3 Is Right

Thoughts on D/s and our journey.
2 weeks ago. Sat 29 Sep 2018 01:22:10 AM IDT

I suppose it should start out with my own personal definitions of a submissive or a slave.  In my mind, a submissive is someone who goes over and above to give up her power in a relationship. She submits herself to the will of her dominant. She has built the trust of her dominant so that she knows that he has her best interest at heart. It sounds so very easy, but it’s very hard. Harder than anything I’ve done on earth. But more rewarding as well.

A slave has no will, no power at all. She submits all of her power and desires to her dominant. She loses the “right” to disagree and to make any decisions. Sometimes I feel like a slave, sometimes I feel like a submissive. I always feel owned. I know that Daddy has my best interest at heart. I know he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to me. That he doesn’t ever want me damaged, physically, emotionally or mentally from his actions. I know that, feel that and understand that, regardless of what he is doing or saying

Today I was a little confused. Without saying exactly what I was confused about, let’s say it was a sexual act that we both agreed was dangerous and not wanted by either of us. Well, today Daddy asked me if I would do that. I said no, but I was confused. Part of me wanted to say “But daddy we talked about this. You said no, I said no.” But it wasn’t about what he was asking- it was about trust. He looked at me sternly and say “You are not to say no to me again. Do you understand?” I must have looked confused and I said,” Yes Daddy. I understand.” I didn’t argue. He said, “All this time you don’t trust me?” I said I did. And we talked about it. (Sophie, my little, was thinking, “Daddy you’re silly, you can’t and won’t do that lol” )And I learned a valuable lesson today. Do not say "No" to daddy. I am his. He makes those decisions and that is fine. The issue was he would never have done what he asked of me. Never. So I know and trust that he always has my best interest at heart so I do not need to say no to something I know will harm me. It won’t happen.

Today, I have never felt more like Daddy’s slave. I have never realized how much power I have given to him and the ability to say no was the last thing left. I am sure my own free will one day will come rearing her head now and again. But for today I am yours submissive with a slave heart and I will not be saying No to you.

I am giving up my submission and my free will. I know I’m in great hands. I have never felt so secure about any decision.

I love you and admire all that you are. I am yours. And I am owned and I have given you all of me.

Kiss and hugs, with love and devotion,

Sugar

1 month ago. Wed 12 Sep 2018 08:23:12 AM IDT

Happy Anniversary, Daddy!

 

It's our fourth anniversary on Sunday. Four years since I first talked to Daddy on Collar. I wasn't looking, he was looking for something I wasn't at all. He was clueless as to who and what I truly was, So many women had been obsessed with 50 shades, so many women thought a light spanking made them submissive, so many women were solely looking out for themselves. I wasn't looking for anything! I wasn't looking for a Dominant. I wasn't looking for a man to crawl into my heart. I surely wasn't looking for HIM! He was kind and asked me a shit load of questions. Most revolving around sex. Things like, "What was the kinkiest thing I have ever done?" "What would I love to do that I haven't done?" etc, etc, etc. I was far from impressed. Same old sex talk. Yet, he was polite, and he made me laugh. He had a good sense of humor. It wasn't long before we met in person for a drink. He insisted it was in a public location, (after all he needed to make sure I was protected and comfortable.) We met at a local casino. He was on a lower floor and I could see him walking towards the bar from above. The absolute most incredible thing happened. I could feel him, I knew him inside. I could sense his vulnerability. I somehow knew he had a good heart, all from the floor above.

I shook my head, I knew I was in trouble. All the men who have hurt me the most I have "felt." I knew I could hear his heart. I could hear his pain. I could feel his pain. We sat down. I said "Oh no, he's angry!" to myself. I have one of those at home. We talked. He was mildly insulting to me. I didn't care. I didn't think we would go anywhere. He tried to impress me with his British accent. I rolled my eyes. I looked at him and said, "It's how you talk not who you are! I'm not impressed!" He looked at me like I had nine heads. We talked more. We made each other laugh. I knew he would be a lot of fun. Maybe some fun BDSM play. I'd bottom for him. I was craving some impact play and some fun. Still, I felt him. I couldn't shake the feeling of all his pain. I couldn't shake that he needed to be loved unconditionally. I won't tell you about what has caused his pain. I will say he has good reasons to be angry at the world. He's not truly angry. He's a kind, loving, sweet, caring and otherwise good man. He's the type of man who stops and gives a child a gift card for Starbuck's because she didn't have enough money. He is the type of man who will stop and give a homeless man a fishing rod because the man's rod was broken. I could go on, but he'd be very upset at me "putting him on a pedestal." Is he a perfect man? Hell, no! Am I a perfect woman? Gee, that's actually funny! Of course not. Yet together we are best friends, we are lovers, we are kindness in a time of hurt, we are hilarity in a time of needing to laugh. 

