3 Is Right

Thoughts on D/s and our journey.
4 days ago. Sat 16 Jun 2018 11:28:41 PM IDT

Trust...Hard to achieve and easy to break. It's difficult and easy. It's a matter of telling the truth, looking out for your Significant Other, and keeping your word. Those three things are directly related to how much someone trusts or doesn't trust you. It may take some time to build up that trust. May take longer than you would like. You may have to "prove" yourself over and over. Great advice stays the course! Just keep doing those three things and don't deviate. Never deviate, but in reality, you may never develop blind trust you desire with a person. You still shouldn't deviate your course. It will be a testament to your character. You can't ever truly control anyone but your own actions.

Sounds so very simple. Oh, it's not. Fear of what they will think of you if you do something you don't believe they will like, hard to anticipate their reaction- do something that they won't approve of and poof trust is gone. Hard to give someone that amount of trust, as well. Personally, I come from a long line of people you can't trust-a father, a husband and multiple partners along the way. So for me to trust Daddy is a very  big deal. He is very trustworthy with me. He tells me what he is going to do and if I happen to not to agree, we discuss. Of course, he has the final say and sometimes doesn't heed my advice, but I do remind him (just like a 12-year-old) "I told you that was a bad idea!"

Sometimes, trust is knicked by being too emotional when you don't like something. An example of this is if Daddy tells me something I don't like. If I flip out and get emotional and angry, it says to him he can't trust my reactions. I am working very hard on keeping things less emotional when I don't like something. This brings me back to open communications. When I am scared or upset, I now communicate with Daddy more. I ask questions more calmly, I don't get angry, or frightened. I also let him know I am afraid of _________. This allows him to put more trust in me and also me in him. I can say to him, it's okay Daddy, I understand now and he is more willing to simply tell me and ask me if I have any questions.

Building trust is so difficult and all past relationships influence how long it takes us to build trust. Kayla Lords and John Brownstone from "Loving BDSM Podcasts" call them Bad Tapes. Those bad experiences color our new relationships and new experiences. We are scared, and it takes a lot of time, consistency and truths to build that blind trust needed so badly for solid relationships. It's something you decide to work on together. You learn together. You have to see-saw back and forth until you know if the relationship can be trusted. At one point you have decisions to make.

You have to decide if this relationship is worthy of your blind trust. Some of them simply are not.  Some people are simply not worthy of your trusting them. They can't be trusted. As a submissive, it is very hard to not need that level of trust. I can't imagine not being able to trust my Daddy. I have had dominants that I shouldn't have trusted but had. I know that it's a requirement for me to be able to trust- and not just trust- trust blindly. To not even think that he would ever do anything to hurt me or to destroy the trust I have in him. Blind trust in BDSM is, in my opinion, a necessary part of the relationship. The dominants and the submissives lives can be at stake and the emotional piece can scar someone for life.

If I can say one piece of advice, it would be to choose well, be careful, watch out for red flags, but if all is well, begin to trust slowly and keep those lines of communication as open as you possibly can. Ask as many questions as you need to ask. Tell your dominant why you are asking them. Be calm, be secure and maybe, you'll see that he is worthy of your blind trust.

Thank you, Daddy, for never getting angry at me for asking questions. For putting up with my "bad tapes", for allowing me to have melt downs and helping me through them. We grow stronger every day due to your patience, my determination to learn to trust, your determination to help me be calmer and more secure.

I love you, always and forever,

Sugar

 

5 days ago. Sat 16 Jun 2018 08:31:55 AM IDT

This is yet another entry about the bond that Is necessary in a D/s relationship. There are no other words to describe it except a bond. Like epoxy glue, or cement, you can’t pull apart that bond without damaging the original item. You can no more pull us apart then you can come rip a rock in half. It’s not to say you can’t damage a rock, but it would take some work.

This bond has grown. Grown from a tiny seedling into a giant oak tree. It grew from honesty, trust, communication, kindness, compassion, desire, attraction, empathy, meeting each other’s needs, and so many things. Our bond is like a brilliant diamond sparkling in the love we have formed. Unselfish love, slowly being formed into what we have today. It took time and lots of it. It took a grand heap of patience. It took falling very, very slowly in love.

I know that our bond is breakable. Everything is breakable. But it’s not advantageous to either of us to break it. It would leave us both changed for the worse. It would leave rough edges where synchronicity once was so evident. It would leave us hardened and distrusting. If I hurt Daddy, I would hurt myself, if Daddy hurt me, he would hurt more. Not many can truly understand our bond. And many have tried to come between us. It’s actually funny. Women tell him all kinds of things. How they can be better for him. How they can please him more. How they are different in a better way for him. It’s all rather funny and silly. They don’t imagine he tells me anything. He tells me everything. He shows me what I mean to him. He conveys how he feels about those women to me. What he likes, dislikes, what attracts him, what repels him.

Take your time to understand us. Then see how you feel about us. Don’t jump head first thinking you are inseparable to us. You may be in time. But it takes a long time to get to where we are today. Years. And lots of trust, a fountain of honesty and the ability to communicate what you desire and need. Over communication, keeping those flood gates open. Make sure we are all on the same page. And for everyone’s sake keep the drama negligible. Dear Lord, keep that for yourself and those who feed off of it. We despise it and it’s like insect repellent to us.

I love you Daddy, and I know that I am yours and you are mine. Till death do us part. My last breath will be “Goodbye, Daddy. Or Hello, Daddy in heaven. ”

My heart and soul are yours. And yours are mine.

Love you,

Sugar

 

6 days ago. Fri 15 Jun 2018 05:31:15 AM IDT

The phrase is used a lot. Doms love throwing it around. Subs think they never do it. What the hell is it? I’ve looked for a definition I agree with and most are simply about a “scene” in which a sub tells a Dom exactly how they want things done to them.

Now that definition works fine if the D/s relationship is simply a top/bottom bedroom one, but for my relationship with Daddy doesn’t work at all. Why? Because the sexual part of our relationship is probably the least important part. So if I ask for something, it’s just that a request, not a command. So if I appear to top from the bottom, it distresses me to think of that, as something I’ve done terribly wrong. In my own personal definition, topping from the bottom isn’t guiding. It’s demanding and/or leading for the purpose of personal gain.

So officially, I am saying this as my definition: Topping from the bottom is the coercing of a Dominant to do something specifically for or to the submissive, in order for the submissive’s gain of power and/or advancement in the dominant's life.

Meaning if it only improves the quality of life of the submissive and doesn’t improve the dominant’s life, it is topping from the bottom. If however, the submissive is guiding the Dominant’s behavior to improve his own life, she is doing the job of the submissive to care for and help her Dominant in any way she can. She is only trying to guide the Dominant, so as to not allow the dominant to fail at taking his own mental, physical and emotional needs into account.

This may be up for debate on what his needs actually are, but that is to be negotiated as to what they are and how she can best provide that without upsetting the exchange of power.

Kayla Lord in her Loving BDSM podcast, “Adding a Tough Love Clause to a Ds Relationship”, describes it as when the sub has to respectfully communicate with the dominant to what she believes he needs to do to care for his needs. (Key word being respectful) He may not be in the frame of mind to heed such a message or not realize he needed one, but it is important to have such a clause. Sometimes we just can’t see the forest for the trees. Even the biggest, worst, most fierce Dom, needs a warrior submissive to help him at times. Hence, the tough love clause is perfect. This Falls perfectly in line with my own personal definition of it’s not topping from the bottom if it is in the best interest of the dominant.

So Daddy whenever I appear to be Topping from the Bottom, please ask yourself, Is this an act that will only benefit my own wants or needs, or is it something I have done with your best interest at heart with a tough love clause in my hand? Smile. We all don’t like being the “bossy” sub, but we need to take care of the Dominant who needs to be cared for properly.

