So I know when youre not a premium user you can't just strike up a conversation unless the other person is a premium user. So, for those that I have "loved" or have "loved" me...I am leaving this blog here as my way of saying "Hi there! Wanna chat?" 😊
I don't know, but one thing I noticed is that when I hear Daddy...my voice goes up 2 octaves and I feel like I'm a small child. He becomes "Dadda" and all I want is to hold onto his arm and never let go. I talk and watch his his beautiful smile light up his face. Never have I seen a man so happy and at peace in my presence. He doesn't tell me to "stop" or "what's wrong with you?". He just switches gears and patiently listens to me and answers all my silly questions. So yeah, I don't know if I'm a little but I know he is a Daddy! ❤
So last night my Daddy and I had a talk after a misunderstanding over dinner. Its always the most menial things that can create a stir. So Daddy says, "I'm getting hungry, I need to eat something". To which I replied that there were left overs in the frig he could eat. I purposely had not eaten them myself because I wanted him to have them. The whole thing happened in a matter of minutes but basically came down to this....no I did not heat up his food for him without making snide comments about how I did not have to because that is not part of our dynamic.
In my mind, I do not expect that Daddy will have dinner for me daily. We talk about it and come up with a plan, but I do not come home expecting dinner to be ready for me and vice versa. Our schedules change frequently so it isn't wise to expect this from each other. This would fall under a boyfriend/girlfriend task.
In his mind, I should do these things for him because it is serving him and as his sub this would easily fall under our dynamic. Therein lies the problem....in my head there are 2 dynamics that I seek and function under. I'm not saying it's the right way of thinking...just how my brain works.
Our DD/LG is flawless. He found my little and helped foster her....they're inseparable. Never have I felt more loved and pampered then I have with Daddy. He's perfect for her in every way, shape and form.
The problem is my sub self. She hungers for rules, boundaries, consequences and discipline. She needs to be reminded of who she is, what she is, and what her job to her Dom is. She craves dominance and the feeling of being owned.
So after waking this morning I apologized to my Daddy. I should not have made the comments that I did. That was wrong. We talked and understand where each is coming from. However, the underlying problem still remains.
"Maybe you need a protocol or discipline based Dom." I don't even know what that's supposed to mean??
Yet another hurdle to over come. Another cross in the road.
Do you ever wish you had someone with you to keep you company? Maybe you're relaxing with a good show or good book and something funny happens and you laugh so hard you cry and you start talking out loud about that thing that just happened that made you laugh?? Only, there's no one else there with you so you wipe away the tears and go back to your show/book.
I could be that someone...
So we were on vacation last week and now just getting back into the old routine again. I've been ignoring my blog, ugh...cant do that. So lets see....had very lax rules last week and somehow that carried over once we got home. I felt that Daddy didn't care so much about the rules anymore. I came to that conclusion with no word from him. Bad me. So as I kept trying to take control of everything in my life, Daddy had to intervene.
On Saturday we had alone time so we took advantage of that time with some bondage and forced orgasms. I keep trying to build up my tolerance more and more with this so this time I was determined. As I fought against the rope, trying to get out of his hold, I failed. I started to focus on the vibrator pressed against my clit. I focused on the vibrations and let my body go. Giving up all bodily control to Him and this evil toy. Once I did that I felt an intense orgasm wash over me from head to toe. My body tensed, screams of pleasure escaped my mouth...loudly...and just when I thought I would give up, I pressed on. As I was tense and screaming I felt another wave come over me simultaneously...it was amazing. I dont think I had ever felt anything so intense before. After that final scream and moan my body could give no more. I fell limp. The vibrator still going and still pressed against me, I could no longer move...I was drained. Finally, he stopped. I laid there in a sweaty heap, eyes closed. My mouth dry....water...I needed water. It was beautiful. I felt proud of myself. I had gone further than I had ever gone before. Daddy was proud. Ahhh.....good memories. One would think after such a gracious gift I would be on my best behavior. Nope! Not this girl. I kept testing boundaries in the days to follow. Trying to take control and make demands of Daddy. He'd had enough. When I least expected it I felt the sting of the dreaded riding crop on my butt. Then another...and another. All the while I'm trying to sit up so that he cannot hit me again on my butt. In the process I heard the crack of the crop and felt a stinging pain on my thigh. I began to cry. I felt pain and I couldn't escape it. My hands were hit, my butt, my legs....I sat there sobbing, begging him to stop...clutching my pillow. He stopped, sat on the edge of the bed and called me to him for a hug. I didnt want a hug. I wanted to hit him. I was hurt and upset. I hugged him while he explained that he did not like having to punish me. Before I knew it, I apologized for being bad and assured him that I deserved it. Not sure how that happens?? Within minutes im lying in his arms and listening to him explain the things I was doing wrong. I agreed with him.
