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My Labyrinth

What man does not know,
Or has not thought of,
Wanders in the night
Through the labyrinth of the mind
1 day ago. Sep 23, 2021, 12:56 AM

There is a space between the rules and roles. A space where the sharply defined becomes blurred. Where the dynamic lives.

This space is between the words, between the contracts or acronyms we use to protect ourselves.

It exists in instinct, in pure ardor. There is no denying it. Logic disappears. The senses drop to the core of our being. We move and feel and react without thought, without the wall of our carefully built personas getting in the way.

It is in-between our mask and our beast. The place where we truly become what we are. It cannot come into being alone, but needs its understanding mate to flow within it.

It is the pure essence of two becoming one. Primal motions choreographed to a dance with no steps. 

All we do is in service to finding the in-between.

2 days ago. Sep 21, 2021, 7:54 PM

When the night sharpens

And the darkness stirs

Awaken

Let down your guard 

Feel the splendor 

The warmth that comes

When you face the darkness

And hear its song 

Surrender your sight to your dreams

Forget what was

And let your insides fly

To be born anew

Feel the song

Across your skin

Let your will succumb

To your imagination

Do not fight the music

Leave the world you know

Give your soul its desire

Come to where you belong

Fall softly into the intoxicating dream

Trust the sensation

And surrender to the power

Of the song 

Only you can make it soar

Raise your voice

Cry out our song with me

5 days ago. Sep 19, 2021, 2:11 AM

Easy fellas. I’m not really new. And I’m a male.

Hopefully the above brought a chuckle to the reader, but if it did, maybe you should ask yourself why.

Those of us that have been involved in this lifestyle online for any period of time know that having the words “new and inexperienced” in a female submissive’s profile will bring the male dominants swarming like sharks to chum.

Unfortunately and obviously, the new ones do not know that. They join a site like this and are immediately inundated with dozens, if not hundreds, of messages from males. Most of these messages are demanding or degrading or just plain ignorant. These messages are terrible and I do not think anyone should be subjected to them, but they aren’t the worst messages that come through. 

The messages that come from intelligent predators are far worse. Those men that know enough to sound genuine and will fill a new submissive’s head with falsehoods about what we do are the most dangerous. These men can emotionally, mentally, and physically abuse a woman under the guise of domination.

This problem will never go away completely because predators exist everywhere and the intelligent ones are hard to spot, but there are some things that we as a community can do to help mitigate the issue.

First, we can inform. Blogs and posts in the forums filled with good information can provide a safe place for a new submissive to learn what we actually do. If you have knowledge, get it out where people can read it. Even if you feel the topic has been covered a million times, go ahead and say something. I am certainly not under the impression that I am the first one to write about the subjects I have chosen, including this one, but it is impossible to have too much good information out there. 

Second, we can make personal connections with new members asking questions. Experienced submissives especially. It has been my observation that when a space has a strong presence of active, experienced submissives the predation level is lessened considerably. As a dominant, I can be a place of information and experience. I can guide, but I will never be able to completely empathize with a new submissive’s experience because it was never my own. Experienced submissives that speak out and make themselves available to new members will have a profound influence.

Last, we can call the predators out. I am not advocating breaking any site rules that are in place, but when a friend or new acquaintance asks advice, we can be straightforward in calling out predatory behavior. We can watch for and combat it in the forums.

If you are new and inexperienced, here are a few things to be on guard against:

Isolating behavior: Be wary of men that want you to get your information from only them or that do not want you talking to others. Isolation is a very common form of abuse.

A lack of choice: Many predators will tell you that you must obey because they are dominant and you are submissive. If you hesitate, they will often tell you that you are not a true submissive. Choice is one of the most important aspects of BDSM. You have the choice to say no at any time. Do not let anyone tell you differently.

Your feelings do not matter: Predators will tell you that your feelings are of no value because you are submissive. They use this to get you to do things that feel wrong to you. Do not believe them. Submission, above all else, should bring you a peace, fulfillment, and outright joy. Your feelings matter just as much as his do.

One last piece of advice for the new and inexperienced that can be held in the back of your head:

Always remember that being submissive does not equal being a doormat. 

