Online now
Join us!
Sign up Sign In

Could do betterer.

A work in progress featuring stuff and words scraped from the archives and fresh leavings of a perverted odd duck.
4 weeks ago. Mon 17 Dec 2018 08:23:18 AM IST

Most of you may have noticed that users now have the ability to edit comments on the forums for a short time after they have been posted.  This is an awesome and handy feature, but there is some "netiquiette" that goes along with it, and a term to describe unethical behavior there; shadowediting.

 

A "shadow edit" is when someone edits a comment to remove an offensive or Inflammatory comment without acknowledging the edit.

Example:

 

User 1: You're a complete asshole and you should kill yourself!

User 2: Wow.  That was harsh and uncalled for.  You're a jerk.

User 1 then goes back and edits their comment to read:

 

User 1:(edited) You're a wonderful person and have a nice day.

User 2: Wow. That was harsh and uncalled for.  You're a jerk.

That's a shadow edit.  The real trolls then mock or report the 2nd user for their response on top of it all.

 

This ain't cool.  The netiquiette here is to acknowledge the edit and own it, not to pretend it never happened and hope no one notices. 

Here's the polite and honest way to edit a post;

User1: You're a complete asshole and you should kill yourself!

Edit: I'm sorry and that was rude of me.  My apologies.

Or alternatively:

User 1: Edit: I said something very rude here and I've removed it. I'm sorry.

 

In simple terms, if you edit a post, type the word Edit or Edited at the bottom and either add new comments or explain the changes.

 

If you want to be super moral about it, this can be something as mild as:

Edit: Corrected spelling and grammar.

 

The point is being open and honest about changing your words. Not everyone notices the little * at the bottom of a post that's been changed. 

 

Note: the same netiquiette applies to blogs as well.  No, it's not a site rule.  The admins have better things to do than micromanage dishonesty.  That doesn't mean that it's ok either.

 

Be honest.

 

1 month ago. Mon 10 Dec 2018 04:21:45 AM IST

It's easy lads.. just follow these simple steps and you'll be swimming in submissive adoration:

 

1) Ask for nudes.  It's what's on the outside that matters.  Persistence is the key here.  Keep asking until you get some!

 

2) Subs like little pet names like bitch, slut or whore.  Pick your own and use it early and often.  Ignore any objections. They LOVE it!

 

3) It's very important to ignore any opinions your potential sub may have.  Thinking is a sign of weakness and should be discouraged.  It's easiest to just not listen when they write or talk and avoid confusion.

 

4) No means yes; if you hear this, persist!  You're already driving her wild with lust!  Keep going! Limits are HER thing!

 

5) Time saving protip: Don't waste effort reading profiles or writing individual messages; just pick a simple introduction like "Yield, slut.. " and copy then paste.  It's really just a numbers game.

 

6) Message early, message often.  Be sure to use the members function and sort by ''last joined" to find the freshest and most naive subs.  Once they've been here a while, they start to think and have opinions. (See #3!)

 

7) If you get rejected, it's not you.  They obviously weren't a real submissive.  It's very important to let them know this, over and over again.

 

8) If it doesn't work, you should blog about it.  Remember to include personal details and not accept any blame for your actions.  Only a weak Dom admits fault.

 

9) When in chat, ignore the lobby and just PM anything with a vagina. Not a penis.  Real Dom's are cishet only.  Keep at the PM's. (See #'s 1 through 5 when in doubt)

 

10) When you're not having any luck, try a forum post. The personal ads are for suckers.  Be sure to include external contact info so you can message them off site.  The admins can't ban what they can't see. 

 

11) A sense of humor and knowing satire from serious advice are signs of weakness. BE SURE TO USE CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!! PARAGRAPH BREAKS ARE FOR THE WEAK!!!!

 

12) Flexibility is key; it's very important to stretch and touch your toes daily so that you can easily bend over and kiss my ass.

 

Congrats! You're doing it right!*

 

 

*No, no you're not.  You're really not.  Don't do ANY of this.  PLEASE! 

 

 

 

1 month ago. Mon 03 Dec 2018 06:43:43 PM IST

 Yep.  I don't know either. Long story short, I don't have my blogs archived off site, and there is some good writing in there.  

