclinations of these women. They argue that feminists should not attack other women’s sexual desires as being “anti-feminist”, and that there is no connection between consensual sexually kinky activities and sex crimes. Sex-positive feminists find suggestions of links between consensual and non-consensual behaviour to be insulting to women. It is often mentioned that in BDSM, roles aren’t fixed to gender, but to personal preferences.

The legal situation of sadomasochistic activities varies greatly between countries. In Japan, Germany and the Scandinavian countries, consensual BDSM is legal. In other countries it is an example of a consensual crime.

At least in the western, industrialised countries and Japan, since the 1980s sadomasochists have begun to form information exchange and support groups to counter the discriminatory image held by orthodox science and parts of the public. This has happened independently in the USA and in several European countries. With the advent of the web, international cooperation has started to develop – for example Datenschlag is a joint effort of sadomasochists in the three major German-speaking countries, and the mailing list Schlagworte uses the model of a news agency to connect six countries.

Documentaries about BDSM
SICK: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist, a documentary about the life of Bob Flanagan
Fetishes by Nick Broomfield
BDSM Alternative Loving by Open Book Communications
Kink Canadian documentary TV series

References and further reading
Pat Califia. Sensuous Magic. New York, Masquerade Books, 1993. ISBN 1-56333-131-4
Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, and Jon Jacobs. Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission Villard Books, New York, 1993. ISBN 0-679-40873-8
Anita Phillips, A Defence of Masochism, Faber 1999.
Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Greenery Press, 2000. ISBN 0963976389.
Philip Miller, Molly Devon, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, Mystic Rose Books, 1995. ISBN 0964596008.
Gloria G. Brame, Come Hither : A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex, Fireside, 2000. ISBN 0684854627.
William A. Henkin, Sybil Holiday, Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely, Daedalus, 1996. ISBN 1881943127.
Robert Bienvenu, The Development of Sadomasochism as a Cultural Style in the Twentieth-Century United States, 2003, available in PDF format at

External links
London Fetish Scene
BDSM Personals and Community on
BDSM vs. Abuse
Jan Geerinck’s Comprehensive page on BDSM and sadomasochism
Deconstructing myths by Andrea Beckmann, Journal of Criminal Justice and Popular Culture, 8(2) (2001) 66-95

D/s Lifestyle resources.
Norman Breslow’s SM Research Report, v1.1
Society for Human Sexuality
soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm newsgroup FAQ
uk.people.bdsm newsgroup FAQ
The Beginners Guide to BDSM
Slave musings BDSM in the context of M/s and TPE


2 months ago. Mon 10 Dec 2018 08:17:00 PM IST

Well fellow Cage kinksters and alike, it’s that time of year where W/we all look forward to the celebrating with family and friends the jolly Christmas holiday and getting excited about the expectations of Santa Coming to Town!  Below describes My experiences and thoughts of years’ of Christmas past and the undoubtable Ground Hog days that I go through to prepare for Good Ole Saint Nick’s arrival. Hold on tightly to the reindeer reins!

 Walks into the room, all tangled up in strings of Christmas lights as I have painstakingly been checking to see if they all work in preparation of putting them up on My Christmas tree and My domain! I am spitting angry and frustrated damn it!!!  So many questions come to mind as to this why I put Myself through this torture, that I would gladly trade for a spanking from every woman on this site and any others sites I am not on!!!

First question that comes to My mind is why is that when one damn bulb on a string of 1000 blows out causes the whole freaking string not to work? Who the hell was so damn Sadistic bastard to come up with that damn idea????? He probably sits at home…quietly laughing to himself, knowing he has created something that is meant to brighten E/everyone’s tree and domain with the Christmas spirit; but knows in truth, the chaos and hell those strings of lights put the unsuspecting, innocent holiday revelers through!!! *Goes to Google to find who created this contraption and to see if he is still living or not, so I know where to have Santa deliver not just a chunk of coal, but a whole freaking truck load!!!*

Next question. Why is it W/we do all W/we can to put O/ourselves into the holiday spirit; Christmas music, watching Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer on TV, light a Christmas smelling scented candle, and wear that embarrassing elf hat… (admit it, I ain’t the only One that does!) …when you go to check the lights out and then…ONE….yes one bulb quickly ruins that well thought out mood!!! Are you seeing a pattern here?  You get so frustrated that you begin to think of evil things; like you go change the music to some head banger music, you look for Rudolf only to catch that red shiny nose beast and make venison of him, to use the wonderfully scented candle to burn that damn string of lights and the Christmas tree down, and finally replace the elf’s cap for the Grinch’s !!!!!

