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My play on the word subspace. This is my space, as a sub, where I can express myself, talk about my life and experiences, and just vent.
1 month ago. Jan 7, 2020, 8:13 AM

Daddy is currently asleep next to me. Holding me tight even as he’s unconscious. It’s one of my favorite things about living with him. When we’re asleep we have some unspoken rule that we have to be touching. It could be his hand on my bum or wrapped around my waist, holding my boob or just gently resting next to my thigh. It could be myself being the big spoon wrapping my arm around him and throwing my leg over his, or cuddled into his chest where I can barely breathe but love to be. Whenever one of us turns over the other follows without missing a beat to keep the connection. I’m not sure if Daddy realizes it as much as I do but I truly love it. 

 

....


Since Daddy went to sleep early tonight (he hasn’t really been sleeping well and we got up early today) he’s left me awake with my thoughts, and they’re wandering far tonight. Sometimes my thoughts are my best friend and sometimes they’re my worst enemy. Tonight they’re a little more neutral. In my last blog I’d mentioned how Daddy and I hit a couple bumps these past few months and didn’t give much detail. I don’t feel it is necessary to go in-depth on them but they were focused around my own negative self image and were ignited by some things Daddy did that I really should have no problem with. But I do and did because of said image problems. 

Anyways, my thoughts tonight aren’t on my looks. They’re on my actions and reactions to the events. I grew up in a household where I didn’t have emotionally (or otherwise) supportive parents so early on I learned that I needed to deal with my problems on my own. Being as young as I was and not having a proper outlet or being able to vocalize my emotions I basically became mute in that area. I would, and still do, allow things to bother me quietly till I boil over and eventually break down over something seemingly insignificant. When those break downs occur I'm yet again left mute. Outwardly.

In my head I can give a well thought out reason and explanation for why I’m upset. I can answer all questions coherently. I can even tell you exactly what you did to make me upset and why it hurt me so badly. But when I try to speak those same words, that were just so nicely formed in my head, nothing comes out. I open my mouth to talk and nothing. My silence only makes the situation worse because now Daddy thinks I just don’t want to talk to him, or maybe that I’m overreacting. 

He tries coming at me from different angles, soft and understanding, stern and dominant, questioning. The whole time I’m sitting there mute and crying. Partially because of what I was originally upset over and partially because in my head I’m screaming the answers to everything and still can’t seem to get a word out. I sit curled into myself, ashamed that I’m causing a scene because I can’t freaking talk. Having an internal battle with myself. Yelling at myself in my head to just freaking say something and not leave Daddy over there guessing and fishing in an empty lake. 

It takes me, sometimes, hours to say some small sliver of what my original thoughts were and even then I feel like I’m not saying everything I need or want to say so it isn't really solved for me. And do I dare try to bring it up again and cause yet another scene just because I feel like I still need to talk about it or that it’s not completely solved. Personally I don’t think I should because I don’t want to put Daddy through the stress of it. Plus Daddy’s done everything he can to prove he has and had no intention of hurting my feelings. Everything I’ve been upset over he’s cut from his life. I really can’t ask for more than that.

 

....


I think back a lot on how in those moments I wish I was able to say what I really wanted and was able to make sense when I said it. I’m trying so hard to be more open with Daddy when I’m upset over things. Trying to tell him right away instead of hiding it. It’s just hard to undo nearly 20 years of coping with things on your own. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive too, that things didn’t affect me the way they do. I’m working on that as well.

Part of my New Years resolution is to be healthier, not just physically but mentally. So I’m hoping for the best. Also, I’ve had this conversation with myself many times over. If I seem well thought out here it’s because I’m not speaking, I’m thinking, and somehow thoughts translate easier when writing than talking aloud for me. 

....

