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Points of interest
3 hours ago. Sun 17 Feb 2019 09:53:08 PM IST

Nothing in the world pisses this Princess off more than a Dom demanding respect that he refuses to give his sub. Why does a Dom demand exclusivity, yet think it’s ok to humiliate with adding another sub? Many times I have been contacted by a Dom, saying, ‘it’s ok, she won’t know, I can manage both of you!’  You SIR are an asshole. You entered the relationship, the same as your sub with clear expectations and a shit ton of responsibility. If you can’t handle that responsibility then you are a shitty Dom. I don’t care what label you put on yourself, Master, Sir, Daddy. You have a responsibility for the emotional and psychological safety if your submissive. If that is too much trouble for you, be a Top for some play sessions and stop mindfucking people with your laziness.
And as a submissive you have some serious responsibilities too.

 

Nothing irritates me more than subs bitchfests in public and when asked if they spoke with their Dom the answer is “No.” Doms are not bloody mind readers. No one is that good. Now I know we tend to put our Doms on a pedestal. Honest to gods I tend to get in worship mode of “He can do no wrong.” I get it. But He is just as human as the rest if us. He’s going to make mistakes, he’s going to misunderstand. It happens. If you don’t leave room for that and open up dialogue you are both going to be disappointed, resentful and unhappy. Does that really sound like a good plan? No, it doesn’t because if you get nothing but pain and heartache out of something, anything at all you’re just a glutton for punishment and not the good kind.
The only time this is ever acceptable is if you agreed to this form of humiliation. If you agreed to it then it stands to reason you get off on it so stop your bitching. If you thought you would like it and realize you don’t, then you need to renegotiate with your Dom not lay there and take it like a doormat. If he refuses to change the terms then get out because congrats, you just crossed the line into an abusive relationship.
Respect doesn’t disappear when you enter a BDSM relationship, it just takes on a different form. Communicate, negotiate and trust or get the hell out.

12 hours ago. Sun 17 Feb 2019 12:46:32 PM IST

How do you feel after you’ve had a meltdown? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed of your behavior or of letting others know how you feel? Do you feel relieved that you’ve expressed your feelings or justified for letting them out? Are you afraid or anxious about possible repercussions for your outburst?

While most people would rather forget a meltdown as quickly as possible, it can be a learning experience if you let it.

For example, if you see that you tend to melt down when you’re trying to do too much at once, you can use that information in a positive way by learning to manage your time better or learning to say “no” more often.

If you feel embarrassed about revealing your emotions in public, you might examine how you feel about your feelings. Why isn’t it okay for you to be angry, or to be sad, or to need something from someone else? Feeling ashamed about your emotions often results from cultural or parental messages — for example, that “men don’t cry” or “’nice’ women don’t get angry” — and it can get in the way of establishing good personal and professional relationships. For some people, reducing the hold of such messages requires help from a mental health professional.

(Actual picture of me during a difficult meltdown)

 

And what if you feel relieved after a meltdown? Sometimes expressing your feelings — even in the form of a meltdown — can relieve stress if you’ve been holding your emotions in check. But wouldn’t it be better to learn to express your feelings before you got to the point of dissolving in tears or lashing out at others? It’s not easy, but it is possible to learn to communicate your feelings in a way that allows you to feel more connected with others and enables them to feel more connected to you.

Do You Need to Apologize After a Meltdown?
You never need to apologize for your feelings, but you may need to apologize for your behavior or for the way you expressed your feelings.

If your meltdown involved yelling at other people, being verbally or physically abusive, or destroying someone else’s property, then you should apologize — and come up with a plan to manage your emotions differently the next time you’re upset or stressed.

If your meltdown occurred in chat, it’s appropriate to apologize to anyone you may have disrupted or offended. But keep it brief, and focus your energy on understanding what happened and how you can prevent further meltdowns.

Preventing Future Meltdowns by Reducing the Stress in Your Life
The better you get at nipping meltdowns in the bud, the less likely you are to ever have another one. But why not take steps to reduce the negative stress in your life so you don’t even come close to having a meltdown? Here are some ideas to get you started:

Develop a stress-reduction plan. A stress-reduction plan doesn’t have to include meditating — although it can — but it does generally involve regularly taking time for yourself to do something that’s healthful and relaxing, such as exercising, practicing breathing techniques, or engaging in creative activities, such as singing or making art. It may also include eliminating or reducing sources of stress in your life, such as excessive screen time, activities you don’t enjoy or don’t have time for, and internal pressure to accomplish more than is reasonable. Thinking about and writing down an actual plan for reducing stress makes it more likely you’ll take the necessary actions to carry it out.

Listen to your body. Tight muscles, headaches, and other types of pain and discomfort are telling you something. Rather than taking a pain killer and pushing ahead with what you’re doing, take a step back and observe what’s making you tense.

Don’t ignore your feelings. Believe me, it doesn’t work, sweeping your feelings under a rug doesn’t make them go away. Acknowledging how you feel, on the other hand, gives you the opportunity to look at what is causing those feelings and to take action, even if it’s just discussing your feelings with another person.

Find someone to talk to. There seems to be within Cage community, an amazing support network. When something upsetting happens, or you feel chronic stress building up in your life, simply talking about it with someone who can listen nonjudgmentally can have a therapeutic effect. Sometimes a therapist is the best person to talk to about difficult subjects, but a friend or other trusted acquaintance may also be able to fill this role.

Spend more time in nature. Being in a natural environment has been shown to have calming effects. You don’t have to be active in that environment, necessarily. You can just observe the sights and sounds of nature, such as the wind blowing, water running, and birds and insects making their natural noises.