Slowly but surely, we got to know each other. We realized what we saw initially was only the curtain behind the people who were truly are.  We grew. And with that growth, like all other growth, comes some growing pains. We learned to get through them. He and I take our hurts, and our disagreements seriously. We don't fluff them off. We acknowledge our wrongs. Is it always easy? Ha! Of course not! It's hard as hell. It's looking at each other and calling BS sometimes. It's courageous. It's downright scary for me. I'm sure I've scared him in the past as well. Most importantly, it's worth it.

So this year, like the other years, we will grow. We will make mistakes, we will be pissed off at something, we will hurt each other, but what we won't do is leave each other. We won't ever contemplate not seeing each other. We won't run away. We will make-up, we will acknowledge our hurts and pain. We will open our hearts, and show each other what we mean to each other any chance we can. And most of all we will LAUGH. We will shine, we will sparkle. We are diamonds, multifaceted and valuable. And we will have that bond that is so evident, so unique, even strangers see it.

Happy Anniversary, Daddy. I am honored and humbled to be your submissive. It's been four amazing years, with so many memories. My only regret is meeting you so late in life, yet, God saved the best for last. I love you, unconditionally, wholly and completely.

My heart, love and devotion,

Sugar

 

"Your beauty is laid on my heart like a warm blanket. I can wrap myself in it. I think about it every day."

"No one will ever love you as much as I do."

"I promise I may make mistakes and I may hurt you by negligence or accident but I promise I will learn from my mistakes and try to make things right when I err."

Daddy

Wishes

I wish:
for you to feel my love, always comfy,
for you to know what I feel,
to see you laugh so hard you can’t stop,
for you to know that I will defend you always,
to always see my heart in your eyes,
to always know my heart is safe with you,
my nights with you could go on forever,
that you can always be where your heart is safe,
for you to not need pain, and need kindness.

I Love you… feel that each day…

Sugar

 

 

1 month ago. Fri 07 Sep 2018 08:17:11 AM IDT

Many times we talk about Dominant and submissives and their unique bond. They trust each other, they often love each other, they are confidants, and have rituals. But are they truly friends? And should they be? I realize the answer would vary with each D/s relationship. Some will be some won’t be. Just as some D/ s relationships are only sexual in nature, some will be friends and much more.

I can’t imagine myself being with a dominant I couldn’t confide in and trust with my darkest secrets. I also can’t imagine him not trusting me to do the same. It is an odd thing actually that we share. The bond is so close. We laugh at a lot of things and we are often quite silly. We look at life differently sometimes, but all in all we have the same outlook on living.

It is a real thing, being best friends with your dominant. It is a breath of fresh air. Having your needs met and meeting his needs; all while laughing and being each other’s friend and lover.

I am blessed to have someone who is all that to me and more. It’s a shame that everyone doesn’t have that. Those who do – know. Those who don’t – can’t fathom.

I love you, Daddy. Always. I am one lucky baby girl. I have a daddy I can call my best friend. My heart is yours.

Sugar.

1 month ago. Sun 02 Sep 2018 11:15:03 PM IDT

Sometimes my expectations are too high. Now I'm not saying I'm wrong but I place the same standards on people I try to live by. I don't lie to those closest to me. I always keep their best interest at heart. I make sure I think about what I say or do before I do it. I look down the road to see what ramifications my actions may have. I don't do things that I wouldn't want someone to do to me. I think my standards are too high. I get hurt so easily. I expect people to say what they mean and do what they say. I expect them to think about what they say to me is truthful and honest. I want them to respect me, and my feelings. I always do that for them.