Damn am I having so much fun now!!!! I get to thinking how is it that you had all the strings of lights working during last year’s Christmas and you were careful to place them in a storage bin believing it will be a snap just to pull them out and put them up in no time the following year right?? So the next year when W/we all expect Jolly Saint Nick to come a knocking; W/we all go and pull out the 5 huge bins of Christmas lights and other precious ornaments up from the storage cage 2 flights downstairs.  Once again, you have prepped and set the mood as I mentioned above and the first thing you do is pull the first string of Christmas lights knowing they all will be working just as you put them away!! Low and behold; it doesn’t work!!! Right away your Christmas spirit goes right down the tubes, mumbling and cussing up a storm!!! You wonder how the hell is it possible??? You know all the Christmas lights worked when you carefully placed them into the storage bins last year?  Did someone get into the storage cage and purposely mess with the lights just to fu*k with your Christmas spirit again?  You start having flashbacks to the Christmases of years past, remembering the horrors of how long it took just to find that one freaking bulb on the string of 1000, swapping out each and every single bulb out until you have found the “One” that is peeing on your joyous parade!!! Your eyes begin to have a twitch, your smile immediately turns upside down, your forehead begins to sweat, your cats run for cover for they seen this happen every years past. Not a pretty site people!!!! As like every year before this Christmas you begrudgely and painstakingly go through checking the string of lights again; swearing a solemn vow to yourself, you are going to change your religion just to get away from having to celebrate next year’s Christmas!!!

So, after hours and hours of checking each Christmas light strings that you have planned to use, the Christmas spirit is gone, you call your shrink from last year to schedule another appointment to have another talk about what the true meaning of Christmas is, and be reminded that the New Year is just around the corner; where you are expected to remember to take the good memories with you, and leave old past bad memories behind you. Hell, all I want to do after each talk is start My New Year early and drink Myself stupid and pass out until the real New Year arrives!!

What happened to the good ole days, where W/we would go out with empty jelly jars and collect lightning bugs to place them in the jars to make O/our own special Christmas lights? Sure it took a bit longer to collect enough to light up the tree and brighten the domain and most of the lightning bugs would be dead before Christmas arrived; but damn it seemed so much more satisfying somehow and the fun of being out in nature when collecting those little buggers really seemed to count much more!!

I know there has been other newer methods to further simplify lighting up the Christmas tree and domain that has/had been developed since then; like using little candles. Well, Me being One who is always looking for new ways to make life easier; I jump at any new fangle ideas to see how well it works and to keep up with the Jones’ next door (this is a story for another time).  Well I bought into the candle thing, hook, line and sinker!! It seemed like a rational thing to do? These little candles were designed like little lanterns where you would simply light each wick safely within the plastic cover of each ornament; simple right? Well, I will leave it to Y/you A/all as to imagine what happened afterwards. Just a hint, I had to move to another complex? *sad face*

Well Cage kinkster and alike, I am glad I was able to share some of My Christmas cheer and misery to you; I consider this therapy!! I want to take this time to wish each and every kinkster on site; a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! I wish that each of you don’t ever have to experience My Christmas cheer as I have had over the years!! As Tiny Tim would say “God Bless each and every one of Y/you!”  

2 months ago. Sat 08 Dec 2018 06:56:54 PM IST

(Take 2 on My attempt in writing this silly blog, the Cage gremlins stole My first attempt!!! *unhappy face*)


*I will try to recapture My honest sentiments of My first attempt to the best of My ability; for I was on such a roll that I doubled over in writing it!!! *

Well My fellow kinkster friends, it’s that time of the year where W/we all are getting into that joyous spirit of the holidays and I wish to spread My Christmas thoughts with Y/you A/all if you dare?

