Online now

Feeding The Soul

3 weeks ago. Tue 02 Apr 2019 03:51:21 AM IDT

In an attempt to understand the famous BDSM test , at www.bdsmtest.org I took the test 3 times , answering the questions in 3 ways:

1- Yes for all http://bdsmtest.org/r/X3YmgyeW

All results were 100% or very close and vanilla was 41%

 

 

2- No for all http://bdsmtest.org/r/xQP5BzdS

All results were 0% and vanilla was 55%

 

3- Neutral / No opinion http://bdsmtest.org/r/UA7DZU87

From the first look the results are confusing , while I answered all questions with No opinion I expected something like 50% for all results , but the test actually gave high scores for some and lower for others , so how come ??

 

This is where I needed to sort , group , and connect the results to each other thus breaking it down to get to the real meaning of it , and that is what you can see in the next image .

So as you can see , the total points for top group and bottom group are still balanced , nearly 50% for each group as a result of giving no opinion to all questions .

My conclusion is that the test may be considered balanced enough to trust the results to an extent , if the questions were honestly answered , and that we should always look at the results as groups , not as single ones only , also I am suggesting to use the same table in the previous image as a good way to understand what the test is trying to tell us about ourselves 

Looking forward for your comments and your valued contributions about the test and what I mentioned in the post.

1 month ago. Mon 25 Mar 2019 03:31:54 AM IST

I think that If you are new to bdsm lifestyle , and have recently joined thecage or any similar community sites , then you must have a plan to follow and steps to take , or you may get lost a bit , or even more .

Try not to make that common mistake of getting overwhelmed by the contacts , messages , and responses from members of the community , it is not the time to start dynamics , relationships , or jump into the playground , but of course you should make useful friendships with like minded people .

Your plan is simple , it consists of 3 major parts :

1- Know yourself 

2- Know what you want 

3- Start the search

----------------------------------------------

now to this good read :

Finding Your Place In BDSM

Author: Raven Shadowborne © 1999


  One of the most difficult parts of BDSM is finding where you fit into it, if at all. You may know that BDSM is what you want, but you aren't sure where you fit in. You may be asking yourself "Am I dominant or submissive?" or "Am I a switch?". Trying to answer such questions is difficult to do.  The best way to figure out where you fit in, and which "role" would best fulfill you, is to soul search. Look deep into your heart, mind and past experiences. Note whether you are more comfortable in a position of control, or in a position where someone else has the control. Look at your past relationships and try to see if you always found yourself doing things just to please your partner, because doing so made you feel good? Or, were you the one always making requests of your partner, and expecting them to follow those requests? 

 

 

Talk with others who have experience in BDSM. Read books and websites about BDSM. Then compare those things with what you have discovered about yourself. Pay close attention to your emotions and instinctual response to the information. If reading an account of service, from a submissive, makes you feel that you want to do that, or would be happy doing that, notate it. Keep that in mind. If reading such an article and your inner response is to associate more readily with the dominant being served, notate that and keep it in mind as well. Be careful, gathering information in this way can be overwhelming and confusing. Give yourself time to digest and honestly consider the information. Do not rush yourself. 

 

 

Often, people who are new to the lifestyle and know only that it gets them hot, will look to others with more experience to tell them where they fit in. Also, they can look to others as a role model, and try to mold themselves to be like that person or they view others as a gauge of their own progress in the lifestyle. This is a dangerous thing to do. Everyone is different and has different likes, dislikes, and expectations of a BDSM relationship. Molding yourself into what someone else is can have disastrous results. It can create serious self doubt that is difficult to remedy. It can cause more confusion, and create a feeling of anger at oneself if you can't match that person. Being honest with yourself about what you truly think and feel is the only way to find your true place in any lifestyle that is as varied as BDSM. 

 

Finding where you fit in is a long process. It is intensely personal. The end result must be tailored to your specific personality, desires, and expectations in order for it to be the most satisfying and enjoyable. Someone else's idea of what is a dominant or a submissive, may not be right for you.  

 

As time goes on, and you learn more, you will find that you grow in ways you may not see at first. Your ideas of what is dominant or submissive will change as you learn more about yourself and the lifestyle in general. Your expectations for a relationship, and your likes or dislikes as far as physical interactions, will change as well. Finding your place in BDSM, is a journey that never ends. It is a journey of self discovery and broadening horizons. This journey requires an open mind, and self honesty. It is one that will have many ups and downs but is well worth the effort put forth.  

 

The best thing you can do is trust your instincts. Your instincts know what you want, even if your mind or heart do not. Rely on your instincts to tell you if you are doing the right thing for you, or if you are about to enter into a dangerous situation.  

