There is no sentient moon, just the pale light of a beautiful sphere.

I no longer chase because the thistles bite my feet,

The worth has fallen burned from apathetic heat,

She said the chasing made her feel alive,

It filled her soul, and made her life thrive,

but forgot to feed me like a pet lost or left for dead,

Gut shot or vein cut, thinking that I have never bled,

She watched me scream and cry with lack of attention,

While the thistles and burning twisted my ambition,

While the field I ran was cruel and mean,

Just to have the feeling that those eyes have seen,

To give me a moment like a bead of water,

Like finally, FINALLY, I had caught her,

But her heart was not in it or she was just bored,

With those last coppers of love that I could afford,

Because it was a game to feel better than the other,

While I lied in smoke and slowly began to smother,

She didn’t bother…..

Because she was safe on her pillar,

While I watched in awe and withered,

To chase and chase till my breath gave no more,

Till all the love I would give myself was hers to adore,

And not mine to cherish no more.

Answers right,

Wanting them,

Asking the where and why,

What we don’t always realize is that any answer,

Is an ending that we didn’t need,

It is a what if that didn’t need to be filled,

It deepened that wound just an inch,

Enough to know that it was still there,

No bleeding, just more scar,

Take the path of unknowing,

The path of blissful disregard,

Heal yourself and move on, because,

Knowledge may be power,

But it also comes with pain,

That is the cost,

To know,

Is to live,

And to live,

Is to accept you will hurt…..

In that knowing.

I miss you as such as a summer rain,

That peace that comes over so plain,

With the pits and pats of little drops,

As the dew forms on the Aegilops,

Seeing stare of that rainbow glare,

As shapes turn from cloudily air,

How my heart slows in it,

I wish not to ever admit,

To long for thunderous sounds,

Such showered hug neck abounds,

But like as a summer shower,

Feeding natures loving flower,

It comes as quickly as it goes,

Beaded longing on the rose,

The only memory left,

As ground is waters theft,

Is the ghost clouds running away,

Till it comes another day.

The wandering way follows me and always catches up,

The traveler, step by step inched away the pain,

To see such adversity and still be kind,

To watch the desolation of the cherished,

But yet still believing in good,

Oh those that would scoff and admonish…

But my love, I see you,

Turning that darkness into light,

So you can slowly heal others with it,

You are no victim,

You are a beautiful creature,

You are the definition of holy.

Since a tender of age youth, my inner self begged to belong,

Oh to have that Disney burn for another in that lifelong,

I never understood why my love always felt grander,

Always the chaser, always have to be the demander.

Until you…

I felt a place filled with majesty and awe,

A home built with checkered walkway stone flaw,

Greenery with ivies, bushes, and flowers,

Teacups, Knick knacks and fast passing hours,

Beauteous blue skies and fast forming cloud,

Laughter unchecked, long and always loud.

But…

Even with Disney’s beautiful brush strokes,

With a princess before me I believed no hoax,

She told me it was just a normal day,

And in this I do not jest or play,

Those words…..even in such short time,

Took my breath away, memories instantly begrime.

Now I sit with memories of such beautiful days,

And I wither at the fact I no longer have your gaze,

That those green eyes no longer behold me,

That those Aurora filled times were folly,

That words used and actions taken in such volley,

Where empty……

Where for your enjoyment.

To heal whatever ailed you.

And leave me…. voided and lost.

At the shear hole left,

Where we used to live.

It was star dust, star light, the way they always shined,

Celestial embodiment in such divinity as planets aligned,

I have lost my mind now and deserted my ways,

Because how you stand so lovingly,

All this somehow feels familiar to me,

Like the will to find where the wilds things grow,

Sit along with fire light in tow,

Grasp on concepts long and arduous,

To know someone so deeply you anticipate their actions,

To see those needs and run at them like bullet fire,

Because their happiness at some point became yours,

To see that smile was what drove you,

What woke you up in the morning,

What said PUSH GOD DAMN PUSH,

IT moved you.....

Then somewhere a long the line you found out…

That yours to them……

Didn’t even get a breath….