First I would like to share with you about something most of Y/you may be able to relate to and hopefully will give you help in succeeding to obtaining Y/your goals in achieving that one “must have” gift that Y/you are prepared to do anything to get it!!! As Y/you know it’s that time of year whereas everything goes on sale leading up to the day Dear Ole Santa Clause comes to O/our homes; bringing all the gifts that W/we had written to Him about seeing W/we have A/all been so “good” all year; well perhaps not all year, but W/who isn’t naughty once in a while during the year, right?  Surely a bit of naughtiness wouldn’t put U/us on Santa’s naughty list whereas W/we can only expect that “lump of coal”?  Well, now a days I think Santa no longer hands out the coal; for I believe He now understands the effects of “global warming and greenhouse gases” and has become more conscientious and simply hands out cards to those of U/us who have made it onto His “naughty list” saying “Better Luck Next Year, Love Santa!”

OK…I am a bit off track as to where I started this forum, I apologize, I get so excited during this time of year that My already confuddled mind hears all these tiny voices from Santa’s elves trying to tell Me to stop writing this blog in fear that I may end up not only becoming a bad influence to those of Y/you may read this nonsense, but also I may spend My favorite time of year in some looney bin!! But at great risk of those possibilities…I feel I must share My thoughts!!!

So scrolls up and sees where I left off in what I started before I went off track?  Ahh, yes I now remember!

Well, as W/we now have identified that “must have” gift that W/we all seek, done O/our online searches to find it at the lowest cost possible, and set forth a plan to venture out to battle the crowd W/who also seek this valued and cherish gift; I for O/one prepare to do so with a Gladiator mindset and arm Myself with any and all tools to fight and achieve My mission as planned.  With the greatest resolve that I WILL complete the mission and nothing or no one will stop Me; I leave My humble abode of safety and head out to My trusty reindeer chariot (My car), dial in the location of where My prized gift is at on My Google locator device…whatever it is called? And off I go, 3am in the morning to go to battle; believing I would be nearly at the front of any line that may be waiting to steal that “gift” I wish to have!! Well I get there to My location that holds My reason for living for that day; only not that I am NOT the first to get there, but the line is already a mile long….giving Me pause as to whether My mission may be harder to achieve than I thought!! There were people there who had set up tents and been freezing their asses off for a couple of days before the sale!! I think to Myself, “Humm, I thought My planning was well thought out and coming this early in the morning it was a pretty sure bet I would be near the front of any line?” Well, apparently I was wrong?  Another thought came to mind, “don’t these people have a life?? They are apparently are more nuts than I am!!! Bravo to them!!! I didn’t think that was even possible!!! Well, I am not deterred in completing My mission for I had a fool proof plan that I strongly believed would guarantee My getting that “must have” gift!

The doors open and everyone rushes in, pushing, shoving, cursing, and being totally unsociable like!! (what happened to  love thy neighbor and do onto others as they would do onto you?) Well, as they say, “When in Rome, do as Roman would do, kick ass!! (I don’t think I got it right…but what the hell, it sounded good enough to Me!)  So, I too getting caught up in the frenzy; begin to push, shove and hand out a few of My own choice curse words Myself…(damn that feels so good to let loose like that!) (My momma wouldn’t approve, but what she don’t know won’t hurt Me over her knees; even though I secretly enjoyed those spankings, but don’t tell her, please?)

I wind My way through the isles to where I have already scoped out where My “must have” gift awaits Me. When I get there, I see a crowd of people struggling wanting the same “must have” gift I seek to claim and only a few left!! Well, as I tried to get closer…seeing the “must have” gifts are dwindling and I must have one!! I pull out My secret weapon. (Just a side note…those who been camping out days before the sale, stunk to high heaven….must been their own secret weapon?)

I pull out My secret weapon and start spraying those who are between Me and My “must have” gift in the eyes with pepper spray!!! I see that My well thought out plan is working to My satisfaction as the crowd start choking and rubbing their eyes from the sting and pain the pepper spray is causing them!! *chuckles with an evil grin on My face*

As the parting of those who “were” between Myself and My “must have” gift make way, I put away My pepper spray and walk up calmly and grab the last of the “must have” gift proudly!! Mission Accomplished! Then I turn to head to the cashier discretely and dodging a few security guards headed to where I had just been to see what the hell was happening? I ring up My “must have” gift at the self-help cashier register as to not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to Myself and then stealthily slip out the doors to My trusted chariot (My car) that awaits Me with her motor already running (auto start) and drive off back to My abode smiling all the way!

