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A Dominants Thoughts, Advice and All Things BDSM

Hello all, Just some thoughts, suggestions, and other tibbits I hope will represent the BDSM community in a positive light and help others learn.
1 day ago. Fri 17 May 2019 07:44:28 PM IDT

In our attempt to revitalize and bring back the enjoyment of the chat room, a few modifications have been made to benefit me in my quest to finally catch a skirt.😁

First I have installed some fans under the floor that will blow up air thought the vents (Marilyn Monroe) for those wearing skirts to make it easier to determine if they are meeting dress requirements of having are the thongs or no panties on at all.

Secondly I have laid down some sticky strips throughout the room in strategic areas where I can corner some of the skirts I chase whereas they will get stuck and make it much easier to catch. πŸ˜‰

And lastly, I have locked the exit door which I hope will prevent too many skirts to slip out of the room as easy as it they have been. 

So as you can see I have installed a few convenient modifications in the room that should make the experience interesting for all skirts that will attend. πŸ˜‰

Also for more entertainment there will be a jello pool wrestling plans for those who wish to get down and kinky. 

So once again I invite all members to attend And let the fun begin. πŸ˜›

 

2 days ago. Fri 17 May 2019 06:35:32 AM IDT

Ok kinksters, it's time to try to breathe new life into the chat room. I have my new keds on and ready to chase some skirts. πŸ˜›

I invited all premium members the come on in tomorrow evening at your leisure and let's try to recapture enjoyment and community friendships old and new. 

And for those non-premium members I believe that admin has open up the chat room to all members on this site this month during the weekends. It's a chance to get to know those of us who have been around on this site for a while, to share the a friendly atmosphere, to ask any questions that you may have, and perhaps find the one that you may be looking for. Come on in and be yourself and show your personality. 

4 days ago. Tue 14 May 2019 05:40:00 PM IDT

This blog may not be a popular one to be posted but I feel it’s a necessity in hopes it will have the community members reflects on their words, actions, inactions, and overall bring back the civility that seems to have been lost between those who it involves. I sit here reflecting on what I watched transpired last night within this community shaking My head and somewhat disappointed.  This community boasts of being one of understanding, support, friendships, unity, and setting the example for those within the community to believe they have a place to call home among like-minded kinksters where they feel safe, welcomed, unjudged, and can be assured they can find answers in life should they need to.

Unfortunately this is not what I been observing within the community over the last week or so; although there has been many who have stepped up to give support to others, through well written blogs or behind the scenes conversations that I am sure has helped many who were looking to make sense of their lives or simply to gain more knowledge of the life and/or the lifestyle W/we all have chosen to explore or live by.  I applaud those who have done so. That is what I consider the best of the community members.

However, all the good deeds that is done among the community members in helping others can be undone by moments where those who been so supportive and open in sharing their life’s journey in hopes that others may learn something from their lessons  allow themselves to be caught up in such drama as I witnessed last night. It reflects poorly on those involved and puts doubts in the minds of those who have sought advice or read the numerous of the well written blogs about the sincerity of the writer when they are seen not taking their own advice about turning their cheeks to others in the defense of someone who seems to be sitting back as he watching those who consider him as a friend? I don’t know the whole situation concerning the issue between the parties involved? Whether there has been behind the scenes “private” conversations in the attempt for settling the matter? If ownership by the parties involved have been discussed in an adult manner between them? If any apologies have been given to those who deserve it to help put this matter to bed?  But apparently there is a lot of hurt feelings involved and it has boiled out to the public in an ugly way!!!

Ideally this matter needs to be handled in private and not expose everyone to it. I will admit, I too have on a couple of occasions went to defend someone I considered as a friend and brought forth My concerns to the public without knowing all the facts from both sides and quickly realized I was wrong and owned up to it and apologized not only to the parties involved but to the community as well.

