i've been in such a dark dismal place recently, that i truly thought i'd never see daylight again. i have tried, but failed repeatedly. i tried to making changes, but it never seemed to accomplish anything. As my friends know, i had totally given up i didn't think it was possible for me any longer. i've been a sex toy. i've been married (and divorced). i've been a friend. The magical combination of a romantic relationship and strong dynamic seemed to elude me. Now, my age is one more negative factor. It's no wonder that the combination of my emotions with life was too much for me to handle.
Then, i met Someone. Someone Who desires me. All of me. i don't even know how to act. When i speak, i sound as if my brain has taken a permanent vacation. W/we're learning each other, and i'm discovering that i truly do want to be His. i want to be His property, His love, His girl, and His slave. There's an inherent trust in him that draws me in. i can't describe how i feel at this moment. i feel like a princess. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. We have actual conversations. He truly wants to know about me. i can feel hope finally returning. It's a feeling i haven't had in so long. i hope it doesn't end. i hope that W/we create the ideal relationship/dynamic for the two of U/us. i hope to have the opportunity to serve Him. i hope to show i am a good girl. i want Him to be proud to add me to His collection of loved possessions.
While i am still terrified of the potential of completely ruining this wonderful connection, i hope that i will finally succeed. i don't want this to end.
i know i sound like i'm rambling, but that's exactly how my brain is going at this moment. i have clearer thoughts, but way more muddled ability to convey them intelligently. i know He will read this blog, and i do hope He feels honored by it.