Well, that was My experience!! Any for you who truly believed I am crazy enough to do such a thing, Hint: the joke is on you *snickers* #Just A Fantasy, but damn it certainly got My blood flowing!!! I seriously wouldn’t recommend A/anyone to take this to heart! I would hate to know My warped Mind caused anyone to find themselves not celebrating Christmas with family and friends, eating good food and dressed in Y/your bestest ugly sweaters for a jumper suit and 3 hots and a cot with complete strangers who are not in the festive mood Y/you once had before Y/you set out to get that “must have” gift!! *sad face*


Can’t wait for Part 2 of this nightmarish Merry Christmas Thoughts of a Madman? Well, it will be cumming y0ur way soon, stay tuned!! Damn those elves voices are getting louder, STAAAUUUUUPPPPP!

2 months ago. Thu 06 Dec 2018 02:51:12 AM IST

I was in the chatroom and the discussion of collars came up. At first, I felt it was a constructive conversation. But at some point in it, I reflected on one collar that's still as meaning to me. I put a significant meaning to a collar. I take the collaring of someone seriously and with great respect. When I give someone a collar, it means that we have discussed everything that one needs to discuss in order to find out if we are perfect fit with each other. That we have found that we are compatible in every way. The collar signifies more than just a symbol of a union between a Dominant and submissive. It says that we have determined what we share between us is something that only can be found by the one that you can trust and respect and can share everything about you and not be judged. That you have found the one that immerses your every thought and every emotion within you. That you know that person will be there whenever there is a need.

There is a collar that I have given to someone that I care deeply about.  It was a collar that she would fight to keep on her neck at all costs regardless of any mental and or physical harm others may have brought upon her. It looks so beautiful around your neck. It meant to her as much as it meant to me. She understood the significance of wearing this collar and wear it proudly.

But as I write this, I haven't heard from her due to her life circumstances that have taken her away from me. All I know is that she had made a huge decision on her part for the better. Something I've been trying to encourage her to do with some time. She finally bravely did what she had to do. And I'm proud of her for doing what she did. But that is as much as I know at this point.I don't know what has taken her away from me as to where she no longer has talked to me in several days? I worry about her as I always have. I don't know if she has decided that this relationship is no longer right for her or not? The not knowing is hard to live with every day. My heart continues to trickle and bleeds.  I still care very deeply for her. 

I guess what I'm asking here is to know if this Union is no longer? If it's not, I wish to be told if this, if this is what she wishes. I need to know one way or the other. If she has moved on, I need to know it from her so I can put closure to this Union and be able to freely move on. I still very much believe in her as being a beautiful woman that would have made my life complete. 

3 months ago. Wed 31 Oct 2018 05:27:34 PM IST

Over the last few months, perhaps ever since I been online searching for My “one” over the years; I come to observe such a disheartening observation of Myself and of others I have had encountered time and time again; through personal conversations and/or by the many written blogs. That is, how little many of U/us seem to not value O/ourselves as W/we should due to life experiences and disappointments that W/we have unfortunately lived through. 

Many times it’s that W/we judge O/ourselves too hard for various reasons; O/our appearance, maybe W/we feel W/we are too short, too frumpy, too plain, and a myriad of other unreasonable reasons as to why W/we find O/ourselves hiding in the shadows. Many of U/us are unjustifiably too hard on seeing who W/we see in the reflections in the mirrors before U/us.

Another reason is that many who find themselves within the community is due to years of abuse at the hands of others; when they were young and not able to defend themselves, find themselves in an abusive relationships in their attempt to find their “happy ever-after”. The long lasting effects of this can be devastating in how W/we value O/ourselves and find it hard to change what W/we have become to know as the 0nly way of life; thus W/we only find irrational safety and comfort by remaining in such relationships; believing that W/we are destined to live such a life. A vicious circle of mental and physical abuse that is never-ending!

Other reasons that seems prominent in O/our feeling less than, is that of how others seem to have too big of an impact on how W/we value O/ourselves! Too often W/we allow those who W/we interact with who seem to have a chip on their shoulders; who are judgmental, who think they are wholly than Thou, or who simply get a kick out of being dismissive or demeaning to others. This happens so often with those who see themselves as submissive, both male and female. One of the reasons why this happen so many times is that having a submissive mindset as they do; they often open up their hearts and minds where they are very vulnerable because they give their trust to those who they hope to have their best interests in mind and wish to please the One they are with at the expense of their own needs and desires. Or there are those who come across someone who they see is struggling to c0me to terms with a recent breakup, inexperienced in what they seek, have low self-esteem about themselves, and seem vulnerable enough that they can be taken advantage of emotionally and/or physically.

