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Satin Silhouette

Illustrating a sensual silhouette across the sky
4 years ago. August 5, 2019 at 3:36 AM

Okay, so I am going to put my Big Girl pants on for this so that I get it all out there. It's tough, but I can do it!

I want to be cuddled, to sit on someone's lap and feel small. I want to be pampered and spoiled, made to feel precious. But I want boundaries too. I want to indulge my imaginative and playful side, and to have someone find it charming, endearing, rather than immature or annoying. I want to follow my senses, my tactile nature, to have soft things and chew on the end of my marker as I draw and get messy while I explore. Curiosity is amazing and I'm not quite ready to let my sense of wonder go yet. I want to be able to do all of this with joy and encouragement and knowing that someone is there to help me clean up afterwards. I want intimacy, deep affection and trust.

I want to make blanket forts with string lights and fluffy pillows. I want to wear cute onesies and pink dresses and bows in my hair. I want to take bubble baths and feel someone running a soft cloth or sponge over my body, caring enough to make sure I am clean. I want to snuggle on the couch while watching a cartoon, bake cupcakes in the kitchen while dancing to Disney music. I want to go on vacation to Disney World or Hershey Park and be able to get excited when I see Peter Pan because I too never want to grow up, not really.

I want someone to take care of me, to take the worry away. I want someone to look at me with a sense of adoration, to find me cute and absolutely love it. I want someone to be observant enough to know without having to ask. I want someone who truly cares about my wellbeing and decides to take matters into their own hands. I want gentle guidance, not commands and stern words. I want someone who treats me gently, at least in the moments when I need it.

I don't have an age that I regress to. It doesn't even really feel like age regression, because I don't feel like a child in that sense. I feel youthful, playful, less inhibited, but I don't feel helpless. It's about letting go, not losing that adult part of myself. It's about letting the adult and the child intertwine, about stepping away from expectations and responsibilities. It's about being allowed to just be. And it's not all of me, and there are other things, more adult and dirty things that I want, that I crave, that I need with a different kind of desperation. But right now, I needed to get this off my chest.

I want to still be me, have an adult life and be in an adult relationship, but I want this too. And I've decided that it is okay for me to want it all, because it's also okay for someone else to want what they want, to say no, to say yes. It's okay for me to feel like I deserve to be happy.

Now, I just need someone to be happy with.

Little moon​(sub female){Not lookin} - So very beautiful and wonderfully worded!❤️ I want all that for you too with all the love and happiness possible, and you’re daddy’s on his way to find you, he’s just a little lost and looking for clues 🤗🤔🌈 you CAN and WILL have it all because you deserve it and so much more❤️❤️😉
4 years ago
NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} - This is all very well said, both the content and the beautiful style, Satin Silhouette. Thank you.

However, I do have a question, if I may?

Prior to Love (my wife of two and a half decades) dying, all of my forays were face-to-face interactions. I... mmm... didn't discover so much as I fell into LDR only after her death.

During that time between Love's death and meeting my sweet little spice, I was involved with... or perhaps entangled by... several self-defined "submissive people pleaser" types that identified as littles or middles. And, who spoke to my Daddy tendencies.

Now, in face to face interactions, I'm pretty damn good at all of it. However, in LDR, I seemed to consistently hit the same stumbling block over and over again. I could (and did) do everything else you list here, the things that could be done Long Distance. But, when it came to reading her (whichever her we are speaking of) I seemed to fail miserably when it came to reading her mind. IF she would at least talk to me about it, even obliquely, then I could generally catch on. At least somewhat. However, almost without fail, those relationships ended because I just didn't give them what they wanted/needed when they'd never been open and honest, or even oblique, about what that might have been.

Any road, it's pretty well an academic interest at this point since I've found my heart and become her Anchor. But, I guess I just don't understand how it's possible to "be observant enough to know without even having to ask" when all I had was some terse black letters on a white screen that never once even came within a metaphorical mile of the subject (despite me asking questions intending to get that very information). Or how they could trust with me anything else if they couldn't trust me with their words.

But, as I say, it's largely an academic interest now. And, perhaps one that is only my own personal failure.

Thank you for a brilliant and beautiful post.
4 years ago

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