What I have been reading has been boiling up to the point it did last night where the infighting amongst those who I have great respect of had been tarnished to some extent. Some of the words posted were just plain mean spirited; i.e. questioning someone accounts of abuse. That is something that should have never been done!!! Of course that would explain the venom of the words from the person to whom was questioned.  When it’s has always been known the honesty and integrity of the person being questioned has never been doubted in the past. On the flip side of the coin; I thought it was understood and encouraged that the blogs were a safe place to write your thoughts and feelings without judgement? I have read and personally written some heartfelt and difficult subjects in the past whereas I had received many words of encouragement and some not.  But I took every post for what it was worth and it helped Me through some difficult times.  In other words, I valued those who responded to My writing that were supportive and dismissed those that weren’t.  Well in this case, W/we have someone who has been trying to express her pain and anger in various ways; perhaps not in all the best ways; but still it’s evident that she hasn’t had the closure that she is needing to move on. This may be because the other party involved hasn’t directly addressed that issue with her to her satisfaction to allow closure? But for some to gang up on this individual is not what I would expected for a community known for being unjudgemental, supportive, and caring. If something is written that is not liked, it is best to discuss it in private; if it hadn’t been done so. If that doesn’t do it, simply ignore the postings and have a better day.  Another suggestion, there comes a time, regardless of your best intentions, whereas you have vented your concerns about someone and have addressed it in a blog and you have been given the support or been rebuffed; it becomes  time to let it go.  Why keep stirring the pot when it’s obviously a hot button causing undue drama? Whether is directly or indirectly is clear that you are poking the bear of those who may disagree with you.  Sometimes you just don’t get the answer that you are looking for and have to simply learn to agree to disagree and let it go!

In closing, enough is enough please!! I beg you all to find that civility that I once recalled being the backbone of this site!!! I believe all that needed to be said has been said and it’s time to move on and let everyone to enjoy the company of those on the site as it was meant to be. W/we are all better than what W/we have A/all been witnessing; now lets show it. Thank you.

1 week ago. Mon 06 May 2019 10:38:18 PM IDT

I sit here writing with a heavy heart and depressive thoughts on My mind.  Reflecting over the last year of My life; both on a personal level as well as watching as the world around U/us is in such turmoil and the suffering of so many which brings Me such emotional pain and doubts that has Me asking WHY?

 I used to have so much faith and belief in the good of others. But today I see so many people both online and in the real world struggling, hurting, suffering, and dying due to lack of empathy, caring, and inaction of those who could really make a difference in someone’s life.  

The country that I loved and proudly served for over 20 years and would have given My life to in defense of while I served in the Air Force is almost unrecognizable. There is so many people I see who have suffered due to indifferences, inequalities, divisions, social status, economical differences, and the list can go on and on. As I witness in disbelief of all this country’s and world events and the loss of lives, people being treated so poorly, and the anger toward one another; I ask what happened to empathy, understanding, and humanity toward others? All I see is hatred, violence, separations, people turning a blind eye to others in need; pretending it’s not their world and/or problem; living in their personal bubble. I personally am ashamed of the country I now live in!!! This country used to be seen as the land of hope and dreams and one that everyone in the world wished they lived in.  Today, it is not so. What happened to believing in the powers to be to do what is right thing for the all the people who are in need; not just the few who are oblivious of the troubles of others around them due to them having the financial status whereas they have everything they would ever need? I recognize that many people who do care, do their best to help others; but so many more people can do the same. Taking care of Thy neighbor.

As far as My years online; it used to be a place to escape your troubles and that of the world around U/us.  It used to be an opportunity to meet people from every corner of the world that would have been impossible to do years ago thanks to the ability to send text, do voice calls, and video chats. Used to be a place to get to know others, learn of their cultures, share commonalities and differences, develop a friendly communities whereas W/we all got along and enjoyed each others’ company and have a good time in doing so. This too seems to have lost its purpose and enjoyment in My eyes. You talk to and read on a daily basis of someone’s pain and anguish due to lack of empathy and compassion toward others. 

