1 week ago. Sep 13, 2021, 8:36 PM
I have a new name. I have a new avatar, the Yin Yang. From Wikipedia:
In Ancient Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (/jɪn/ and /jɑːŋ, jæŋ/; Chinese: 陰陽 yīnyáng pronounced [ín jǎŋ], lit. "dark-light", "negative-positive") is a concept of dualism, describing how obviously opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.
I am a switch as far as my kink goes. Sometimes I like to be on top, sometimes on the bottom. Taking control, surrendering it to another. Giving pain, receiving pain.
In the kink world, I am well, not quite an anomaly, but more of a minority. Most people would say they fall on one side of the slash when it comes to their preference. And there are times in my life when I have felt more one way than the other.
In my marriage I am the dominant, sexually, but not in any other way (though sub hubby has confessed he finds it hard to say no to me for anything 😋) but he will when he feels strongly enough and I try not to ever take advantage of his submissive side to manipulate him in other ways. Except maybe when it comes to shoes. And boots. But that’s another blog….
In past few years I reached a time in my sexuality where my submissive side reared her head and roared at me constantly and loudly enough to compel me to do something about it. So I came here to the Cage looking for some advice and possibly for someone to fill the void, as my husband could not. And only in an online capacity as I didn’t want to threaten my marriage.
What I found was….profound. Life-changing in some ways, at least internally. Scary. Exciting. Confusing. One of the most emotionally upheavalling times in my life. A roller coaster of emotions doesn’t begin to describe it. And that ride threw me off a couple of times. Arms flailing, end over end, landing heavily on my ass.
But, it’s true what they say: you can’t put the genie back into the bottle once it’s out. Or maybe it’s more like Hotel California - you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
In my head and in my heart I never really left my sub side, or My Sire. Most likely because I fell in love - with both. I fought against it thinking it would come between me and my husband.
But it didn’t. And it doesn’t. What does come between me and My Sire is my own handling of all the emotions roiling within me. The intensity of both sides expressing themselves. The intensity of the love I feel for Him when I’m knee-deep (pun intended) in my submission for him.
Balance. My Sire has stressed this before but I don’t think I took it to heart as much as I should have previously.
Going forward this is my mantra. My port in the emotional storm.
And so the new name. The new avatar. The new beginning. Dominant and submissive. Opposite and complimentary. Interconnected, balanced.