Last week, I shared a great many things about myself as a person and as a submissive. I shared my experience discovering myself as a submissive and how I see myself in that role. I discussed what the role of submissive means to me. I shed light on what I hope my Daddy will be to me. Now, I want to take a look at things from the other side.
Relationships are always a give-and-take, no matter what kind of relationship it is. Dom/Sub relationships have a natural power imbalance set in place by the two partners, and so that dynamic of exchange between the Dom and the Sub may look different than it does in other relationships. Make no mistake, however, it is still there. I have seen those who call themselves “submissive” act as though their Dom’s job is to wait on them hand over foot, and that their Dom must have their entire world centered on them. I have seen “submissives” expect their Dom to have no problems, and if they do, to keep it to themselves because it is “not a submissives job to take care of their Dom”. I was baffled and appalled by this. Yes, a large part of a Dom/Sub relationship is the Dom caring for, controlling, using their Sub. Just as a Dom is an anchor for their Sub, however, a Sub is an anchor for their Dom.
A true submissive must also be a natural submissive. When I say this, I do not mean it in the way it is often thrown around by abusive Doms trying to make a new, ignorant submissive feel special in order to mould them into exactly what they want. When I say “natural submissive”, I mean that the submissive gains pleasure from pleasing others. This will show in all aspect of a submissive’s life. They will find gratification in obedience, the pleasure and pride of others. In being as such, a Dom will have the security of knowing that their submissive finds joy and purpose in them. On the reverse, a Dom finds joy and purpose in commanding their Sub, giving them direction and safety. A Sub finds satisfaction in giving similarly to how a Dom finds satisfaction in taking.
Doms are not perfect people. No matter how strong or settled as an individual they may see, Doms are still human, they still are victim to the ebb and flow of their emotions. When a Dom is angry, they can seek solace in their Sub. Whether they need to fuck away their frustration (safely, consensually), or simply lay down and hold their Sub so that they know they are there, in their arms, safe and warm and real, this is the Sub’s role to play. When a Dom is sad, they can seek comfort in their Sub. This can be through hugs and kisses and kind, loving words, or through slow, sensual sex to express the love and trust in one another without words. Whatever a Dom is feeling, their Sub is more than capable of being a source of help and love through any emotion.
There are many nuances to a Dom/Sub relationship that I will never be able to understand. I am a submissive, and therefore could never possibly encompass the mind of a dominant completely. I enjoyed this exercise, exploring the needs of a dominant for their submissive. I look forward to learning more, understanding more, and hopefully allowing everything that I find to help me be an even better person and an even better submissive.