1 week ago. Sep 17, 2021, 12:20 AM

I will take all you have to give

No more suffering in the cold

My heat will warm you

Your steps to me will not betray you

Your faith will be rewarded 

I will take all you have to give

No questions will be asked of you

The ugliness banished by my will

I am no angel, but you may worship me

Never disappointing on your knees

I will take all you have to give

My hand touching you needs no understanding 

When you fall, I will keep you safe

Always inside you, you will never miss me

Never be cold again

I will take all you have to give

 

 

1 week ago. Sep 14, 2021, 9:23 PM

We are all aware that this community is crawling with people that are just out to get theirs. They have no care for the deeper parts of BDSM or for the people they use. They can be ignorant and obvious, but they can also be subtle. Some of them have learned just enough to draw a person in and have their way with them before the inconsistencies of their actions gives them away. Which it always does, eventually, but much harm is done in the meantime.

Ideally, seeing red flags as early as possible is the way to avoid finding oneself involved with these parasites.

One of the red flags that can be spotted early on when conversing with a dominant is to find out whether or not he knows and will share what he wants.

A serious dominant will have desires and needs that must be met in order for him to have a fulfilling relationship. Asking him questions about his needs should result in specific answers. If he avoids answering or throws the question back at you, be firm about finding the answer. Not rude, necessarily, because he may just be a bit insecure about what he wants, but be firm in getting him to cough up a desire first. If all he does is ask what you like and talk about that, he may be telling you what you want to hear so he can get whatever it is he wants.

Also notice if he shifts his desire when you say you don’t share it. If a dominant says, for example, that he enjoys rough throat fucking his submissive and speaks passionately about it and then you say you don’t like it, pay close attention if he backpedals. If he then says it’s not important when he was just clearly saying how important it was, then he likely isn’t being truthful.

That’s not to say that negotiation can’t happen or that every desire has to align, but the conversation around those things should be a give and take, not him backing down each time just to please you. He should have at least a few things that are non-negotiable. As you do.

He should know what he wants and not be afraid to say it when the conversations get to that point. He will know his absolute needs and will be willing to risk your attention and affection to achieve his own fulfillment.

If he doesn’t, he isn’t looking for a relationship. He is looking for a mark.

1 week ago. Sep 14, 2021, 2:23 AM

This lifestyle is centered on trust. Everyone with a couple of days experience knows enough to at least parrot that sentence at munches, groups, forums, blogs and profiles, etc…

That’s all well and good, but what does it mean?

Lets see what Mr. Lewis says.

Trust: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something or one in which confidence is placed.

Seems simple enough, but is it?

Assured reliance. I think that’s the key, but then I like that phrase. To me it means I have no worry at all. I am assured that what I expect to happen will happen.

I go to the grocery store, I buy some food and I trust that it isn’t laced with arsenic. I have an assured reliance on the grocer to not overtly poison me. I don’t think about it, I just buy my food, take it home, prepare it, and eat it. No arsenic. Not once in all my years. Pesticides yes, but I know a good washing makes that a minor risk and one I’m willing to engage in because…well, nothing is perfect and I have been consistently told what to do about the risk. Easy. 

As a matter of fact, I’ll bet there are hundreds of things I do or observe every week that I have assured reliance about. I don’t know exactly, because I don’t have to think about them. They just happen as I expect.

Now what would happen if I did get an arsenic laced apple? Assuming I survived, I certainly would not shop at that store again. I would also likely have trouble eating apples for awhile, even though I find them delicious.  

Eventually my craving for apples would overcome my fear of poisoning and I would buy some from another grocer. I would likely wash them ridiculously too much and smell them obsessively. Perhaps cut one up and tentatively eat it a slice at a time, even though I prefer them whole. I would not have that assured reliance anymore. I would know logically that the likelihood of being poisoned again was small, but I would be careful anyway, because I have doubt. Not a lot of doubt. Just a little. I may even feel silly about it, but it’s there.

All because I cannot rely on something assuredly.

Perfection is not required in this lifestyle. Everyone comes with baggage. Everyone makes mistakes. Anyone going into any relationship knows that. They know there is some risk. As long as whatever issue that comes up is handled with consistency of character and truth, it will wash right off.

If it is handled with inconsistency, even once, it can damage everyone involved forever.

 

(If you did not get the Mr. Lewis reference, I make no apology. It’s hilarious, though. Trust me.)

1 week ago. Sep 12, 2021, 8:11 PM

Ahem,

Ladies and gentlemen, repeat after me:

I, state your name, solemnly swear to perform the duties and responsibilities of domination to the best of my ability. I will protect, defend, and keep safe my submissive at all times, especially from myself.

I will adhere to and uphold the disciplines and laws of The Code Of Dominants consistently and without reservation.

I will allow members properly elected according to our bylaws to review my actions at any time and order my submissive to be truthful to any questions the members may ask. If I am found to be in violation of The Code, I will accept the penalty imposed upon me by this body, even to death.