Don’t get Me wrong, this too happens to well - intentioned Dominants who give their all in developing a D/s relationships; I being One. We know that any submissive We may be considering to enter a D/s union has the power over whether or not they give Us the privilege of their “gift” of submission; therefore We do everything possible to win his/her trust to achieve it.  We try to impress them, show empathy, Our strengths and weaknesses, attentiveness, loyalties, invest Our time and devotion and by any other respectable means to earn that privilege 0f the “one” to whom We are considering to enter a life-long journey with. If We are blessed and fortunate enough that the stars and the moon happen to be aligned; We will be successful and the one We desire will extend their neck and allow Us to place Our collar on them. But unfortunately more often than not; We find Ourselves left broken hearted, confused, frustrated, and dismayed as to what went wrong with the “one” to whom We cherished so deeply; whom We believed in as being the Ying to Our Yang, the “one” to whom We hoped to share Our future and become Our life partner; leaving Us empty handed for various and sometimes unexplained reasons. Sometimes it’s because the chemistry between U/us is not felt equally as One may have believed. Or perhaps W/we have a different outlook and life goals that are not completely compatible, or the “one” to whom you put forth all your heart and soul into winning over simply wasn’t to who they claimed they were in the begin with! Regardless of the reason(s); each time this happens to Us, We feel betrayed, hurt, broken, angry and many other emotions that perhaps We have never experienced in the past. Some of Us learn to accept this and take the time afterwards to reflect back on the relationship whereas We can fondly remember the special moments that were shared and continue Our search for that “one” who will complete Us. Others will look upon the relationship and allow themselves only to stay stuck in their mindset whereas they feel they were a failure, were not good enough, that their efforts were not appreciated or taken serious enough; again a wide range of thoughts and emotions over-take Us to where We can’t see straight enough to know that We did all We could do during the relationship to bring it to the reality they We wish it could have become. The results of this varies; more often than not; the hurt turns into anger and can turn even the strongest of Us into someone who We are not. Perhaps We become jaded toward any others that We may find to be of Our interests and We lash out on them believing that what We have experienced with those in the past is bound to happen again. Thus not fairly giving those who are innocent and who may be sincere in finding their “One” a chance to know the real “You”. Losing out on what could have been. Others find themselves wondering the hallways in a daze, not sure of who or what they want, not sure if they will ever be good enough to find their “one”. And then there are those who after many attempts in finding their “one” simply give up their search and decide its best to simply live a solitude life.

I know many of U/us in and outside of O/our community can relate to much of what I have written and it all seems so bleak and daunting; whereas W/we may feel as if there is no chance of recovering from the many heartbreaks, disappointments, and being under-valued as a person to whom W/we truly are. I am going to attempt to encourage those of U/us who feel that W/we are not capable of becoming who W/we know W/we are deep inside of O/ourselves; because W/we can!

To live and know W/we are good enough, W/we are capable to reach O/our full potential of being worthy of the respect and love that W/we all deserve. That W/we don’t need the approval of others to validate that W/we are a good person. That W/we don’t have to rely on others to reassure U/us that W/we have self-worth; that W/we know in O/our core that W/we are!!! That O/our hearts, minds, and souls are true and are to be respected and protected from those who seek to tell U/us otherwise. That O/our outer and inner beauty that W/we have been bestowed upon U/us by the God above is who W/we are and W/we are happy with O/ourselves.  “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”; and the only eyes that matter to judge is O/our own!

Now I want each of you to read and re-read that last paragraph over and over; until you believe in the words being spoken!! Until you understand how true they are of yourself. Until it becomes your personal mantra and it brings you out of any funk and darkness you may find yourself in. You and only you have the power to believe in yourself; no one can take that away from you if you believe in yourself!!  You are you, be proud of that fact that you are unique and special and I am sure respected and loved by many!!! Focus on the positives in life. Don’t look back to the past unless it’s filled with the positive thoughts and the special moments you have lived!!! You are and always will be worthy of those who truly know you of being that light in their lives as they see you. BELIEVE in YOURSELVES!!!!

