Online now

Subspace

My play on the word subspace. This is my space, as a sub, where I can express myself, talk about my life and experiences, and just vent.
14 hours ago. Wed 22 May 2019 12:02:58 AM IDT

I am a flirt, the little girl and the vanilla girl in me are both very flirtatious. It’s probably because I’m a little nympho (Daddy says). I’ve always been a flirt. Most times, in my eyes, it’s innocent I don’t actually mean anything by it. For example, my best friend is dressed up and the clothes she’s wearing accentuate her body nicely. It shows off her curves, ass, legs, etc. I would tell her she looks good but I would say it more like “Dammmnnnn let me take a bite of that”. No other examples needed, that is a very good one, I’m proud of it. Now just imagine me saying things like that to everyone who looks good. While I don’t mean that I actually want to bite or even have sex with my best friend but I’ve made the insinuation that I do. 

Last night I, in the most correct and innocently natured way, asked Daddy if that was allowed. Now some of you are probably thinking “well that’s stupid of you” and I completely agree with you. It was a stupid question, but it was a question I needed an answer to because I didn’t want to assume it was okay, continue to flirt, and by doing so embarrass my Daddy (also and this is my fault too we didn’t cover flirting when we went over rules). So I asked. It caught Daddy completely off guard and made him extremely mad (at first). 

When Daddy calmed down I was in the middle of a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, I really, truly, thought he was going to leave me and I would lose the best thing to happen to me. That’s when he told me he wasn’t mad at me, but that we obviously needed to have a serious talk. First thing Daddy said to me was he wasn’t leaving me, he’s put time and effort into me and he isn’t going to just toss that aside, and that I needed to understand that. Second he asked me if (even though he is the dom and can still do whatever he wants no matter how it makes me feel) I would like it if he “innocently” flirted with anyone. My immediate answer was no, no I wouldn’t like it. It would cause so much jealousy for me, it would eat me alive thinking about “what does Daddy want of her? Does she have something I don’t? Is she prettier to him than I am?” even if it’s not my place to think or feel those things. Finally, Daddy decided the punishment for such a question. Panties. Not just panties but what they represent, a barrier to my sexuality. My sexuality is just the opposite of that, it’s not mine, it’s Daddys. I am his, his toy, his girl, his sub. I am not anyone else’s, nor should I ever allow anyone to think they have even the smallest chance with me, because let me tell you you don’t. So nothing is innocent, yeah sure I don’t mean it and yeah sure whoever I’m flirting with also knows I don’t mean it but I’m allowing others around me to assume I’m sexually available. Which is not the case, and not something they should be thinking of me. 

The full punishment is I am to be fully clothed always (panties, bra, shirt, pants, the whole thing) during the day, and at night I wear panties and a shirt for a week straight AND no sexual anything...Meaning a whole new non-sexual morning and night routine, no training, no nothing. Also I think as an added on punishment he is making me clean my room. My room isnt messy by any means but it’s cluttered and not as organized as it needs to be. So that’s what I’m doing, wearing panties and cleaning, and suffering from my over active sex drive while Daddy sends me teasing photos and texts all day long. He’s good too, he knows all my hot buttons and is pushing them all at once. 

1 day ago. Mon 20 May 2019 11:31:51 PM IDT

Yesterday Daddy and I had gone over all our rules, protocols, and expectations and he complied them into one giant (and I mean giant, it’s 13 pages long) set of rules that we will follow. Whilst talking we went over rountines, our morning and night ones, we talked about the order of them, the reason for the steps and process of them, and even how important it is to not break routine. Because once it’s broken it’ll only be easier to break again, and soon enough you find yourself with no routine and therefore (in my eyes) a suffering (or even no) dynamic. Daddy and I both agreed that we would not break our routines so that would never happen to us.

Last night, not even 5 hours after that conversation, we broke routine. Daddy hasn’t been sleeping a lot, though I don’t think he really does much sleeping at night anyways. I know this because I will wake up every morning to about 20+ messages from Daddy, all coming from throughout the night and early morning. I haven’t been sleeping well either, I blame the butt plug but really it’s my ever insatiable appetite for Daddy and pleasing him. This weekend especially I got very little sleep, with waking up early for training and going to bed late because of work and night time trainings. So both Daddy and I are exhausted by 6pm last night. Daddy decides he’s going to rest his eyes and I decide to just hangout for a while, rest my body. Soon enough it’s 8:45 and I can barely keep my eyes open, I haven’t heard from Daddy so I assume he’s still sleeping. I ended up messaging him a few times, asking if he was still asleep, may we do our bed time routine so we may go to bed. Daddy responded just as I was starting to drift and told me he was exhausted himself so we would skip trainings and routines that night and rest. Remembering our talk earlier I was rather wary of this because I did not want to break habit, I asked Daddy if he was sure, I could do the routine myself and send him video proof. He declined saying we were both too tired and needed our rest and for me to go to bed. So to bed I went, but it ate me for a while, my body wanted to do its trainings but Daddy said no and goodnight (once Daddy says goodnight there is no getting out of bed unless to use the restroom). 

