Gone

Stay strong, you say to yourself. I walk into the bedroom and her collar is on the dresser. I pick it up, look at the beauty of it, hold it in my hand for five minutes before I open the goody box to put it away. I look at the toys we have accumulated and the memory of each and every one. Its ok, you'll find another that you can use them on, or so I was told. Truth be told, I can't in good conscious keep the memories associated with each and every piece. How can you look at a collar, an outfit, a cuff, or anything else and picture it on another when the memories flood over who they were associated with? I can't. So, with a tear and a heavy heart, I remove all the toys and memories and start all over, alone, sad, and quiet. Never again will I allow this feeling to control me, I will stay alone. That is my self defense, although I know its a lie but its easier than showing and feeling the hurt. I stood as she kneeled, but at no time was I above her.