3 months ago. Tue 30 Oct 2018 11:10:14 AM IST

I just would like to thank the many of you who reached out to give Me words of support over the last couple of days during a dark period of time in My life. Yesterday, My morning looked very bleak and the pain was intolerable. Thanks to many of you in this community who reached out with their words of support. You helped Me during My time in need and pulled Me out of the darkness I was feeling. Many of you came to Me and stayed with Me for the most part of the day yesterday with your words of encourgement which helped pull Me out of the mental hole I found Myself in; where I could see the light of the day, and by the end of the day I was feeling more like Myself.  This is what this community is all about. So many good people who are there in times of need, who will offer a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and provide you a light to find yourself out of any darkness you may find yourself in. Never will there be a time where someone in need for emotional support have to deal with their moments of darkness by their self.  Someone will always be there to reach out!! Once again, thank all of you who were there for Me. 

3 months ago. Wed 24 Oct 2018 11:48:46 PM IDT

Hey kinksters, I was thinking of putting together a Virtual Halloween Munch. I am looking to see who all may be interested and willing to help brainstorm ideas and help put it together with me? I am thinking of perhaps a best costume contest, music, scary movies, and so forth. Please let me know if you are interested and if willing to help out? Need to get right on this, if it's to happen. I will try my best to set it up whereas all kinksters would be able to participate regardless of their location, time wise. 

4 months ago. Sun 21 Oct 2018 09:17:14 PM IDT

Having too much time and boredom gets Me Thunkin too much and sometimes it scares Me!!! But in the spirit of it being mid-term election time unfortunately again; I dug up this op-ed I wrote before the 2016 Presidential Elections; that I still feel very strongly about and thought it may be informational or at the least a fun conversational piece to post.  Keep in mind this was written during the heat of the said election. I hope its a good read for some of My fellow kinksters and perhaps have you put your hand to your chin and go "hummmm". Well here W/we go. 


Clinton Vs Trump and What the Country Really Needs (part 1) 

I believe it’s time to clean house. Time this country finds a new way to govern that will make it once again the country to be seen by the other countries looking at Us as the country to emulate. Currently, We look quite ridiculous with those who are in office, both in the senate/congress. Those in office now seem to have lost their way as to the reason as to why they were elected and placed in office. Over the last few years; if not more, the two parties have done nothing more than "grandstand" and haven't done what they were put in office for, to serve the people!!! They are more concerned playing their political games, "We have more of Us in this house and We say No to everything you bring up to a vote!!" Nothing but bickering and waste of taxpayer monies!! They don't represent anyone but themselves!! And they are quite the embarrassment in knowing the eyes of other countries are upon Us. They are more concerned as to taking care of those who have deep pockets and serve the special interests of the companies that will once again help them be re-elected once their terms are up. Thus, keeping the same unproductive and useless senators in office and keeping the special interest companies from any drastic changes that will impact their way of doing things and keeping their bottom line stable; regardless if these interests are good or not for the people of this country. Which many are not! In doing so, the people of this country that I served in the military for over 20 years has become the laughing stock of the world! And I wonder what ever happened to the country I so proudly defended and would have given My life for? For its not what I have witnessed over the last few years! And these so-called senators don't seem the serve the people they say they represent, for every year when the budget comes up for debate and they all play this ridiculous games of pretending to care for the people they serve when in turn; there is always an extension in meeting the budget or worse, the budget is held up from a vote altogether. Not caring about the people who voted them into office and in turn, hurting those same people who rely on this monies; i.e Government employees, those who rely on medical programs impacted by the stalling, and many others. But lest not forget, they get paid whether or not there is a vote!! In fact, they have to vote not to receive a pay raise each year!! That sounds fair don't it! NOT
As far as this election year; God do W/we have such a great selection of possible candidates? One who has lost his mind and don’t care who he insults or how he looks in front of World stage! He seems to crave in insulting both the people of this country and that of other countries. Lacking serious people skills!!! I agree perhaps this country needs to look outside of the normal political nominees...but one who is so outrageous and one who has insulted and made a mockery of this country's election process; as well hasn't made a good impression on other world leaders. Sure he is one W/we all ought to run to the polls for and push the buttons during the upcoming election....!!! NOT Remember, if he wins the election, and with his hot headedness and unthoughtful comments he often makes is the same person who has the ability to order the pushing of the button that can start a war that can cause catastrophic death to many in this country as well as others! This is not a Commander in Chief I would want to serve!! As for the other candidate; well she is a better choice; but maybe not much better. Although she served well in other positions within the government but not without some controversy. Some not of her own making and some that were. Mistakes have been made while she served Secretary of State, but I can't see how all the blame as the other party has tried to pin on her, is her fault. She had many people under her in who she relied upon (chain of command) who failed her. Yes I understand that she was ultimately responsible for those under her, but let’s get real! One person can't possibly manage all the assets and the people to whom is under this umbrella of control within this office! It takes a team of people working together to make it all work. Many failed her! And to add salt to the wound W/we A/all felt from the loss of life in Benghazi was only compounded by those unrelenting and politically motivate "witch hunt" of those politicians who found fit to waste years of investigating and wasting so much of the taxpayer monies that really never solved anything other than get their names in the limelight and try to make a name for themselves! Yes, there are other questionable things that may put shade on her, but overall I felt she fairly represented this country well during her time serving as Secretary of State. Also, keep in mind, she always has established relations with other world leaders over the years that respect her. Whereas, Trump who has no real experience when it comes to dealing with world affairs, other than shooting off his mouth and managing to insult many already with his unthoughtful and irresponsible statements made. Goes to show you, money doesn't give you everything in life; especially brains as to think before you speak!

