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Kitten's Ramblings

Stories, songs, and feelings
1 week ago. Sat 30 Nov 2019 06:24:58 PM IST

Today I am thankful for me. Every part of me. My sub, my Little, my masochist, my slave, my stubbornness and my independence.

I have learned in the last 19 months more about myself than I have in a long time. Because of this understanding and acceptance, I have grown more and become better. I have allowed myself to become more open to ideas and enjoy this.

My complaint today is that one of my candle molds isn't working correctly, no matter how many times I work on it.

1 week ago. Sat 30 Nov 2019 07:09:09 AM IST

Today I am thankful for love, in every form. 

If there's one thing I've learned in my 39 years, it's that you can't grow or learn without love. You need love so that you try to be better. You need it to realize your potential.

Without it, you don't try. You don't feel. You don't grow.

Not everyone will be your soulmate or one and only, but everyone will impact you. If you love them and/or they love, it will impact what you do.

My complaint is not always seeing that love. I've met people that I didn't realize at the time cared for me. Whether because I didn't pay attention or I didn't realize they could care, I didn't get it. I try to notice better now, but sometimes it is something I still work on.

1 week ago. Thu 28 Nov 2019 01:55:27 PM IST

Today I am thankful for this site and everyone here (yes even the fake Doms and subs). I have learned so much here by reading other's thoughts in blogs or forums, talking over messages and realizing that my wants and needs are normal and fun 😊 Plus without this site I wouldn't have my Daddy Dragon 😁😘

My complaint is alarms that go off when you aren't working. I swear I turned the bugger off, but noooo. It still goes off at 5am. So now I am over half awake when I could be sleeping in *pouty face*

 

1 week ago. Thu 28 Nov 2019 06:34:56 AM IST

Today I am thankful for my toys. Besides the obvious joy from them, I've also learned from playing with them. I've learned what I like and dislike. I've also learned a little on my limits, though some I have yet to reach. 

My complaint is my over anxiousness. I get very excited to try new things and learn news things, which I sometimes think comes out wrong. I think I need to rein it in, but at same time doing so doesn't sound right. 

1 week ago. Wed 27 Nov 2019 07:14:37 AM IST

Today I am thankful for grumpy people. They make me appreciate things more, because I realize I don't want to be like them. I dislike when people call up my work and yell, thinking that by yelling I will fix everything or that it will make me intimidated. I have a 13 year old son who, at age 7, ran away from home/babysitter after throwing a book at her head. You yelling at me is not intimidating. But because you yell, it makes me realize I don't want to be you. So I am much calmer when I am upset at customer service person. Then, if I yell, I apologize bc I know the person on the phone cannot do anything and is not responsible for the issue directly.

However, my complaint is same grumpy people. While they don't intimidate me, they tend to piss me off and make my day seem to go downhill. I shouldn't let this happen. It is me that lets them bug me, so it is me that needs to stop tthat.Just some times are harder than others.

2 weeks ago. Mon 25 Nov 2019 06:39:19 PM IST

Today I am thankful for my backyard. I haven't had one in years, as the apartments I lived in didn't have much of any yard. But now there is a front AND back, with a small porch on back (though desperately needs redone. Can you say splinters?! 😢) 

The backyard allows for peaceful time away from everyone when everyone home and lets me feel grass under toes, wind at face and just very relaxing spot.

Complaint/owning responsibility is cold. I live in MO which gets cold in winter, which in turn makes being outside difficult. Now, I could be outside for a bit if I bundled up more, grabbed a chair to sit on and basically fixed a warm corner on my porch for me... now thinking on that I may see what is needed for that. May change complaint into a thankful later on 😊

2 weeks ago. Sun 24 Nov 2019 03:28:35 PM IST

Today I am thankful for my phone. Not only is it used to call and text people, but it has my reminders, alarms, games, books, etc on it. I can jump (autocorrect tried to put hump lol) from game to game, then start reading a new book. It is a wonderfully helpful tool.

Today I am taking responsibility for waking up at 11pm (not my fault) and instead of trying to go back to sleep playing on my phone for over 3 hours (completely my fault). I have a bad tendency of randomly waking up in middle of the night (so if you see me online after 10pm CST that is why). Usually I fall back asleep fairly easily. Not last night. After talking to my sister for 90 minutes (I called her, as she is night owl), I then decided to say Rosary (have not done in while and thought "Need to start and am awake."), browse Facebook, update my profile picture, email Daddy Dragon app pictures I had done, look at said app and similar ones to see if anything to color, text my sister I'm not tired, do another picture from app... you get the idea. By 3am I put phone down but took at least 30 more minutes to fall asleep. And of course there is church service I have to get ready for in an hour. As much as I love my phone, I dislike my... energetic response to it at 1am.

2 weeks ago. Sun 24 Nov 2019 03:06:16 AM IST

I've decided for the rest of the month to combine the two. Thought it would be easier that way 😁

First, I am thankful for stuffies. Even before I realized I'm a little, I've always had stuffies. Now my big bear is there for Daddy Dragon. She's always on my bed, positioned so I'm laying between her legs with head on her chest. I hold her for aftercare also, hearing Daddy Dragon's voice while laying there. Stuffies have always been my go to when upset as well, holding them as comfort. And I think will continue to be so.

