2 weeks ago. Thu 11 Apr 2019 12:19:59 AM IDT
Everyday is an opportunity to learn something new and today I have learnt that there is actually more to BDSM.
I used to think that BDSM only involved the control of our sexual desires, orgasm, pain threshold etc. I have heard on multiple occasions that it involves trust but not with so much emphasis. Today, I would like to emphasise on the nonsexual components of BDSM.
BDSM involves trust, emotional connection, personal development and may also include friendship. Without this fundamental facts, the relationship may actually never last.
Trust is the ability to place confidence in; to rely on, to confide, or have faith, in. Can I trust you as a Dom, that you will respect my limits? Can I trust my sadistic master that he will not hurt me? Can I trust my online sir to keep my private pictures and videos confidential? Trust is very crucial for any relationship to succeed. For a normal, vanilla relationship to last, trust is needed, what more for a BDSM relationship?
2. Emotional connection.
Does your Dom relate to your emotions? When you are feeling low, does he or she try to cheer you up? Apart from when you are role playing, does he or she actually relate to you as a person? Does he or she care enough to know how your day was? When you are feeling sick, does it bother him or her?
A person who is emotionally connected to you will never hurt you intentionally. Your tears, (and note, I am not talking about the session tears) but your tears, pain, laughter, joy, happiness and sorrow from your life experiences should actually move your Dom.
3. Personal development
The main reason that I have been looking forward to BDSM is because I have been looking forward to developing myself as a person. I know that I can learn best when my Dom is teaching me. I know that I can achieve more with the help of my Dom. I can reduce my laziness, if my Dom helps me. Apart from sexual development, what personal goals have you achieved? Have you finally managed to cut down your weight? Have you started managing your time well? Have you stopped postponing?
I consider friendship in BDSM to be a summary of all this qualities.I can trust my friend not to hurt me. I can trust my friend to keep my secrets. I can trust my friend to care about my emotional needs. A true friend will always seek to develop you as a person. A friend is a person whom you share your joys and sorrows, laughter and cries, happiness and tears. Do you actually consider a Dom as a friend? Apart from the sex session, can you share a laugh with your Dom? Can you keep each other secrets? Can you speak out for what you truly feel? Do you fear your Dom or do you respect them? One should not fear their master but they should respect them.
For the ones engaging in 24 hours BDSM lifestyle, I may not know if what I have shared is applicable.
In short, there is more to BDSM than just sex.