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A submissive journey

Just my thoughts along the way in the lifestyle
1 month ago. Sat 06 Apr 2019 06:15:49 PM IDT

Someone told me "You have been hurt bad and I am sorry about that but you are guarded and not really capable of giving right now" ,this was said after only a few days of talking and a brief meeting. It stung to hear that at first and I started to think about if he was right but I know he isn't so to that I say your WRONG! Yes I have been hurt a lot in my lifetime but yet I am still putting myself out there! If and when someone truly takes the time to get to know me they would realize I have so much to give but I am not going to give to just anyone,at this point in my life I am looking for the right fit for me before I give my all to them. Yes I am guarded and have walls up,you would to if you have been through everything I have in this life but if you are truly interested in me you will be patient and work through those walls to get to know the real me. When you do get through and know me you would find out it was worth it, I have so much to give to the right person! I am the most loyal,loving,honest,caring,giving person you will probably ever meet and to those who do not want to take the time to know me it is your loss!
It takes longer then a few days to get to know someone so for the next person maybe take the time and do not try to rush things trust me I am worth it and anyone who knows me knows this!!

1 month ago. Wed 20 Mar 2019 05:34:12 PM IST

I feel like there are two parts of me now.....

The first part misses being dominated, misses being tied up, flogged, used in the way I was
meant to be used, misses having someone there to help me forget things for a little while, someone to guide me when needed, someone that knows when I need a good spanking or just snuggling, someone to talk to about everything and anything, someone who wont let me push them away, someone to love and be loved by

The second part of me is afraid, afraid to let anyone close again, afraid to trust again, afraid nobody can love me, afraid I am too broken, afraid to tell anyone everything again, afraid nobody can be faithful to me, afraid I will never be enough for anyone, afraid I will just forever be alone because of all my fears

How do I reconcile my two parts and become one again? I wish I knew the answer......

2 months ago. Sat 16 Mar 2019 04:50:44 PM IST

When you see me,you see a smile,happy person. I am the person you go to when your happy,sad,lonely,or just need to vent. When you need something I am there and do whatever I can to help you. You know you can rely on me and never hesitate to call or text me knowing I will not ever say no or not listen,encourage,help find a solution,or try to lift your spirits. I am the go to person for so many...

But nobody knows the real me. They don't know when Im sad,troubled,happy,or need help.Yes I might bitch a little at times about stupid stuff but that is it. I always keep it to myself,never wanting to burden anyone especially knowing what they are going through or have gone through. I wont ask you to go out of your way for me or to help me. I have asked a few times and nobody could be there so now I just don't bother. I have always figured it out on my own and continue to do so.Nobody knows where I have been or what I have been through in life,I don't share it and never have. Not even my family knows me as I am the go to person with them also. I have not shared my past with my past partner's except one and he is no longer with me. I am also afraid if anyone really knew me and what I have been through they would run....

So nobody knows the real me.....

2 months ago. Fri 15 Mar 2019 05:20:14 PM IST

Weekends suck when your single! I am so tired of being alone every weekend! I just want someone to be here with me even if it's just sitting on the couch watching tv. I miss having someone to do things with 😥

2 months ago. Mon 11 Mar 2019 06:50:45 PM IST

I can't take credit for writing this just something I found that resonated with me

 

It's not the loneliness that makes being alone unbearable 

It's accepting the fact the of the 6.93 billion people in the world not a single soul fought hard enough to be with you

 

Exactly how I feel 

2 months ago. Sun 10 Mar 2019 08:16:31 PM IST

I met a D who says he wants to see me and see where things go but I am not sure he is right for me. Maybe it's me but I think if your really into someone you text,call,and do what you can to see them and I'm not getting any of that from him. He says( when we talk) that he wants to see me but he never has time and even when we have made plans I won't hear from him until late in the day,not even a good morning. 

I do not think he is right since he is so bad at keeping in touch,I want someone who wants to keep in touch and wants me

2 months ago. Tue 05 Mar 2019 07:28:28 PM IST

I had been talking to a Dom I met years ago but our timing was off back then,so we decided to meet up again and see how it goes now. 

We met up yesterday, we still like each other and it was a nice day. However my mistake was meeting him somewhere I used to go a lot with my ex D,it was the place we met the second time and realized we really wanted to be together. So as we were leaving yesterday the new D starts kissing me and all I could think of was the time there with the ex. I just don't know why or how to stop thinking of him at those times and it's killing me. The new D noticed something was up and asked if I was ok and if he overstepped,I told him he didn't and I was ok but the memories flooded back. 

 

Not sure what to do about that and before anyone says maybe I'm not ready it's been almost a year and I am ready that was the first time that happened when out with someone new,I think it was just the place that did it. I do plan on talking to him about it though so he doesn't think it was him.  

2 months ago. Sat 02 Mar 2019 08:32:31 PM IST

In a world of kinky,poly,open,sharing,and so many other types of relationships being a single submissive is not easy. All I want is a monogamous D/s relationship,someone who truly wants me,calls,texts,wants to see me,but the offers I am getting are anything but that. I state clearly what I'm looking for on my profile and in my writing "so you want to be my Dom" but apparently the men reaching out to me either are illiterate or my guess don't bother to actually read my profile,SO ANNOYING!!

I have had many try to convince me that sharing either them or myself is of course what I want,I just don't know it yet,Guess what? I am a grown ass woman and I do know what I want!!

I've been told I do not know what I'm missing not joining a poly family, newsflash I DO know I will be missing a monogamous relationship which is what I want!!

I have been offered one night stands and again if that was what I wanted which I do not I would state that in my profile....and it's not in there!

I have had offfers for a play partner but guess what I have one when needed,someone I know and trust not some random guy who claims to be a Dom or Top!!

I have been told that monogamy doesn't exist anymore and I will be alone,I rather be alone then compromise my wants and needs

I could go on but I think by now you get it, READ my profile and my writings before sending me messages offering things that I DO NOT WANT

Being single in this lifestyle is harder then one would think and I refuse to change who I am or what I want......

I am proud of who I am and will stay true to myself and someday maybe I'll find him

2 months ago. Sat 02 Mar 2019 03:47:59 AM IST

I have been used
I have been lied to
I have been abused
I have been cheated on
I have been taken advantage of
I have put my trust in the wrong person
I have been a victim....

I have learned
I have grown
I have healed

I HAVE BECOME STRONGER

2 months ago. Tue 26 Feb 2019 05:37:51 PM IST

I miss the crack of the belt,the sting on my ass and back,the welts and bruises there for days after to remind me I belonged to someone. I miss the feel of a a strong hand on my ass,the hand prints left behind. I miss a hand going into my hair and then the feel of pulling it so hard tears came to my eyes. I miss the anticipation of not knowing what was coming next and enjoying what did. I miss the feel of a flogger,beater,or paddle striking over and over until I thought I could take no more but then taking more. I miss someone knowing when I could take no more but pushing me to take more. I miss being able to lose myself in subspace and the aftercare, the cuddling,caressing,tender touches,soft spoken words of encouragement and soft kisses. I miss knowing I could submit mind,heart,and soul,and know I was safe with someone.I miss having someone to please and do as I am told,hearing the "good girl".I miss the feel of a collar around my neck,knowing I belonged to someone. I hope someday I will stop missing it because I have someone again to fulfill me as I fulfill them.