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In my Chaos

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1 week ago. September 19, 2022 at 10:56 PM

In such a profound place I find myself.

With no Master around I wonder what if I could travel around.

Find common ground within the world around.

Somewhere beside my bluegrass state, maybe that thought was a bit too late.

 

When a Master is nowhere to be found, we must find that guidance in ourselves.

What a stressful mess sometimes. Wanting to fly, but being confound to walking.

 

 

 

1 week ago. September 15, 2022 at 2:29 AM

lusting and loving are two different things. love is foundation, a foundation that I must build for myself. I must love this world around me.

No matter how unkind it may be being. I escape to lusting, to free some part of me.

I can't do this, the lust can be no more. A month, maybe a better foundation will have been set.

I can do this, I will do this, I will explore life more.

Weaving a web in a month. Web of home, Something I feel when I look into your eyes.

1 week ago. September 15, 2022 at 2:14 AM

I don't have the capacity to love I fear. I can cry, when I think of love. The thoughts of love, how I miss family love. How I wish it truely.

 

From the age of 8, earlier if we burst a bubble. I was a subject of domestic violence. Constant mother lying on the couch, trying the best she could, with a pint of jim. I a troubled student in school; testing isnt my forte. It wasnt all bad, I loved to baton twirl, and rescue bunnies and cats. I liked lizards alot to.

I was in 3rd grade when I learned about porn. My daddy got caught in our house, Magazines, Dvd's, & a whore. This time I knew daddy was able to have two pussy's.

 

It broke a single women down, but she wasnt going to stop there. 

Watching the women my father had a sexual relationship with shoot a bullet through my window, had to be an issue, right?

I believe that sometimes children are subject to absolutely to much, that their minds are too subtle to completely comprehend.

SO, I dissociate from this thought of daddy getting 2 women. I mean are you trying to kill me with this pain?

"Ill give it a month." 

 

tears running down her eyes, knowing now wasnt the time or place.

A.H DONT LET ME FORGET

 

 

1 week ago. September 14, 2022 at 10:33 PM

all that i'm going through right now. I didn't even have tell you, my actions explained it all.

 

The trash took itself out, but don't forget that it always piles back up.

 

Sometimes you meet someone and you just want to be trash with them.

 

then, you realize that you're both gold and worth something, something more than what you have.

 

you wonder if you could grow together, then they bring in an idea of another.

 

I can hardly focus on you and I right now...

 

I feel so defeated, shitty, and bad

1 week ago. September 14, 2022 at 10:18 PM

I cant help but know that it's not in our cards. Timing must always be off, and you must go now daddy... Dont waste it

1 week ago. September 14, 2022 at 9:58 PM

A.H

 

It was purely my pleasure, to give you more would be my of my service. When you talk about how big it is you either grow or I get tighter. Nibble on my ear, and tell me to cum on it. I can’t help but to.

Daddy has to take care of his baby, & I feel neglected. It’s not your fault, it’s my other fathers. For raising me to cum on a cock & love it this much. He should have taught me patience. but now I’m 26 & patience isn’t a virtue of mine.

Can it be instilled to not be so reliant on making love.

Can I stop crying because my daddy neglected me? I don’t think so… further more I’ll just do what I usually do. Wallow.

 

P.S: you’re little girl misses you… when will I see you again?

1 week ago. September 14, 2022 at 9:49 PM

I don’t know what is really going on with me, granted I do know what’s going on around me. 

I’ve got this hankering to change the world, not just around me. But make a change the will last. One of the hardest things to do I’m aware. Maybe a noble prize atop my computer desk. 

This pattern of dominate and prominent men in my life. I’m 26, so I’m getting the hang of the faces. They’re all beautifully broken, seemingly numbing feelings when I see their face. But numb is not a feeling needed to change the world.

I can’t help but wonder if there’s a solid mind to gently correct my thinking, and baffle on with me about the infinite world. 

I wonder if there’s one that will take the cake, one that’s healed, that is right. Healing begins with the soul, & so the soul shall be put first. It’s a questioning of souls isn’t it… am I okay? I’m surrounded by people who do indeed truly care, but I’m selfish & only thinking of me. My soul, the cleansing that needs to be done on my part. The mending is not done by a man’s hand.

2 weeks ago. September 12, 2022 at 11:06 PM

I’m not cut out for loneliness, it’s the path that’s been chosen for me. I don’t trust, I’m not happy unless I’m with him. No, I don’t trust him either. Too be in his arms though would be the foundation of trusting again.

 

a heart hurt so many times deserves to be held & loved, but I’m too needy, too sensitive to allow time to go by naturally.

2 weeks ago. September 12, 2022 at 9:34 PM

...IT'S JUST PORK...

 

Thinking that I've been being a bit aggressive towards myself and others lately.

 

I'm cutting out pork & that's all there is about it... is pepperoni pork... I think so...

 

The cheese pizza please

 

2 weeks ago. September 11, 2022 at 1:48 AM

I found a dominate man, a sadistic one. I completely hated him to the core & now wish no good for him.

 

I never get along with cocky dominate men. I like to dominate, I’ve found I’m not as much of a sub as I thought I could be. 

I’m glad my subs are still here.