I have trust issues, I’ve had them my entire life based on being disappointed, misled and used by people. I’m not a joiner, because I always feel like I don’t quite fit in and I am different from others. It takes time for me to become comfortable speaking with people and interacting, I feel awkward and uncomfortable until I get to know people. I’ve always been the type to gauge the situation, observe behaviors and try to assimilate, hopefully going mostly unnoticed.
Oddly enough it’s the exact opposite of my alpha female personality. I’m a take charge, get shit done, kick ass and take names kind of person on many levels. However, when it comes to my true inner self, the one that’s in my head....that insecure, somewhat frightened, tentative girl is hiding inside.
Through the process of speaking with some of the wonderful members of this site, I’m realizing what a great support this community is. Through reading blogs, post on the forum, and speaking with some of the amazing people here, I’m slowly becoming more comfortable with who I am, what I want, and who best can give me what I need.
I’ve made some errors in judgment and mistakes along the way, but I am sorting it out and learning and growing. Despite my past being messy, I’ve always been an optimist and believe that people are inherently good. I am frequently disappointed but I choose to still believe the best in general because if I am negative and pessimistic, what is the point?