My heart is yours, sir. It is my job to make sure you’re properly cared for by everyone, even yourself.

Love you, always and forever,

Sugar

1 week ago. Wed 13 Jun 2018 06:39:24 AM IDT

When you think you may be a submissive, think hard about whether you’re truly ready to embark on this journey. It is filled with a lot of courage, obedience, patience and proper expectations to make this work for both of you.

First of all, it takes a lot of courage. You have to have a tremendous amount of courage to give up your fears to your dominant. You are trusting him to know what is best for you. Unfortunately, all Dominants are somehow flawed. No one is perfect, not even my Daddy. As much as I’d love to think he is the perfect man, there really is no such thing. That being said, he needs not be perfect, but he is perfect for me. I have had to learn that he won’t let me truly fall. That my fears are very silly and that I am going to be protected from anything that may come along. He won’t allow me to fall and be hurt. He allows me to have trust in his guidance, and to know I am safe. He also allows me to give up my fears to him. That takes courage on my part. I have to believe and trust he will keep my best interests at heart. That he will help me with any shortcomings I may have and give me motivation to grow and also keep his best interest in my heart.

You also need obedience. You need to give up your own self will and be able to truly obey. That sounds easy when you are thinking of things like doing some tasks your Dominant asks of you, it’s not so easily accomplished when your Dominant asks you to do something you either find distasteful or something you can’t imagine yourself doing. It’s also not easy when you just don’t feel like doing it. Could be explaining why I’m angry or being told to lose weight or being told I need to look a certain way to please him. It could be to stop complaining, or to give him space. All things that I may not want to do. Yet, my blind obedience is proof that I trust him that whatever he is asking is best for us.

A submissive must also have a huge amount of patience. It is a huge undertaking to have a Dominant decide to take you on as his submissive. We subbie types are quite a handful. We are needy, impatient, we want all of them and we want it now! We want to be the center of his universe and we want it when we want it. We don’t mean to be this way, we just are. That combined with new submissive frenzy is a recipe for pushing away any perspective Dominant. It takes time and patience to get to know each other. There is no difference between vanilla dating or D/s relationships. It takes time and patience. We can’t jump into 100 feet of water before we learn to swim. Slow down, learn about each other’s wants, needs and expectations. This will assure that  you will build a D/s relationship on a solid foundation.

Know what your expectations are for this relationship. What is it you expect from your Dominant, what does he expect from you as his submissive? Do you expect him to just be a sexual type Top or do you want him to be your leader, giving you guidance and be there for you whenever and wherever you are? If you are a bedroom only submissive this maybe easier to find, as it’s much easier to accomplish? It doesn’t take the huge amount of time and patience by all parties. It takes trust and takes a lot of communication, but those are basics to any relationship.

In conclusion, you need to COPE. Courage, Obedience, Patience, Expectations.  Along with a huge amount of communication and need I say, love. It’s these things that drive my own submission, I truly am blessed and honored to be able to have a loving and trust-worthy leader.

I love you, Daddy. I think I am the luckiest baby girl on earth. My heart and devotion are yours.

Big hugs and kisses,

Sugar

1 week ago. Tue 12 Jun 2018 08:42:59 PM IDT

I’m not a huge proponent of mushy words. Yes, I like the occasional compliment like anyone else. Yes, I enjoy the sweet sound of a sincere “I love you, Sugar!” I simply don’t always trust words alone. It’s something I’ve written about and I’ve always said words and actions have to match.

Yesterday, I met Daddy for lunch. We sat and laughed and talked and just enjoyed the hour or so we got to spend together. I hadn’t seen him in awhile and he made a special effort to see me. I truly couldn’t ask for anything better. We left he gave me a huge kiss and a big daddy hug. We went our separate ways. I ran off to work and I realized I forgot to ask daddy about my hair. I’m in the zone to contemplate a new haircut. You know should I let it grow longer, cut it differently, keep it trimmed up? I simply don’t know. So being the good submissive I try so hard to be, I asked him.

“Daddy, I was thinking of letting my hair grow longer but it’s not looking good like I thought longer. What do you think?”

“I’d like you bald.” Laughter “Daddy I want you proud of me” “I am proud of you.” “But daddy I want to look as good as I possibly can. ” “Wonderful, baby” “Thank you daddy.” “You are beautiful to me.” Suddenly, at that moment my eyes started leaking. Not sobbing, not hysterical crying, just my tears dripping down my face. I could tell he was being sincere and it came from down in his heart and suddenly it spoke to my heart. I’m sure he didn’t realize how that would touch me. But it didn’t stop there. “You made me cry daddy.” “You’re beautiful inside and out.” I don’t do well with compliments, so I just said something totally stupid. “I don’t know how else to be.” He laughed. He knew that wasn’t some pompous remark, he knew it was a horribly lame effort to explain how I am inside. I continued to try to explain how I can’t be anything other than who I am. And how I wanted to look better but that would take some “work” meaning plastic surgery and I laughed. I’m sure he shook his head and laughed as well.

The most important thing to know is from 10 miles away, from keyboard to keyboard, when we least expected it, we had a very intimate moment. I knew that even as I aged and he aged, no matter how many hot things shake their tails at him, no matter how many looks he gave said hot tails, he would always see my beauty and I would always see his. We were intertwined and we were connected for life.

It was a moment I won’t forget how I felt. How out of no where I was instantly in happy tears and feeling like I was the most special woman in the world. I couldn’t have asked for a better moment in time.

I simply adore you, Daddy! Thank you for being my Daddy and for seeing beauty in me I often miss. And thank you for being that person who’s words and actions match to make me the happiest woman on earth.

My love and devotion are yours, always and forever,

Sugar

1 week ago. Tue 12 Jun 2018 07:51:23 PM IDT

I’m not a huge proponent of mushy words. Yes, I like the occasional compliment like anyone else. Yes, I enjoy the sweet sound of a sincere “I love you, Sugar!” I simply don’t always trust words alone. It’s something I’ve written about and I’ve always said words and actions have to match.

Yesterday, I met Daddy for lunch. We sat and laughed and talked and just enjoyed the hour or so we got to spend together. I hadn’t seen him in awhile and he made a special effort to see me. I truly couldn’t ask for anything better. We left he gave me a huge kiss and a big daddy hug. We went our separate ways. I ran off to work and I realized I forgot to ask daddy about my hair. I’m in the zone to contemplate a new haircut. You know should I let it grow longer, cut it differently, keep it trimmed up? I simply don’t know. So being the good submissive I try so hard to be, I asked him.

“Daddy, I was thinking of letting my hair grow longer but it’s not looking good like I thought longer. What do you think?”

“I’d like you bald.” Laughter “Daddy I want you proud of me” “I am proud of you.” “But daddy I want to look as good as I possibly can. ” “Wonderful, baby” “Thank you daddy.” “You are beautiful to me.” Suddenly, at that moment my eyes started leaking. Not sobbing, not hysterical crying, just my tears dripping down my face. I could tell he was being sincere and it came from down in his heart and suddenly it spoke to my heart. I’m sure he didn’t realize how that would touch me. But it didn’t stop there. “You made me cry daddy.” “You’re beautiful inside and out.” I don’t do well with compliments, so I just said something totally stupid. “I don’t know how else to be.” He laughed. He knew that wasn’t some pompous remark, he knew it was a horribly lame effort to explain how I am inside. I continued to try to explain how I can’t be anything other than who I am. And how I wanted to look better but that would take some “work” meaning plastic surgery and I laughed. I’m sure he shook his head and laughed as well.

