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Random thoughts of a newbie

I read, I learn, I think, I blog? Never read a blog before this community, never shared with others, kept it to myself.. Never been a joiner, kept to myself.....triumphs, shame, battles, all of it. Seems like the right thing to do at the moment....
4 years ago. September 21, 2019 at 7:15 PM

I have trust issues, I’ve had them my entire life based on being disappointed, misled and used by people. I’m not a joiner, because I always feel like I don’t quite fit in and I am different from others. It takes time for me to become comfortable speaking with people and interacting,  I feel awkward and uncomfortable until I get to know people.  I’ve always been the type to gauge the situation, observe behaviors and try to assimilate, hopefully going mostly unnoticed. 

Oddly enough it’s the exact opposite of my alpha female personality. I’m a take charge, get shit done, kick ass and take names kind of person on many levels. However, when it comes to my true inner self, the one that’s in my head....that insecure, somewhat frightened, tentative girl is hiding inside.  

Through the process of speaking with some of the wonderful members of this site, I’m realizing what a great support this community is.   Through reading blogs, post on the forum, and speaking with some of the amazing people here, I’m slowly becoming more comfortable with who I am, what I want, and who best can give me what I need.

I’ve made some errors in judgment and mistakes along the way, but I am sorting it out and learning and growing.  Despite my past being messy, I’ve always been an optimist and believe that people are inherently good. I am frequently disappointed but I choose to still believe the best in general because if I am negative and pessimistic, what is the point? 

 

DarkKitten​(sub female){ObsidianWo} - Wow this could have been a blog I would post myself. I can completely understand how you feel. I have come to realize this community is more understanding and accepting than the normal vanilla world. So many amazing people to help you grow and learn yourself.
4 years ago
SirsSunrise​(sub female) - Thank you DK! I’m finding it helps to say these things for others to read versus just seeing them to myself..a first for me
4 years ago
DarkKitten​(sub female){ObsidianWo} - You're welcome! Just be yourself and people who deserve to be in your life will be patient in order to gain your trust.
4 years ago
SirsSunrise​(sub female) - *saying smh
4 years ago
DarkKitten​(sub female){ObsidianWo} - I understood still what you ment. 🥰
4 years ago
DarkKitten​(sub female){ObsidianWo} - I understood still what you ment. 🥰
4 years ago
SirsSunrise​(sub female) - It’s an OCD thing, I literally drive MYSELF crazy 😂
4 years ago
Ingénue{VK} - Ooh. Negative and pessimistic can be fun, though!
4 years ago
SirsSunrise​(sub female) - Can be, but I don’t wanna get too dark 😉
4 years ago
Ingénue{VK} - Hmm. Yin yang and similar woo.
4 years ago
Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} - I so relate to this blog on so many levels. I am glad you are slowly coming out of your shell, this is a great community with amazing people to help you through your journey and support you. Just as you will come to do the same. 😊

Again, GREAT post, Thanks for sharing ❤️🤗❤️
4 years ago
SirsSunrise​(sub female) - Thanks KarBear!! 🥰
4 years ago

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