(Take this post as you will but it’s my thoughts and I just felt like putting it on here for some reason. I just started type and for some reason ended up with whatever this is so don’t ask me, I don’t know. )
People say they want me in someway and I tell them what type of person I am. They say I sound like a nice and fun person, so why do they always leave. Either they hurt me physically or emotionally and I get away after some time or they abandon me without an explanation. Friendship or relationship I always do my best to be honest and make them happy yet it never seems to be enough. God forbid I open up to them, I’m scared. So much hurt in my lifetime it can scare people or they don’t understand. Years of neglect and actions which shouldn’t happen, story’s that would scare you away or shock you. I don’t seem like it but I get hurt, no matter how much I laugh my heart rips to pieces on the inside. The air around me labeling me as a pushover when the years of friends abusing me have pilled up cause me to lose hope in friends only proving it true. Family and friends causing me years of trauma and issues. All of it and my stubborn ass only decides to change a little and to develop masks that fool the smartest of people around me. My mind and heart close off becoming guarded yet I’m still emotional. How have I changed so much and yet so little I will tell myself. I’m upfront with others and they still leave or get to know a fake me. Will it ever change maybe not but I long for the lonely ache in my heart to dissipate and my masks to cripple, for people to accept and stay.