Last night I went to a birthday party. It was a play party and by the time I got there (at around 8), I’d been up since 7, worked 8 hours (including watching a guy get held down, yelling, for shoplifting and the cops called), and waited 45 minutes for my housemates to pick me up from the Starbucks catty corner to my work when I could have taken the bus and been there already. I was done but I got them presents, dammit. Friday was the first night I’d gone to a munch in months because boyfriend and I have very much been in NRE and I haven’t had the energy. I’d felt disconnected from everyone then and I felt it at the party. I got food, loved on their dog, and just kinda stayed in one area. I took the dog downstairs and had her sit on my lap when she kept trying to interrupt a scene. We’re buddies from me house sitting last year. She listens to me a little bit better than her parents.
My Sadists got to the party at 11:30. I say “my” very loosely but they’re the only two I allow to hurt me. There was a tearing off of my leggings that had a hole in them, in between lots of pain, cause they’re assholes. One of the other Tops had told me the night before that he and my primary play partner no longer share people because primary play partner doesn’t share well. Apparently the discussion was about everyone but me but I don’t play with that Top so it makes sense. I was told because I play with him regularly.
I was still processing the above and hesitant to do anything with him (because I look up to him and I pretty much play just with him). I helped move his toy box downstairs and resisted the urge to cuddle with him on the couch. I didn’t follow him when he and his girl went into the garage. I was asked what he was doing and I shrugged and said I didn’t know. He found me upstairs and told me I should go say hi to her. I did, there was a brief discussion of play, and I went upstairs because I didn’t want to be around him. My boyfriend got texts about how I wished I was at a party where he wasn’t. It took until I was leaving that he told me he missed me, I told him that was his fault because he kept ignoring my texts, and he said things were crazy before I realized I was genuinely pissed at him. It’s a shitty excuse. He will make the time if he wants to. He’s done it for me before. He’s had one of his employees keep the front door of his business unlocked after he closed because I was coming (he also stayed when he could have left because I was coming). I go out of my way for him semi often. I think I may be done.