Slut Volcano

Hello, my kinky friends. I'm back with a nice juicy post! 

When Daddy was last home from his time away working, we had a beautiful intense, erotic little session. It all started while we were watching Outlander together on the couch, when Daddy suddenly pushed my head down onto his hard cock and pushed his cock right down my throat. He had me hold it, then moved my head up and down on his shaft, and I serviced him for a good while. By the time he'd had enough, I could feel my pussy was juicy as hell, and I asked Daddy to feel it...which apparently made him change his mind about being finished. He closely inspected my soaked pussy, and then ordered me to the bedroom.

He'd just bought me a mouth spreader, the kind with an O-ring that he can fit his whole cock inside. I was wearing that, on all fours on our bed while Daddy walked around flogging me. The flogger is a new toy as well - earlier, he'd used it on me for the first time to punish me for waking him up with my morning alarm. So I'm feeling the slaps, wondering when it's going to start  hurting, and then he concentrated on my tits for a while and it started to sting. It stung enough for me to yelp and try to hide, but Daddy ordered me to stay put and gave my tits several more whips before moving on. My tits were just lightly pink. He also concentrated on the right side of my butt enough that it was starting to get all nice and warm. When he'd had enough, he stuffed his cock in my pussy, gave it a few pumps, and then ordered me to kneel and taste my pussy juices. 

Of course, my mouth was stretched open wide and Daddy could just place his cock right in. He ordered me to fuck his cock with my throat, which I did enthusiastically, until I was making a good mess - drooling all over my tits and the floor. He then had me lie on the bed with my head hanging off the end, and continued fucking my throat, using me like a fuck doll. Now there was drool all over my face. 

Next, he had my lie on my back, ass at the edge of the bed while he held my legs up over my head and fucked my pussy. Leaning down as he fucked me, he spit on my face. Fucked me for a while more, then leaned down again and spit a good wad right above my stretched open mouth. Then he leaned back and spit hard and fast right at my face, fucking me at a  good steady pace. After a while he went and got my average sized dildo - he tried with my huge one first, but it wouldn't fit in the O-ring. The medium one fit just fine though, and Daddy slid it in and out of my wide open mouth a few times, and then just left it there, as he continued to pump his cock steadily in and out. Every once in a while, he'd push the dildo deeper into my mouth. 

When he took the dildo out, Daddy took a good look at my face. "Tsk, oh...you are such a mess," he said in a soft voice, and then ordered me to stay put while he left the room. He came back holding his phone, and ordered me to look at him, mouth gaping, spit all over my face, dildo beside my head - and took a close-up picture. It was so humiliating. He then grabbed my little we-vibe vibrator, stuck it in my mouth and rubbed it around to get it wet, and slid it in my slit. 

After that Daddy spit just a small amount on my asshole and tried to push his cock in - I squirmed, but he ordered me to let him in. So I spread my ass for him, and he quickly pushed his dick right in and gave it a few hard pumps. However, his dick didn't come out completely clean - and I had promised to keep my ass clean for him at all times. 

Daddy dealt with this by having us both get into the shower, where he ordered me to clean my ass, and then held me firmly under the shower head with one hand, the other hand holding his cock as he pee'd on me. It took me a few seconds to register what was happening - no one's ever pee'd on me before, although I've fantasized about it from time to time. As he held me firmly in place, urinating on me, Daddy told me that this was what I got for not keeping my ass clean for him like I'd promised, told me I was just a dirty fucking whore and that this was what I deserved. Then he ordered me to clean myself up, which I did in a daze. 

After the shower, Daddy took the O-ring off, but not before making me try and say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Daddy" and laughing at my attempts. Then he held me, rubbed me down with the towel, hugged me, and told me how turned on I'd made him and how beautiful I was. But, very quickly it was back to business and he'd sent me, glowing from deep within, to do some chores and errands. 

I just felt so good after. So open, clear-headed, satisfied, and alive. 

So, that concludes my blog post for today. Thank you all for reading, and as always, feedback of all kind is welcome. If you feel up to it, tell me what your favourite part was. How do YOU like being degraded, or how do you like degrading others? 

Until next time, this is the Slut Volcano! 

Hello again, everybody! 