Just a short rant. I am hurting. Sometimes it's all I can do to not cry today.


I will be fine. Just having a bad time with my feelings.

 

Sugar

1 month ago. Fri 31 Aug 2018 02:39:09 AM IDT

In this odd world of online meetings, getting to know someone can be difficult. They are only real to me if I see thing, meet them or know someone who knows them. People online lie. I don't always understand it. My adage is "Say what you mean, mean what you say." It can be scary and unsettling to someone who trusts so deeply, as myself.

I was catfished about 8 years ago by a lovely man I actually had a relationship with. Now how could I say he was lovely. Well, aside from the lying about his name and career and how many women he had, we had a odd close relationship. I met him monthly or so for some play time and he was a caring and kind man. I spoke to him nightly. Just about every night. He was attentive and loving. Problem was he was also attentive and loving to a WHOLE LOT of women, which would have been okay if I had known. How did I find this out? Long, very sad story, in which I happened to know his password to his email and I had a very intuitive suspicion he died. I hunted the obituaries and found his real name and picture. So to be a good little submissive, I went into his email and found all of the women clammering to speak to "him." I immediately told them the situation, and was welcomed by some, and others said I was him and lying to get rid of them. I showed them the obituary and they still didn't believe me. Mind boggling. I was his good girl until the end. I was loyal, even through my broken heart. I snapped out of my severe sadness rather quickly and then simply felt foolish. How could I have let all of the red flags go. How could I have just blindly trusted this man without knowing anything about him but his touch?

Deep sigh, I was a victim of his catfishing and also of being foolish. I knew in my heart he wasn't who he said he was. I knew he was lying. I am a kind and trusting soul. I love hard and deep and that wasn't the first time I was duped. It left me clammering for some sanity. I stayed away from online dominants for months. I became a hermit. I needed to reevaluate my need for BDSM and its lure to me.

In time I got over the shock and peeked out from under my shell. I reconnected with a Dominant I had known who was famous for ghosting me. Now you see them, not you don't. But he swore to me he could never do that again. He lied. So I won't go into that story, it's so lame of me to trust again. It was at that time that I met my Daddy. I said to myself, "It's just for fun, he will break your heart like all the rest so just have fun. Light and fluffy fun. Don't you dare fall in love with that man, girl! Don't get bogged down by him. You can't be loved the way you need to be." I blamed me.-for it all. I blamed me. My stupidity, my eagerness, my down right trusting immaturity, my own lack of seeing those huge, giant, red flags. Stupid old me. 

Well, I did fall in love, but I was cautious this time. I got to know him and showed him me slowly. And although I knew the moment I met him I was in trouble, I knew I would love him one day, I took it slowly. I became friends, I had fun, I went to lunch, I met for a few hours without any kinky playtime. I got to know him, and better still he got to know me. He got to know who I was for real. It took time. It took trust, it took some arguing and some speaking up about things he didn't like and I didn't like. We actually got to know each other! Like real, human beings! How novel an idea!

So when online, do yourself a favor. People aren't real until you meet them, and even then, find out all you can about them. Search their name on the web, see if they are who they say they are, see if you can see them in the work place for lunch. Are they who they say they are? Or are they simply a figment of their own imagination.

Beware, but don't become callous, don't become hardened, don't become angry and bitter. Life is too short and sometimes, you need to open your heart one more time. One more time, with your eyes wide open and walking ahead slowly.

I am honored to be Daddy's submissive and best friend and lover. It's a priviledge and a joy in my heart.

Thank you Daddy, for seeing inside of me and knowing that I am exactly who I say I am! I know you are exactly who you say you are as well.

Kiss and hugs,

Sugar

1 month ago. Wed 29 Aug 2018 11:31:44 PM IDT

This is an older post of mine, yet poignant in many of submissive lives and worth a post. I am much less insecure these days and I will say that Daddy has helped me tremendously with that ability to value myself.

 

Without going into WHY I had a total meltdown, I am going to discuss what insecurity does to my relationship with Daddy. It’s very detrimental. It erodes our trust in each other. It makes our relationship weak and cheap. By cheap I mean it appears it can be tossed away in a flash in the pan. That is so far from the truth. It is not cheap at all. It is solid and golden and rare. My insecurities are the cause of cracks in our gold. Luckily, Daddy and I are able to melt my fears and always like a weeble, Hes able help me bounce back up.