Many of Y/you may think that this online life is not meant to be taken so seriously and shouldn’t allow yourself to fall victim to others words or actions. But to many; this is more than simply coming online and saying and doing things in a mindless, careless way thinking there are no consequences in result.  For many online, W/we are seeking friendships, connections, romance, real-life partners and dare I say “love”. Online has opened up the world to U/us in which you don’t have to find whoever you seek in just the communities W/we live in. It has given U/us the opportunity to look for what W/we seek basically anywhere in the world.  But at the same time, it has opened U/us up to many who are online who are not honest and get a thrill out of causing others harm mentally and/or physically should someone open themselves up and fall victim to the deceit that some take such pride in seeing how many people they can pull into their web of mental and/or physical hurt. Although many of U/us in the community have always offered a lending ear to others who need it, written many blogs offering advice of their experiences and support, and have had spent hours and hours talking to those who sought U/us out for someone to listen and lean on; it’s still disheartening of how many of U/us find fall victim to those who are not here for the right reasons.

I have thought on many occasions of going dark, removing Myself from all this pain, anguish, anger; for its hard to read day after day those who have been betrayed, used, ghosted, and abused by those they have given their trust to. Many of those who have felt this sting by others are who I consider close and dear friends.  It angers Me to read or hear of their struggles in trying to find their O/one; for I too understand what is feels to have been betrayed or disappointed on a few occasions. Such experiences makes those of U/use less trusting, build higher walls, less sociable, hesitant to continue O/our search for the right O/one, and sometimes get U/us asking “Is it Me?” 

But I am a hopeless romantic at heart and still believe My “one” can be found in here in time and I will continue to try to find her and when the Gods above bless Me for her to come across My path; I will know her. I can’t say that My experiences while in the online relationships were all bad; there were many beautiful moments/months shared; until they weren’t.  That is what I hold onto in order to continue My journey in My search of finding My “one”. Knowing I will once again find those moments and hopefully one where those moments turned into never-ending real time loving, caring, exciting, and kinky as hell lifetime with that special “one”!!

In the meantime, I patch up the bleeding heart, reflect on the relationship, determine My ownership as to why it may have failed, and learn for My mistake or theirs.  Keeping the dream alive knowing someone out there is experiencing the same thing and perhaps W/we will find each other and find that W/we belong together?

So, in closing, to those who are just beginning to look for their O/one, keep your walls up until you really know the person who has your interests. Know them on a personal level first before entering any lifestyle conversations.  Make them earn your trust and respect. For those of U/us who have been stung by the deceivers in here, take a bit of time to mend, learn from the experience what you can and know it’s not YOU! Also I had mentioned in an earlier blog; Know Your Self Worth. Don’t let someone else’s words and/or actions define you, only YOU can do that!

 

 

1 month ago. Fri 05 Apr 2019 05:33:34 PM IDT

Although I  don’t see Myself as an expert in this area; I have made My share of mistakes in My attempt in finding that “one” to become Mine; in real time long term D/s lifestyle relationship. I am going to attempt to list those hard learned Do’s and Donts when it comes to courting someone for a potential lifestyle relationship. I know this list doesn’t encompass all that others may have learned in your travels and experiences in your search; and I encourage anyone who wishes to add to the following to do so in their response.

Do- When you find someone who is of your interest in being a potential partner in both life and the lifestyle; Take your time to get to know that person on a personal level first before even discussing any aspect of the lifestyle.  Build the trust, bond, know your expectations on a personal level, your vision of a future with whomever you wish to travel the life’s journey you have planned for yourself.  You will need to be compatible on a personal level because most lifestyle dynamic are not 24/7 and you will be find yourself spending time together on a personal level and should have like interests and vision of what you wish to work toward as a couple.

Don’t - jump right into any scenes or sessions with someone to whom you don’t know; it is reckless and dangerous; both mentally and/or possible physically.  Unless you are a risk taker and wish to take that chance of being hurt.

Do – Be completely honest to who you are and what you seek in a relationship. All relationships rely on the trust that is built over time spent to getting to know each other in the beginning of any talks of a possible union between two people.

Don’t – Don’t inflate who you are and your experience!!! Don’t pretend to be someone who you are not.  Don’t just say the words to the other person that you believe they wish to hear in order to draw them into something you can’t provide.

