Eyes of a red head

So as I posted....I experienced subspace, It was amazing, I want to feel it again and will do so....
Not any time soon though

Since I had that experience....almost instantly I felt different, I can't explain, but the way it seems is I wanna cry...but I'm not angry or upset ...but so calm and let everything go over my head
I ended up ending something, because I thought I could handle it/myself.....big girl dina ....not

Today I finally cracked.....I broke down into tears, I felt/feel lost, I didnt/don't know who I am, I feel alone, embarrassed, along with baby hormones,
And then it hit me...like hulk punching you in the face with his big green fists.

SUBDROP
It all felt/fitted within it, speaking to a few helped and I saw sense of what I am dealing with, I still don't know what to feel....but I do know that I do not feel my usual bratty self for sure.
It's so heavy on me right now I felt like quitting cage and hiding in my own circle never revealing myself

I wasn't given the right aftercare - though what I thought was aftercare was not....
I still feel a need for it, and not being able to talk how I am feeling is/was the hardest part...but I'm getting there slowly

Ass up, face down my hands cuffed away from reach above my head, my ankles cuffed to stop me kicking out (he would have a kicking too)

I'm grinning at this point

"You won't be smiling for long lady" he says to me

Ohh my I dare say anything right now

I hear a buckle noise and turn to look

He pushes my head back down so to turn away... "stay"

Again I hear the buckle noise.....his belt

He traces my thighs ...up one.....down the other....missing my sex deliberatly

Then runs it across and wack *ummphh*

Traces up my thigh again this time touching me, the tingles of wanting were instantanious. Then back down my other thigh

He does the same again wack "ughhh"

Already i am sweating and the sting makes me want to hide away. He's holding onto my hips now and kneeling on my feet to stop me lifting.   "whack"

Lifting my feet from him to kick about from the pain
(I'm more of a thud girl)

As doing so he slams into me the most roughest way possible and begins putting his belt around my throat pulls me up enough to keep me tight against him....I can feel my face getting warmer and start to feel as if I am not all there, he carries on fucking me like no tomorrow pounding as deep as he wants.
He's holding the belt tightly making sure to let no slip and keep me in place, smacking my ass until raw....

I'm am sure that I felt out of it, something I have never felt, the redness in my cheeks and the pleasure mixed with the pain of continuous ass beatings gave me an experience like no other.

What did I just feel
What was this emotion
Why did nothing matter.....that I would let him do anything within that moment of space like feeling
I was pretty heavy after my head was spinning, my eyes were rolling

He picks me up lays me into bed takes my cuffs off and cuddles up with me while putting a bottle of water on bedside.....I couldn't look around
I didn't want to look either
I just wanted to lay there....limp

FFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKK

Fuuuuuuuckkkkk

Fuuuuckkkk

Fuckkedyuckedy

"Today Is a good day"

(In the voice of queen victoria)

I am calm, I am happy, i am chill

Gather up my anger and throw her sweet ass to hells gates ready for when needed.

I dont take lightly to being provoked or prodded with the blame game, 

"One is not amused" 

(In the voice of queen elizabeth)

It took me a good hour or 2 to calm down last night

So mad that I threw up

Angry I wanted to break everything in my path (I throw old cups outside)

But anyways aside from that....

Let's get in control and conserved

I'll laugh behind my napkin and stare down your seriousness

After all

I am known for 

"If looks could kill"

I'd be a mass murderer by now and have gotten away with murder 

Happy. sassy. bratty Dina

Just look what you made me do 😚