My insecurity makes me feel like I am not worthy of love, it makes Daddy insecure in who I am as his submissive and friend. It takes me to a frenzy that is very detrimental to my health, to my well being and to Daddy’s own worth to me. Yet, for all the harm it does to me, it was small compared to what it did to us-as a family, as an entity. I love my family, I love my life with them. I am worthy of a good life, that includes them.

We are worth fighting for, we are worth never even considering throwing in a towel, we are worth being distinctly clear about what is hurting us and why. I will never, ever threaten to throw in the towel again. I will not have an excuse, I will not be over reactive, and if I am I will not assume I am not wanted or that I am not valued. I will clearly and as calmly as possible say why I am hurt, what I feel, what I see happening. I will not assume anything. I will not assume Daddy’s emotional state towards me. I will not assume anything. I am not allowed to cheapen myself or my role in Daddy’s life. To do that cheapens me and cheapens our relationship. We are not cheap. We are valuable to each other. We have a symbiotic relationship that thrives on. Ring there for each other. 

To take what I can not do and turn this into a positive uplifting post is achieved this way.  I will ask, I will talk. I will be calmer. I will understand my role in his life is sacred and precious. I have value. I have value to him. He is worth fighting for, we are worth fighting for, our family is worth fighting for. I am a critical part of our family. I am a critical part of Daddy’s life. I must never forget that. I must always remember I have value. I am valuable. I have to keep repeating this to myself. I have value to Daddy.

I am sorry, Daddy, from the depths of my soul-I am sorry. I am not allowed to be insecure about myself, about you, about our family. It is not acceptable behavior nor are they acceptable thoughts. Unconditional love is rare. I need to see how rare it is and accept that I am worthy of giving it and receiving it. I am loved, wanted and most of all needed, just as much as I need Daddy, he needs me. A dominant without a submissive is as useless as a submissive without a dominant. I must always remember the place I hold in Daddy’s heart. He has my heart in his pocket at all times. I am his.

I love you, Daddy, always and forever. I am sorry.

Sugar

1 month ago. Tue 28 Aug 2018 09:38:33 PM IDT

I know the BDSM community understands the necessity and importance of a good safe word. There are many kinds, the standard red, yellow, green, the personalized ones we make up. I know how important they are. I have never used one – never. Why you may ask? I, am one of those hard-headed, people-pleasing submissives, that don’t want to use their safe word.  I don’t want to let my Daddy down. It’s like saying, I’ve failed. I simply  don’t want to let Daddy down. If we are having a particularly long or painful S/M session, I know it’s because he needs that. Nope, I am not going to use that damn word.

This, however, puts undue stress on Daddy because I won’t use my safe word. It is up him to know when I’ve had enough, when my tolerance is at the stopping point. He’s quite good at knowing that, but I realize it's truly not the proper way to be in any BDSM relationship. Daddy and I have enough of a bond that he knows when he needs to stop. Yet, it’s never a good idea to rely on anyone else to know when you have simply had enough. I consider it a character flaw in myself. I don’t believe I am trying to be a myrtar,  I don’t think I’m better or worse than anyone else. It’s not being stubborn. I just want to be the “Best Baby Girl” ever. I don’t want to ever let Daddy down.

This is not the correct way to be especially if you are playing with a new Dominant. Please don’t think you need to do this. Any good dominant will expect you to use your safe word. They would demand it. And you should. If you find a dom who doesn’t like them? RUN. Stay away. It’s a huge red flag that you are with a man who doesn’t know what a good BDSM play session should be.

Watch out for those red flags. Watch out for your true limits. I am one of the lucky ones who has a daddy who is always aware of my limits. I love him with all my heart. He would never want me in any distress. I would never want to see me upset him. It’s a true ying/yang. I am blessed and happy. And please for once do as I say and not as I do- use your safe words subbies! There’s no shame in being safe! 

