Brat, bratty, too bratty i couldnt care less....you dont like it....theres the door. I dont change because i want to. She plays because i enjoy her to play, her naughty sassy ways are free to do as she pleases, i am in no way going to hold back on her control.
A feeling of darkness in the eyes, dark blue with intensive "looks could kill" glares. Its not bratty nor submissive, it doesnt feel like domme.....but more another self who is angered and has kept dormant for so long, probably too long.....the last time i felt this was when living at home, i needed pain for the pleasure to feel better. I dont self harm if thats what crossed your mind. And now everytime i feel this whatever it is she takes over my night and ruins it....all day i have felt like this, dark demon not myself but why.
Its late evening the street lights are glowing in the darkness outside, clear skies and a bright moon gleam down into my garden giving shadows with my garden seating set, im just cleaning my kitchen up doing some dishes before bed, light gentle music plays on the radio and the kitchen spotlights i can feel the heat on the back of my neck.
Im in my own world until i wake by a hand that gently but firmly enough to keep in place takes ahold around my neck. It melts me with submissiveness and thats my biggest weakness as he uses it to his advantage most times. He makes me smile at the thought of what he can do to turn me to mush, hes keeping hold to not let go of me and is gently kissing my neck, hes figured which side is more sensitive. Slow hot breath kisses turn me on soo much and i can hear him smile as he does so intensely, his other hand is cupping my breast and playing with my nipples turning them errect. Hes sense challenging me again - will i turn and submit or stay and let him do as he pleases. I carry on with the dishes quite slowly now compared to how i started, and he pushes himself into me, hes wearing jeans.. my favourite as he tends to show more of himself. But what colour i thought, i couldnt look just yet for he would win again and i was determined to win this time. I can feel his member against my cheek and i so want to grab, cleaning took to a halt and i put my hand behind my back to reach down and grab, instantly he knew and grabbed my arm *uh uh* he whispers to me. He spanks my ass but grips it at the same time squeezing what he owns, *your mine* he whispers....he has got me so wound up i want to drop to my knees already, he lets go of my breast and traces down my tummy, squeezing my hips then traces my sex, *my filthy little slut your already wet for me* ohh i was, so wet im dribbling down my thighs infact. Playing with my clit hes twirling and makes me *mmmmmm sir* he doesnt play too much for he knows i have a very sensitive clit so he proceeds to insert 2 fingers *mmmm nice baby girl* i can hear him smile again. Im gripping the worktop edge with my other hand to gain some control of myself. *yessss sir* i cant stand properly knees are bobbly and loose, hes working his way to building up the orgasm, his long, thick, member is raging firmly against my cheeks. Then i feel it building up *mmmm* i say, he fucks me good so good im ready to burst *you want to cum you beg girl* *mmmm sir* its getting insense and my tummy is knotting tightly to explode my juices, *sir please can i cum now* hes smiling so darkly *beg again* *please please can i now sir* my moans are turning to loud screams of pleasure *pleeeasseee sirrr* i say begging him to *good girl you may* he works his way in and out faster and i explode, a huge puddled mess gushing down my thighs, his hand and the floor, *omg fuck* i scream its soo intensive my tummy cramps up straight away. He slows down and pulls out brings his hand to my mouth *taste yourself baby girl* slipping his fingers in my mouth making me eat every last drop of myself * you did good baby girl* and walks off to shower my time to look i thought and he was wearing mid blue tight jeans my favourite.
Im in that state of mind were im just happy to talk as i please and not bother about anything. Not worry about anything and not stress, no tears left to cry as its often told, another mentality of myself, im unlocking myself even more, picking it up and loving the moments, unavailable for a short while until i feel ready to partake and give my all.