 

Anyways, yeah, just where my thoughts are. I’m now mentally drained so goodnight, sleep tight πŸ’›πŸ’›

1 month ago. Jan 6, 2020, 8:34 AM

Daddy and I have been living our IRL dynamic now for just over 3 months. I’ve got to say it’s been the best 3 months of my life thus far. We’ve had some minor bumps in the road, I’ll get to those, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

The last time I blogged I told you all we were getting ready to sign our IRL contract. That hasn’t happened yet because of a hiccup on both Daddy’s and my own part. We didn’t realize that we’d have puppies as quickly as we got them. Nor did we think we have to deal with two very difficult pups, the Loki’s.

The first one we adopted we got from a rescue, they drilled it into our heads from the start that “all our puppies have been cleared by our on site vet who says they are all in peak health.” That wasn’t the case for our pup. When we brought him home he (sorry for tmi) has some very loose stools. At first we chucked it up to a change in food. Though he was only getting dry food at the time. When 2 weeks when by and he still had no change in stool and he was now coughing and hacking really badly we took him to the vet. The vet told us he has kennel cough and a few other sicknesses. We then asked the rescue for a full work up of his vet history with them and it turned out that he had worms and a bacterial infection in his bowels. Which they so kindly covered up with some meds. So we ended up taking him back to the rescue out of fear that he would get Luci sick. She did get sick for a bit but when we’d taken Loki 1 to the vet he’s prescribes Luci with some meds to hopefully kill the sickness before it got too bad. 

Loki 2, will actually be leaving us tomorrow. We have had him for just over a month. He was supposed to be our second service dog, but does not met requirements for such. He is just too rambunctious to be a service dog. He doesn’t have any real problems with him but he does make training Luci extremely hard. Not to mention he’s a kind of greedy, if there’s a treat he’s going through whomever and whatever to get that treat in his mouth. He’s also extremely hard headed so any training with him has been a dud. He is going to a very nice couple who has a like breed dog that has passed on. They are not looking for a service animal, just a pup to love on and spoil so they will be perfect for him. We are sending him off with all of his toys, some treats, and a few other things to help with his transition. 

I’m sad, and a bit disappointed in myself for having to let go of two pups who I wanted to work for us so badly. But I have to know that not all dogs and owners are perfect pairs. Some dogs need more freedom and need to rule over the house and some need more structure and dominance. We got super lucky with Luci, she is perfect for us. She is easy to train, has the mannerisms and aptitude to be a service dog. She is 7 months (on the 12th) now and still my gorgeous baby. I’m thankful to have her still and hope one day we find our second perfect pup and her playmate. 

Back to the contract though, like I said Daddy and I didn’t think we have to deal with pups right away so we hadn’t had them in our schedule. Then with trying to work with the Loki’s and just plain life we’ve gotten busy and haven’t had the time to really sit down to rework everything to fit our life. We still plan to sign it and do a whole new collaring ceremony when we do, we just need to find the time. 

There have been some other hurdles that Daddy and I have ran into and worked through in the last few months. All of it only made us and our dynamic stronger. I truly believe that my Daddy is my One, my Perfect, my Soulmate. Everything is right when I’m with him and everything feels better with him beside me. I’ve never loved someone so much, I’ve never felt such a deep connection to anyone. It’s extremely hard to put into words how I feel for my Daddy. It’s like there aren’t words that would do it justice, it’s just a feeling so pure no one would know it unless they felt it themselves. Daddy and I are not perfect beings but we are perfect for each other. 

In November we celebrated my birthday. 23 is a weird year. I don’t feel 23 and I keep forgetting I’m 23. Plus no one believes I’m even close to that age. Two days after my birthday we had gone to visit Grandpapa in the hospital and the security guard to the ICU was hounding me about my age. He asked me probably 6 times if I was 18 and didn’t believe me or Daddy when we both said yes. He finally let me through when my answer didn’t change for the 10th time. Daddy and I both thought it funny, and it made me feel pretty good about my baby face. 