Love you with all my heart,daddy,

Sugar

1 month ago. Tue 28 Aug 2018 04:08:12 AM IDT

Submissives are different in a lot of ways from “regular” people. We tend to like pleasing much more than the average person. We have internal voices that make us need to please. We thrive on pleasing. We are often low maintenance creatures. We can most things for ourselves. We can be extremely needy for attention and guidance, but from my personal point of view, if we know that displeases our dominant, we even try hard to not be so needy. We always do need guidance. It’s built in our DNA.

Now when I talk about submissive needs, I’m talking about a D/s relationship, not a BDSM one only. That is quite obviously easy to fulfill. It’s based on impact/sexual/kinky play. It’s a real thing and it’s much easier to fulfill. A good BDSM session is whatever the Dom and sub have negotiated, along with good solid aftercare. That will feed them adequately. The real question is how to feed your D/s relationship where BDSM is not the main focus of your relationship. That takes much more work and much more ingenuity.

To feed most submissive needs, we go back to the basics. Time and Attention (T&A- and you thought T&A stood for something else! ) and guidance. They need to be given the opportunity to help you in some meaningful way. I once heard of a Dominant who gave his submissive math problems to do. Duh! That wouldn’t do a thing for me. I would simply rebel and need a reason to do that. I’d google every answer or just not do it. Not being bratty but I need a reason to complete a task. I definitely wouldn’t think of it as anything but punishment. If I were being a good submissive why would you punish me like that? Luckily, my Daddy wouldn’t ever do that to me. He doesn’t use his power to give me ridiculous tasks. He asks me if he gives me enough tasks, my answer always gives me something you need me to do. I would be adamant about not doing dumb things. (My inner 12 yo would simply fold her arms and say no, I was a good girl don’t punish me for being good, which at that point I’d get punished for being a brat. It would be a terrible vicious cycle we would both tire of quickly.)

I guess it goes back to my older post of needing CRACK. Caring, respect, affection/attention, compassion, and kindness. Those are the things I need to both give and receive. I need to feel like I have a purpose, and I don’t believe I’m truly that different than most D/s lifestyle submissives. I need to feel you desire me, in all ways. That I have a place in your life. That your life would somehow be not a fulfilled if I wasn’t with you. That you love me and I’m important enough to you to feed me. I’m rather laid back and spend some time with me, I’m good. If I can’t see you in person, talk to me on the phone, if you can’t talk, shoot me a text. It’s about knowing I’m thought about. It’s about being in your heart.

I am not that needy that I need constant attention, yet I do need some. I get all that I need from Daddy. He’s very good at giving me what I need. He thinks about me a great deal and shows me that he does by small things he does. An example is he knows I eat protein bars for breakfast a lot. He bought me a box and gave them to me. A little thing but meant the world to me. He thought about me. I try hard to do the same for him. I am always at a loss for words when he does things like that. I’m not used to being fed and not in the physical sense.

Feeding a submissive takes thought and it takes time. We are all unique. What feeds me, may not feed someone else. This is where we are much like our Dominants. We are all unique. (This is why you can’t be lazy and have someone else train your submissive!) You need to know what we need. We often want a lot! What we need is something totally different. (That will be another blog entry!)

So Dominants, don’t forget to properly feed your submissive. Know what their needs are, don’t forget their wants but always feed their needs. You have taken on a tremendous responsibility. It’s not as easy as it sounds. You have to be responsible and be able to give her the T&A she craves and needs or she will wither and die like a plant or animal you forget to feed and water.

I am one of the lucky ones that have someone who feeds me regularly and shows me T&A and guidance. He allows me to show him my love by giving me jobs when he needs something done. He brings me treats/gifts to show me he has paid attention to what I enjoy.

I love you, Daddy and I can’t think of a better Daddy for me. You have my heart and take care of me quite well.

Kisses and hugs,

Love always and forever,

Sugar

P.S.- How do you like to be fed? How do you feed your submissive?

1 month ago. Sat 25 Aug 2018 04:58:29 PM IDT

I wrote an article for Kayla Lords’ blog called “Thoughts of an Aging Submissive Babygirl.” I think you may enjoy it. And it’s truly a blog about how I feel about getting older. If you can check it out. Her blog is amazing and her writing is also. 

Here is the link: Thoughts of an aging babygirl

Please check out her other site at Loving BDSM, as well. She has a great deal of information there for everyone. 

