3 weeks ago. Tue 24 Jul 2018 06:22:26 AM IDT
So now we have a dominant man and a submissive woman (substitute any genders here) in a D/s relationship and anyone new could be thinking “okay what do I do now.” Just like when you start a new job, you are baffled and confused as to what your role should be. You don’t know how to do it and can’t figure out “the ropes” (pun intended.) So first and foremost, you have to have a dominant with a vision, a goal, and an understanding of what it is he wants. That vision must include the basic foundation of what is best for my submissive. What will strengthen our bond? What will improve her self-esteem? What will make her a better person? How can I help her become the woman I know she is capable of? What are the first steps to achieve this?
Hopefully, these answers come easily, even if they make you think hard. Why? Because if you can’t answer these questions easily, you may need to back up and start slower, start getting those answers before you consider being in a Dominant/submissive relationship. Take the time to know and understand each other first. It may seem like you’re being a turtle not getting to the finish line, but in reality, you’re honing your relationship to make it an easy transition. Think of it as a vacation airplane ride, sometimes you have to take a jumper plane first, then the jet to get there faster.
Now just because as the Dominant, you have a lot of responsibilities, your submissive also has a bushel full. Submissives, your first job is weeding out the abusers, the wanna get-laid make-pretend doms, the ones who just aren’t compatible with you and the downright idiots whom you can’t possibly follow. Then you have to decide exactly what your hard limits are, your soft limits are and where you’d be comfortable starting. After that you need to do these things, Participate, Practice, Proactive, and Pay attention. Of the utmost importance is pay attention. I can’t stress that enough. PAY ATTENTION! If you are a good submissive, you will start out obeying orders. If you are a better one, you’ll do those orders without being told. A stellar submissive is one that anticipates her Doms wishes because she has paid attention. Practice paying attention, participate in his life know his likes and dislikes, be proactive in meeting his needs.
Both of you need to know that a BDSM relationship may not be the same as a D/s relationship. A BDSM relationship could be as simple as being a top or a bottom at a play party. A D/s relationship is always much more than that. I am not saying one is better or worse than the other. One is definitely harder than the other though. It takes an abundance of work for both parties to have a successful D/s relationship, where the top/bottom may be more fun and enjoyable. Think of it as instant gratification vs long term joy, (at least for me.) You may not want the work a D/s relationship takes, or can’t do that for a million different reasons, that’s all fine. I have a deep desire to please and serve in the best way possible so being a bottom isn’t necessarily the answer for me.
One of the absolute most important things a Dom/sub must do for each other is to protect each other, at all costs. A D/s relationship is very fragile, think thin fine crystal. A few hard blows to that protection, and it’s irreplaceable. It is this protection and trust that bond you together. It keeps you grounded and able to weather a storm. Make sure that the communication, we talk about so much, is open and honest. It’s also one of the hardest things about D/s. it sounds easy but it’s far from it. It does work very effectively to glue you to your partner.
When Daddy and I began, it was a slow process, he taught me (and continues to teach me,) patience and that he has my best interest at heart. (Submissives, as a whole, are not known for their patience.) I taught him what true intimacy looked like, and what a deep rooted submissive resembles. I taught him that we are not always going to be perfect, that we make mistakes, that we are sensitive creatures with deep feelings. He’s the most kind, loving man I know and he continues to surprise me with his patience and love. We continue to grow and evolve into what makes him happy, which in turn makes me happy. I believe that we will continue this process of growth for many, many years to come. Our symbiotic relationship is one of much pleasure and joy, but as I have said many times, it takes work. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.
Thank you, Daddy, for showing me that I am yours and I have value in your life. I am your babygirl.
I love you, bigger than the whole wide world,