The most important thing to know is from 10 miles away, from keyboard to keyboard, when we least expected it, we had a very intimate moment. I knew that even as I aged and he aged, no matter how many hot things shake their tails at him, no matter how many looks he gave said hot tails, he would always see my beauty and I would always see his. We were intertwined and we were connected for life.

It was a moment I won’t forget how I felt. How out of no where I was instantly in happy tears and feeling like I was the most special woman in the world. I couldn’t have asked for a better moment in time.

I simply adore you, Daddy! Thank you for being my Daddy and for seeing beauty in me I often miss. And thank you for being that person who’s words and actions match to make me the happiest woman on earth.

My love and devotion are yours, always and forever,

Sugar

1 week ago. Sun 10 Jun 2018 08:10:23 PM IDT

Diamonds are multifaceted, sparkly, beautiful, rare stones. A great D/s relationship should be very similar. It should be a hard to break, impossible to disintegrate, difficult to destroy. A Dominant and submissive should be in sync, they need to be on the same page. It should be the most trustworthy relationship which anyone has ever been involved. It should sparkle, shine and be something other could and should emulate in their own way. When I say they should emulate it, I don’t mean a carbon copy, they should look at the values, the essence of the relationship, and see what it is that works for them.

All relationships are different, ours is different than yours, and the next great D/s relationship will be different than either yours or ours. This individuality maintains the uniqueness that makes your foundation so perfect for you and your Dominant or submissive. So what exactly makes these relationships shine? There are several things, the best ones always have many different facets.

One facet is trust, I would say this is what gives it the sparkle, With this trust, you can always rely on the person, whether it is your dominant or submissive, that trust goes both ways.  It is the crux of your relationship. That trust is imperative and necessary to grow and to flourish. When I say trust, it refers to honesty, to openness, to never withholding information or knowledge. Like opening a book the entire contents are there for you to read. A D/s relationship is exactly that open and disclosed. No holds barred and nothing kept back. The best ones are like that. Both Dom and sub know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and how to support those strengths and weaknesses.

Another is consistency, to be able to rely on your partner to respond to things in a consistent manner maybe one of the most underrated facets of any relationship. To know that if you make mistakes, (and we all will make them!) that nothing will change. That if you are to meet your sub at 2:30, she will be there, if she is to show up wearing that thong you requested, she will arrive in that thong. That when you tell her she is going to dinner on Saturday, you take her to dinner. Consistency breeds trust. And if by chance you make that mistake of forgetting, you apologize and show some real remorse. It’s not perfection we are after, it’s consistency. It’s a very important branch of all relationships.

Chemistry is something you can’t make happen. Two people either have it or they don’t. That is something you can’t predict, you can’t understand or know until you meet with your soon-to-be partner. When you don’t have it, nothing can make it happen, but when you do, it’s magical. Now that being said, you can start out with minimal chemistry, because you haven’t developed a relationship as of yet. I have seen the chemistry grow. Haven’t you ever known someone who is not handsome/beautiful and as you get to know them they grown more handsome/beautiful as time goes on? I think we all have.

All of those facets, get stirred into a pot and what comes out is love. Love is the stone itself and the qualities of the relationship are what give it it’s luster, it’s shine, it’s unique quality. Without the love, I see no sparkle. It’s the love that makes the Dominant and submissive need to follow all of those things, to know that breaking the trust of their partner would destroy the fiber of the relationship is something that would hurt them as much as their partner. That being inconsistent would confuse them as well. Making them second guess themselves. It’s love of their partner that causes them to need to follow the relationship rules, no matter what. If you tear the cloth of your relationship you can mend it but it usually always has the mend showing. Better to not have to mend something that is pristine.

In Daddy’s and my relationship, we have many different roles. He is my Daddy and Dominant, I am his babygirl, his submissive. He is my best friend and I am his as well. He is my buddy, my partner in crime. We are each others confidants. He is my sadist, I am his masochist at times. We have BDSM times and we have times of making love. We enjoy many of the same things, and we teach each other things all the time. We grow, we learn, and we love with each day. And yes, occasionally, though not often, we argue. We disagree. We don’t see eye to eye. It has been a learning process to trust that Daddy will not leave me and I will not leave him. I have learned to stop before I spill venom like a volcano, to ask questions, to try to understand and he has done the same.

Good relationships take work, great ones take passionate work. The results of this work is a beautifully crafted, multifaceted piece of art. Harder than steel, and more beautiful than any great thing of beauty, a diamond relationship is glorious, brilliant and rare.

I am very fortunate to have a special and rare relationship with Daddy, that is built on trust, consistency, and love. He is my Daddy, friend, lover, dominant, confidant and more. I couldn’t think of anyone else in the world I could have this relationship with besides him. It’s never shallow and always filled with sparkle. We shine brightly and if you look closely, you’ll see our many facets. Shine on Daddy. We’ve only begun to find all of the sides to us.

I love you, respect you, and admire you. All the days of my life are yours now,

Sugar

 

1 week ago. Sun 10 Jun 2018 05:47:37 AM IDT

So many articles state what a submissive is supposed to be. She is supposed to be obedient, anticipate your needs, be respectful, follow orders, do what you need her to do, etc., but almost no one talks about what she is not.

She is not stupid. She has intelligence and has opinions. She has a good brain and uses it. She may be wired differently from other women but she’s still intelligent and has her own thoughts.

She is not a doormat. She can say no to people, especially people not her dominant. She can ignore or not follow your directions if you’re not her Dom. She doesn’t have to say yes to anyone, but her dominant.

She is not a whore. She may be her dominant’s whore. She may be his slut. That doesn’t mean you will ever get a chance to touch her, without her dominant’s or her permission. She doesn’t just spread her legs for anyone. Actually, she may be more monogamous than most women. She is very much devoted to her dominant and would never cross his orders or wishes.

She is not easily lead. It takes brains and intelligence to lead her. She requires caring, respect, affection, compassion, and kindness (CRACK) to awaken her submission to anyone. She needs to know you have her best interest at heart. She needs to know you have earned the right to her submission.

She does not need inconsistency. She’s much better suited to you and her world being as consistent as possible. Don’t keep changing your rules and guidelines for her. Don’t say yes one day and no the next. You’ll confuse her and will make her feel insecure in her submission. She thrives on consistency. She craves it.

So there are many things a submissive is, but just as many things she is not. Treat her as the unusual and spectacular woman she truly is and you will be rewarded with probably the finest, most loyal, loving woman you have ever come across.

I am proud to be daddy’s very loyal submissive. He has earned my submission and my love. I am his person, his submissive to hold dear to his heart. And he is my Daddy, first and foremost that I follow and he leads me.

I love you, Daddy,

Always and forever,

Sugar

1 week ago. Sun 10 Jun 2018 03:00:20 AM IDT

BDSM Glossary
Terms Dictionary

A

Abrasion – Dictionary term meaning a wearing, grinding, or rubbing away by friction.  In BDSM play this  would See also stimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials such as rough silk, leather, sandpaper, brushes, etc.

Age Play – Acting as if you were either younger or perhaps older than you really are.

Alpha Sub: The lead submissive in a polyamourous relationship. She is usually a teacher or organizer submissive, may or may not have a sister submissive.

Anal Beads – A set of strung beads used to insert into the anus to stimulate the anal nerves as foreplay or to cause orgasm.

Anal Play – This is generally play where the anus may be penetrated with either beads, ice, dildos, anal plugs, penis, or fist.   Rimming the anus with a finger or toys stimulates the nerves which can create a more intense orgasm.  Inserting and playing with one’s prostrate gland (males) will cause increased orgasm.

Anal Plug – A specially designed dildo for use in the anus that is shaped in a way so that it will not “fall out”. Most commonly inserted and left in the anus for a given amount of time. Also used for “ass training” to stretch out the anus and get one accustomed to having something in their ass.