December was cold, we got snowed in for a good majority of it. About half the month to be exact. But we didn’t let that hinder our Christmas spirits. Daddy and I spoiled each other and then we spoiled the pups. The pups got more Christmas gifts than Daddy and I combined. It was a great day. We spent New Year’s Eve going out to dinner and then staying in for the count down having some drinks and sharing our resolutions. Daddy was my first ever New Years kiss, I know kind of sad. 23 and just now having my first New Years kiss. I’m not mad about it though, it made it all the more special to share it with someone I truly love.

That’s all I’ve got for you guys now. I didn’t share too deeply this time but I still let you in. I know it’s late but Happy holidays and Happy New Years to you all. I hope you all had marvelous times πŸ’›πŸ’›

3 months ago. Nov 1, 2019, 4:31 AM

So the last couple weeks have been busy and the weather took a nose dive so we’ve also been kind of holed up. I’ve got some pictures to share as I’ve promised them in my last blog plus a few others so here we go. 

these are from our trip to the pumpkin patch. Not what I remember from my childhood as far as greenery goes but we are in the desert after all. I picked out two pumpkins and Daddy picked one. Also I tried REALLY hard to get a picture of Luci and I in the pig head but it didn’t really work out. That was our best attempt. 


if you remember I mentioned how I’d never actually carved a pumpkin before and that Daddy made sure we would. These are what they turned out to be. They lasted all of 2 nights before a couple of deers came through and ate the entire faces off all 3. The wildlife around here is fed pretty well thanks to Daddy and I as we throw all our old veggies out into the front area and ALWAYS within a few nights they’re gone. 


in that same blog I also mentioned Daddy was going to let me shoot his childhood gun as that was yet another thing I’d never done. I had WAAAAYYYY too much fun with that. Since these photos we have had to replace 3 parts, so I’ve been the lucky girl who’s taken it apart, deep cleaned, and put it back together again. We bought some more ammo and some targets for me to practice with. I’m really not that great but I’m not completely terrible either. I hope to get better with practice and get a few more guns in the future. 

now this beauty right here is Horacio. I’ve named him such because I don’t actually know his name. He’s the neighbor down the roads horse and he always comes out to say hi when we go on our walks. He’s a massive thing that loves Luci and I and Daddy. Even though Daddy tends to hang back a little and snap the pictures of us. Daddy has given Horacio a couple pats and “Good Boys” though. 



and finally, this was Luci’s first snow, and my first experience was its 12 inches of snow. I’ve also never made a snow man soooo that super sad attempt at one is also a first for me. I also got to use our little sled to go down the hill here and that was so fun. I took Luci down with me one time and I think it was just too fast for her but it was fun nonetheless. The lowest it’s gotten is 1 degree and that’s not something I ever though I would experience but I’m surviving with layers and heaters and cuddles from both Daddy and Luci. 
So that’s the update, not much but kind of a lot at the same time. Happy Halloween, I hope you’re all having a spooookkkyyyy time and remember to be safe!! πŸ‘»πŸ‘»

4 months ago. Oct 18, 2019, 8:13 PM

In the past I’ve raved about how amazing my Daddy, how loving and caring and absolutely perfect he is to and for me. Today is nothing different. 

Daddy has always listened to me when I talk about things I want to do or would like to try and he makes them happen. He is always trying to allow me to be who ever I want and then to be my very best at it. 

Yesterday GPP called Daddy to say he’d gotten the tractor up and working and if we wanted we could take it for a spin. It’s an older one, so I know nothing about it but I definitely wanted to drive it. When we got home that’s the first thing Daddy started working at, figuring out how to get it running and teaching me how to drive it. We didn’t end up driving the tractor because GPP said he wanted me to drive it in the day time, not at sunset. Instead I got to drive the 4Runner/Gator. Which was just as fun if you ask me. Luci and Daddy rode with me. We went up the road a little and then circled back around to the house, not a long drive but fun nonetheless. 

