I recently had a thought provoking conversation with a sub and wanted to delve a little deeper into the subject.
A little background before I get into it..
I grew up in a vary anti violence home. My father is Buddhist and mother is Quaker. Both practice meditation and mindfulness. So it struck me how odd it was that the son (me) is a dominant with sadistic tendencies.
Yes.. I am a kind and caring person. And I think that I get a lot of that from how I was raised. But where did the sadist part come from? It has always been a part of me so I know it did not grow out of the abuse I have suffered. Though that may have made it stronger. And let me clarify.. when I say sadist I dont mean I tortured cats or something. I have only ever been interested in causing pain and discomfort to someone who wants and enjoys that. A subs need is what allows me to act on and enjoy pain. Do I enjoy punishing a sub? Not always... it depends on why they are being punished. The old saying "this is going to hurt me as much as it hurts you" can definitely be true. But other times... when I know deep down they are craving.. needing that punishment.. tears of frustration and helplessness are incredibly arousing. And Knowing how I like to push a sub I am also a devout practitioner of aftercare.
I always find it interesting whenever I reflect on my own actions and motivations and find such a stark contrast in aspects of my personality. But they somehow mesh together seamlessly. A kind sadist? There are more things in this world horacio then have been drempt of by mortal man.