Today is the day id woken up full of nerves but excited. Hoping everything would go to plan and that i wouldnt mess this up in my own geekish way. I checked my phone he left a message - he will be here in 1 hour. So i quickly shower and put on his favourite lingerie, the black garter crotchless underwear attached to thigh high stockings and a low cut black bra that kind of didnt match but seemed fitting. Straightened my red hair nice and sleek and put half in a ponytail, applied my make up and was sure to put definition on my eyes, peach eyeshadow...it was my fave to wear as it makes my eyes look natural, add a little pensil liner with black lashes, smudge on some blush and applied my tingle lip plump *perfect* i said to myself. I checked the time half an hour he would be here so i laid the box of toys on the bed, the spreader and rope and quickly tipped down stairs into my opposed position. Kneeling, head down and hands behind my back in my living room floor, the house was quiet so i charged into my inner senses listening. There wasnt a sound it was quiet except the only sound i could hear were cars driving past. They would make me nervous and twitch everytime i hear one stop. I remembered everything he asked of me and was sure i done a good job to be rewarded. Then i hear a car reversing into the drive and stop, a car door opens and slams shut....its him so i quickly compose myself. The door opens and i can see the light flooding my living room, i keep my head down so to not upset him, i hear him taking his shoes off and comes through quietly *good girl* he says *right were i want you* i smiled inside. He drops his work items down and sits on the arm chair staring at me trying to see if i will look up at him, i could feel his stare on me and i knew i shouldnt look for i lost during bath time the other night. Hes channeling me trying to have me pull a grin or raise an eyebrow, anything to have me loose. And then i hear him move *come here brat* brat i thought he doesnt usually use that name unless.....im in trouble. So i picked myself up with a little shake and walk across the living room into his personal bubble. Im stood above him he is sitting looking up at me with his hands tracing my inner thighs * you know what to do dont you brat* ohhh gosh i knew alright i was being punished but why i thought, so i did as i was told and bent over his knee *so brat do you know why you are deserving of this* im dull thinking scanning every moment i can think of to see if i forgot something and then it comes. *yes sir* i say nervously *so what did you do brat* i bit your finger as trying to put the ball gag in sir* i could feel myself burning up, my face was on fire. Hes rubbing my rear making sure to cause movement to each cheek and then WACK to the left cheek i didnt expect it and it made me gasp as i could feel a little sting. WACK to the right and then starts rubbing my rear i let out a little yelp of the shock and pain i felt in that cheek, moving a little when he slaps each cheek he puts his right arm over my back to hold me in place *keep still brat or you will have more* i did as i was told and before i knew he done it again WACK this time the intensity was harder and i could feel my rear burning from it so i gripped my mouth shut so not to say a word WACK WACK WACK WACK my rear was full on burning and stinging and i couldnt hold in my cries and moans any longer letting out a rather sharp *fuck* i could feel myself getting wound up ready to turn my pain into anger....though i held it down as long as i could trying to focus my energy else were. *back in position* he says so i get up and sit back in my kneeling position realising i couldnt rest my rear on my feet. He gets up and walks to me grabs my throat and pulls me to look him straight in the eyes *you ever bite me again brat next time i will tie you down and spank you* i looked straight into his blue eyes staring at his amazing colour complexity that surrounds his pupils as they dilate looking at me. *yes sir im sorry i wont do again* i say with those fuck me eyes he encounters so often than any other sight i have. He lets go of my throat *good girl* and walks of into the bathroom for a shower, as i sit there waiting and pondering around my thoughts he creeps back in *you may move and relax baby girl* at that moment i knew he was happy again...
Is it wrong to have something you lost so desperatly back again, that you would drop to your knees in an instant, to do anything to return to your normal happy self. Many sleepless nights lately thinking and wondering to rewind my answer....i want to admit i miss, want, need, i feel complete...but yet so lost, i dont want to sound desperate and needy, intense feelings of omg i am soo happy too omg i wanna break down and cry.