 

Consider me ''out of office" until further notice.  I don't know anymore.  Doubt, anger and sadness suck. Fud is Fud, and that gets complicated, ugly and hypocritical at times.

 

Fud is human, gets sad, angry and fucks up just like everyone ekse. 

 

He's working on it. 

 

No welcome back/I missed you/how are you comments or Bond messages please.

 

My primary motivation and concern is for those who found help and comfort in my words. I continue to be available there. Other than that, I don't know and I'm not ready to talk yet.

 

I'll be staying out of chat and forums.  

 

 

1 month ago. Mon 03 Dec 2018 01:15:11 AM IST

Just a few hours left until I can re-deactivate.  I wish most of you all the best.  This site skews towards the inexperienced and those who prey on them.  Remember that.

 

I highly recommended the r/BDSMcommunity subreddit on Reddit for those of you with serious questions.  There are 100,000+ subscribers, and comments are weighted by usefulness, so unlike here, poor advice gets downvoted.  The forums here are often filled with well meaning but poor advice.

The subreddit mentioned is a much more accurate snapshot of experienced BDSM practitioners and is 100% drama free.  You do not need a Reddit account to read it.  Please consider it as a supplement to The Cage, which is much more like a small local community, good and bad.

 

Once again, my advice to all is that if someone isn't active on blogs and forums here, you should be wary of their advice.

Speak out.  Speak up.  Don't hide.

Don't take a collar if you wouldn't marry that person.  Don't play if you wouldn't sleep with them IRL.

Report abuse, FinDommes, and outside contact info. 

 

Be excellent to your friends, and harsh and direct with liars. 

 

You can ALWAYS say no at any time.  Do not accept punishment or rules that cut you off from friends and family. 

 

Not everything is a BDSM issue.  Most problems on here are just vanilla communication issues that can be solved by talking.

 

People, bond and trust before kink.

 

If anyone still wants my external contact info, please contact Henna.  She has agreed to pass it on.  She also makes an amazing big sister for new subs.  There is much hard learned experience in her words, and love in her heart.

 

There are many others here who I feel the same about.  I will not name them without permission, but their words and kindness speak for themselves.

 

Have fun and play safe, kids..

 

Fud out.

1 month ago. Sun 02 Dec 2018 05:26:33 AM IST

Since you all gossip and always get it wrong:

 

I have not been banned.

I won't be banned.

I'm leaving the site over the predators, sycophants, idiots and general stupidity.

I will seek out my needs locally. 

 

I have most folks I want to stay in contact with on other apps.  If you'd like to contact me, I can't deactivate again for another 24 hrs. Reach out if you want contact info. Can't post external contacts here.

 

Have fun kids. It's really just common sense shit.  Too many of you don't get that.

1 month ago. Sun 25 Nov 2018 09:08:18 PM IST

 [Shared with (New)'s permission from an email conversation.]

 

New: Why do you put yourself down?
 

Ogre: A combination of humor as deflection, opting to laugh instead of cry at objectively difficult circumstances, and as a blow off valve for an ego that fully embraces narcissism if not closely supervised.
 

New: But you’re a Dom... embrace that. You’re care, firmness, guiding and treatment of your sub should help you find kindness for yourself I’d think. Just my thought.
 

Ogre: True, but also a sadist. Lol.

New: Good point, just made me react to see a sad Dom I suppose.

Ogre: Aww. Good babygirl. Daddy Doms get the same way with sad babygirls. I'm in a happier place now than when I wrote that profile, and I added the silly pic and audio afterwards. Eventually words will explain mood, but until then it suffices as a waypost on the stumble forward.

 

New: I do hope you begin to feel better... a sad Dom is a babygirls quickest way to want to cuddle him and play until she finds that smile and returns his strength and dominance.
 

Ogre: Lately I have begun to embrace and feel worthy of the praise and potential that folks see in me. Strangely for a DD, it took the glow from hearing Sir delivered from the heart of a service submissive.

New: Sir is deserved for those who are real... Daddy is reserved for a deeper safer bond. Every true Dom should feel he deserves the respect of a sub.
 

Ogre: This I knew long before I felt it. Neither should be demanded, but they often are. Too few know the joyful glow of Daddy or Sir slipping unbidden from loyal lips. The trust and vulnerability within those special bubbles sustain all of us.