Last time, I wrote about the road trip I took with Daddy, from the perspective of our dynamic, and ended with our drive back, in which I lost my temper. We'll continue on from there, but focus on the ways I was naughty, the punishments I received, and the personal growth/empowerment they are inspiring in me - with some sex thrown in there for good measure. 

When we got home, I had to be punished for losing my temper, so Daddy started a new rule that I had to ask permission to use the washroom. Our first morning back, for my first pee, he had me stand up in the shower with legs slightly spread, so that I pee'd all over my legs - while he stood and watched. I could feel my face getting super hot. It was very humiliating. After, he had me go on hands and knees in the puddle, turned the shower head on, and left the washroom, ordering me to clean myself up. 

The second time I messed up and needed a punishment, was maybe our 3rd day back. Daddy was taking me out to buy new shoes, which I'd requested since mine are pretty worn out. We never made it though, because on the way there I acted out. Daddy had changed his mind about where we were going to start looking, and I reacted irritably.

I tell you, this dynamic is forcing me to confront my behaviour relentlessly, and it's not easy! I'm bad a lot, as you'll note. 

Daddy of course didn't accept my attitude and turned the car around. He lectured me on the way home, telling me how disappointed he was, how I was an entitled brat, and so on. "You're obviously not broken in yet. I think I need to just keep you working," he said. While this was happening, I was sitting there completely mesmerized. I felt guilty, called-out, frustrated at myself, and eager to do better. I was also helplessly turned on. As we drove, Daddy told me what was going to happen when we got home, which was: put away groceries from car, take my punishment, make dinner, and start detailing his car. 

So, that's the story of how I ended up wearing a buttplug and detailing Daddy's car that evening, with no new shoes in my reality. 

But first, he had to punish me by having me kneel on all fours in the corner in the living room, with my ass bare. He told me how disappointed he was in me as he whipped my ass and pussy with a leather crop. Apparently, when he slapped my pussy, a long strand of my juices fell to the floor...I was literally dripping. I know because Daddy made a lot of comments about it, and plunged his cock in a few times.

I had to stay in the corner for quite some time, until he was satisfied. I'd been texting my sister, who is a car detailer, asking her for tips - and I could hear Daddy answering her text on my phone. I've given him full access to all of my devices, because as his property, that's what makes sense to me. I also want there to be full transparency. But this is the first time I ever felt him use that power, and I liked it. It thrills me that he takes ownership that way. 

When Daddy decided I'd had enough time in the corner, he took me to the bedroom, positioned me on the edge of the bed with my ass in the air and my head down, and fucked me hard, telling me what a good whore I was for always having a wet pussy when he needed to use it. 

When he was satisfied and done with me, he had me make us dinner - with very specific instructions I had to follow. Then, before starting on his car, he allowed me to rest, and had me service his cock, balls, and asshole for a while. He directed me to lick, suck, and hold in my mouth different areas as he did things casually on his phone. At one point, he instructed me to just stare at his package, still scrolling on his phone - and for some reason, that's the thing that made me feel most like a whore. Although, lying with my head in his crotch, holding his balls in my mouth as I started to drool, did a pretty good job of conveying that, as well - let's be honest. The session ended when Daddy finally put his phone down and fucked my mouth until he drained his balls down my throat. I had enjoyed every second of pleasuring him. Afterwards, he played with my tits and let me masturbate until I came, which was amazing. I was super grateful, since I'd been bad. The orgasm came pretty quickly after such a sexually charged day. 

As we were lying in bed after that, Daddy said something about his plans for the next day (I think?), and it triggered my anxiety - which was more activated than usual due to the recent big fight we'd had -  so without thinking, I blurted out "Is that so you can spend as little time with me as possible?" (Oof, it's hard to write this stuff.) That got me some sharp back-hands to my nipples, and of course a punishment. Daddy told me to get him the next time I had to pee, and he'd make me pee on myself in the tub again. 

When the time came, Daddy had me go on all fours in the tub wearing my collar. He squatted behind me, spread my pussy lips apart gently, and ordered me to pee - but I was too nervous to let it go. After a while he told me to squat instead,  but it still took a while. To speed things along, he turned on the tap and fed me a good amount of water from a bottle - and finally I was able to let go. When I did, he squatted in front of me and ordered me to look at him - I'd looked away in shame... then he looked pointedly at my stream, got up, roughly patted and stroked my head, and said I was a good girl. I remember naturally leaning into his hand. 

