1 month ago. Wed 05 Sep 2018 04:55:18 AM IDT
I’m a dork and I’m listening to The Wedding Song (There is Love) by Peter, Paul, and Mary. I have a special place in my heart for folksy/singer songwriter music.
Anyway, the past while (few days? Week? My life?) I’ve been trying to think of what my ‘perfect’ partner would be. Of course, cynical part of me immediately says not to bother because I don’t tend to have things go my way. But, much to my cynical side’s chagrin, I’m compiling the list anyway and putting it out into the universe or whatever the hell that means.
-He’s not afraid to be goofy. Sometimes he photobombs strangers’ pictures to get a giggle, or does something annoying but in a mischievous way just to make me laugh, or do something spontaneous like bombard me with silly string me as I’m walking into the house or maybe he sees a nerf gun and decides its battle royale time.
-He’s not afraid to look stupid for a good cause. Ever see the video of the dad that gets on stage with his daughter during her ballet recital because she’s scared and starts doing the ballet routine with them so she stops crying? Yeah. That kind of looking stupid.
-He’s not afraid to be vulnerable. He may be a hard-ass 99.999999% of the rest of the time, but with me he isn’t afraid to cry, vent, be the little spoon, and be genuine in his vulnerability. It’s fucking terrifying to be vulnerable. I know the one time I was in truly in love and completely vulnerable, I got fucked up real good (thanks exbestfriend). But, even if it’s 0.00000000001% of me, I begrudgingly admit that I still have that minuscule amount of me that has hope that one day I can be vulnerable with someone and not be fucked over and that my vulnerability and his vulnerability can coexist and be cared for by each other, as a team, together.
-He’s got to be able to step back and say, “yep, I was an asshole. I’m sorry.” We all have days. I know I certainly have my days and absolutely have times where I need to step back and be like “yep. I was being a crazy bitch and I’m sorry.” Apologies are a two way street so swallow the pride and do your best to step back and refocus. I know it’s something I’m personally working on.
-He’s not afraid to be moody and he’s not afraid when I’m moody. Again, we all have our days. Coexisting with someone can be exhausting. Sometimes, alone time and space is needed. Even having your own “space” where you live is important. A bedroom or office or something that’s just yours. Your partner has no say in that room because it’s yours and it’s a safe haven for when we’re moody and need a no judgement zone.
-He’s tender. This is so so so so so so so important for me. If you’ve read the five love languages, you’ll know that touch is one of them. I crave and need gentle, tender, loving caresses. I need someone to hold me and stroke my hair or back just because they felt like it. Someone who just kisses me sweetly for no other reason than they love me so much. Someone who grabs my hand randomly while we’re out in public just because, or comes up behind me to give me a hug from behind regardless of where we are. Those tender moments that communicate how much you love each other without ever saying a word. I’ve never had that. I’ve never been made love to. I’ve never had someone love me like that. And it’s something that I’ve needed and will need and it makes me sad that I’ve never experienced or will likely ever have that (hey cynical side). For me, touch reassures me, and communicates so much - but it can also devastate me. I need someone to touch me wisely.
-He’s not afraid to dance with me. Even if it’s a slow dance in the kitchen or a dance party in the living room. Dance with me, even if you’re not good at it. I’m not that good at it either.
-He does little things and is thoughtful without expectation. Maybe he notices that my car needs gas and fills it up, or sees a candy bar that he knows I like and buys it for me. Maybe he sees that I’m trying to hold it all together when I’m not okay, and he grabs my hand and says “let me take care of this for you.” He does little thing without the expectation of getting anything back (knowing full well I do all sorts of random and spontaneous little things for him regardless as well).
-He’s got to have stuff other than me, and I can’t be his entire life. I want him to go out and do things he likes to do regardless of whether or not I want to tag along. He can’t give up everything just to have the world revolve around me. His hobbies and interests are just as important, and he needs to be able to get away and have man time, just like I need to go do woman time. For me, being so centered around each other ALL of the time is suffocating. Plus, sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I get to see his eyes light up when he talks about the (insert thing I know nothing about but something he loves). I love seeing that love in people’s eyes.
-He’s not afraid to be my Dom and he’s not afraid to be Vanilla. I love sex. Personally, I need a good mix of both. It keeps it interesting. Plus sometimes I love seeing my man be my man, and other times I love when he’s tender and sweet.
-He’s someone that says, “she’s mine. That’s my lady,” when I’m across the room / not within earshot. I want to be able to say “That’s my man” in the same way too. I want him to be proud of me and I want to be proud of him.
-I know that I personally don’t want kids of my own. If he has kids from a previous relationship, you best believe I’m gonna love the shit out of those kids too because it’s a package deal. I love kids and think they’re hysterical. But I know I personally don’t want my own, and he needs to be okay with that.
-He eventually wants to get married. I don’t need a ring right this second and don’t have a five year plan. But I’d still love to get married when the time is right - whether it’s a year or ten years into our relationship.
-He values experiences over things. Don’t get me wrong, I love things. Sometimes it’s nice to have nice things. I believe in having a quality bed and linens. I’d rather spend more money knowing it will last a long time than just buy cheap stuff. But on the same token, I would much rather live in a studio apartment with a couple nice things knowing my money is going towards concert tickets and traveling the world and experiencing life because life is too short not to do whatever the fuck you want, rather than have a mansion knowing I’m stuck there with it and my things. I’ve never seen a U-haul behind a hearse and I’m pretty sure there are pyramids in Egypt full of things that the Pharaohs haven’t come to collect.
-He wants to be my partner just as much as I want to be his, knows all of the above is a two way street and applies from me to him also. Compromise and partnership is a two way street. I can’t expect these things without, at the absolute least, be willing to give the same to him.
Sigh. I’m sure there’s more. But those are the core things I’d love in a partner. Maybe he’s out there and most likely my expectations are too high so I should get a couple cats.