2 years ago. September 29, 2019 at 4:10 AM
Is it possible to ever feel good enough for someone else? To feel like you can make someone as happy, satisfied, and cared for as they make you? This infuriating thought keeps buzzing around my mind and pinging against my skull. I'm new to this lifestyle and although my Dom has saintly amounts of patience for me I can't help but feel insecure or silly about some of things he wants me to do and I know he'd get great pleasure from.
And I know insecurity is about the least sexy thing a woman could be but how am I supposed to rewire a brain that's been told by media, society, art, etc that I'm simply not what's desirable? He has never once tried to change who I inherently am and makes a point of telling me all the things he loves about me, but these thoughts consistently nag at me.
Sometimes He mentions something He'd like to try or work on with me, not knowing that it's something I'm incredibly insecure about. For instance, I am a sub but also a brat and it wasnt until I dived a little deeper into learning about BDSM that I found many look down on brats or see them as 'fake subs'. That's when I learned to be ashamed of being sassy even in a fun/flirty way. So when He says "steady on" as a light warning when I get that way, it digs a lot deeper than I think He realizes. And then I'm too embarrassed/ashamed to discuss those feelings.
I realize these feelings are not my Dom's fault, that it's something that I have to seriously work on with myself but I'm at a loss on how to do so.