I'd been back to work about 15 minutes before it occurred to me that that was exactly how you'd treat a dog. And I'd reacted to it NATURALLY how a pet would. The realization stunned me... and made me painfully horny. 

I worked on detailing Daddy's car into the night, and for 4 hours the next day, and the result made him happy. 

The next time I needed to be punished, it was because I was a brat. It was after dinner. Daddy was showing me music videos of different bands - music I wasn't very interested in - so after a few videos I got impatient and a little whiny. In my head, I thought I was being playful, but looking back I can see that there was nothing pleasant about my behaviour. Daddy sent me to bed right away to punish me, sans phone of course. 

Later that night I was woken up by Daddy getting onto the bed and kneeling over my face. I was still fuzzy and confused as he started to jerk off into my mouth, so I turned my head away, but then he said a stern "Hey", which snapped me into consciousness right away. Obediently I opened my mouth as he jerked off into it, stuffing his dick down as he came. Then he came into bed and spooned me. I snuggled into him, swallowing the leftover cum in my mouth and falling quickly back asleep.

You probably won't be surprised reading this, considering how things have gone so far - the next time I needed a punishment was just the next morning. It was a busy morning of tidying, shopping for food, and cooking breakfast for a friend who was making a quick visit. Daddy had found a flour moth nest in a bag of bulk peanuts (if you have no idea what a flour moth is, you're lucky. They're tiny little moths that come and invade your home and make nests in your dry food). I got told out for that - since I knew about them and was battling them, but hadn't properly checked the pantry. I was feeling pressure about getting stuff done on time for his friend, so the lecture on top of that stressed me out more...which manifested in me making a critical comment about what Daddy was doing. 

Which is how I found myself getting lectured on all fours, bare-assed in the living room corner, as Daddy whipped my inner thighs and pussy with the riding crop. I ended up getting so upset by his displeasure with me that I almost broke into tears, but Daddy didn't let me collapse in shame. He made me look at him, and slapped me when I tried to hide my head in my hands. Even though I was struggling not to cry, I loved that he was speaking to a stronger version of me - my warrior, the one who rises to the occasion. 

He told me I could make it up to him by doing a good job getting everything ready for his friend while he went and picked him up at the airport. I did my best - I wasn't perfect, but the hollandaise sauce did NOT split, so hallelujah.  Daddy made a lemon chicken tagine dish and we turned it into bennies with some homemade bread. Daddy's idea. He can be a little extra - a quality I quite frankly delight in. 

Happily, I did nothing else deserving of punishment before Daddy had to leave to go work for a month away again. I wrote mainly about the punishments, but we made some wonderful memories too while he was here. It was overall a nourishing and fun time. 

Daddy also wanted me to write about a specific occurrence that happened after he left, during one of our phone conversations. He had been assigned the night shift, so communication had been difficult as he adjusted to his new schedule. He also works long hours. Every time we tried to talk, one of us was super tired. 

 I forget what we'd been talking about, but I know that I got triggered and emotionally reactive. Daddy had to interrupt me and send me to the corner three times during our conversation. When I recall it, I remember that I felt like it wasn't fair, and every time he sent me to the corner I got more distressed. Daddy didn't back down, and I was forced to face my own behaviour, and it HURT. Everything in me wanted to run, hide, excuse, etc. I had to call on my inner warrior. I had to be real with myself, that this dynamic was serving as a mirror, and I was having a difficult time with what I was seeing because it was toxic, so what was I going to do about it? I spent the rest of the day building resolve, with a sense of appreciation and gratitude towards Daddy for the growth that his Dominance inspired in me. 

(Since then I've gone on more of a deep dive into that, but that is for a different post.)

One last thing before I go - Daddy wanted me to write about the very first punishment I received from him. I was being punished for passive aggressive behaviour in which I'd acted out in an attempt to manipulate him into Dominating me - afraid that our dynamic wasn't "real" (this was the very beginning, I'd never think such a thing now - Daddy has firmly shown me I can't get away with a thing). I wrote about it in my first post. 

We talked it through thoroughly, and then began making love. Daddy was licking my nipples, sliding his cock in and out, and I was losing myself in pleasure, when suddenly he bit my tit hard. I instantly knew I was being punished. He bit my inner arm as well, then got up and held me by my throat.