Do – Do maintain constant communication when you establish a relationship and wish for it to grow.  It is key to any relationship

Don’t – Ghost someone or leave them hanging for days, weeks, months, so forth. Many people who are true to who they say they are; find themselves stuck in limbo when they fully commit themselves to someone who has left them high and dry; but due to their conviction and loyalty to the Dominant; they sit idly by waiting for the return of that person. Be considerate enough and mature enough to let that person to whom they have committed themselves to let them know perhaps you feel as if the connection is not there, or any other reason as to why you feel the attempted relationship can not proceed any further. Keep in mind Many of those in here are seriously looking for their O/one and hoping it develops into more than just an online fantasy.  There is real feelings behind many of whom who are seeking that partner !!!

Do – Once you have discussed all you feel you need to know about each other in regards to your personal lives and feel as if you can now ready to proceed discussing the lifestyle; Be sure you discuss expectations, limits, safe words, how you both may see yourselves within the lifestyle, (little, babygirl, submissive, slave or no specific title at all); Discuss the experience that each of you have within the lifestyle; whether it will be expected to be a behind closed door dynamic and/or in discrete public play from time to time.  Submissives; remember, you always have a voice and the power regardless where you may be within the relationship!!! You have the right to deny anything asked of you that you feel is not safe, that may cross any limit, and just against your personal values!!!

Don’t – Don’t undervalue yourself as a woman/man or as a submissive!!!! Don’t let someone else define who you are!!! Don’t let someone talk down to you to break you and make you feel any lesser than you are!!! Don’t feel that you deserve to accept any mental and/or physical abuse just because you are a submissive and wish to prove yourself to someone to whom you are attached to and don’t wish to disappoint that person when you know what is being asked of you is wrong for you!!!

Do – Know when enough is enough!!!! When its time to walk away when the relationship is not working for you for any reason. Yes, I am probably the poorest example of this sound advice!!! It is much harder to do than said, when it becomes the matter of the heart vs your mind. Eventually your rational thinking will win out and hopefully well before you spend months in a relationship that is not right for you!

I think this is where I will leave it for now and open it for discussion. I had told a close friend that I would try to keep this short and simple……I tried!!!

Please feel free to add any advice or comments to this blog with any response you may wish to post.  I just hope what I have shared in here will help those within the community who may be dabbling into the lifestyle for the first time and don’t know how to approach talking to someone safely and how to determine if someone is right for them in their initial discussion. As well as perhaps a reminder to others that they have a voice and the right to be heard and to leave any relationship they feel is not right for them!

Phanes

1 month ago. Mon 01 Apr 2019 08:37:06 PM IDT

This is a tale of caution and of a hard lesson learned that I believe would serve this community well in hopes of preventing undeserved heartache and time lost that can’t be recaptured for those of you who may be in a troubling relationship or who may be seeking their O/one.

Love can be beautiful when two people find themselves in an honest and trusting relationship.  It can seem to be the sweetest air that you may ever breathed in. It can give you reason for excitement when you wake up each day. It can have you dream of a life that you always have dreamt about with that special someone.  It can bring such peace of mind that you sleep each night the deepest sleep you ever may had because you have found the “O/one” that you been searching for a long time or all your life. It can make you feel complete and whole.

Love can be such a powerful thing and can cause you to do many things that perhaps conflicts with your everyday rational thinking or override your basic instincts.  It can cause you to turn a blind eye to things that just doesn’t make sense to you rationally.  It can have you see what you wish to see in order to want to believe in the spoken words of someone who may not be completely truthful with you because you care so deeply for that person and don’t wish to lose them.  It can have you take walks for many miles; mumbling to yourself from the moment you walk out the door until the moment you walk back in it trying to rationalize why things are as they are.  It can result in lost hours of sleep and not properly eating right.  It can result in many morning hang-overs from the heavy drinking the night before. Your mind can’t shut down enough in trying to think of what you can do to prove your love to that person; trying to bring the life you spoke of early on in a relationship but yet your stretched out hand remains empty as you extend it to bring that person into the caring, safe, loving life you wish to bring to them. It can cause you to lose long-time friends and family; because they have witnessed your emotional rollercoaster in their attempt to save you from yourself.  It can make even the strongest heart bleed. Yes it can also make a grown Man cry out of frustration and the feeling of failure when you can’t protect the one you love.    

Lessons learned due to My experience and perhaps E/everyone should keep in mind as W/we seek that special S/someone.  