 

Domination or submission are not gender based. Despite common misconceptions, every male does not have to be a dominant and every female is not a submissive. What makes one a dominant or submissive goes far beyond physical gender. It encompasses instincts, personality and possibly inborn traits. Do not assume that you are a dominant or a submissive because of your gender. If you try to be something you are not because you think you have to be that way due to your gender, you will be very unhappy. Basically, be yourself and don't try to be someone you are not

Source : http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/ravenfindyourplace.htm

1 month ago. Tue 19 Mar 2019 11:20:39 PM IST

Comments are very required , to add or correct 

 

This presentation is posted as public and reusable @ https://prezi.com/tcgwrymoqqeq/what-is-cgl/#  

4 months ago. Thu 29 Nov 2018 02:33:34 AM IST

In this post , I gatherd some thoughts about the topic , from different sources , so once again , those are not my words , but i find them fully true
so here we go :

The online Only Relationship 
Physical contact is not necessary, and D/s can be conducted anonymously over the telephone, email, or other messaging systems. In D/s, both parties take pleasure or erotic enjoyment from either dominating or being dominated.

Many Dominants and submissives now meet each other online through forums, communities and even through webcam services and never end up meeting face to face. There are situations where Dominants may have responsibilities for multiple subs they’ve discovered through the internet. Some may want a contract drawn up while others are just happy to be given orders without ever signing anything, digitally or in pen.

Online slave relationships can be incredibly rewarding and can still satisfy an intense desire to be owned or to control. Just because you are thousands of miles away physically, doesn’t mean that Master’s guidance can’t be just as fulfilling. It will necessitate keeping in regular contact through electronic means which luckily in today’s world is getting easier by the minute.

The online only Relationship world offers some special opportunities, as well as challenges.for managing the time difference, and kids, and all of the other fun logistical stuff that comes with distance, I’ve found that getting organized, working a schedule, and quick check-ins during the day (via text or email, usually), are vital.

The thing to remember is that all relationships have challenges, take effort, and require commitment. All relationships (even the bad ones). Online relationships just require these things in differing ways (and, yes, slightly higher amounts).

All BDSM dynamics are a work in progress
If you’re doing it right, your BDSM relationships will continue to change, grow and develop the whole time you’re together. You’ll have periods of an intense BDSM dynamic and periods where things are a little calmer. You’ll have times when you’re very invested in certain established roles and other times when you’re avidly exploring new ones. Don’t let your dynamic or your relationship start to stale.

Brand new dynamics often have the most fire to them. They can seem the most passionate, the most intense. But they’re usually pretty shallow when you really get down to it. I love casual sex - including casual kinky sex - but for a rich dynamic with a lot of depth, you can’t beat ongoing BDSM relationships.

6 months ago. Sun 14 Oct 2018 04:58:32 PM IDT

Disclaimer : Those are not my words , not my creation , I've read this post so many times and completely convinced with every word in it , except that I am not a sub , and these words are meant for subs to read , so I am posting it here , making it available for all subs on thecage , please read it , and let me know if you found it so fucking great , or not :)

 

You’ll Never Find the Perfect Dominant

Posted on August 18, 2015 by Sinclair Sexsmith

link to original post : https://www.sugarbutch.net/2015/08/perfect-dominant/

 

You’re right: You won’t ever find a dominant who is your most perfect match.

If you listen way down deep, there’s a voice telling you that. You have very particular needs, desires, cravings, and your submission is demanding, sometimes feeling endless. You want and want and want, and who can fill that up with anything that leaves a mark?

You won’t ever find someone as good as your ex. You won’t ever find someone as good as the person who introduced you to submission, who whispered those most perfect dirty things in your ear and told you to get on your knees.

You will come on too strong to the next sexiest person you’ve ever seen and they will whisper to their friends about how much you “aren’t a real submissive” or are “topping from the bottom.” You are too much. Too big. Too thick. Too mouthy. Too bratty. You will never get your needs met.

You will never find someone who matches your particular specialties in submission, your unique perspectives on service and masochism and giving over your body and will and all the dirt under your fingernails. Your dirty hands are too dirty. Your dirty mind is too dirty.

Your next dominant just wants to sit on the couch and have you pour more wine, and where does that leave you? You have to wait, to beg, to crave touch, to sit still with skin hunger that may feel like it will devour you, to be disappointed.

You won’t find the perfect dominant for you.

Unless you Do The Work.

Look at the parts of yourself that are yours and only yours. Excavate some of those unknown places until you can see around them and know why they’re there. Acknowledge what it is that you want and what it is you just won’t settle for, and you will have a much better chance to find (and be) the right partner.

Until you know what you want, you may not find it. Until you look deep at your part in your patterns, you will probably keep repeating them. Until you fill your own holes, you may continue to have a bottomless pit of desire and need that you think can only be filled by another person. Define your own cosmology of icons and worship and desire. Define your own dictionary of touch and connection and intimacy. Write the perfect love letter to the universe detailing all of the amazing things you secretly wish hope dream for in a lover and mail it off on the wind to fall and float down a waterfall. You can do it. You have wells of untapped strength.

Submissives are the strongest people I know.