Love you,

Sugar

1 month ago. Mon 20 Aug 2018 07:43:34 AM IDT

When you look at unconditional love, I think it’s easiest to first describe what it is not. It is not accepting any type of behavior from someone you love, it is not accepting abusive actions and words from someone you love, it is not allowing someone to use you, and take advantage of you. So if you are in a relationship where this happens, and you use the excuse of ” I love them unconditionally, no matter what they do to me” you are not loving them unconditionally. You are accepting abuse. You are not loving yourself, you are telling yourself you are not worthy of love and affection. You are worthy of little. Your inner voice tells you that people deserve to treat you with a lack of respect, a lack of caring, a lack of compassion. You do not believe anyone who tells you, you are lovable.

It is also not unconditional love when people love us for doing what they want us to do. According to Lisa Pool, a life coach, “Under those conditions we’re just “paying” for love in a way (or literally in some cases) with what we do to get that attention. We can be certain that we’re receiving unconditional love only when we make foolish mistakes, when we fail to do what other people want, and even when we get in their way, but they don’t feel disappointed or irritated with us. When we make a seemingly poor choice about our lives, take a wrong turn, undo or sabotage our own happiness… its unconditional love that keeps them right there, not judging or punishing but loving without conditions. It’s that love alone that has the power to heal all wounds, bind people together, and create relationships quite beyond our present capacity to imagine.”

Unconditional love is so much different than abuse. It is the epitome of both self-love and love of another human being who is worthy of your love. It is making sure they are emotionally and mentally stable enough to love you as well. It is loving them not regardless of what they do to you, but rather loving them no matter what happens to you as a couple. If they lose their job, you continue to love and support them. If they spill red wine on a new carpet, it is the ability to forgive them for being clumsy and laughing about it. It is the ability to try to make them happy with a token of love, it is being there for them when they need you the most. In unconditional loving, not only you,but your loved one, should respond appropriately to you at all times.

First, you need to love yourself unconditionally in order to be able to give another person what they need from you. Loving unconditionally is the act of giving to someone what they need and expecting nothing in return. To be there for that person, when they need you the most. It does not mean however, that you should give until you are left as an empty shell. It means you have taken care of your needs and have prioritized your needs and desires above anyone else’s. That may seem counter intuitive but it will ensure you are not simply becoming a “people pleaser.” It is that act that allows us to remain healthy and stable in the relationship. What good is a person who loves you “unconditionally” if they can not take care of their own needs and desires? They will be empty sooner rather than later and you can not rely on their strength to help you with anything.

Unconditional love helps both people grow and flourish. It allows them to be watered, nurtured, and to feel the act of love. For make no mistake, LOVE is an ACT. It is not simply an emotion. It’s the act of caring and loving a person within the healthy boundaries of a relationship. It is not a love bottle pouring and pouring without getting refilled by their loved one, it is characterized by acts of love that ‘feed’ the mind, the body and the soul.

I am extremely grateful and thankful to my Daddy for loving me unconditionally. For enjoying my face lighting up when he does such sweet things for me. For evoking emotions in me that are often hard for me to express. I see unconditional acts of love in him daily. A text, a phone call, an invitation to meet for tea, all the way to gifts that I cherish because they remind me daily I am lovable. I am desired, I am needed and wanted. He talks to me about issues or insecurities and doesn’t judge or scold (well not usually scolding) but leading and nurturing. THAT is unconditional love THAT is how I know and see his love. I also help him in all those ways. I care and nurture and have opened his eyes to situations which needed clarity.

All in all, it is rare that people love unconditionally. That type of love is truly a higher love (called agape in the Bible,) comprised of loving yourself, and loving another enough to make sure all of their  own needs and desires are met, as well as their partners. I have found that love and so has Daddy. It’s a beautiful thing to see and feel. Scary as hell, but simply beautiful. It speaks to the Dominant/Submissive bond that is so very hard to describe. It speaks to the Daddy/little bond perfectly. No one in my life has loved me so unselfishly and I believe he would say the same thing.

I love you Daddy, you have made my inner flowers bloom, and I see all of your beautiful garden.

Yours, always and forever,

Sugar