Trust; always be open and honest when you are interested in someone. Many blogs have been written on this subject and it can’t be over emphasized enough!!! Even the smallest of untruths can cause someone such heartache and mental anguish.  If you truly care and love someone; I ask that you always be truthful with that someone; even if it’s a hard truth to be told.

Believe in your rational mind and trust your gut, ask questions until you are completely satisfied. Love can easily blind you to that of which you know instinctively that something being said isn’t true. Don’t believe in every word spoken to be true. Love can fool you to believe in words and seeing what it is you want to believe.  “Only believe half of what is spoken and only a bit more of what is seen”.

Never change your vision of the life you seek and the O/one to whom you are searching for. Be sure that the O/one to whom you are interested in takes the time to know you as a person first, above all.  Never settle for less of a life you have envisioned for yourself or anyone who doesn’t put forth the effort into the relationship that you have.  Never accept less of anyone or the life you deserve!!!

Always know your personal value and the life that you offer. Never think less of yourself regardless of what others may have told you or lead you to believe!! The only O/one that truly matters in how you see yourself and the life you wish to live is yourself!! If that person to whom you may be speaking with can’t see the true you and share the same vision in life as you; walk away!

Know when enough is enough!!  O/one can only turn your cheek so many time. You can only try so many times to convince someone that you truly care for them, wish to bring them a better life than that they have lived, that you can only accept seeing them being hurt and abused for so long and can’t convince them to allow you to step in and bring them to the safety of your arms away from those who are hurting them; that you are not like the others seeking to harm them in any way. Doing so can take you in some very dark places in your own mind.  There is a time, a breaking point where you have to tell yourself, “You can’t help someone who doesn’t wish to help themselves” and to save your own mind and soul from the darkness that you have been experiencing in trying to help the one you are with regardless how much you care and love them!

As this title states: Know that sometimes Love is Not ENOUGH  πŸ’”

Leaving this blog as an optimist. I DO BELIEVE that there is someone for everyone in this life; sometimes you may have to have your heart bleed and end with some battle scars in trying. Do not give up your search, I wont!!!

1 month ago. Mon 25 Mar 2019 09:42:36 PM IST

This call is for all the available skirts on site, get your cute tushes in the chatroom. I need some exercise!!! *puts on the Keds sneaks and waxes the floor, to give Me half a chance of catching perhaps one skirt after months of trying!! * 

 

Ok Dudes allowed too, but I get first dibs!! *chuckles* 

2 months ago. Sat 16 Mar 2019 11:48:00 AM IST

Hello E/everyone on Cage, it seems as if the Powers to Be on Cage has opened the chatroom for ALL members to come in. Come on in and get to chatting!! Hope to see you A/all there. 

2 months ago. Tue 12 Mar 2019 07:42:29 PM IST

The following was written for someone who I have had the pleasure of getting to know who's thirsts for knowledge and taking the right steps and time before considering entering into a lifestyle dynamic that I believe would be helpful to many who is new within the community and wish to share.  

 

Point #1, Don't Let Anyone Define Who You Are: I totally agree in your disagreement with whoever the numbskull was who told you that you should edit your comments to fit their thoughts and needs!!!! It may work in his/her world of fantasy, but not in the grown up world where W/we adults live in; its always best to be true to who you are and what you say or do. 

Point #2, Writing Thoughts/Feelings Can Be Helpful: I suggest you silence all those little voices in your head and try to single out one idea at a time in order to put down in writing; that I would bet the bank would be very informative or thought provoking for those of U/us within the community members here. Most likely you are experiencing all these thoughts and questions due to your excitement in entering a rather new world you that you are biting at the bits to learn, understand, and wanting to figure out how you personally fit into it. 
I will say there are times Myself where I have many little voices in My head that want Me to put thoughts/ideas/emotions and so forth down in writing and I will write fragments of each when that occurs and then I walk away for them and come back with fresh eyes or when less emotional to what I have written in order to be sure I post what it is I truly wish to convey to those in the community. There is no right or wrong in the process in which W/we write; it really up to the writer as to what works best . 