"Your behaviour was unacceptable," He growled, then forced my mouth open, spit into it, pushed me down on my knees, and rammed his cock all the way down my throat. He held my head there past the point of comfort and I choked and gagged and panicked as I lost my breath. He had me stand beside the bed with my head down on it and my ass in the air. I felt him lube up my ass, and then push something big inside. I'm pretty practiced at relaxing myself to accept a cock down there, but this was harder than a cock and I wasn't expecting that, so it hurt. I said as much. "Oh, push it in deeper?" Daddy said in a mocking voice, pushing it in and fucking me with it for a while. I was shocked and turned on by the way he was talking to me.

He then grabbed my collar and had walked me on all fours into the living room, where he had me go in the corner. I will always remember walking on all fours and just looking at his feet, feeling his dominance over me. It's an image that has come to mind frequently since, and it makes me want to worship his feet. Ya know what I mean?

 He had me stay in the corner for about 15 minutes as he watched porn on TV and played with his cock, and then he had me turn around and sit facing him, spreading my pussy for him to look at as he jerked off. I was to only look at him, not the TV, but I soon failed and glanced over, which got me sent back into the corner. I stayed there until Daddy decided he wanted me to suck his cock, which I did so eagerly - but he made me slow down, and pushed my head to the side. 

"You're blocking the TV" he said. He held a clump of my hair in the fist lying beside his leg, so that every time my head bobbed up, the upward movement was restricted. I sucked him slowly, careful not to block his view, until he finished by jerking off into my mouth and blowing his load on my face. 

Afterwards, he played with my tits and told me to cum, before I was allowed to wash my face off. And we had a good talk about the punishment. 

This dynamic has definitely served as a pressure cooker-type catalyst for personal growth...and it's sometimes SO challenging, especially when I mess up again right after resolving to do better the next time. It's been important for me to not get too caught up in the discouragement, because that just seems to make me more prone to falling back into the behaviour I want to transcend. I have to refocus on the positive, what I can do, where I want to go, how rewarding it will be when I get there...etc. I'd love to hear from anyone who somewhat relates to this. 

I am so lucky to have a partner and Dom who knows and accepts me, ugly bits and all, and is willing to work with me. I love him. 

Thanks for reading! 

Me and M have just returned from a week long spontaneous trip to visit my sister. It was a glorious trip to take in this warm late summer. She lives in a valley surrounded by lakes and rivers and beautiful hiking trails. I love driving with my Daddy for many reasons. We've already spent a lot of time on the road together, and we're both very easy-going and open to spontaneous adventures. It's the best. He often plays with my tits while he drives, which pleases me GREATLY. 

We had to spend the first night in a hotel, as my sister was dead to the world when we got to her place late at night/early morning. We woke up in a leisurely way, and lay in each other's arms, until M instructed me to service his cock. He had me lick and kiss it slowly and sensuously, which I did until he rewarded me with his load down my throat. He had only been home for a couple nights at this point, after a long time away for work - and our dynamic  is still so new, so I am still very much in training. I love to have him instruct me on how to pleasure him. It's sometimes challenging, which I enjoy, along with knowing exactly how to please him. 

That afternoon we went looking for a beach off the beaten path down by the river, but due to bad instructions, instead found ourselves scrambling up a short but very steep, dry rocky trail. Grasshoppers clicked and buzzed past us, and we were graced by the warm afternoon sun on our skin. We climbed up to a stunning vista overlooking a river canyon and the surrounding hills. M pushed me out of my comfort zone a bit (I was very willing) to take some photos of me, my back to the view, and as he did so his dick got hard. I put it in my mouth and sucked on it for a bit. He let me, and took a little video of me. It was fun to do while being so high up in the air - exhilarated from that, and full of endorphins from the hike. 

I made dinner for everyone that night. Daddy helped a little but left me with most of it, which I like because it reinforces my role. I never knew I'd enjoy being a domestic slave so much...because left to my own devices, I do the bare minimum and am totally fine with it, haha. He also had me bring all our stuff in from the car while he lounged in the grass. I encourage him to be this way - it's not in his nature, but I love the dynamic of it. Like he is royalty and I'm his servant. 