Anal Sex – sexual activity involving the anus. Examples are; rimming (oral), Butt / Anal Plugs, Dildos, and penile penetration.

Animal Role Playing – Games in which one or more partners, usually the bottom, takes on the role of an animal. Most common is probably a dog, or puppy boy / girl though horses are also popular. The ‘animal’ may imitate animal behavior, wear items such as collars, leads, bridles and so on, or carry out tasks associated with animal behavior.

Arm / Leg Sleeves –  Play which involves binding the arms/legs of the submissive in an attempt to restrict mobility.

Aromas –  (Play which involves the use of certain aroma therapy to induce relaxation.   Also referred to as “poppers”. In some instances these can be volatile compounds whose vapors cause temporarily increased heart and breathing rates, muscle relaxation, and a “rushing” feeling in the head. These types of play are popular in the gay and rave scenes, and often used in an S/m context. There are some dangers associated with their use.

Asphyxiation -) Commonly referred to as “breath control”. Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain. Any form of stopping breathing freely including choking, smothering and hoods with tubes, sacks, plastics, etc, is asphyxia.  Sometimes used to cause a more intense orgasm. Other examples would be strangling which is compression of the neck or throat area to prevent oxygen to the brain; suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are extremely dangerous , either alone or with a partner, and may cause DEATH ).

Auctioned for Charity – Involves play where the partner (usually the submissive) is auctioned off to others for charitable purposes and or services to another. This is illegal in many areas.

B

BDSM– Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism

Ball Stretching – Play which involves a type of penile constraint attached to weights in order to provide a variety of sensations including discomfort and pain, while stretching the testicles and scrotum.

Bathroom Use Control -Scenes where the Dominant restricts or takes control over the submissive’s bodily functions through the use of techniques such as catheterization, enemas, diapers, rubber pants, and possibly golden showers. Examples in play: House training a puppy, age play, and golden shower play.

Bestiality – Play which incorporates the use of animals for sexual pleasure. Not to be confused with animal role playing.   This form of play can be very dangerous.

Beating – Striking the body with various objects or the hand.   Typically administered as punishment in connection with childhood punishments.   For example, the Dominant may administer a “beating” to an unruly submissive.

Being Serviced (sexually) – Play which involves just that.   The Dominant instructing the submissive to do exactly how He / She wants the submissive to perform sexually.

Biting – Scenes involving the biting of the skin to induce pain.   Safety Note: Although certain types of nibbling/biting are quite safe, extreme biting causing breaking/bleeding of the skin is not recommended and can be dangerous if not carefully done.

Blindfolds – Play which involves temporarily blocking the submissive’s sense of sight. This type of play is essential when everyday objects are used to give unexpected sensations.   Blindfolds come in many forms from the more expensive leather (full-head type) to the more inexpensive handkerchiefs, scarves, bandages.   Safety Note:   Do not make the blindfold too tight as to put pressure on the eyeballs.   Although some people take blindfolding in stride, it can have unpredictable psychological effects and be extremely frightening for some people.

Breast / Chest Bondage – The restriction / bondage of the woman’s breast / chest area for erotic reasons using various types of fastenings (i.e., rope, scarves, etc.).

Breath Control –  Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain.   Other examples would be strangling, which is compression of the neck/throat area to prevent the flow of oxygen to the brain. Suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are dangerous to play, either alone or with a partner).

Branding – Making a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a hot metal object, as practiced on livestock.   Seen by some as “body art”, this technique can be carried out safely; however, it is still likely to be intensely painful. Can also use temporary tattoos or markers. Used by Dominants to mark Their property.   Not for the novice.

Boot Worship -The practice of play involving a fetish for boots / shoes.   Commonly used for Domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking or cleaning of the Dominant’s boots, shoes or bare feet).

Bondage –   restriction of a person’s bodily movements for erotic reasons using fastenings of various types or textures.   Also used in S/m practices though with a heavier pretense.   Examples; Rope, cuffs, chains, and other restraining apparatus.

Breast Whipping –   Whipping of the woman’s / submissive’s chest area using a variety of items which include:   floggers, whips, cat tails, paddles, for erotic purposes.

Brown Showers (Scat) –    The practice of play involving a fetish for including human (or animal) feces.    Although this type of play can be safe if done correctly, it is not recommended for those faint of heart!

Bruising – A condition which may occur as a result of pinching or striking.  Care should be taken to avoid bruising.

C

Cages – Most common is the use of a large animal cage.  Construction of a cage can be of wood, steel, fencing material.  Used to confine the submissive, for play or punishment. Caning –   Caning – Mostly made of bamboo, this whip is by far the most painful. Care should be used, as the welts from caning are slow to rise, and blood can be accidentally drawn if not in constant monitoring. Caning should be limited to the fleshy part of the buttocks, and nowhere else on the body. This can be very dangerous , and is not for the novice.

Castration Fantasy –   There has been much confusion as to the actual meaning of this term.  This refers to removal of the testicles; however, some people use it for the removal of any/all sexual organs of either sex.  The removal of the testicles is sometimes referred to as Emasculation and a man who has had his testicles removed is referred to as a eunuch.   This procedure causes permanent and significant changes to the body.   Castration fantasies are actually quite common among the heavy S/m players and are played out in scenes involving cock and ball torture (CBT), permanent and play piercing, and even genital shaving.   However, few people actually choose to make this fantasy a reality.   It should be noted here that this is a serious surgical procedure and not something someone can teach themselves to do safely.   This form of play is very dangerous.

Catheterization – A flexible tube used in medical procedures generally inserted into the area controlled by the bladder.   This procedure is most often used for “control” scenes.

Cattle Prod – An electrical prodding device used to herd animals, more frequently for cattle.   Sometimes used in S/m play for “branding” or serious hardcore pain play, and is considered dangerous play.

Cells or Closets – Play which involves locking the submissive in a cell-type device and / or closet.   Usually as a form of punishment.   Not recommended for claustrophobics.

Chains – A strong metal type of bondage material used in bondage scenes.   Chains are less flexible and potentially more dangerous than other types of bondage material.   Note:   Always make sure you observe metal bondage rules and choose a chain and equipment that will withstand heavier strain.

Chamber-Pot Use – Scenes involving the use of the toilet for humiliation and / or control.   Generally used for medical scenes.

Chastity Belt – S/m circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one (male or female) from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation.   A means of domination over one’s submissive.   A device (lockable ) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation.

Chauffeuring – Requiring one’s submissive to “chauffeur” them around physically in vehicles or other types of transportation.

Choking – of the carotid arteries in order to restrict air or blood flow to the brain.   This form of play is dangerous.

Chores (Domestic Service) – Scenes where the Dominant requires the submissive to perform chores and / or domestic service in either sexually pleasing clothing (i.e., maid outfits) or naked.

Clothespins – Small pinning devices used for hanging clothes.  Generally used in BDSM play as quite effective nipple clamps, testicle clamps, etc.   Great for the bargain BDSM player!   Be sure the wood doesn’t become stuck to the skin while removing, as it will remove skin from body.

Cock & Ball Torture – any form of restraint or orgasm control to a male’s genitals.  Can be used for play or punishment.  Not for the novice, as this can be dangerous.

Cock Ring – Rubber, metal, or leather type ring used to strap around the base of the cock and balls when soft.   Increases blood flow to the genital area during self stimulation and sex.  When released, causes minor pain during recurring blood flow.

Cock Worship – Play which involves the fantasy of worshiping the cock.   Performed mostly by the submissive to the Dominant.   Scenes might include licking and / or fellatio. Even some female Dominants may use strap-ons that are worshiped by the submissive male or female.