In the morning I woke to not only an apology from Daddy for not giving me his Maximum Effort but was told I get a cookie, (I’m up to two now! 😁) and that he would never allow that to happen again. In the end it probably was best for us to get our over due sleep, and I did get another cookie out of it, but I missed training last night  and think we both suffered from it a bit. 

 

2 days ago. Sun 19 May 2019 07:58:47 PM IDT

Yesterday Daddy gave me two lists, one for public protocols and the other for private. I was told to read over them, memorize them, and that we would go over them together later that night. Public protocols are rules a sub must follow in public settings, rather obvious if you ask me, being it a munch or out to lunch with your dom. And as such, private protocols are rules you follow in private with your dom, his home, your home, whereever it may be. Some of the protocols were more common sense and therefore not new, but others were brand spanking (hehe) new. 

The public ones are pretty simple, most are on making sure you’re as unnoticed as possible. That is the place of a sub so it makes sense. They touch on posture, how to stand, where to put your hands, where to stand when around your dom. Really just common sense stuff if you’re at least a little experienced in this lifestyle.

Private protocols are harder for Daddy and I because we are not local to each other, we are around 3000 miles apart, for now. So there were a lot of protocols that had to be modified and some that were just taken out because they were irrelevant to us or Daddy found it non-useful. The private ones are far more in depth than the public which I was slightly surprised by. Though they were more about routines when arriving home, going to bed, preparing food/drinks for your dom and possible guests. Again a lot of these do not affect Daddy and I at the moment but it is always good to know them for when they do come into play. 

Before last night I’d never had any real protocol training. I’d had doms in the past tell me not to make eye contact with other doms, as well as things like making sure you address your dom with one of their honorary titles as often as possible (which was partially wrong because it’s supposed to be done in every sentence), but nothing like Daddy was doing with me. I was surprised to see how many of the public and private protocols (that apply to Daddy’s and I dynamic) I was already doing. Ones like posture, stance, hand placement, asking for permission to do things and waiting for permission to be given. Daddy was pretty surprised too by it in the beginning, even though he didn’t mention it till last night. He said it’s what turned him on to me so quickly and that made me proud of myself. 

Daddy and I went over all the protocols, discussing what they meant exactly, how we would introduce the new ones into our routines, modifying some to fit us, and getting rid of ones that didn’t work for us. Then we implemented all of them starting last night. The one I am struggling with most is getting “Daddy” into every sentence. Though I am already getting better at it as I’ve only missed it once today, where last night I missed it so many times I got myself a nice little punishment (Thank you Daddy). 

If you’d like to know more about protocols or would like to see the lists Daddy and I used, he has posted them in and talked briefly about it in his own blog. DomAnt if you don’t know it by now.

3 days ago. Sun 19 May 2019 04:48:16 AM IDT

This is just an update post to make sure I get in my daily blog. Sorry Daddy. 

...

Training is going good. Throat training is, deep. I have doubled my time for holding a deep throat in just a few days, which makes Daddy very happy, in turn causing him to push me to go longer. Yoga is freeing as always. I was already doing it daily before Daddy but his added compliments and suggestions make it more thrilling and intense. Meditation is a new favorite of mine. Today while we meditated Daddy took me on a mental journey allowing me to escape the physical world. It was so serene, I felt my body and mind slip into the trance caused by Daddy’s voice. Sleeping with the plug in is still keeping me up at night. It keeps me turned on and I wake thinking of and wanting my Daddy. Last night it kept me up well past my bed time and because I didn’t want to be a complete bad girl I got busy with some tasks I needed to finish.

My first task, creating a bunch of accounts for my sub persona. Daddy thought it rather risky of me to use my personal social media accounts as well as my actual number for anything non-vanilla. Those were easy enough. My next task was to finish and post my blog for the day. It was 11:30 at night and I had decided to scratch my blog idea and start fresh. I posted just in time to meet my deadline and narrowly escape a possible punishment. I’ve not missed a blog post and I don’t know I want to find out what happens if I do. 

Next I moved onto something I want to blog about more thoroughly so I will summarize it for today. We are looking for a sister sub and if you live in the Vancouver, Wa/Portland, OR (or close by) area and are interested please contact my Daddy, DomAnt. Back to the task, Daddy found a few sub females in my area that could be potential sister subs and told me to reach out to them. Once I finished that I did a revamping of my profile and called it good for the night seeing as it was now 2 am. 

Sorry, I know this is on the boring side. Busy weekend in the vanilla world but a sub is still a sub and she must still be a good girl. 