Second, I dislike consequences of not following directions. Not given by a Dom necessarily, but in general. Example: I tried to make something new today and it didn't turn out very well. Main reason is because I didn't follow the steps exactly. So instead of a good finished product, I have an eh finished product. It is usable, but not very good. I learned my lesson and fully take responsibility for not following the steps exactly, but dislike the consequence.

2 weeks ago. Sat 23 Nov 2019 01:03:06 AM IST

I want to thank a commenter on my other blog for this idea. Truthfully, never thought of doing a complaint post bc so often we are told to be thankful. But sometimes we need to just get our complaints off as well. So to play catch up, here are complaints for Days 1-22 (I don't remember what I wrote each day or what may have annoyed, so just going to do random ones. Also, most are already fixed 😊)

Day 1: my daughter. I love her dearly, but sometimes she is a bit much. She's a teenager and tries to push boundaries which can drive me up the wall.

Day 2: my older son. He has no hobbies or anything that interested him outside of video games. Which is very annoying at times.

Day 3: my youngest son. He gets into everything and can drive me bonkers. 

(Another, better comment from same commenter on same blog to take ownership. So I'm going to change up the next ones. I won't change first 3 bc if I had started this from the beginning I couldn't change them).

Day 4: my understanding of my daughter. She is a strong, wonderful person, but identifies as either nonbinary or gender fluid (changes at times). Because of this, I sometimes find it hard to help her. I love her and support her, but I don't always understand and that is very difficult.

Day 5: my husband. We have a strong and fragile relationship. Somethings I am very secure about, while others he drives me crazy with his questions and doubts. And no, it is not necessarily about lifestyle. 

Day 6: my beliefs. I get confused as to what I believe at times. Some things I know are true and am completely 100% on board. Then something makes me curious and I wonder about that as well.

Say 7: my family. I worry what would happen if they knew about my lifestyle. I know some would likely not speak to me anymore. And at least one aunt would give me more than an earful. But this is me and I'm not looking back.

Day 8: my little side. She can be very mischievous, but at the same time no where what she wants to be. I need to trust her more and let her go some days.

Day 9: my sub side. Same issue as little. Kind of. She has more free reign though. And have learned to let her just enjoy what she likes.

Day 10: my emotions. I'm very bad at letting emotions control me sometimes. Not always, but when they do it isn't a good thing. I tend to get mad or sad over nothing. 

Day 11: this blog. Trying to write complaints or own up to things isn't as easy as just writing what is bugging you. Have to actually figure out why. Which is a pain in the ass.

Day 12: sweets. The buggers call to  me sometimes but I am doing very good not having them. But it is hard when you are having an bad day and you want ice cream or chocolate and you aren't supposed to have that.

Day 13: coloring books. I can be a bit of a pain when it comes to my coloring books. I love pretty ones, but don't always like how long it takes to color the background stuff. 

Day 14: my mom. This one is going to be petty and that of a child, but I don't like that she left when I was so young. Why did she have to die? Why not someone older and not needed by their children? 

Day 15: God. He pissed me off when my mom died, and still does to this day. I know everything happens for a reason and logically I understand. But for this blog, fuck logic. It was wrong.

Day 16: stubbornness. I'm a very stubborn person. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not so much. Right now I want nothing more than to delete this whole blog and pretend I didn't start it. But my stubbornness of needing to finish won't let me. *grumbling about taking up challenges that aren't challenges*

Day 17: masks. Everyone has them. Sometimes you are the mom. Sometimes the wife. Sometimes the slave. What is important is that you own them all. There are days I dislike all the different masks and just want to be me. 

Day 18: responsibility. I hate being responsible sometimes. There are days I wish to just sit outside in the grass, barefoot with a good book. However that can't be done yet.

Day 19: patience. I am not always a patient person. There are times I can't wait and must have it right now. Or show off right now. It is something I need to work harder on. Though at the same time, I'm sitting here saying why? Why do I have to wait to give someone something? Or wait to get something? If it makes someone happy, why can't I do it? (Gotta love a Little's logic).

Day 20: work. While most of the time I am ok with work, sometimes I don't want to. Those days it is harder to make myself do what needs to be done. Especially the smile for every call.

Day 21: black holes/evil gnomes. I have one or the other somewhere in my house. You may be laughing, but it is the truth. Multiple things of mine (important things) have gone missing. I know somehow it is my fault, though not sure since I didn't move them. But I am regetting the items.

Day 22: dinners. Not the meal, but having people over for dinner. The hassle, trying to make everything perfect and trying to control things that can't be controlled. For this reason, dinners shouldn't be a thing. Not worth the hassle.

2 weeks ago. Fri 22 Nov 2019 05:34:56 PM IST

Today I am thankful for music. 

Ever since I was little, music has calmed me. Whether church songs (LOVE Amazing Grace), Meatloaf, Pink, Backstreet Boys, Linkin Park, etc hearing the melody vibrate to my soul eased stress, frustration, anger, etc. I used to drive around, upset and singing at the top of my lungs to B*TCH by Meredith Brooks.

So today I raise my glass to the musicians who have and still get me through the craziness of this ride called life.

Here are just a few of those songs/artisis:

(Ok last one just heard today but SEETHER!)