 My Utopia of How I wish this Country would be Ran (part 2)

Now My thoughts as to what it would take to fix this country, knowing full well it will never come to being! (Just humor Me, take it or leave it) First this country needs to find a way to bring more cooperation between the two houses (Congress & Senate). I don't know about those of you who read this posting; but I am sick and tired of the bickering between the two houses and those who serve within them! My first recommendation is to take out the "big" money players when it comes to election of those who are to hold office! Those who sit in those seats need to be voted in by their merits, not by those who they can suck up to and reach into the deep pockets of those who support them in order to win favors from the elected official later. Yes I understand that it cost monies to run an election campaign, but at what cost? Selling their souls and making promises to those who contribute big dollars to the candidates who when they are in office feel this obligation to fight for those who supported them getting into office; even though who they represent don't have the best interests of the country or of the safety and well-being of the people they represent! Back in the olden days, when elections were held, I am sure they managed to run campaigns without the pouring in of big monies from big donors and in result the Country was able to seat representatives without having hidden agendas that they feel they must argue over during houses sessions among each other due to the fact they feel they are obligated to do so if they wish to have those same Big donors there for their next election. So, with that said, the election process needs to be revamped in a way that is can be accomplished to get those big money people/corporations out of the equation. 

Next, although the governmental structure of the houses has been the same since its inception and it would be unconstitutional to suggest any changes to the way it is currently structured and I know the purpose is to ensure "checks and balances" when discussing Country and World affairs and coming to the decisions that must be made in these discussions; however for what I have observed over the last years, not much is accomplished with the constant breakdown in communication or resistance to work together between the two parties within the two houses. I find this unacceptable as well as everyone in Our country should feel the same! So much time and monies are wasted throughout the year during these sessions where those on opposite sides of the political aisle, just because they are on opposite parties and just for wanting to make a name for themselves by getting themselves in front of the publicity machine arena! Don't they realize that most of the time, doing so only reflect poorly on them and I am sure those who may have elected them into office just shake their heads and wonder "why the hell did I vote for someone who doesn't seem to represent My needs and the Country's needs?" Instead they argue over things that they feel makes them feel this power within their parties houses and to meet their obligations to those "deep pocketed" supporters, right or wrong. Here is My suggested fix to this and I realize it’s not ever going to happen; but in a perfect world and government....and yes I feel it would be beneficial and perhaps things would finally get done in the houses. Abolish the two parties! Crazy right? *shrugs* Well here is My reasoning on that. One party, one unified house! All working together to get those things done that the Country needs to handle in a possible more expedient manner; not holding up decisions just for the sake of one party trying to out argue or delay decisions of the other only because they sit on opposite sides of the aisle! The checks and balances needed to ensure the right decisions are made for the Country and World can be accomplished through good and sensible presentation of the valid points made within the one party. Not just for the sake of trying to make one party looks incompetent over the other. When in fact, they both look that way in front of the World stage when it’s seen how ridiculous they look when they try to out due each other. On the same subject, I believe that each position should have term limits (2 maximum). I know having experienced senators in the houses can be beneficial, but it can also stop any new ideas that may further ways to better Our Country. New ways to ensure Our Country is One that all Countries look toward as the One they wish to follow the lead of, which requires new ideas! Not those set in their ways with the same ideas or agendas! One last suggestion in regards to their pay; they should be paid through the same money tree that all government employees get paid from. Reasoning--that way when the yearly budget for other government employees come up for a vote, it not only impacts those who serve and rely on that monies, but also those who are making the votes (representatives); whereas if any delay/extensions by the representatives within either houses occur, they are impacted as well. I am sure this will speed up this lengthy discussion each year, if their paychecks or their other benefits are held back by not passing a bill as well. Make it sting in their pockets as well, not on the backs of those who are deserving and needing this budget to be passed in a more timely manner each year!