4 days ago. Sat 18 May 2019 09:54:01 AM IDT

Doms, Dommes, and subs, I should let you all know that I do have a Dom. I am owned. My Daddy is extremely protective and possessive of me. If you would like to speak privately to me (Doms/Dommes, and subs looking for a sister sub) you must go through him first. 

It is not proper etiquette to try and steal another doms sub, nor is it okay to message a taken sub without speaking to their dom first. 

This sub respects her Dom, nothing is kept from him. Please respect us. Thank you :)

5 days ago. Fri 17 May 2019 06:36:53 AM IDT

I apparently am not as quick a learner as I thought. Yet again this little girl opened her big mouth. I spoke out of turn. By that I mean I had an attitude with Daddy. I had gotten jealous for a moment and let that take hold of my tongue. The jealousy was thick of me and unnecessary as I know my Daddy would never do anything to hurt me. He called me out on it on the spot, as you’d suppose, reminding me of my place. “You’re MY sub not the other way around” that sentence snapped me back, no drug me back into my place. Submissive. Daddy then gave me a chance to save myself from punishment and I took it. He really is the best, and deserves the best so I will become that for him. I will learn. 

5 days ago. Fri 17 May 2019 12:23:28 AM IDT

It’s 2 in the morning and I’m supposed to be sleeping but I can’t. I’ve been waking up almost every hour on the hour since I first drifted off tonight. The reason, you may ask, is because tonight Daddy made the decision that I will be sleeping with my butt plug in. To some this isn’t a big deal, but the longest I’ve ever been “plugged” is about 5 hours. At this point it’s not been in that long but by the time I wake up, and I’m sure Daddy will make me keep it in until after morning trainings, it’ll have been in for close to double that. I am not waking because it is uncomfortable, rather because I’m so turned on I can’t sleep. I’m sure Daddy would enjoy knowing this, and I will tell him in the morning. For now I’m drifting again, I will continue this post in the morning. 

...

Good morning all, as suspected Daddy had me keep the plug in. Though he went further than I oringinally thought, He said I needed to keep it in until I got dressed for work. Then while getting ready he told me I had 60 seconds to ask for permission to take it out, I did not respond in time so in it stays. I’m off to work now, I will update this post on my lunch hour. 

...

And I’m back. Well it’s been 15 hours now and my ass is definitely a little sore from all the moving around and such. I get to take it out now. I’m both relieved and saddened. Relieved my ass can have a break but saddened I don’t feel filled by Daddy anymore. My thoughts on the whole thing, great experience, I’ve been solidly turned on the entire time, my breasts are proof of that, as well as the slickness between my legs. Daddy has decided that sleeping with the plug in will become part of my nightly routine, maybe I’ll get used to it and get some sleep. Maybe Daddy will wake up to some kinky texts in the morning because of it. We will see. 

6 days ago. Thu 16 May 2019 05:25:19 AM IDT

In my past dynamics I’ve always had a choice, a say, I was able to give my opinion and my dom, at the time, would listen to it and we would come to a final decision. Since that’s how all my past dynamics worked I went into this one (for all of 3 hours maybe) thinking that I still had a choice. 

I do not. My Daddy makes the decisions for me now. He is kind enough to still ask my opinion, and sometimes it sways Him... a little... but I know that in the end I do not have a choice.

If Daddy tells me to strip, get on my knees, and be a good little girl, then I strip, get on my knees, and be a good little girl. There is no thought just action. 

If I’m being completely honest, and I’m allowed to be here, it’s hard sometimes still. For example, last night when I spoke on something I shouldn’t have and hurt my Daddy, it would’ve been okay in the past (not to hurt my dom but to say what I had said). Now it is not, and that’s that. This is a pretty big change for me, but I know my Daddy has only the best in mind for me. He wants me happy, no fulfilled, healthy, and in ways more than just money, wealthy. While this is a big change it is the right change for me. I need this kind of order and solitude in my life and He gives it to me 10x over. 

6 days ago. Wed 15 May 2019 07:54:31 PM IDT

I do not have a filter, I have taught myself to hold my tongue at times but other I forget and speak when I shouldn’t. 

Last night was one of those times when I should’ve stayed quiet and didn’t. I passed judgment on Him and hurt Him by doing so. Which hurt me as well. I never want to make Him upset, my goal is to please Him. I almost lost Him because of it too, but He is forgiving and caring and is allowing me a chance to prove myself to Him. 

 

I am doing that now in more ways than one... I am spoken for I have found my dom. 

1 week ago. Sat 11 May 2019 06:13:23 PM IDT

While walking down the street yesterday I was quite literally catcalled. The mans words were “Meoow! *tongue clicks* Here kitty kitty. Come to daddy. I want to make that kitty puurrr.” #keepportlandweird 

 

I won’t lie, it made my kitty senses tingle. Now I just need the right man to say the same thing to me.