In my Chaos

Almost as if he’s scolding me, telling me it’s my fault. Though, those weren’t his exact words, they still cut like a knife, deep.

In his lack there of, I can find peace? Yet I lounge around like his favorite loose worn leather glove, still hoping for that next physical encounter. Be it, sexual or not. 

What is it that keeps me wanting more? His disinterest in me perhaps. His lack of words keeping me on the edge of my seat. His initial denial, my need to always be right. It’s my favorite cat & mouse game.

This year wasn’t suppose to be games, I was to focus on my patience and foundation. I fell so short at the beginning of the year. The ladder be my only option.

Pardon the old fool who fools with me…

**MERCÌ

Staring into the fire, into his eyes.

He whispers “say something” 

I hadn’t a word to say though. We had just gotten home from a night of fine dining and drinking. I was quite on the way home today, too much on my mind from work, taking in the day I suppose. 

“You haven’t said anything all night, is something wrong?”

I go back through my mind, all that’s happened that day and still I have nothing to say…

He gives me an alarming grin as he reaches for his belt buckle. 
“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I’m going to have to squeeze it out of you” he grabs my jaw and kisses my cheek. I know he gets upset when I get like this, but often I can go into a catatonic state for a few minutes. Sometimes even hours. I understand his frustrations though. He only wants to know about my day… Why’s it so hard to form the words I want to say. 

Daddy continues to undress. Peculiarly, he un-buckles his belt, then takes off his shirt. I’m smiling in a cheeky way as he looks down at me. I want my shirt off, but can hardly feel my arms. He tugs at my shirt

“do you want to put on something more comfortable?” He asks me as he kisses my cheek. He’s still getting absolutely nothing out of me. I’m enamored, by something, what is it…

He goes into the closet and pulls out a silk nighty for me to put on & proceeds to dress me for bed. I shed a tear or 2. I’m not sure if it was because I’m not able to convey how I’m feeling now, or if his gesture of care, & even… love. All of them I presume… he raises my arms above my head and takes off my shirt exposing a red lace bra I had worn underneath. He kisses my neck as he reached his arms around my back unstrap my bra. As soon as he gets it unstraped, he strategically moved his hands to the front, teasing my nipples. My pants were next, he does what one does when it comes to taking of pants. They slide down my legs, I let out a quick moan, & in that I’m able to get out a quick “Thank you” He smiles at me.

“You’re welcome” he exclaimed as he stands up. He guides me to the bed and sits me down.

His hands touched his un buckled belt as he slid it off. Daddy and I like to use belts & breath play when we’re in bed together. When he took off his belt I wondered what was next. I anticipated it as he rolled his eyes. There’s something so sexy about my man when he’s frustrated & taking his belt off. He rubs the buckle on my face, it feels cold, hard. He grabs the other end of his belt and puts it in my mouth. We communicate our boundaries in doing so. Something we’ve set in place far before hand. 

I know when he puts it in my mouth what I may or may not sign up for. I was feeling frisky tonight. I bit down on his belt and shook my head up and down. “Good Girl” he tells me as he pats my head. He pulls the belt out of my mouth and begins to loop it around, placing it around my neck. I like when he does this. He gently tugs the belt in a s motion a few times, his pants fall to the ground. 

“Do you trust me?” He questioned as he kicked his pants off from his feet. “Do you love me?” He lets go of the belt and puts his hand on my face again, this time more aggressively. “You do like this, don’t you?”   I shake my head in agreement, as his head and hole body move south of my body. He lifts up my nighty and scoffs as he flicks, then pets my pussy. He takes my panties off and slides his tounge between my pussy lips, licking in a circle, then kissing his favorite kitty.

I begin to move my hands to remove the belt from around my neck.

“Are you ready to speak?” He ask. My hand go around his neck as I pull him towards my lips. I wanted to get a taste of my pussy. We passionately kiss for a few seconds as he caresses my tits I slide off of the bed to get on my knee’s. Pushing him back, I had him just where I wanted him. I slide down his boxers and start licking & kissing his giant cock. My hands held his balls, & his eyes held my gaze. My favorite part about sucking his cock is the way he grows in my mouth. How his cum slides right down my throat. I love having a mouthful of his cum it delights me. I twist my tounge as I bop up and down on his cock. I’m now determined for his cum to fill my throat. He’s grabbing my hair now, moving his hands on the crown of my head.