That is true heartbreak,

To learn that what moved you in them,

Didn’t even fall into their purview,

That fucking ended me.

I say all hail those demons that slowly made me,

Damned the angels who never shed a tear,

Those who wept when they slowly lost me,

Showed me my greatest, strongest fear,

That my love was just fun entertainment,

Jester by day, lover by night for such sustainment,

So, they didn’t have to feel that inner pain,

But oh, now I am such as an inconvenience,

To see no penalty they wish for lenience,

But the dark wolf whose hunger never wains is here,

The harbinger the harbinger of the void appears,

To show them the lock they had mettled,

Whose howl will leave those unsettled,

They will no longer be entertained,

Its dark malice will not be contained,

Woe is the hero who has run to villainy,

No longer adhering to the code of chivalry,

And staying alone and unafraid,

The wolf, the wolf is finally here.

It was something that stunned me in those eyes,

That eroded my will, it was the highest of highs,

I can still remember the way you smell,

It erased stress, calmed demons, and made me well,

I didn’t know how much I invested into you,

Until you told me I was something you won’t pursue,

Because in my mind you were the very thing,

That made my inner self bring song and sing,

Hearing Stranger Things sing what they would do with God,

To bring a deal to swap places, is such a damn facade,

You cut out a piece of me and now I’m bleeding internally,

Because when you told me you might not love me,

Something went cold, a light went out, a fire died,

When you uttered such small phrases, I could have lied,

Instead, I looked ahead twenty years,

I looked ahead and saw a life led in tears,

Everyday I just say I wish it was not what it is,

Such melancholy in it is what it is,

Truthfully,

I wish that it was different,

That you had the fire I had for you,

That erased the blue and moved me,

Now I don’t want to move at all,

Locked like troll in sun,

Like Medusa’s kind gaze stilled me,

Because living with that heartbreak,

Would have killed me,

And in some way, it did,

The world doesn’t hold as much glitter,

It doesn’t have as much light,

Its color has been muted,

They say men have three loves in their lifetime

The Mother, who holds them higher than any,

The Lover, who breaks them into pieces,

And The Soulmate, who builds them back together,

Eternally now, just wondering what you were.

It's sad now that I want to write that I miss you,

That I want you to tell me passionately,

That you missed my presence,

I want to you to say what you mean,

Let that sun again rain down on me,

But unfortunately, I can sense my depression and desperation,

So I let it die....

I just want you to tell me that I'm right,

That I'm worth the fight,

That I wasn't just filler or space,

That I and we mattered,

Fact is though.....

You don't even know what you want.

I did though.

I did three hundred poems later.

You.

I hate that it is true.

That I let myself get so comfortable. 

That I thought you were mine and me yours.

Joker and Harley or Hades and Persephone,

With this ending I fucking took it personally,

And I feel as though you feel nothing.

No texts,

No I miss you,

Just jack looking at the moon,

Seeing you wear the necklace handpicked for you was straw...

I really was just to pass it....

Such lovely time...

Such wasted because I was fun,

Nothing I thought I was,

That's what I mourn,

Lost time and a person who let me be an emotional pillow,

When I thought I was your moon,

And you....

My sun....

I see those amber skies returning,

Begging me to remember who I was,

Whom, I have always been,

A warrior,

Someone who didn't prey on the weak,

But relished in the wicked defeated,

A lover,

Showing it so unconditionally,

Without question when found,

A friend,

To shine on their darkest day,

And allow the rain to fall freely,

I was...

I am.

Someone, of substance and morals,

Someone, of honor, and virtue,

Someone, of undying love, and relentless truth,

Someone, through trial and tribulation,

allowed themselves to harden...

Forgetting how soft they really were.

I no longer allowing the lines on the sand,

To be blurred by people who wish to define me,

I will remain me even if they leave,

Even if they spurn and speak malice,

Even if they turn all those around unto me,

I understand now,

That if people wanted to....

If they wanted to give love or time,

Become a home, become your peace,

Become the thing you dreamed of,

They would...