My Final Words Concerning Any Polical Elections (part 3)  

Finally a few words about Our Country's Presidential Election process and campaigns. I will try to keep it short but don't count on it! First as mentioned above with the elections of those who sit in both the Senate and Congressional seats. TAKE THE MONEY OUT OF IT! Deep pocketed supporter’ means deep troubles in many ways for the Country. Always results in hidden agendas of those who they support in one way or another. Let the presidential candidates win votes through their merit, understanding of the real subjects that matter to the people and the Country they will be serving, and of what they can do that truly make a real difference in making Our Country stronger and prove they are the right person/leader to hold such a powerful position. Not being elected by those who can raise up the most money; only to be used to slander, argue, in mud-slinging campaigns and all the other things they do in front of the world that reflect poorly on the Country in front of other countries who are watching! The campaigns should be of subjects that matter to the country and the people who work so hard and support the government through their contributions to the campaigns and who pay their taxes each and every year; which in turn pay for those positions that the President and those in both houses get paid by! Also by taking out the "Big Money" donors, it will allow the Country to vote in the eventual Presidential candidate as well as those in the houses with a clear conscience when they are voted into their prospective offices and not feeling they are obligated to those who dug into their deep pockets to get them into office! It will also make for a fair playing field for anyone who wishes to enter the political arena, the chance to run fairly and possibly be elected without fearing they were not able to have as many "big money" donors supporting them. I feel there have been many viable candidates who have dropped out of many election campaigns because they didn't have the monies to compete with those who are in the pockets of such donors. Thus not affording them the opportunity for the people to come to a vote for whom may been the best "candidate" during these elections. Time For A Change!

Well, I did warn you I would try to keep that last part short and sweet, but no promises! Anyway, this is all I have to say on this subject and I feel much better getting this pent up frustration off My chest for what it’s worth. Yes I know this is not the reality of politics and I am sure it may make many of those who read this post laugh or even anger them in reading it. But, as the right of E/everyone in this country, Free speech and I felt I needed to say My piece. So take out of it as you wish or not. But I feel much better now...and now I can continue to turn off the TV when it comes to any political campaign ads or media coverage as I have been doing for years and simply enjoy My music or other sensible things in its place. One last piece of advice; although the current Presidential candidates both have a lot to desire in their views and way they carry themselves in front of the world during their shameless campaigns; I ask each of you to think of which of the two "evils" you think would serve this Country of Our's best; and to remind you, that whomever is elected wields great power and needs to be One who will not lose the fact that this power should not be used in a reckless manner!!! Best of luck in your choices!

4 months ago. Wed 17 Oct 2018 04:35:09 PM IDT

That was quick and if I owe an apology to anyone, I do so now. Apparently I crossed some unwritten rule on the site with My blog "Block Button"?  I noticed it has been removed from the current list of blogs on the main site page and not listed on the list of blogs? I do understand its not a subject that relates to the site; but I thought this was a place where W/we all had the priviledge to express O/ourselves in ways W/we may have trouble to do so in the real life. As I noted in the blog, I wasnt intending to create a heated conversation in any regard; just to spill out what was buzzing in My warped mind this morning. Anyway, life goes on and I stand corrected. I wish all My fellow kinksters the best of day and the most intense orgasms at night!!! *smiles*

4 months ago. Wed 17 Oct 2018 04:19:58 PM IDT

After looking over My material I use to bring smiles to those who unfortunately sit in the chatroom and suffer through the many sad jokes that I present to them in My attempt to place smiles on their faces; I decided to sit in on a session of seasoned professional and learn. Never too old to learn from those who have perfected the art of laughter. 



One day I hope to end the suffering I bring into the chatroom with My excuse of funnies and become as good as these two!! *keep your fingers crossed and pray for Me also. LOL