I told Daddy a while ago that the last time I’d been to a pumpkin patch was as a child for a school field trip, and that I’d never actually carved a pumpkin before. The other day when we were at the store he bought a carving kit and now today we are going to a pumpkin patch!! I’m so excited and can’t wait to pick one out and then carve it up with Daddy. We also might be shooting guns today, another thing I’ve never done but told Daddy I’d like to do. I don’t plan on shooting any animals, that would be too sad for me but I have no problems shooting up a patch of dirt lol! 

Anyways, Daddy is the best. He truly is better than anyone I’ve ever had in my life and he will continue to be the best ever. I’ve never been loved so hard and completely. I’ve never been heard before. I’ve never had someone care so much about making me happy, making me feel good, and loved. It’s amazing and sometimes I feel I don’t deserve him. But I do, and I will continue to love and care for him and make him happy just as he does for me because he deserve that too. 

4 months ago. Oct 17, 2019, 4:53 AM

Since it’s not November 1st yet today is still vanilla day. We spent it doing busy things, we walked the property line which was just about a mile, 2 shorter than our normal walk but it was warmer today than it’s been so it felt just as long. We then went to the store to pick up some needed things around the house, came home put them away and then headed right back out to Pueblo to do more shopping. We had to make that trip because it has the closest GameStop. Daddy wanted to buy me a controller so we could play games together. We also stopped at a home store, one where they’re all built and they just bring them to you. It was actually pretty cool. We then went to Pet Smart to get Luci a winter jacket, but as always left with new toys and food treats for her. Now where getting food on the way home and then going to have a quiet night in. Hopefully with a movie, cuddles, and some ice cream πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ 

I hope everyone’s had a great Wednesday and good night πŸ’›πŸ’›

4 months ago. Oct 16, 2019, 4:30 AM

Today’s blog is brought to you by Yongqing Bao, London's Natural History Museum's Wildlife Photographer of the Year winner.

when you’re getting into things you shouldn’t and Daddy finds you

 

When you’re alone in the shower washing your hair, turn around and Daddy’s there too

 

when it’s 2 am and you’re in the kitchen having some more ice cream and Daddy shows up

 

when you’re just minding your business and Daddy spanks your bum

 

Daddy and I have had a good laugh tonight because of this picture. If you guys have any other reactions to it please comment, let’s all laugh together πŸ’›πŸ’›

4 months ago. Oct 15, 2019, 5:04 AM

Recently I’ve been listening to music less, it’s really not a bad thing but it’s kind of weird considering I used to listen to it daily not even a couple weeks ago. Anyways, today I was listening to some and now I want to have myself a little dance party. My little is screaming for one. Here’s some I would play during it 😁😁


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

4 months ago. Oct 14, 2019, 4:53 AM

One our drive here Daddy and I had stopped at a Tracker Supply Co. store for some crops. We'd been recommended to buy our crops from such stores because they're horse crops which means they're better made and pretty cheap. I'd have to agree based on the couple we got. Anyways, during the drive I'd gotten a little horny so I decided to play with Daddy a little. First I started by rubbing on him through his pants to let him know what I wanted. When he was hard I unzipped his pants and pulled him out, playing with him a little more before I put my mouth on him. Daddy and I both enjoy road head very much. I sucked on him for about 30 mins before he told me I needed to stop because it was becoming hard to concentrate. With heavy reluctance I took him out of my mouth and tucked him back in safely. I was now only hornier than I was when I began so I told Daddy. "Play with yourself Kitten." I slide down in my chair a little and put my feet up so my legs were open and spread. Then I took on of Daddy's hands and placed it over myself. "It always feels better when you do it though Daddy." I gave him my little kitten eyes and Daddy happily obliged. He took me all the way to the edge and then stopped. HOW RUDE! "The turns Kitten, I have to focus on all the turns." Grrrrr. "Play with yourself Kitten." I asked Daddy if I was allowed to use toys, and was told I could. So I unbuckled (I know, I know...) turned around and grabbed the new crop. With wide eyes full of anticipation Daddy just smiled and said "Oh yeah?" I shook my head and grinned and then got back into position. "Ten." "Yes Daddy." I gave myself ten swats down the center, Daddy's favorite spot. Daddy then took it and gave me a few more just to "make sure it felt loved". It sure felt the love. It was swollen and red all over and glistening with love. Just how Daddy likes it. Incredibly horny now and needing to cum Daddy said the magic words, "Cum for me Kitten." Without hesitation my fingers found my sweet spot and I made myself cum for him. Then like a good girl I thanked my Daddy, the toy, and cleaned my fingers and myself up. "That's Daddy's good girl" he said as he squeezed my inner thigh, and with that I was horny for him again. 