Your demands are reasonable. Your desires are reasonable. Your wants are reasonable. Your unique particular weirdo gender is reasonable, and beautiful. Your too-much-ness is exactly the reason why you will be wanted, why you will be craved when you are not around, why someone who doesn’t even know you is craving you right now.

There is nothing wrong with you, or with the kind of submission that you most secretly, way down in your bones, seek.

I do actually believe that. But you have to believe it, too.

And then you have to go after it, with such vigilance that you won’t accept no for an answer, and your own no is an eager blade to get anything not serving your journey out of the way. Take up arms. Take up protest. Take up your favorite friends as armor, as council, as confidants. Take up your rightful space in the room. Take more dessert than you were served. Take the most amazing gift of yourself to the person who really could use it, right now, today.

Take the next step.

6 months ago. Wed 03 Oct 2018 02:36:07 AM IDT

A high sex drive does not always mean that someone has hypersexual disorder. **

The professional community disagrees on where to draw the line between normal and abnormal sexual behavior.

To be diagnosed as someone with a hypersexual disorder, the person must have repeatedly experienced three or more of these criteria over a period of six months or longer:

  1. Not being able to complete goals, activities, or other obligations due to sexual fantasies or a preoccupation with sex.
  2. Using sexual fantasies as a way to escape from a boredom, anxiety, or depression.
  3. Using sexual fantasies to deal with stress.
  4. Having a hard time controlling sexual urges or behaviors.
  5. Harming others or putting others at risk of harm (physical or emotional) while responding to sexual urges.

If you live with a nymphomaniac, start by reassuring your partner that you are sexually attracted to them and that you love all their affection. Then set boundaries by explaining that your sex drive is not as high as theirs, so you can’t keep having sex multiple times a day. Encourage your partner to find non-sexual outlets , Build emotional intimacy, Consider other ways of meeting your partner’s needs, If you are comfortable with masturbation, consider giving your partner the green light for regular masturbation to help make up for the times you are not in the mood for sex.

** Quoted from wikihow site .

6 months ago. Wed 26 Sep 2018 05:38:46 PM IDT

You are not a dom or sub , you are vanilla with a kink , and you want to be a dom or a sub. 
That's fine , you have the right to explore and try to learn.

Well , still, there are steps , you gotta read , befriend with people from the lifestyle , spend some time watching , observing , asking , learning .

You could probably be here for some online playing .

That is fine too , as long as you are finding others sharing you the same interest .

But the question is :

what are you putting in your profile ? what are you telling others about yourself in chats ?

You have said everything , except the truth ?  think again , be honest .

Don't be a liar , time wasting , manipulative , dishonest person .

Don't start your journey to your definite failure , and you are going to leave a lot of mess behind .
Hurting those who already got it genuinely , the real doms and subs , who might you manage to deceive and waste their valuable time and feelings .

Edited : to look less angry , as someone suggested :)

7 months ago. Wed 12 Sep 2018 09:26:13 PM IDT

7 months ago. Tue 11 Sep 2018 04:12:54 PM IDT

This is Erotcia : special version , extended lyrics , perfectly remixed , feed back is appreciated

 

My name is Dita
I'll be your mistress tonight
I'll be your loved one darling
Turn off the light
I'll be your sorceress, your heart's magician
I'm not a witch, I'm a love technician

I'll be a guiding light in your darkest hour
I'm gonna change your life, I'm like a poison flower

Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to

(Behind)

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
All over me, all over me, all over me, all over me

If I take you from behind
Push myself into your mind
When you least expect it
Will you try to reject it?
If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child
Will you let yourself go wild?
Let my mouth go where it wants to

Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to

I'd like to put you in a trance, all over
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic

We could use the cage
I've got a lot of rope
I'm not full of rage
I'm full of hope
This is not a crime, and you're not on trial
Bend over baby, I'm gonna make you smile

Light the candles until they're nice and soft
And when they start to drip, I'm gonna get you off

Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
All over me, all over me, all over me, all over me

Once you put your hand in the flame
You can never be the same
There's a certain satisfaction
In a little bit of pain
I can see you understand
I can tell that you're the same
If you're afraid, well rise above
I only hurt the ones I love

Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to

I'd like to put you in a trance, all over
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic

Erotica, romance
I'd like to put you in a trance
Erotica, romance
Put your hands all over my body

I don't think you know what pain is
I don't think you've gone that way
I could bring you so much pleasure
I'll come to you when you say
I know you want me
I'm not gonna hurt you
I'm not gonna hurt you, just close your eyes

Erotic, erotic, erotic, erotic (just close your eyes)
Erotic, erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body

Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic, put your hands all over my body
Erotic, erotic (erotica), put your hands all over my body
All over me

All over me, all over me
Erotica (give it up, give it up), romance,
I'd like to put you in a trance
Erotica (give it up, give it up), romance
I'd like to do a different kind of [dance]
Erotica (give it up, give it up), romance
I'd like to put you in a trance
Erotica, romance
Put your hands all over my body

Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better
Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away

Erotic (ca)