I think its time to revisit and pick up those pieces and fix them
I was gonna have a shower to wash the day away, but i didnt want to stand for 20 minutes having water drain on me so i decided on drowning my mind into a hot, steamy, pink bath. I say pink because it was of my red hair moving graciously as if there wasnt a care in the world. Im floating peacefully and its quiet soo quiet you can hear a pin drop. Normally i have some music playing, but tonight i just wasnt feeling the need to listen to notes of highs and lows, as i lay i close my eyes to intensify the peace.....my eyes are heavy with make up not yet smudged, Sooo quiet as i lay still and listen to every ounce of noise posing through the half open bathroom door. My breathing is shallow and gentle so the water waves utpo my ear lobes in rythmic sync.
Then i feel him, in my presence my personal bubble, how did he move so quiet.....my eyes still closed i can hear him breathe. I can feel him watching me, looking me up and down as i am relaxing, cooking like a lobster in a pot of boiling water. I hear him move...what is he doing, a hand in the bath twirling with the water and i can still feel his stare on me, hes waiting to see if i will look at him. But i keep my state and feel with my senses, i can feel trickles of currents moving along my waist, my tummy and breasts as he twirles the water with his fingers. Im starting to wonder what he is doing, the swooshing noice of the water is blocking my senses from listening to him, then i feel another hand in the water gliding my legs, pressing my knees together, Grabbing my thighs and i can feel him touching my lady a little with the tips of his fingers. My hands are clenching and my senses are tingling begging him to put his fingers inside me, he is still twirling the water to disrupt me as his other hand cups my lady, he starts playing with my clit, mmmm im moaning inside and trying to keep a straight face on the outside. He inserts his middle finger and starts a rythmic motion while still twirling the water with his other hand, my senses are screaming, i want to grab his hand and grind it while he fucks me, desperate to open my eyes and look at him, so i open to look at him and know that i have lost, he has won over me, he looks and stares with serious blue eyes and a slight grin knowing i have lost, he stops twirling the water and pulls his fingers out and walks out the room.....leaving me flustered and wanting more.
From a slighty wound up hyper brat last night to a calm ocean of waves this morning.....not sure if it was the over tiredness or my anxiety yesterday playing hell on me. Its taken its beating out of me for sure, i want to crawl back to bed and sleep the day away.....but needs must no rest for the wicked.
Im not one for writing sexual blogs myself though i do like to write about emotions and feelings of how i am on the day. Maybe i just need time to adjust myself properly to fine tune the words that pours out.
But i am thinking of changing my name and removing the brat definition indefinitely.....shes not one i want to have played with much. her darker self is getting to dark for my liking, back in the box you go with the key thrown.
Aside from my current ongoing blogs...
I feel my anxiety is taking knocks today, i feel im being laughed at, taken for a joke, people look at me as if i am a desperate piece of flesh waiting to be owned, not sure who to talk to, not sure who to trust......i certainly dont want to come across as needy but just once i would like to see things in a transparent view. Not just on here but in life aswel, looking around and seeing members from my past i want to erase and they stand there gawping, talking and spying waiting for something. On here one word could mean many. When something is said i laugh it off but hurt inside because i cannot tell the seriousness or laughing gestures they pose.....maybe i need couple days again, i feel a cry coming on
When its time to put brat away this is what comes out....quiet, shy, blue eyed read head girl
Before i joined this site i had a domme, She is a friend in the family. Around january time me and my partner had a weekend away down tenbi a complete drinking weekened away from kids and normal everyday life, great weekend drunk so much.......also ended up sitting on her lap most of the night (i didnt remember until she showed me pics) there were a lot of us out for that weekend, we all decided to meet up. Me and her kept in contact regularly and i could see she had a very dark mind but how dark i didnt know....i asked and she replied she was a domme.....a what i laughed....ive never heard of domme only (dom). She has the kind of attitude that could make me beg for anything if she got me right. She knew how to play my mind and punish me and make me want more from her.....she left into a committed relationship, fair enough but it hurt she said were still friends. Only now i have gotten over her.....and she messages me last night asking to be her sub again.....ive been opened to a world of options on here, ive met some amazingly awesome people.. had a fair few of messages trying to collar me instantly..i dont think i can go back to being her sub again.