Make time for fun and play. Everyone needs to recharge from time to time by doing things they enjoy.

Steer clear of people who are hurtful and unkind. You’re not obliged to socialize with people who don’t treat you with care and respect, even if they’re related to you. Minimize the time you spend with people whose company you don’t enjoy, and seek out more time with those you do.

 

Get help if you need it. There’s a lot you can do on your own to lower your stress level and your risk of having another meltdown. But if self-help measures aren’t providing the relief you need, consider seeing a professional for help. For depression, anxiety, or relationship problems, a psychotherapist — such as a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker — may be your best bet. For help with time management or goal-setting, a life coach or health coach may be a good option.

Whatever type of professional you choose to see, check out that person’s credentials, and be as clear as you can be about the type of help you’re seeking.

And lastly, If the relationship you form in kink community isn’t supporting your mental health, perhaps it’s not the right fit for you.

22 hours ago. Sun 17 Feb 2019 03:36:18 AM IST

1 day ago. Sat 16 Feb 2019 08:40:02 PM IST

You may not always get your way when you're assertive, but you stand a better chance of doing so, or of reaching a compromise, because you've been clear about your needs.

Here, on Cage, I can see a melting pot of ethnicities, religions, ages, sexual orientations, abilities, and viewpoints. These differences create a rich tapestry of experiences and opinions that can greatly enhance our lives.

However, it can be tempting to stereotype eachother, or to make assumptions about someone based on just a few pieces of information. This is especially true if you haven't had much time to get to know them well.

Assumptions inhibit open communication, because you don't consider the other person's own unique background, personality and experience. Over time, this can jeopardize your relationship with them.

So, set time aside to listen  when you encounter someone. Give them space to talk about their viewpoints and take time to absorb these, communication is always a two way thing....

 

 

 

 

 

1 day ago. Sat 16 Feb 2019 06:03:33 PM IST

I do not want to say, as Oscar Wilde did, that "each man kills the thing he loves"; however, hurting someone we love is frequent. Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness: more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin it. Hugs.

 

 

 

1 day ago. Sat 16 Feb 2019 11:38:02 AM IST

Although commonly tagged as a psychological disorder, if safe, fetishism can be an enjoyable experience for those engaging in the practice.

Fetishism is a type of psycho-sexual disorder where individuals have intense fantasies that involve intense sexual urges or sexual fantasies through non-living objects.

Fetishism is classified under the category of paraphilia, which he described as "an attraction to something that's different."

 

 

 

To be classified as having a fetish, one must have urges for a six-month period and have an exclusive focus on the means of intense sexual behavior. The urges or behavior must cause substantial disturbance to the person's daily life.

The most common types of fetishes are for shoes, boots and women's underwear.

If someone has a shoe fetish, they may become aroused by the touch of the shoe, how the shoe feels on them, or have a man or a woman wear the shoe. 

If someone has a foot fetish, they may look at (the foot)or be touched (by the foot) while masturbating.

Those who possess fetishes will usually keep their activities private from others.

Types of fetishism commonly and publicly practiced is transvestism, or cross-dressing.

This is usually not seen as harmful or destructive.

However, many types of fetishes can be problematic.

Persons with EXTREME focus on fetishism will often perpetrate criminal acts to get a hold of the desired objects,(For example,)they will often resort to burglary or robbery to procure shoes or boots.

People who practice fetishism may experience depression, sadness, guilt or emptiness in missing out on daily activities.

It’s relatively infrequent for people who practice fetishism to seek counseling due to the satisfaction that arises from the fetish.

 While there is treatment that exists, the success rate is not overwhelming.

What we know about fetishism is from people who get into legal trouble. Overall, this is an area where therapeutic success is not the hallmark of the day.

Many abnormal psychology textbooks categorize fetishism under the category of sexual disorders.

However, the practice may be considered OK if it were mutually accepted.

It’s likely there is an element of fetishism in everyone.

Potentially, any member of our society, male or female, probably has some fantasies to objects.

Certain kinds of clothing seem appealing, like in Victoria's Secret ads.

A common misconception associated with fetishism that "because it's different, it's wrong."

My bottom line is there's a great deal of diversity in sexual expression, even though (fetishism is) not common, as long as it's safe, people should be objective to other people interests, because....

 

                    WE’RE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY 

 

 

 
 

 

2 days ago. Fri 15 Feb 2019 08:47:56 AM IST

Up early, weight lifting this morning, some people do yoga, (BDSM yoga does exist btw!)...https://www.google.com/amp/s/broadly.vice.com/amp/en_us/article/bj7e4a/bdsm-kink-yoga-class-exists  I bench press...(not to be mistaken with body building!). Have a good one! πŸ’–

Regular physical activity is vital for good physical and mental health. It helps improve your overall health and fitness, maintain a healthy weight, reduce your risk for many chronic diseases and promote good mental health.
Physical activity for women - Better Health ...
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au › ph...

 

 

 

 

3 days ago. Fri 15 Feb 2019 12:17:59 AM IST

You might still have time to pop along to the forum and vote on my valentine poems..you’ll find them on page 1 & 3.

 

Stuck doing paper work, enjoy! (New plug is nice, btw).

 

3 days ago. Thu 14 Feb 2019 03:34:58 PM IST

I can’t let today pass without sharing my most favourite love song....I saw them in concert at age 12, a friend and I managed to get tickets and found ourselves caught up in the frenzied wave at one of their most talked about gigs ever. This is me,  I never take myself too seriously....enjoy πŸ’–