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The wolf no longer howls at the moon, It no longer rises or falls for him.

Now all the old ones are just cobwebs, and the new ones are spiders trying to take them down.
6 days ago. November 28, 2022 at 2:18 PM

I see those amber skies returning,

Begging me to remember who I was,

Whom, I have always been,

A warrior,

Someone who didn't prey on the weak,

But relished in the wicked defeated,

A lover,

Showing it so unconditionally,

Without question when found,

A friend,

To shine on their darkest day,

And allow the rain to fall freely,

 

I was...

I am.

 

Someone, of substance and morals,

Someone, of honor, and virtue,

Someone, of undying love, and relentless truth,

Someone, through trial and tribulation,

allowed themselves to harden...

Forgetting how soft they really were.

 

I no longer allowing the lines on the sand,

To be blurred by people who wish to define me,

I will remain me even if they leave,

Even if they spurn and speak malice,

Even if they turn all those around unto me,

I understand now,

That if people wanted to....

If they wanted to give love or time,

Become a home, become your peace,

Become the thing you dreamed of,

They would...

 

 

1 week ago. November 27, 2022 at 8:10 AM

I feel like I have lived a thousand lives,

Staring into the deep ocean void,

Each of them, seen a thousand faces,

Yet, not one made my heart thrum,

Made it beat with fire like a drum,

Bum, bum, bum,

It waited for you,

Now each and every beat,

Bum, bum, bum,

Is a reminder….

To yet wait some more.

1 week ago. November 26, 2022 at 12:41 AM

I wait on the whispering wind,

Because my soul Is there,

Blown by the basic billowing,

Of time before time allowed,

It is as old as night,

Black thereof,

Because it never knew light,

Before you shimmered nearby,

Feeling such wasteful glow,

It felt diminished,

But ever whole,

When you whisked away to another day,

And it felt that sweet black again,

It shivered,

It cried,

Then died all over again.

1 week ago. November 24, 2022 at 1:23 PM

I think I've realized it now, why my heart aches for you,

It isn't missing in its entirety,

Its turmoil at the fact it wasn't wanted,

That you used my time wantonly,

You either gave me little lies that piled up,

Or didn't care to say the truth,

I was naught but a soft place till you healed,

So, you could run to green pastors,

I was kind, to kind, allowed too much,

I watched you knowing deep down,

That you did not feel the same as I,

But a voice soft, but strong,

Continued to say, "please be wrong",

You had everything I've ever wanted,

Packed so tightly in your soul,

I saw it through eyes that put me in awe,

In that awe, I said to myself I would give everything,

Not knowing that you had nothing for me in return,

I sit wondering where I went wrong,

When did you decide this,

Or was it from the beginning?

So many unanswered questions now carved,

Knifed into my very core,

Why wasn't I enough?

Why didn't you love me in the same way that I loved you?

I had to understand that rose colored glasses,

When worn to long, they make you believe it's real,

Even though I ended it, it hurt me...more

Then I think, that it ever hurt you,

Even now I feel like I'm pulling shrapnel out of my heart,

Every pair of green eyes,

Or red hair....

The talk of children,

Or even the future,

Makes me think of countless nights with you.

Those memories once were my home,

Now I drive by, see the lights on,

And I put another pile of dirt on that grave.

2 weeks ago. November 20, 2022 at 10:37 AM

It isn’t always the lack of love in life that hurts,

Its when they don’t want you,

It is knowing they are dancing with someone else,

Dancing on a Friday night in the moonlight,

When it was heaven with your hands on me,

Now its hell because the lonely found its way,

To weasel around in what I call a heart,

Dark thoughts intrusive no longer,

Just living entity that speaks to darken,

Harden, become a villain, and hate,

It says that love doesn’t exist,

That kindness is weakness,

That empathy should give way to apathy,

Its that darkness that turned a good man,

Into a mean one, in to something he never wanted,

Jaded, pessimism has found no light,

In what used to be actuated, and optimism in sun,

These people drink it way because there is nothing to lose,

They wake up every day black and blue….

In the time they lost you.

Remembering in their dark heart.

2 weeks ago. November 19, 2022 at 11:53 PM

=)

2 weeks ago. November 19, 2022 at 9:14 AM

 

Why is it simple smells that seem to bring me back to you?

When I’ve felt like the sun has been ripped out of the sky.

Why is your face dancing in my mind like it owns that space?

When you took my heart and cut it to pieces just for fun.

Why do I constantly wonder what life will be like without?

When you don’t even seem to miss me fucking at all.

Why was my effort not enough, when I was willing to give all?

When you couldn’t decide if I was even worth the time.

Why is this pain not going away, but seems to be growing?

When people are telling me you are laughing like I’m gone.

I thought you were everything and apparently that’s not enough

I feel lost, broken, bleeding trying to sew as I run forward,

Hoping I don’t look behind and see those fucking green eyes.

But some days….I’ll never fucking admit, those things…..

Are the only thing keeping me going.

2 weeks ago. November 16, 2022 at 5:53 AM

The hardest thing to realize, is that it was a lie,

That she had no intention of living this life,

That every touch and word now in assumption,

To give her satisfactions to slowly move on,

To find her piece that she thought was missing,

Even knowing that it would hurt me,

When she said that it was never going to be me,

That I wasn't her forever or even her meant to be,

It hurt in a way because I would move heaven and earth,

To see her tears, dry for a day,

To take on any pain as it was mine own to slay,

I saw her as the moon and the stars,

wrote more words about her than I care to admit,

I thought about children,

I thought about a home,

I thought about a future,

To learn those things to her were to just pass time,

Ended the current me,

It pushed me into a pit of hell I didn't know I had,

Burned me, bright colored orange fucking sky,

Now I feel like I've hardened by her memory,

Not looking past or forward or even currently,

Just trying not to continue to burn.....

As I forget who I was,

Forget who I'll be,

And just learn to live without you.

Because even Lucifer was an angel once...

 

3 weeks ago. November 12, 2022 at 8:32 AM

I wish to be lost in you like hearing a melody,

Swing back and forth in forward repetition,

Pleasantly, playing with you breathlessly,

To have ambition for this fight of attrition,

To see you squirm, to wiggle in loud moaning,

To watch those legs become stiff boards,

Have the moans burn down to groaning,

Hear you cite gods name in given awards,

Till you can longer suffer the anticipation,

And end in repetitious snoring,

Till I hear you once more.

4 weeks ago. November 4, 2022 at 6:08 PM

The sea is what’s called me for as long as I can remember,

The depth of the ocean and mystery it holds,

I feel like as I was wandering when your song found me,

Like a siren of stories of times of old,

Everything about you pulled me in,

Fiery hair to the beautiful eyes,

You were so kind in those moments,

Even in the ones that came after,

It only took one to show your teeth,

That you were for you and not us,

Weakly or strong I sailed away,

Hearing that song as I departed,

Weeping at its sound and alluring pull,

Forcing myself to not turn around,

Almost tying myself down,

As I made way from your waters,

I looked back with earnest and pain,

Wondering if this voyage was worth it,

Missing you every step of the way,

Having tiny moments of pain,

Realizing the ending was not only painful.

But damaging.

And looking out at this vast sea of unknowing,

Having the knowing of what I can see,

It is sometimes dulling,

It is sometimes hard,

To even raise the sail.