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My musings

Thoughts, daydreams, nightmares of my mind.
If you see "e" in the title it's explicit in content.
1 day ago. Fri 19 Jul 2019 07:51:22 AM IDT

It came today. Now i can make plans.

1 day ago. Thu 18 Jul 2019 10:17:32 PM IDT

Since I didn't get my homework done on time I don't get to walk around golden gate park. 

2 days ago. Thu 18 Jul 2019 01:55:47 AM IDT

Lady you are amazing.  And the only "s" reference should be sweet, super, spectacular,  sexy, smart and stunning. 

4 days ago. Tue 16 Jul 2019 05:25:40 PM IDT

Did I speak to soon?

Did I say to much? 

What does it matter I'm not your type anyways. 

I will continue to be me.

I am lasagna in an angel hair pasta world.


5 days ago. Mon 15 Jul 2019 04:41:49 AM IDT

I'm finally home and unpacked. Eating a bag of my beans, thanks max. To bed early for me. Early morning tomorrow.  One more day then I get a weekend. 

So this past 9 days

Drove 43 hours

Pre, post, load, unload 26.5 hours

On clock 82 hours

Drove close to 1800 miles.

The difference is standy time. Usually stuck a bit can walk to places sometimes, other times nope just stuck. Tomorrow a 10, driving about 6.5-7 of it. 

5 days ago. Sun 14 Jul 2019 07:50:35 PM IDT

4 hour drive, fin iush work then another hour home. I can't wait.

6 days ago. Sun 14 Jul 2019 05:14:29 PM IDT

Thank you bo.

6 days ago. Sun 14 Jul 2019 05:32:02 AM IDT

1 week ago. Sat 13 Jul 2019 04:12:47 AM IDT

Or I'm at least trying, this (taking pictures) is easier than other things in life. Hope you enjoy. 

I challenge you to look at the first 2 closely, individually, see the beauty. Then after a moment scroll to the last 2 for a comparison. In between is what I saw on my travels the other day.

See sometimes things don't always appear the way they look. Sometimes I have to look closer to see the beauty.

1 week ago. Fri 12 Jul 2019 05:59:53 AM IDT

I sit here in a motel room doing my homework, no not this second. It's been another long day. Finally off tomorrow but I'm not home, can't go home I'm here maybe use the transit to go somewhere. Need to catch up on the school work first. Not exactly my point. My point is I feel absolutely alone. I wonder does anyone care. I know there are some who do. Besides a couple family members I'm thinking about friends. I know one who tells me I matter and asks me to take care of me. I think I have another who cares although they have an odd way of showing it. Long story, that's part of the problem. I believe he cares but won't say it. Won't admit to me his true feelings. I can understand why, he wants me to find someone who can be here for me long term. He can not. I do not have the time or energy to find someone. I want him anyways. Even though I know I can't. I keep telling myself my education is my priority right now. A friend or two would be nice. That is all I can really handle right now. I have a friend I told him I would look at possible screen names for him and I have not yet. Yet I will I have the email with the interests and likes and what not. I will do it. When I say I will do something I will do it. It may take me some time but I will. Back to feeling fucked up. I occasionally when I get really tired and worn out I think really bad shitty stuff. I wonder if others would notice if I wasn't here. I know there are some who would. I have to tell that voice that it is not valid, not real, not the truth. Should I get professional help probably. Will I not likely. I have had bad experiences with professionals. Anyways my purpose of this is that anyone who ever feels alone, unwanted, worthless. You are not, you are more than the negative thoughts and feelings. The one thing I tend to do when I feel like this is I look outside myself to see if I can help others.