A couple nights later Daddy and I were laying on the couch when the overwhelming urge to be spanked came over me. Since I'd been a good girl all day I knew I wasn't going to be punished that night. So, I got up walked to the closet and grabbed the new crop (which is slowly becoming my favorite toy) and brought it out to Daddy. When he saw it he simply said "Oh yeah?" "Oh YES Daddy!" was my reply. He took the crop from my hand and told me to lay over his lap. I happily did just that. I was only wearing a big t-shirt so Daddy pulled it up over my bum and began rubbing it. Daddy then started his wonderful assault on my bum. Two quick strikes at a time to each check, then some massaging and rubbing, some praise, and then two more strikes. Soon enough the strikes moved both up and down my body. Up to my shoulder and down to my toes. It was such yummy pain. "Turn over Kitten." I stood up to turn over but before I could lay down again Daddy stopped me and took the shirt off me, "You won't be needing this now will you?" I laid back down over his lap and waited for his touch. His hands slid over my body and down my center. Squeezing and gently gliding his fingers over me. Then out of no where two strikes to each tit. I gasped in shock and pleasure. Again Daddy gave me exactly what I needed. We were shortly interrupted by Luci who was growling at Daddy. We had a good laugh, reassured Luci that I was okay and put her to bed. We then went to our bed to continue. Before we continued Daddy stopped at the closet to grab a couple more toys. My two favorite floggers. "Do you know how many we're at Kitten?" "No, I do not Daddy." "Why is that?" "I forgot to count Daddy." "Oh good, we can start over again then." I was totally fine with that. Daddy started his strikes again, two quick hits with the crop then two with the floggers combined. I was in a fiery heaven of pain and bliss. This time Daddy made sure I counted, though he didn't wait for me to say the numbers before I was struck again. "Fifte- sixt- seventee- eighteen DADDY!" When Daddy was satisfied with how my back looked he moved to the front. Again a barrage of strikes from top to bottom, again barely getting the numbers out before the next one hit. When Daddy was done he made sure to massage out and kiss all of my marks. Yet another kind of sweet torture. During this entire ordeal my sex was drenched and I wanted, needed to cum so badly. But I was a bad girl for not counting and needed to be punished. No cumming for this little girl. My horniness carried over to the morning and when it came time to do morning greet, Daddy played me with and allowed me to cum. After Daddy came and he told me to swallow and then said "That's my good girl"... and I was horny all over again. 

4 months ago. Oct 12, 2019, 7:37 AM

I am supposed to be writing a blog post today, and while I have a good topic I can’t seem to focus or get the words to come out right. Why? Well that would be because my eyes have recently been opened to a couple wonderful shows and I just can’t seem to stop watching them. 

The first one is Seven Deadly Sins. Which is really a twist because the good guys are a group called the Seven Deadly Sins and the bad guys are called the Ten Commandments. Sick joke but great show. It’s got adventure, some slight romance, and of course dirty jokes. 


The second one is Kakegurui. Daddy and I are watching the live action version and while it’s not English dubbed we are enjoying it the fullest. It really is a mind game of a show. It’s based on a school where nothing matters besides gambling. All the big wig gamblers are cheaters and a girl comes in to basically take them all down. Good stuff honestly. I think we’ll watch the anime version next. 