Collar – A collar worn around the neck to indicate one’s submissiveness.   These can be made of leather, steel, rubber, rope.    Used in scenes for humiliation and / or examples such as dog / puppy or even boy / girl play.

Competitions (With Other Subs) – Scenes involving competitive-type sports or play with other submissives.

Corsets – A lingerie / binding type device worn to restrict the chest area and make the waist smaller.   Worn by early 19th Century women as a form of formal dress to make one’s self more appealing to the opposite sex.

Crotch Torture – Any form of torture to the male or female genital area.

Cuffs – A leather or metal bondage device used to restrict movement.   Usually locks around the limbs in order to place the submissive in a precarious position.

Cutting -the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain.   To also create decorative scars.    The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play.   Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting.   See also Abrasion, Branding, or Castration Fantasy.

D

Daddy Dom: A softer, gentler, loving dominant who may or may not still be sadistic in nature.

Diapers – Waterproof panties or cloth worn in BDSM play for the object of child-playing scenes. Also used in control scenes for controlling bodily functions.

Dilation – The term used when a woman’s cervix is dilated (opened) to aid in childbirth. In BDSM play dilation occurs when a speculum (pelvic exam device) is used to open the cervix for medical scening. Safety Note: Care should be exercised and previous study should be done, before attempting this play. This form of play is dangerous

Dildo – From the French term meaning “I please myself).  A phallic-shaped device designed for insertion into the body. Early versions were made of stuffed animal gut, leather, or ceramics; however, today they are most commonly crafted of molded latex. They may be hand-held, strapped on with harnesses to allow women to wear, or permanently placed on other devices to ensure stability during use. Hygiene demands that dildos not be shared with others, or condoms be placed on dildos to prevent the spread of STD’s.

Dominant – The one in charge, or the top who oversees and controls.  A Dominant should be well versed in many areas of sexual play for safety.  The responsible One.

Double Penetration – Play involving the penetration of two or more bodily orifices with various types of devices and / or genitalia, (i.e., penetration of the mouth / rectum / vagina, etc.)

E

Electricity – Using electricity in BDSM play seems a scary notion to most people, but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed: a) only use devices powered by low-voltage batteries, and certainly no main-powered appliances; and b) avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including hands or arms),  as even small currents to the heart or brain can disrupt those organs’ delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. Popular devices include “TENS” units designed for the relief of muscle and back pain; and “Violet Wands” which use a radio frequency discharge,   and can be used above the waist provided the face is avoided. Any form of this play can be dangerous .

Enemas -) A thorough anal cleaning involving a water bottle and tube. Most frequently used in medical scening although might also be used for control scenes as well.

Enforced Chastity – In BDSM / S/m circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation. A means of domination over one’s submissive. A device (lockable ) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation. See also “Chastity belt”

Erotic Dance – Scenes involving erotic dancing / stripping as a form of erotic pleasure; i.e., dancing / stripping to music.

Examinations – Scenes involving some type of physical examination (i.e. medical exams) where the use of various types of equipment are used. Safety note: Genital examinations should be done carefully, as serious consequences could result if not performed carefully. This form of play can be dangerous.

Exercise – Play which involves forcing one’s submissive to exert physical exercise as a form of control / humiliation (may include lifting, running, weight-lifting, etc.).

Exhibitionism – Common dictionary term meaning a perversion marked by a tendency to indecent exposure; an act of such exposure; the act of practicing or behaving in such a manner as to attract attention to oneself. Scening involving the display of public / private exhibitionism in order to exert control and / or humiliation. NOTE: In many countries,  this form of play, is illegal and will get you arrested if caught by law enforcement.

Eye Contact Restrictions – Restricting one’s submissive from any eye contact with the Dominant (i.e., forcing submissive to look away / look down).    Similar to military boot camps. Control is enforced by the Dominant by refusing eye contact.

F

Face Slapping – Involves play where a moderate amount of slapping of the face is used for humiliation / control. This play can be dangerous if an eye is struck, etc.

Fantasy Abandonment – Play which involves the fantasy of abandonment. Possibly leaving the submissive in a deserted area or public area for a short period of time to exert control and punishment.

Fantasy Rape – where the Dominant fulfills a submissive’s fantasy of rape. Note: This type of play can become quite emotional for the submissive, so use extreme care when performing this type of play. After care is extremely important

Fantasy Rape (Gang) – Involves the same type of play with the exception of scene being performed by a group.

Fear – Incorporating fear into scenes by using the submissive’s own fears as an outline for play. Note: This type of play can become quite emotional for the submissive, so take extreme care when performing this type of play, and aftercare is important again

Fellatio – Performing oral sex on a man’s penis.

Fisting (Anal / Vaginal) – Play which involves placing or attempting to place the entire hand (or even both hands) in the rectum / vagina. The hand is only formed into a fist, and once fully inserted, requires an extreme gentleness, care, and patience. Involves moving of the fist in and out of the orifice and can be a dangerous technique if not performed correctly. Proper study should be done, before attempting such, and after care is extremely important. This form of play is dangerous.

Flame Play – Play which involves the use of fire in scening. It should be noted here that using any type of fire / flame during scening is quite dangerous and could result in permanent scarring / burning of the body. Use extreme care when using fire in scenes, as this is extremely dangerous and not to be done by a novice.

Flogger – A whip device usually with many “tails”.   Used on buttocks or back, generally to make nerve sensations greater. Floggers can be used on the genital areas.  Can be used for play or punishment.  This form of play is not for the novice, and can be dangerous.

Flogging horse – A device used to secure one on this bench-like, padded, sawhorse. Usually made waist height, with the use of tethers attached to wall or floor to secure the submissive. A well designed horse will allow open spread usage of the submissive when mounted properly upon.

Food Play – Where the Dominant controls amount and type of food allowed to be consumed by the submissive.  This includes liquid intake as well.

Foot Worship – The practice of play involving a fetish for feet. Commonly used for domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking / cleaning of the Dominant’s feet).

Forced Bed wetting – Forcing the submissive to purposely urinate in the bed. Most commonly used as a form of control / humiliation and in age play scenes.

Forced Dressing – Forcing the submissive to dress however the Dominant sees fit, whether publicly or privately. Used generally for humiliation.

Force-Feeding – A technique by which the Dominant controls the submissive’s eating habits. Used to “fatten up” submissives or in age play games.

Forced Homosexuality – Scenes where the submissive is forced into having sexual relations with someone of the same sex.

Forced Heterosexuality – Play involving the submissive performing forced sex with someone of the opposite sex.

Forced Masturbation – Scenes where the submissive is forced to perform masturbation in front of/for the Dominant or others as a form of erotic / sensual play or humiliation.

Forced Nudity – A scene which involves forcing one’s submissive to remain nude either privately or publicly. Generally as a form of control / humiliation. Note: In some areas, this is illegal in public.

Forced Servitude – A form of play involving the submissive acting as a servant / maid to the Dominant. May be played out in public or in private as a form of humiliation.

Forced Smoking – Forcing the submissive to smoke (usually cigarettes); however, other various types of smoking are used in heavy S/m play.

Full-Head Hoods -A flexible covering for the head and sometimes neck. These come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and textures. Worn to prevent the sense of sight for erotic purposes.

G

Gags – To restrict the use of the mouth by inserting a gag, in various textures (i.e., cloth, leather, ball gag, etc.). When using gags, it is important to remember that these only be worn for short periods of time. This form of play can be dangerous.

Gas Mask – A mask worn on the face connected to a chemical air filter and used to protect the face and lungs from toxic gases. Used mostly in heavy S/m scening.