New: I agree, to the same extent that good girl is a shiver inducing reaction. I am glad you seem calmer than your profile showed. A Dom should feel better than you showed

 

Ogre: Mmm.

Fun to watch the eyes go wide and the blushing when that happens.
 

Also, welcome to The Cage. I've been here a little over a year now. It is a silly place. I hope you'll enjoy poking around and not be too put off by the welcome wagon inbox of idiots.
 

If I might ask, where in (country) and what age? One does understand the need for discretion and mystery, but one also wonders.
 

New: It is a bit overwhelming yes, and sorting through the true and the false of people is difficult right now.
 

(Shares Age, Country)
 

Ogre: Thank you. I was thinking (age range) , and (country area) is nice. I've lived all over it; moved more times than I remember.
 

Yes, true from false is hard. Blogs and forums are filled with advice and cautionary tales there, and worth reading.
 

Just remember that you do not owe anyone a response or attention, and said same can be withdrawn at any time. Your time and attention are gifts, not dues to be paid.
 

Quality and creeps both out themselves over time.

 

New: I only hope I’m strong enough to handle it.
 

Ogre: You will be; take things at your pace. Myself and others, D and s types are here for questions, advice, and support. Or just to talk about stuffies and colouring. Support is a spectrum. 

New: Thank you! You’re the first person to make me feel like I’m more than a lamb on the auction block.
 

Ogre: Well file that under "How I should be treated" and refer to it as needed for strength and guidance. Don't worry, there's a few of us.
 

New: Lol good to know, it’s refreshing.
 

Ogre: No worries. I'm tempted to ask your permission to share the conversation as a blog so that perhaps a few new ones might see it and read before writing or responding. 🙂

New: Only if you make no reference to me personally.
 

Ogre: (Shares this)
 

New: It looks so much better when written that way lol yes, that's good. Thank you for respecting my wishes.

 

(Play nice and be excellent, dudes..)

 

2 months ago. Thu 08 Nov 2018 11:12:17 PM IST

Kind heart and soul from genuine Dom.  Some light surface damage.  Well used but never claimed.  Good for support and recovery while you move on to the next part of your life.  Deep seductive voice will melt most, cares and supports well. Goes away with minimal fuss, does not lash out.  Cleans up well. Mostly housebroken, may be mostly dead.  Offered as is, no refunds.  Ask around for references.  Satisfaction guaranteed. 

2 months ago. Thu 18 Oct 2018 09:29:31 PM IDT

4 months ago. Sat 15 Sep 2018 04:02:42 PM IDT

I've had this blog rattling around in brain for a week or so, but just when I thought that I had it down, something related would come up in forums, blogs or private communication and take me off on a tangent. The title changed a few times, and may change again before I'm done writing.

 

Someone wrote in a forum post that we're all here for one thing; to be accepted for who we are.  I suppose that's true, but I think that's a basic human need.  I think we're all here to make connections.  How we try to do that varies greatly from person to person. 

 

Without injecting too much ego into the mix, I think I've done pretty well there, so perhaps my experience and methods will help some.  Obviously I'm writing from the D side of the D/s slash, but I think the ideas are more universal than any role or label.

 

The first thing I did was fill out my profile.  This is the first and most common reference for folks curious about you; take your time and pay attention to detail. 

 

Doms especially; if you're sloppy with grammar and spelling, it says that your communication skills need work.  If you can't use a keyboard properly and with precision, then some may assume that your other brain>hand skills in other areas may be sloppy or lacking too.  Not a good look.  

 

While we're here, Dominant, not Dominate is the title, and illeagle is a sick bird. :)

 

If you're going to call yourself an 'x' Dom, then when I Google "x Dom BDSM" a definition should pop up; otherwise you made that shit up and need to define it further. 

 

If you're in a monogamous relationship, don't like cheaters, and are looking for someone, you need to explain those contradictions. 

Folks assume the worst without it, but have sympathy for dead bedrooms, failed relationships with children involved, and trying to fix something with a partner who won't/can't communicate.

 

I have rarely approached a sub with the intention of starting a relationship; 99% of the time, they approach me.  Why?  Because of something I've written or said in chat, blogs or forums.

 

Point there is that it's easier to let the ones who are curious approach you.  They can't do that if you're a ghost, and the more active you are, the better the chances are of that happening.