The next morning, I was instructed to wake up early to make coffee and breakfast for us. My sister left for work early, and M had me suck his cock slowly for a while before climbing up on him and sitting on it. He fucked me and quickly came inside me as I rode him. It was super hot and satisfying to be used like this by him. Daddy also made sure I did my workout, and afterwards had me give him some care. He had me rub lotion into his taint and balls, and massage his prostate and balls with long strokes. From asshole to lower balls. It felt so erotic. It felt like something you would only be comfortable asking someone of lower status to do, you know? It made my pussy VERY wet. After doing that for a while, He let me suck his dick - slowly again - until he had enough. 

We successfully found the hidden river beach that afternoon and spent a very pleasant time - me searching for cool rocks and Daddy chiseling stuff. Before we left he pulled down my shorts and stuffed his cock in my ass after lubing it up with spit. He fucked it good for a while, holding my long hair back at first, and then making me bend over into a forward fold. His hands on my hips...pulling me into him. "You're my fucking little whore", he said. Then as suddenly as he started, he pulled out and went to wash his dick in the river. I love him using my ass like that - it's something that pre-D/s, he'd have asked permission to do. 

That night, shenanigans ensued, and my sister ended up a wee bit too liquored, so before we went to bed M instructed me to wake up early to take care of her with water, coffee, and breakfast. 

I should mention at this point that I was feeling a little bit discombobulated for various reasons. The dynamic being new, and being around close family and having to be covert about it, was disorienting. Especially since I was with a sister I'm used to being pretty dominant with. There was other personal stuff going on as well, that made this trip feel significant - I was processing a lot. I'd be interested in hearing of anyone else's experiences about being in a D/s dynamic covertly around family/friends, especially at first! Like, VERY interested, so please don't be shy! 

So, that morning after my sister was fed and coffee'd and out to work, M had me provide care to his genitals again. This time I again lotioned up his taint, massaging it and his balls, but this time he had me concentrate on his asshole more. I rubbed my lotioned-up fingers on it, up and down, and massaged it. I was again very turned on by doing this...I'm getting wet just writing about it to be honest. The session ended with more oral training for me.

The next day, after my work out, M had a shower with me. I happen to shave every time I shower, and I have a habit of putting my razor under the stream over M's head when he's there. He's never said anything about it before, and I genuinely didn't notice, lol - I can be a little unaware sometimes. so this time he mentioned that I was doing it and told me to please stop. I agreed but said something sassy, and in reply he slapped each nipple with the back of his hand a few times - enough for me to yelp and turn slightly away from the sting - and then he quickly lubed up his cock with the use of my throat, and started to push it in my asshole. I squirmed a bit, and he pushed my head against the wall and said "take it" - before pushing it the rest of the way. "Tell me you'll stop putting your razor over my head", he growled as he fucked my ass hard. 

"I'll stop!" I said - I was completely mesmerized, caught off guard, chastened and aroused. He didn't fuck it for long, just enough to make a point. 

That afternoon we adventured out to a lake. It was a little chilly, with a hint of ice on the breeze. It was already my plan to swim, but Daddy made me stay in the cold water until he'd decided it was enough, since I'd been a bit naughty. On the way home there was a mishap, and some poor judgement on my part, which had M lecturing me and me feeling sulky and defensive. The result was I needed a punishment. We had a limited amount of time before my sister came home, but Daddy took me over his knee and spanked me, and then made me kneel in front of him with my arms stretched out in front of me on the floor and my head on the ground, and tell him what I had done to deserve being punished. He then sent me to work on a draft of this blog post. 

After some quiet time had passed in this way, and my sister hadn't yet returned from work, Daddy called me into the bathroom and locked the door. He had me on my knees, sucking his cock for a while, before pushing me on my back onto the floor, in the corner beside the shower tub. He turned the water on, and some of it sprayed me as he fucked me. Leaning down towards me, he spit right on my open mouth. I felt like such a whore. 

The next day we went on a glorious adventure into the country, and climbed up a steep rocky ravine onto giant sand dunes. That evening, my sister and I embarked on a magical mushroom journey, which broke me open into a very soft, very vulnerable being. There were many poignant things going on for me this trip. It was in this soft state, after coming down somewhat from the mushrooms, that I went to M and requested affection. He held me and caressed me and fucked me so thoroughly - being extra quiet so as not to alert my sister trying to sleep in the next room. The way his hands caressed and held me so masterfully made me feel so claimed, and I sunk into the safety and erotism of it. I felt my body responding and my pussy hugging his cock and making it all slick. I felt his love and his ownership and surrendered to it, and the charge between us was just incredible. Does anyone know what I mean?? Especially those of you who, like me, have experienced abuse and have to work a lot on opening up to love again. Anyway - it was beautiful and hot as fuck. 