Gates of Hell – A type of cock ring worn around the base of the testicles and penis to restrict blood flow to the penis during erotic scening. Specially designed, this type of cock ring is usually made of metal and has several rings attached together, ranging from the largest at the base and going smaller toward the tip.

Genital Sex – To cause an orgasm through the genital area, done strictly to the genital area with any body part or through the use of toys.

Given Away – Where a Dominant releases a sub to another Dominant, without exchange of favors.

Golden Shower – Play which involves urinating on one’s submissive or vice versa.

Gun Play – Scenes involving the use of firearms. It should be noted here: Gun Play is a dangerous form of play and should not be entered into lightly. Serious consequences could occur from such play and it is not recommended, It is also considered illegal.

H

Hairbrush Spanking – Play which involves the use of a hairbrush to inflict pain on the buttocks. Commonly used in “naughty boy / girl” scenes for punishment.

Hair Pulling – Pulling of one’s hair for the purpose of pain / humiliation. Used often in heavy scening.

Hand Jobs – Using the hands to perform sexual gratification on a man’s penis. Stroking of the penis to facilitate orgasm.

Harem – To have more than one submissive in a scene or in daily life (i.e., the Dominant has a “harem” of women / men). A common occurrence in the Mormon religion, and in polyamorous relationships.

Harness – Bondage apparatus consisting of a network of straps designed to form a web over a large area of the body or head. Well-known leather body harness for wearing around the upper torso. Harnesses can be constructed from a variety of materials. Some harnesses built properly are used in suspension.

Head – To perform oral sex  on the man’s penis for erotic pleasure to facilitate orgasm.

High Heels – Along with boots, these are the most fetished items around. They combine the discomfort and pain of wearing them with the damage they can inflict when used as weapons. Some scenes may involve wearing, licking, cleaning, etc. See also “Boot worship”

Homage – Term meaning to pay respects to; homage; honor. A ceremony involving the submissive “honoring” the Dominant in some way – public or private. Could also mean paying “homage” to the penis / vagina, feet, breasts, etc., by worship.

Hot Oils -) The use of warmed oils for massaging or various other uses for erotic type play.  Be careful of oil temperature before applying to another’s skin, test on Your own forearm first. This form of play can be dangerous.

Hot Wax – The process of using hot wax in scening. The wax most commonly used are candles and can be used on various parts of the body for erotic stimulation. Note: Some types of wax, beeswax for instance, have a tendency to become extremely hot during burning and should always be used carefully to prevent permanent burning / scarring of the skin. Note: not for the novice, as this form of play is extremely dangerous.

Housework -Play involving the Dominant instructing the submissive to perform domestic duties as a form of punishment / control. Can sometimes also be used as erotic play (i.e., cleaning in the nude).

Humiliation – To humiliate the submissive by requiring them to perform things they normally would not do, most commonly in public (i.e., wearing revealing clothing; having sex in public; playing out puppy, boy / girl scenes, etc.).

Hypnotism – To place someone in a trance-type state, and offer suggestions into certain types of behavior. Safety note: This form of play is not for the novice.

I

Ice Play – ice used on nipples or genital areas for desensitization of senses or nerves.

Immobilization – Any form of bondage technically immobilizes someone; however, this term is usually used for extreme forms of bondage where the submissive literally cannot move a muscle. Not recommended for long periods of time, and is dangerous.

Infantilism – Scening where the submissive assumes the role of a child / infant and is treated as such (i.e., diaper wearing, spankings, standing in corner, etc.).

Initiation Rites – A *Term* meaning the rites, ceremonies, and / or ordeals by which an individual is made a member of a house or society. Example: College initiations (“hell week”). More commonly known as “beat-in” or “earning letters”, such as pain slut.

Injections – Term meaning to “inject” the body with a substance (i.e., saline solution, insulin, flu shots, drugs, etc.). Usually performed with a hypodermic needle. Note: This is a very risky type of play and is NOT recommended. The sharing of needles should never be done! Injections should be left to those that have been properly trained or to health care professionals. This form of play is dangerous , and is illegal in most countries.

Intricate (Japanese) Rope Bondage -)   A very complex form of bondage that is also quite beautiful to not only see but witness being performed. The submissive is also bonded in such a way as to allow easy access / removal of the device at any time.

Interrogations – Term meaning question, systematically and formally. Commonly performed in “police interrogations”; police-type sceening. Commonly used for humiliation.

K

Kidnapping – Term meaning to seize, detain, or carry away by unlawful force. Some players in the BDSM scene have fantasies regarding kidnapping and may ask for a scene involving some sort of “play kidnapping”. This form of play requires after care and is classified as illegal in many areas.

Kink– Sex that deviates from the norm. Many types exist, and one may combine many types of kinky sex.

Kneeling – To be used as a form of “respect” toward the Dominant. Making the submissive kneel when the Dominant enters the room, during scening, in public, etc. A punishment form of kneeling is where the submissive is kneeling in a different position then for *offering* herself.

Knife Play – Cutting the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain. To also create decorative scars. The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play. Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting.

L

Leather – Material made from the cured skin of animals. Wearing leather is a popular sexual fetish. Leather, especially the wearing of black leather gives the wearer a certain sense of power and is commonly worn in the BDSM scene by the Dominant. Used for making floggers. whips, etc

Licking – Play involving the “licking” of various body parts.

Lingerie – Women’s intimate apparel. Lace bodices, stockings, bras, panties, etc.

Little – A younger alter ego that exists in some submissive or people.

M

Manacles / Irons – Metal rings joined by a chain to restrain the wrist or ankles.

Massage – Using the hands (generally) to massage areas of the body. Possibly giving a massage to “warm up” or “foreplay” before play.

Medical Scenes –   Done in a room equipped and fitted as a physicians or surgeons office. This is a form of role play, where cavity exams, piercing, the use of needles, scalpels, equipment sounds are generally found. Not for the novice. Some forms of this play is illegal, and can be dangerous.

Mentor – One who assists another in study.  Usually a well-versed Dominant helping a submissive understand the lifestyle and their role in it. A Mentor guides another to achieve knowledge, not a teacher.

Modeling – Usually used for pictures, where one is placed in positions for best appearance.

Mouth Bits – A type of mouthpiece, generally used on horses and ponies, that is inserted into the mouth and is used to bite down on. Used typically during pony girl / boy play scenes.

Mummification – specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head, if a breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly to prevent any type of mobilization.   Common types of materials are saran wrap, gaffa tape, or cloth or latex bandages. Holes are then sometimes made to allow access to the genital area. This form of play is dangerous , and should always have extra help around in case of an emergency.

N

Nipple Clamps – Clamp-type devices placed on the nipples during play to stimulate and stop blood flow to the nipple.    One of the general household items to be used are clothespins. Care should be exercised to be sure the material used in clamp, does not stick to the skin, as tearing can occur.

Nipple Rings – A ring that is worn through the nipple. Piercing of the nipple and inserting a ring, similar to nose piercing. This type of piercing stimulates the nipple. Should be done by a professional.

O

Orgasm – Intense excitement resulting in an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen by the male and by vaginal contractions in the woman.

Orgasm Control – When one is forced to release or hold their body’s desires to orgasm.  Can be used in play or punishment.

Outdoor Scenes – Scenes involving the great outdoors! Any scene where the couple is outside during scening. Some activities are illegal.