 

This is an online medium; the currency here is effective, thoughtful and polite writing.  Being fuctionally literate lets you function; being fully literate lets you florish.  Don't bring a knife to a gunfight.

 

Read the Code of Conduct and Terms of Service.  Read Evangeline's welcome articles.  Understand them (see fully literate above).

 

Understand your own needs and the needs of others, and know that you can have them met here outside of a relationship.  You don't need a Dom/sub to get support or provide it, to learn about BDSM, to enjoy sexual gratification, or to learn how to express yourself.  

 

This is a community of folks who can provide little bits of that casually while you take the time to find the right partner(s) for you.

 

You can meet Doms and subs and have your needs met in an informal, non sexual and social way.  In fact, that's the better way to go about it.  Don't hide and hinder that learning then dump it all on the first unlucky soul who pings your heart; that ain't fair to anyone.

 

Just like writing detail in profiles, it speaks to how you'll be in a relationship. If you can't talk, think, share and deal with your needs and moods socially, you're probably going to suck at it privately too.  Don't make your partner do all the heavy lifting just because they like you enough to put up with that.  It's still a chore.

 

Memes are great fun, but if it's your only method of communication, that's not effective.  "But this spoke to me!!!" Great.  Add a line or two telling us what it said and how it applies to you.

 

SAFE GENERALIZATIONS ABOUT BDSM IN BIG FONTS SAY NOTHING.  I've got a "Hang in there, baby" poster with a cute cat on my dentist's ceiling for that.   Everyone knows BDSM is not abuse and that submissives deserve respect.  Turn off the lame and we'll worn out virtue signals and use your big boy words.  You gonna Dom them with memes and Pintrest links too?

 

Subs, I know that's harder for you, and many of you have been hurt, demeaned or ridiculed for speaking your mind in the past. 

Doms, I know some of you do something foolish when new and get a strip or three torn off you by old members who take issue with that.  

 

I know that hurts, and believe me, all of us have moments and days we think "You're all rude/fake/idiots, screw this, I'm outta here..."  Stick around.  Try these;

"I'm sorry, I'm new at this and trying to learn" 

"That hurt me.."

"I need help understanding"

"Why does this happen? What did I do?"

 

Don't attack the crowd.  It's bigger than you, and has rocks and pitchforks. :) 

 

Crowd, you're bigger than them and rocks and pitchforks are for monsters.  Everyone likes a good mob storming, but it scares the new ones off.  Attack Dr. Frankenstein.  Have sympathy for the monster; he just wanted to be a human.  Don't be so quick to attack the ones that come out wrong when they first open their mouths. Not their fault someone used the brain labeled "Abbie someone". ;)

 

Attack the ideas, not the person.  If someone says something you feel is wrong, explain how you've been hurt by it. 

 

Do not gatekeep. No one gives a fuck about who you think is real or true or your generalizations and labels.  It's all here. You don't get to decide who comes into the tent. 

 

If you think someone doesn't fit into your little niche slice of BDSM, cool. That's you putting a barrier up in a little part of the field and saying "No 'x' allowed".  Have fun with that, but know that you're in a tiny roped off corner of a vast field all alone. 

 

It's more fun to climb out of your play fort, stop sulking and throwing rocks and come run through the meadows.  Save the fort for when you're hurt and alone, but remember the Unibomber did that too.  Huddling alone and writing manifestos about all the meanies having fun in the meadow isn't a good look. 

 

If someone makes a point you don't like publically that isn't a personal attack, don't delete comments, block or declare the discussion over.  You aren't fooling anyone.  You wrote that shit, you should be able to defend and explain it or admit that you were wrong.  Again, think about what this says to potential partners.  "Great..this one will just ghost, insult or shut me down when we have our first disagreement". 

 

Also, back to full literacy; if your statement or rebuttal isn't logical or well written, the onus is on you, not the reader to bridge the gaps.

Don't make the rest of us suffer if you struggle with spelling, grammar, logic or reading comprehension.  Don't come to the high stakes table with a bag of pennies and get mad about it.

 

Ooph.  Long one.  Sorry for the rant and snark.  Sometimes my shit stinks.  Tell me why and how so.  No comment deletions or blocking here.  Thanks for listening.

 

-Fud