The next day was another adventure out into the country, this time to go rock hounding. It was a great day spent chiseling crystals out of rock and finding chunks of selenite in the dirt. My sister and her friend (who was our guide for the day), at one point went off by themselves. Daddy took this opportunity to pull my shorts down, bend me over and fuck me, calling me a good little whore. It was one of those times where it really hit home how I'd agreed to be sexually available for use at all times. Not that I'd want to say no, but I just realized that even if I did, it was my job to submit to my Daddy's desires. An extremely satisfactory thought. Mmm. 

The next day was our departure, and our morning was spent packing up and cleaning. I was feeling prickly and feisty, and I gave M some attitude. Our dynamic had naturally softened on the trip as we were spending so much of our time concealing it, and I think I was afraid that our dynamic would always have watery boundaries. I couldn't articulate that at the time though - and it manifested in my attitude. I'm not proud of it. M punished me on our drive back by making me hold my pee until I was extremely uncomfortable. It definitely did the trick of subduing and chastening me, although every time he dominates me I can't help but feel turned on by it. It's something that makes M feel that his punishments aren't effective, since I clearly enjoy them on some level. I feel a lot of things when I get punished though! It's erotic and satisfying as hell to be genuinely dominated by the man I'm in love with. Yet it's also scary, feels terrible to disappoint him, and humiliating. It wakes me all the way up - all of my cells buzz with energy and I become hyper alert and aware of him. And I DO enjoy that thrill. I would be really interested to hear what more experienced folks have to say around this subject of punishment. 

Anyway, I digressed; back to the trip. It was, after my initial punishment, a beautiful drive. We were having a lovely time, until that evening. This is something that hurts to admit, because I really fucked up. We started debating on a feminist topic, and I was triggered more than I realized. I cut M off, refused to hear what he'd been about to say, and was rude about it. In response, M said some hurtful things - and I lost my temper and screamed at him. While he was driving. Putting us both in danger. It was bad...I was scary. We rode the rest of the way mostly in silence...with some attempts on my part to apologize and repair...but it was too big of an incident to be able to repair right away. 

I am VERY grateful to say that M decided to work through it with me - I'm writing about this a week after the fact. But it was scary for a while. I know that some people wouldn't have been able to forgive that, or wanted to continue in a relationship with me - with it being so clear that I obviously have some anger issues I need to deal with. 

So, there we are. Thus concludes my experience of our trip. 

I'll write again soon. 

Thanks for reading. 

Hello everybody! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Slut Volcano. My Dom chose that name for me out of a list I came up with. It's meant to be light-hearted, but quite frankly it's also fitting. I really am like a volcano, with my desires erupting from deep within, where they've been repressed for so long. 

I'm a brand new submissive, and I'm writing this blog as a creative outlet and place to organize my thoughts and experiences as a sub. I'm also hoping it will enable me to connect with others in the BDSM world. Both me and my Dom are new to this, so I welcome feedback, shared experiences, conversations - all of it!

First, a little background about me. I'm a 36 yr old woman. Born the youngest in my large family along with my twin sister, into a strict, religious household. It was the sort of religion with a lot of rules: no tea or coffee, no dating until you're 16, no sex before marriage, etc.  My sexuality is one of the many powerful urges inside me that caused me to seek a different way than that of my family. I left the religion at 21, a year after I'd moved out of home. I'd always been attracted to submission. It's something I noticed about myself very young, probably 12 or 13. It wasn't like a "hmmm, am I like this?". It was more of a punch in the face kind of knowing. Impossible to deny. My earliest fantasies were about being overpowered by a man. 

My family's religion made it very difficult for me to think of these things without being flooded with shame and guilt. For years I fought my sexual urges, until I finally came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to change, and so I might as well ride the river and stop fighting it. 