I take this oath freely, without mental reservation or purpose of evasion and will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the role I am about to enter. So help me God.

Congratulations, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to our ranks. Your identification cards and triskelion badges will be issued to you outside.

Enjoy yourselves and remember to report any non-member practicing domination to our enforcers. Have a good day. 

1 week ago. Sep 11, 2021, 5:48 PM

We are all here because BDSM interests us to one degree or another. Discussions about toys, techniques and other various and sundry topics are all welcome and gives us a free space to talk without fear of being shamed by those who do not participate.

That said, we are whole people. What we do here makes up a part of who we are, yes. For some that part is large, for some small, and all levels in between, but it is a part of who we are. Not the entire being. 

So if I meet someone here that I find interesting I want to know other things about this person. I already know about the desire for BDSM. That’s obvious.

I want to know if the person is witty, intelligent, and thoughtful. I want to know what moves a person, what drives behavior. Do we match intellectually, emotionally? 

I also want the person who wants to know me to be interested in something besides my flogger wielding skills. That I am more than an unfulfilled fantasy. 

My point is so many people that claim to want a deep relationship jump right to pictures and dirty talk and have no idea who the other person is or what they are about. How is anyone expected to develop anything meaningful without taking some time to weigh the other parts that make us up?

I am not saying that flirting is wrong while getting to know someone. After all, the attraction was there, so there is no use pretending it isn’t, but the overt pushing for intimate details in the very beginning is a turn off as far as I am concerned.

Take some time, tell a joke, ask a meaningful question. Banter back and forth. Trust me, it will yield far better results than going straight for the naughty bits. 

2 weeks ago. Sep 9, 2021, 9:42 PM

When it came to her the first time, the voice was so soft she almost missed it. One word it spoke, in a whisper of a whisper.

“Surrender”

She lifted her head around to find the speaker, but she saw nothing.

She bent back to her project with a small shake of the head, “Hearing things.”, she mumbled.

A few minutes later, it was there again. Still soft, but clear.

“Surrender”

This time she snapped her head up and spoke, “Who’s there?” she hated the bit of tremble she heard in her otherwise strong voice, so with resolve she searched every corner, every closet, every shadow, ready to pounce on this intruder that made her afraid.

Again, she saw nothing.

Moving back to her project, she forced herself back to work. She would not be intimidated into inaction.

This time the voice was firm.

“Surrender”

She froze. The voice sounded familiar. She heard the abiding strength in it and recognized it, but she could not place it.

She moved again, her hands working as her mind raced to identify the voice.

“Surrender”

Louder now, with a tone that brooked no argument. 

Her breath quickened and her eyes darted around, but her hands continued their work.

“Surrender!”

So loud now it rang like a church bell, overwhelming the space she took up. Over and over the voice demanded.

“Surrender!”

Her hands flew in their work. Above all else, the project must be finished.

“SURRENDER!”

The very air was vibrating with the voice. She whimpered. She was almost done. Just one more moment…there! Finished!

As she picked up the project, the steel he had forged and the leather she had wrapped it in, her mouth formed the word yet again, her voice  resonated with the force of her own will, the only voice in the room.

“Surrender” she said again to herself. To her fear. To her rage.

The metal cool and the leather warm on her neck, she fastened her project tightly.

“I do.”

2 weeks ago. Sep 9, 2021, 4:01 AM

I hear (and read) often that dominants take what they want, when they want. That the fantasy is of a strong and forceful personality overwhelming the personality of a submissive by sheer imposing will. While I certainly agree that there is a time and place for aggressive behavior in this thing we do, and it is something I enjoy very much, I have a problem with it being some imagined standard. Especially in the beginning stages.

For one thing, this notion leads to those oh so pleasant, “On your knees, (insert favorite degrading term here)” messages my submissive friends tell me they receive about every 3.5 seconds from some person playing at being in charge.

Secondly, there is no room for finesse in that definition. No room for the give and take of flirting and fun. No room for clever risqué comments that may or may not lead anywhere. No room to impress or to be impressed.

It is my belief that finesse is a necessary ingredient in what we do. After all, it is submission we dominants want, is it not? That only comes voluntarily. It only comes through choice. How can a submissive choose if there is no banter? If there is no exchange of ideas and things that move you?

A good dominant uses his mind to show a potential submissive partner why she should trust him to guide her, to use her, to protect her. He must show he is worthy of who she is as she must do the same for him.

Anyone can physically overpower anyone else given the right circumstances.

It is not brute force that makes her want to fall to her knees. It is finesse.