P

Pain – In broad terms, pain is the body’s warning that something is wrong; however, our pain responses are very complex and it is very easy to produce the effect of pain without doing any real harm to the body.    The “pain threshold” at which a stimulus crosses the boundary between intense sensation and pain is a gray area in terms of our perception. BDSM is associated in most people’s minds with potentially painful activities, sometimes referred to as “pain games”. It is true; however, that some people actually enjoy or at least get some satisfaction out of the intense physical sensation. Some of the satisfaction may be attributed to the release of body chemicals also known as “endorphins”. Most player’s interests are a mixture of physical aspects and the psychological dynamics of Domination and submission, and some play with hardly any physical pain at all. Those for whom the interest in pain is predominant are sometimes referred to sadists and masochists rather than Dominants and submissives. After care is needed, and monitoring the one receiving pain, is mandatory. Not for the novice for play.

Parachute – Round leather device which is fitted between the scrotum and the base of the penis with chains for weights to be added. This is a form of play, or punishment.

Phone Sex – Play which involves having simulated “sex” over the telephone. Some phone companies deem this illegal.

Piercing – Piercing of the body with a thin sharp object such as a needle. There are two types of play, permanent and temporary.    Permanent piercing is done with a thicker needle which enables jewelry to be easily inserted. Temporary piercing is done with a smaller, thinner needle which can be removed without permanent scarring after the session is completed. (i.e., nipple piercing, ear piercing, genital piercing). Mostly done to enhance the sensual areas of the skin. Piercing should be done be a professional.

PITA – Pain in the Ass

Pony – A device used directly on genitals for punishment. The person’s body weight, plus additional weight is placed directly on the pony which distributes pain to a very  area. This is extremely dangerous as permanent damage may result. Not for the novice.

Pony gear – This type of gear includes hoods, bits for mouth, bridles, straps, harnesses, saddles and anal plug tails. Some use hoof shoes as well. These are used to “train” a submissive to be used for work, as a pony. This can be very dangerous as joints, limbs or back maybe damaged. Not for the novice.

Pony Slave – Scenes involving the submissive being dressed or made up as to portray a “pony”. Scenes might include mouth bits, harnesses, saddles, riding crops, etc. Note: Riding your pony can cause serious damage to their backs, hips, joints.

Prison Scening – Acting out a scene involving some type of prison scene. The use of a *cell* is for punishment and humiliation.

Prostitution – The selling of one’s body for sexual purposes (i.e., selling sex or sexual favors).  This form of play is illegal in many areas.

Public Exposure – Play which involves exposing oneself in public (i.e., flashing). Used for control / humiliation purposes.

Punishment – Scenes where the Dominant “punishes” the submissive for “bad or unruly” behavior. Often performed in little boy / girl scenes which may involve spankings, time-outs, etc.

Pussy Whipping – Whipping” the genital (vagina) area with different types of equipment (i.e., floggers, crops, slappers, etc.) for erotic pleasure.

Pussy Worship – The practice of play involving the “worship” of the female genitalia.   Scenes may involve the cleaning, licking, shaving, etc. In general, “worship” is a

R

Rack – A table-like device which is fitted with pulling or stretching capabilities.   Some racks incorporate pulleys, winches or wheels for pulling one in opposing directions. Paddles or whips are generally used on the person on a rack.

Religious Scene – A form of play where the submissive is usually dressed in nun’s or clerical attire.

Riding Crop – A short whip-type instrument made of leather with a “loop” at the end which is intended for use on horses. May be used in scenes involving pony boy / girl type play. Riding crops are used to administer punishment, as well.

Rimming – Mouth contact with the rectal area, which includes insertion of the tongue. Note : Hygiene precautions should be observed with this type of play. This play can spread disease.

Rope bondage – There are many styles of rope work from simple to very intricate. study of knots is important to anyone wishing to attempt this play. This form of play can be very dangerous if blood flow is disrupted. Not for the novice.

Rubber / Latex Clothing -Besides leather, this type of clothing is the next best thing.   One example may be a rubber hood. Some bondage items are made out of latex sheeting, and as with leather, black seems to be the most popular color by far.

S

Saint Andrews Cross – This is a cross made  in an X formation. It is generally angled and self-supporting. Some are suspended from ceilings, or mounted directly to a wall. The cross has leather restraints for arms, legs and body, Some have hooks along the edges for a person to be “laced” to the cross. Used for sexual play, or punishment can be administered while attached to the cross.

Saran Wrap – Plastic wrapping used most commonly to wrap leftover food. In BDSM play, used most likely in “bondage” scenes. This form of play can be dangerous.

Scratching – Scratching the body with the fingernails or another instrument for mild pain.   Note: Safety precautions should be observed as deep scratching may lead to bleeding of the skin. Care should be exercised in preventing infection.

Sensory Deprivation – Play which involves “depriving” the submissive of certain sensory perceptions. May include blindfolds, bondage, gags, etc.

Shaving – Using a razor or straight blade to shave hair from the body. Note: Shaving of the genital area should be done with extreme care.

Shibari – The art of Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage.  Bondage patterns are intricate, and artistically pleasing.

Sister – A submissive who is with a dom and one or more additional submissives to make a “family”.

Skinny Dipping – Refers to swimming in the nude / swimming naked.

Slave – A totally subordinate person who needs total direction in all aspects of their life.   To be owned, to serve, without question, and who questions nothing they are told.

Sleep Sack – Refers to a bag in which the body is wrapped in a sleeping bag type contraption with ropes or straps. An intense form of “bondage”. This form of play can be dangerous .

Slings – Slings are made in many designs and shapes, but their use is to open access to the genitalia for play or punishment. This form of suspension causes fatigue rather quickly, so after-care should be taken as well as care during such use. Not for the novice.

Spandex – A form-fitting, stretchy type material that clings to the body (i.e., most women’s pantyhose are made of spandex). When worn can be quite comfortable and look extremely sexy when worn on “tight bodies”.

Spanking – involves striking someone with the palm of the hand or other object (i.e., paddle, hairbrush, pig slapper, riding crop, etc.) on the buttocks as a form of punishment / humiliation. Mild spanking can be very erotic and when done correctly can push the submissive into “subspace” releasing endorphins which in turn creates a sense of euphoria.

Speculum – A medical instrument intended for the use of medical examination of the vagina or rectum, made of steel or plastic in the shape of a duckbill. The speculum is lubricated and inserted. After insertion, the “bill” is spread apart to open the cervix in the vagina. In BDSM play, commonly used in medical scening. This form of play can be dangerous . Not for the novice.

Spreader Bar -A bar type device used to “spread” apart arms / legs of the submissive.   Bars can be made of common, inexpensive materials such as dowel rods, pvc pipe, broomsticks, etc.

Stocks – A type of bondage “furniture” based on the medieval form of stocks used for punishment. Stocks usually consist of two hinged pieces of wood with semi-circular holes which when locked together form a ring large enough for the head / neck and wrists to be placed inside.

Straight Jacket – A jacket type of garment meant to be worn “backwards”, consisting of close-ended sleeves that are strapped crisscrossed around the back and tied or locked in place (i.e., Houdini used this garment to escape from frequently).

Strap-On – A fastening type strap most commonly used to hold a dildo in place.    Commonly used in lesbian/bisexual female sexual encounters.

Strapping – A length of material, most commonly leather, used for striking the body.

Stretchers – Generally made of wooden dowel rods or metal tubing, having eyelets to secure a submissive’s arms, legs apart for play. These are very portable, to use anywhere. Stretchers come in various lengths, usually 24 inches to 48 inches.

Subspace – A mental altered state in which a person can be taken to. Space is a form of hypnotism that can be self attained, or a Dominant can aid to obtain. Subspace is used for sexual pleasure, and can be utilized to convert pain to pleasure. After care is mandatory, as is constant monitoring. Not for the novice.

Submissive – One who gives freely of themselves for the pleasures of another.  A subordinate with negotiated limits.

Suspension – An advanced form of bondage in which the whole body is “suspended” off the ground and hanging “free in space”.   Note: not for the novice, use of properly designed equipment is advised.