Fast forward to me in my 20's, I found out there was a name for people like me, and I discovered there was a whole BDSM lifestyle. At that point in my life, it felt so out of reach, and I remember just YEARNING to fulfill my desires. I didn't really believe that I'd every be able to satisfy that part of me. It was painful! Walking down the street one summer afternoon, I heard someone talking about how they were dominant in the bedroom, and I just wailed inside. WHY OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT MEEEEEEEEE?! Haha. You know. I laugh about it, but it was actually painful! 

Anyway, I think that's enough background. My Dom wanted me to write about how our particular dynamic started. It's so recent that I'm still a little overwhelmed by it all. We have been dating for a little over a year. Although we were vanilla, we'd talked about BDSM from the very beginning. We'd met through a dating app, where I'd put right in my profile that my partner needed to be dominant. That sparked a lot of questions and curiosity from my Dom (I'll call him M from now on). We very quickly started to play around with that dynamic in the bedroom. M had never really considered himself Dominant, but he enjoyed playing that with me. We took it slow, too. Some things took time for M to wrap his head around and accept. He didn't want to disrespect me or hurt me. 

From the beginning, both me and M entered out relationship with a strong desire to work on ourselves and build something safe and beautiful. We both have our own trauma, as you do by the time you're in your 30's. I've gone through some rough years and suffered abuse...and about a year and a half before M and I started dating, my ex-husband had asked for a divorce (a story for another time!). All this to say that we were both aware of the risks, had both come in contact with our own toxicity, and wanted to walk through that fire together and grow together. 

Since I've moved in with him, we've struggled, I'm not going to lie. I don't want to get into that too much today, but I'll just say that M has stayed firmly by my side through it all. He's like a rock. 

So now you have an idea of our foundation, let's move to a couple weeks ago when M and I were talking on the phone. He's been away for work so we've been having nightly phone conversations. I had asked him a couple days before if he would mind giving me little tasks every day so I could fulfill my desire to serve and submit a little. I was also hoping that it would get M used to giving me orders and being obeyed. I wasn't really expecting anything to come of it. He did give me little tasks though and I loved doing them! So, back to the phone call - M was gently lecturing me about how he deserved the right to masturbate when he felt the need and that I should encourage his self-care. I'd reacted insecurely and jealously a couple times in the past, which I agreed is not good behaviour. At that moment, I was suddenly inspired to ask him how he'd feel if I voluntarily gave up MY right to pleasure myself freely, and gave him the power to choose when I could or couldn't? I was afraid that I was asking too much of him...but he agreed to do it. And that's when things really changed. From that day on, M has been my Dom. He just seemed to naturally step into that role. 

Now you see why I'm a Slut Volcano? It's been a long, looooong, looooooooooong journey! And now that I'm finally able to fully be myself with M, it's explosive. 

Mind you things have regulated now in the second week. I can sleep and eat again. The whole first week I was so full of adrenaline, butterflies and lust (that's totally a band name) that I struggled. 

M started out having me make several short slutty videos. After a couple days of that, he gave me an actual chore: to take everything off the shelves in our storage room, move it to the garage, organize it, and take a naked photo of myself when done. It turned me on a lot to do that for him and I threw myself into it. The next day he had me running around town to find frames for some photos he'd had printed. He also had me film myself trying on pants in a store and then playing with my c*nt. But the thing that really made me unbearably wet was that he got me to clean the kitchen floor with a rag and a toothbrush. I LIVE for that stuff, sorry, not sorry! 

I think we both enjoyed ourselves a lot that first week. However, enter my anxiety. I worry that it's too much for him, that I'll say something or do something to turn him off of it, that I'll sabotage it in some way. I've also questioned him a few times, finding it hard to trust his dominance at times. He's actually had to punish me for being a jerk as a manipulative way to 'get him' to dominate me. That was humbling. And awful to see how I hurt him. 

I've had a bit of a tantrum when it felt like he was going to deny me pleasuring myself all the time. Then when he listened to my outburst on the subject, and backed off, I felt he was taking it TOO easy on me and was afraid he always would - so I came to him again. It must have been confusing for him, and I think I came off as critical. Does anyone out there have anything to say about that? I'm sure new subs can maybe relate, or Doms who've been through something similar? 

So, here we are. I think that's long and informative enough for my first post. Like I said in the beginning, please feel free to share any thoughts, feelings, experiences, or advice! I'm sure I'll be back soon with another update. I have a feeling this will be a weekly thing. 

So long for now!