In education, everything has a label: Math class; English class; Chemistry class; freshman; sophomore; assignments; formative assessments; summative assessments….i could go on and on. The lifestyle also has its set of labels: Dom; sub; bottom; Domme; slave; sadist; masochist; straight; gay; bi; pan; asexual; monogamist; poly….again, i could go on and on. i've always “known” i was a heterosexual female who looked down on being anything except equal to a Man within a loving, monogamist relationship. Anything else was, well, just WRONG!
i'm now 56, and i have to say that my definitions have drastically changed. i am far more receptive of who i truly am. It’s been difficult to acknowledge, as it requires a drastic amount of trust. The traditional household of the 1950’s involved the Man being the Head of the Household, while the woman was the heartbeat of it. In the modern era, women have been forced out of the home to help make ends meet. Genders and roles have become confused: girls are no longer encouraged to offer their submission to their Man. No longer are Boys taught to become the Men deserving of a girl’s submission. Discipline? Oh, absolutely NOT! To the unknowing eye, she is accepting abuse and staying in “danger.”
Here's some insight into what makes me, well, me! Being 56 allows me to have a perspective most people under 30 have never seen. i remember the days of the Father being the Head of the Household. mom would answer by admitting, “Let me check with your Father.” Translation: i defer all final decisions to the Man. All my life, i have sought a Man Who is capable, willing, desiring to take control of His household. A Man Who would be brave enough to hold me accountable for my words and actions. A Man Who would disregard the current status quo in exchange for holding firm to the proven tenets of the past.
So, Y/you’re asking Y/yourself, “What has all of this got to do with the title of this writing?” That’s easy. Over the years, i have discovered that i NEED the rules, the lessons, the daily tasks of a Man Who desires to keep me in line. It’s MANDATORY that He be willing to administer the discipline when i cross the line or don’t measure up. i want to be able to offer my total and complete submission to Him. TPE, Total Power Exchange, does frighten the hell out of me. i mean, to have NO say in what happens…it’s scary. But, i also feel confident that my Master will make it exceptionally easy to obey His every wish and desire. He will lead and guide me to become better and everything i do.
When i fail Him, He will administer quick punishment, disregarding any tears that flow as a result. He will have full control of me. i will always be available for His use at His discretion. Pain? i'm finding that i am far more of a masochist than i ever imagined. i crave His pain not only to please Him, but i also want it to heighten my own enjoyment. To bear and display His marks, His handiwork would be a privilege and an honor. The relationship and dynamic that W/we create would be intimate and completely filled with trust.
So, where does that leave me? Am i a true modern woman, capable of forging my way with the same strength and determination of a Man? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! i am but a humble slave, willing to serve my Man in any way He sees fit. For me, a dream come true would be to routinely receive His belt, flogger, paddle, and even cane or whip applied to my body. It’s humiliating to have marks left on a body that used to be mine, but has become HIS possession. Yet, I feel as if they would be badges of honor and privilege. As it has been stated to me: i am His blank canvas to mark and color to His satisfaction.
A masochist slave for a sadistic Master. Who would have thought such a thing?