Swapping – The “swapping” of one’s partner generally for sexual / erotic play.    Switching partners temporarily for play purposes.

Switch – One who “switches” between Dominant / submissive roles, i.e. from scene-to-scene or within a scene. Some switches may submit to one Dominant, and dominate others, etc.

T

Table Play – A padded table, where the submissive is restrained for play. The table has many securing points to offer different positions for play or examination. Tables can be used as racks if outfitted accordingly.

Tampon Training – Tampons inserted into the rectum, used as an anal plug, for play or punishment.

Tattoo -A permanent form of scarring to the body in the form of various types of pictures or drawings or names, etc. A permanent form of “marking the submissive” as property.

Teasing – The act of “teasing” to enhance erotic play or pleasure.   Teasing the partner in such a way as to stimulate sexual pleasure.

TENS Unit – Term meaning Transcutaneous Electrical Neural Stimulation unit. A machine designed to apply electrical impulses to the body at safe levels. Note:   As with any type of electrical play , safety precautions should be observed as this form of play is very dangerous .

Thigh Cuffs – A simple belt around the waist with connectors around it to restrict the submissive’s movement of arms and legs.

Thumb Cuffs – Restraining devices used for restraint by the thumbs.

Ticklers – These are 16 to 18 inch rods with a tiny *flogger* attached on the end. Great for small areas where precision impacts are desired. Other ticklers include feathers, sandpaper, etc.

Tickling – Tickling the body to induce laughter. Often used in age play scenes.

Trainer – A Dominant who helps submissives understand the sexual aspects of the lifestyle. Study and play sessions are the normal negotiations.

Triple Penetration – Penetration of the body in three bodily orifices. Example: Insertion of the penis, dildo, butt plug in a female submissive all at once to enhance sexual stimulation.

U

Uniform – Play which involves the submissive wearing a “uniform”. Such uniforms could include cheerleader uniform, maid uniform, etc. Commonly used in role-playing scenes.

Urethral Play -) Play involving the “urethra”, the tube that runs between the bladder and the outside of the body. In men, it emerges at the end of the penis, and in women, just inside the vagina.    With the exception of the very end, this tube is sterile, and anything inserted deeper than a few millimeters should be sterile as well. Note: Serious damage can occur by inserting inappropriate devices, using excessive force, or by bad technique. This form of play is extremely dangerous . Not for the novice.

V

Vibrator – A dildo type device made in varying shapes and sizes and powered by either battery or plug-in electrical type. Used as a form of genital stimulation most commonly for women to promote orgasm.

Violet Wand – A device used commonly in electrical type play which discharges radio energy when, which touched to the body produces electrical sparks. The sensation is similar to “static cling” charges. Using electricity in BDSM play seems a scary notion to most    people, but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed:    only use devices powered by low-voltage batteries, and certainly no main-powered appliances; and avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including the hands or arms) as even small currents in the heart or brain can disrupt those organs’ delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. This form of play is dangerous , and not for the novice.

Videos – Pre-recorded movies of a sexual nature. Can be watching others or being recorded.

Voyeurism – Term meaning the act of watching, peeping. In BDSM play, means to watch someone engage in sex or other forms of sensual / erotic play.

 

W

Water Torture – A form of “torture” involving water. After care is extremely important. Example: Laying the submissive face up while dripping water on the forehead for extended periods of time. Derived from the Chinese (i.e., Chinese Water Torture).

Waxing – Using warmed wax as a form of erotic sensation. Common areas of waxing are the buttocks, breast area, back, etc. The process of using hot wax in scening. The wax most commonly used are candles. Note: Some types of wax, beeswax for instance, have a tendency to become extremely hot during burning and should always be done carefully to prevent permanent burning/scarring of the skin.

Weights – Used to extend or pull, by pressure.  Vaginal weights used on labia, for example, pull the labia to stretch, for play or punishment depending on the amount of weight used.

Whipping – A device consisting of a long, flexible striking surface. Whipping the body with a whip type device as a form of punishment.

Whipping Post – Designs vary according to builder, but the principle is to have a tall post with tethers that hang down, to attach a person from their wrists. Used for positioning a submissive for ease of whipping. Some Dominants use the “whipping post” for punishment only, and never for play

1 week ago. Sat 09 Jun 2018 03:24:16 AM IDT

Many times the D/s relationships have unique power exchanges. The uniqueness of these power exchanges differs from each Dominant and each submissive. A submissive often has a very loyal and trusting soul. They love to please their dominant. They will do anything to make sure he is happy. That works beautifully when the Dominant is the real deal, trustworthy and honest. Let us not forget having his submissive’s best interest at heart! That is something I know most Dom/sub relationships strive to achieve.

It is, however, imperative to look out for the signs of an abusive use of power when you’re a submissive. You know when something isn’t right. Deep in your heart. You feel it. Ask yourself these important questions. Would you be upset if a submissive friend told you her Dominant wanted this for her? So think, does whatever your dominant ask of you meet your approval for someone else? This will help clarify if what you’re feeling is justified when you seem confused. Here is an example, if. Daddy and I disagree on something, is it because I want my own way or is not something that makes me feel bad about myself or our relationship? If I can answer that honestly then I know what the issues are and I can address them with daddy. It takes a huge amount of communication and a heap of courage to tackle those difficult topics.

That brings me to rules in general. Each and every relationship has some set of rules. These rules are either vocalized or unvocalized. Sometimes you can think of those rules as your limits. You don’t want any D/s relationship that has no limits. You have them even if no one has talked about them. This is the yet another way to judge the relationship and your feelings. Is your dominant consciously breaking the rules/limits or are you causing drama to get your own way? You are the person who can decide that. It is your responsibility to determine if you are being Bamboozled or abused. Remember if it feels like abuse or you feel bad, it is abuse.

This also goes for a Dominant! It is not unusual for a Daddy Dominant to be very soft when it comes to his babygirl. Is she taking advantage of his kindness? Is she asking for more than he should be giving? An example of that is money. Is that submissive asking for him to pay for her bills when she is suppose to be living on her own. I’m not talking about buying her a gift or helping her out in an emergency. I’m talking about taking advantage of his kindness. Maybe he has children and alimony and/ or child support. Maybe he can’t afford to pay her electric bill each month. That is an abuse of her power. She needs to be an adult and do the adult thing. It is the abuse that is despicable.

My daddy could probably take advantage of me without a problem. I could also do the same to him. It would be easy for both of us as much as we love each other, unconditionally and without the fear of abuse of power. Yet, we could no more do that than we could cause each other emotional pain on purpose. It would eventually break the trust we have with each other and cause a demise of our relationship. Yes, we could take advantage of each other. But where would that get us? We would be no better than a slimy con artist that is out for their own self-concern. We definitely wouldn’t be emulating a healthy relationship of any kind and it wouldn’t last very long at all.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have found someone who is open, honest and would never abuse the love I so freely give him. I could no more abuse his trust than jump off a bridge. I could not tell him a lie or cause him to wonder if I am loyal. I am his. And he is my Daddy. I know that his unconditional love is a rare gift- our diamond with many facets. Why would either of us try to break that trust and unconditional love? It would be like tossing that diamond in a trash can. I, for one, love sparkly things and boy, do we sparkle!

To make sure you are not being abused or taken advantage of, be aware, communicate well, use your inner voice, don’t be taken by anyone, but when you finally find that special relationship, don’t break it. Savor each moment. Life is short. Love hard, but love well. Love smartly, and give it your all to someone who will give you his all.

I love you, adore you and love your twinkling and our sparkle when we are together. You have my trust, my loyalty, and my heart. I have yours as well. We are safe. We are loved- unconditionally.

My heart, always and forever,

Sugar