The D/s dynamic still continues to amaze me. I am surprised weekly by the changes I see in me. Slowly I shed away the old me as I transform into the new me He is creating. My bruised leg will serve as a reminder....for another week or so at least.
My Daddy and I are now 6 months into our life together. He is my Dom when I need correcting and my Daddy the majority of my time. I love how he loves my Little 💕. As many of you may already know, we are working towards our goal of building a "House of ___" together and its been quite the journey so far. We have officially moved in together and have increased our house size in doing so. We've met so many beautiful women along the way, each unique in their own way. Even though Daddy was the one to mention the idea first of adding another, it was me who encouraged him to dream bigger. The idea of having another female sub to share the ups and downs of my D/s lifestyle with was more than enough to sell me on the idea. I want that connection...I need it. Its a different dynamic than I could have with Daddy.
However, I'm having mixed thoughts on how to take my first step into being with a woman. We have been on a couple of dates with one woman who is totally amazing, she is vanilla, but open to what we want to build. She's mentioned to me how much she wants to kiss me but that I make her nervous. The irony. While I would want my first girl kiss to be memorable and special - a part of me wishes it could be done with so that we can move forward. I know I shouldn't rush it, it will happen when it happens. Yet, this makes a part of me wonder if maybe I need to be pushed?
Maybe My female fascination and fantasies need to be achieved by my Daddy's willful hand? Is it that I need to be told to kiss her? Maybe that's what arouses me more? Sort of a play on my humiliation fetish? Humiliation is such a harsh word for something so beautiful though. Hmmm, I'm lost as to what it could be??! 🙎
Do you enjoy watching me lie tied and bound in bed while you sit back and relax? Watching me struggle against the ropes you so artfully twisted my body in out of the corner of your eye. I rest every few minutes and drink in the moment. You watch your shows, read your blogs and chat on your phone. I turn my head and give you a questioning look, "why aren't you playing with me?" You glare at me, "sounds like you're telling me what to do." You begin to release me from the bonds. I'm saddened to know it's coming to an end. Worse yet, its by my own hand too. I am my own worse enemy. I look up at you and you point to my crate. "Go", you order me in a stern voice. I crawl off the bed and into my crate. You lock me in for the night. "Maybe next time you'll remember who's in control here."
Not sure if it's a thing or known but if someone "loves" my profile I kinda assume I have sparked an interest with them.
I mean, I'm a basic user and therefore cannot initiate a conversation like I normally would. So what do I do? I scroll down and click the "love profile" button. Then wait....wait and see if I get a hello.
Anyhow, that's what it generally means for me! What about you?
Someone to feed my slave like tendencies that I feel bubbling over within me. I need to feel like I am here to serve you (and Daddy) only. At the same time be a sub to my Daddy. Best of both worlds! While I am open to online only, or to start, but Daddy will want to feel you with his big strong hands!
My darkness you cannot heal
My darkness I've yet to reveal.
Laughter a reflex at the first sight of pain,
My tears fall freely at the sound of your voice.
My pain is yours now, you leave me no choice.
Your are the beacon in my darkness guiding the way.
Words of encouragement fuel me through the night.
Darkness retreating, seldom much of a fight.
How do you do the things that you do to me?
I never noticed your work.
Alone on my journey
Do you still see me?
Insecurity haunts me and leaves me with doubt.
Your words echo; the one I can't be without.
"Hold my hand little one"
"Trust in Daddy, you'll see"
In an instant my darkness is gone.
Your lessons embedded in me.
My darkness revealed I no longer fear
I hear your voice, "Daddy is here".