If you guys have any recommendations for us to watch please let me know and we’ll check them out. Also I will be (more than likely) posting my actual blog tomorrow. Don’t tell Daddy but this one is just so I don’t get in trouble for not posting 🀐🀐

4 months ago. Oct 9, 2019, 7:13 AM

Daddy and I have been adding some new things to our routines. First the care of Luci, even though we knew we would eventually be adding puppies to our family we didn't think it would be right away. So the contract just says that all of her care is up to me but there is no schedule for her. Thankfully for me and Daddy we are in what I'm going to call a "set-up" period. We haven't signed our new contract yet, that is dated for November 1st, and we have it that way because with such a big move for the both of us we knew it would take a bit to get all situated. We are all unpacked but we still have some things we need to take care of to get everything completely ready. Anyways, there is no schedule for when Luci needs walked, fed, and everything else. So far shes following a schedule of her own, which just so happens to conflict somewhat with the one that Daddy and I already have set up for us. We will need to figure something out. 

Going on a tangent real quick, Luci is doing pretty well. We adopted her from the local humane society and were given very little information about her other than what they had done with her during her time there. Through our short time with her we have learned she's pretty much house broken. She holds it pretty well, but since she is still a puppy some times it's hard to hold it. Right now we are taking her out about every 3-4 hours. We also learned that she (more than likely) has a fear of males, especially when they are scolding her. There have been a couple of times where Daddy has had to tell her "No" sternly and she's basically lost it. She starts barking and backing herself in a corner, showing all her teeth. When Daddy goes to tell her to stop she just freaks out more, but if I step in and start telling her no and to stop she immediately turns docile. Laying down all small and meek like, no more bared teeth and barking. It's pretty obvious to Daddy and I that something before us and maybe even the shelter happened to her that caused her to fear men. To try to work this out of her Daddy has taken over a lot of her care taking, at least for a while till she can trust him. If any one has any other ideas or helpful tips for this please share. We would love any ideas. Other than this though she is a really good girl, she listens well and is so sweet and loving. 

Back on track now... another new addition is a daily walk. Daddy and I decided that we need to get at least a little daily exercise together. Outside of our morning workout, we decided we would take a walk down to the mailboxes and back. In total is a 3 mile walk, so it takes about an hour. With Luci though it takes us just over an hour as she likes to stop often for water breaks. Today was the first day we weren't swamped with errands so we got to actually walk the full thing, the past few days we've been doing about a quarter of it at night with Luci for her last walk of the day. It was a really good walk, it felt so nice to spend some actual time outside today. Plus it was a nice day, 80 degrees and clear skies, so we got some sun too. Luci handled it well too, when we got home though she was pooped and headed straight for her bed and napped for a good 3 hours. She woke up full of energy again. 

The next thing I plan to add to our routine, which is already a part of it but not really a part of it, is MAKEOVERS!!!! I love playing with makeup and face masks and such, and I'd love even more to add Daddy to it. It's probably going to be more of a task than I think it will be but who knows. In the contract it says that daily Daddy will play with me for at least an hour, I've started planting the idea of playing with makeup. Doing his and he doing mine but he is still a little timid about it all. I don't want to force it on him but I would really like for it to happen. Daddy's done a couple face masks with me, and he enjoys looking at the finished products of my makeup play so I hope that we can keep moving towards my end goal hehehe. That's just a couple new things we've added and one I want to add.

As a small update; our days have been filled with tasks, laughs, and fun. Even though at times it's been frustrating and things didn't go our way we've made the best of everyday. We now are cuddled up on the couch, watching a rather hilarious anime and laughing at Luci who has taken her blanket out of her kennel, put it here in the living room and has fallen asleep NEXT to it. ALSO she is a gas monster so our new life includes plugging out noses more often than not. Yay us!!