“Good girl, good girl” he says as. Im overjoyed with hope when he reassures me. He is dominate and maintains the upper hand with out eliciting fear. I admire this the most about  him. I keep sucking on his 8 in cock, making it mine with every inch I swallowed. Before you knew it, I had my favorite snack, Daddys Cum.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and let my mouth loose from the grip of his cock. As I look up at him, he’s grinning, back down at me.

…. To be continued

There’s a sudden calm that goes over my body when a man knows exactly what he’s doing. His hands gently caressing my chest as we’re watching TV together. His kisses calming like warmed milk before bed. Easing my mind, kissing my forehead and squeezing me tightly. 3 days of this & how can I not want more of you. 

My over indulgence has gotten the best of me, I have betrayed this well versed man. My mind wanders & my heart sinks.

Could this be the end of us… something that burned out faster than it started. Even if your values don’t fully align, compromise is what makes any relationship worth while. To lay on your lap whilst you’re stroking my hair, to be eased to sleep by your kisses calming like warmed milk.

Walking down a hallway filled with pictures; & a happy go lucky Man. I was consumed with a feeling, or an urge to defile a man. I’m toxic I’ll admit, but I can’t help but love the search for Testosterone, something warm. That makes me feel fuzzy. 

the urge that I felt to pull you aside for a moment, to kiss your lips, touch your Bodice. It’s sick, but here’s the kicker. The thoughts will never be lost.

I’m constantly pining, pete-sake.

But it’s not always a bad thing. I live through hurtful things. Glow past, things that really give you one. ☀️

Sometimes in certain situations the best thing to do is just be low. Not make a sound. Let the Manic pass, but discover what the true meaning of it is. Be alone, it’s just better for certain people. At this point my demands are too high. 

Allegedly I’m a baby, Who has sinned,  & is probably going to sin again.

I’ve had 3 crisis;

I’ve come to grips with the fact that I live in my own fantasy world, that at times, I can be delusional. 

My Sex drive is to high, I may have a dependency on it now.

Love, it hurts, & the memories will last forever.

I’d travel all the way to your home. Exactly how you wanted. 

dressed completely killer, waiting for whats owed.

but unfortunately you like the chase when you’re chasing someone. You’ve gotten what you wanted. So there’s no point in trying to give you more then what’s due. 

Get up, Help People, the world needs you to do more then sit in a dark room.

A whirl wind of emotions. A tear dropping in an endless saltwater body of water.

Love, it’s always been Love. But an unhealthy bond with love has struck me. Gods rod thundering storms above my head. Constantly, I, run figure 8’s bellow wavering storms. The chance for love still chirping like the birds after his wrath.

The past 6 months saw rain, lightening and thunder. Sunny days, Saving Grace.

A lot of confusion can come to a young lady. I’m tired of being the bare of it. Shall I grow up some more?

It’s some kind of chase if you will. When you’re running after it, your adrenaline gets pumping. You feel like the Hunter that you want to become. You chase, yell, kick, scream, & fight for her. You never let up, your instincts tell you to “just go for it”

Even when all hope may have seemed lost you never gave up. Always kept pushing for it, no matter how it made you seem.

I enjoyed that about your attitude, knowing nothing about you, I knew that you would obtain what you wanted out for life no matter the cost of it.

So I begin to chase back; a strong sense of dominancy over came my body. I figured since it has been months that you must have wanted something to do with me. We make plans to meet, a 4 day long trip to get to know you better. It all falls through once my since of control kicks in. To wish something more then a hookup out of this was nauseating. Not what the cards held. 

I begin to question my quest for love, is it worth it. Or shall I sew up that lovely hole & give up on the happy life happy wife.

Nothing could be worse for me then a burn. Stings deep, sometimes endlessly. 

The pain eventually fades though, but we can’t get rid of the heat. It always comes back; like the heat I get, fleshed to me cheeks. The color of rose blush, but no powder or crème dabbled across my bones. Just a glance at a Prince Charming, my walls fall, my cool calm demeanor weakened. A foolish women, with blushed cheeks. 

We’re in a place surrounded by people, a place where women with their walls down should not be. I wonder why my cheeks flush so bad when they get to close. Why my walls fall down when certain people are around. Why I want to know, probe, pick, & poke them. My interest in people are way to high, I need to cut it.