Point #3, Do Your Research Before Beginning A Search For Your O/one: I am a strong believer in those interested in the lifestyle to read up on it thoroughly using the various references online (I have plenty on My blog, should you have a need), by observing others via chatroom/blogs/forums/personal email communications with others. By what I read you are doing exactly that....kudoes!!! Also another means to learn the lifestyle is looking up local munches and BDSM events in your area. You would be surprised how many may be near you and also surprised in how the members of good events are so welcoming to newcumers!! <--yes that is My normal way to spell that!! LOL By doing your research as you are; you will learn the difference in BDSM dynamic, how a good relationship is seen, as well as a bad one where the compatibility may not be as expected. Normally when a lifestyle dynamic fails its due to one of the following reasons; not taking to time to thoroughly get to know each other on a personal level, not knowing how you identify yourself within a dynamic (you dont have to fit in any one personality; ie. babygirl, little, babydoll, submissive, or slave); it all depends on the dynamic of the relationship you are in and who you see yourself within it. But keep in mind your self definition as to who you are it totally up to you; noone else. If they disagree, try discussing it and if an agreement cant be reached, RUN! Other elements that cause a lifestyle dynamic to fail, lies, pretenders, disloyalty, incompatibilty; just to name a few more. My motto when talking and getting to know someone I may be interested in is: Honesty, truth is always to best policy, truth always finds a way to the light within the relationship. Always believe in your instincts, gut, common sense; they are usually right when evaluating a person and/or situation. Also taking your time to learn the lifestyle before you jump in head first. You will learn what questions you may need to ask any potential partner to assist you in weeding out those who are not compatible in who you may be looking for or to help you sniff out the pretenders and kick them to the curb should you come across them and you will!!!! My estimation there is approximately 20 % real people on here who believe and are searching for real time, long term experiences or simply seeking online relationship due to their particular situations that prevent them from going real life; but none the less real to them. The other 80 % are pretenders, fakes, and simply out for play and a quickie!! Being knowledgable of what you seek and who you seek will save you alot of heartburn and hurt feelings where you feel used and discarded. 

Point #4, Time And Dedication In Building a Lifestyle Relationship: As with any relationship; whether in or out of the lifestyle requires dedication and time to build the foundation, bond, trust, and becoming thoroughly knowledgable of each other before you choose to give yourself fully and unquestionably the trust to that person in that you are considering to agree to give up control over to Him. Time is of a premium for most people in their search for a partner within this lifestyle; many in the community understand that perhaps the person to whom you may have interests in may not have the desired amount of time that you feel you may require due to work, or other obligations in their life. It takes real dedication to develop a real close dynamic. If though discussion, that time is not attainable and/or a compromise can't be reached, then it is best to wait until you find the time yourself and/or by someone who has the time you need. I have experienced such an issue Myself, just recently as well as read and heard others being disappointed that they were available to give their time and effort fully into a relationship; only to find out that their prospective partner didnt or simply ended up leaving them hanging without a word as to what happened, ghosting them! 

Point #5, Communication Is Key: Communication is critical in any relationship, vanilla or lifestyle. Perhaps more so within this lifestyle W/we choose to explore and live in because of what may be asked of U/us through the various types of sessions to prevent any harm/guilt that may come to U/us due to miscommunication before clearly established boundries, limits, what it is W/we may be wanting during any session, like and dislikes and so forth. When there is a breakdown of communication between the two parties; even on a personal level, it can create misunderstanding that can blow up and perhaps result in a premature termination of what otherwise was a nearly perfect relationship whereas if any concern, issues, expectations by each other, is discussed safely and openly with the intent of making the relationship even stronger as W/we continue the journey together. 

I do hope My insight to how to prepare and successfully enter within this lifestyle is of help? Any questions you may have of Me, feel free to ask them of Me. This is not all inclusive by any means, however its a start. Feel free to add any additional suggestions that I may have not covered that would assist in others in preparing, searching, and enjoying a successful journey that some of Y/you have obviously found!!! 

2 months ago. Fri 08 Mar 2019 07:02:10 PM IST

Remind E/everyone....trying to stoke the fire in the Cage chatroom. Hurry hurry!!!  I have Me Ked sneaks on and now need all available skirts to come in!!! :)