I had my first encounter last week.
It was more than I expected, better than I could have imagined.
Once I had it, and had him, I was hooked. My mind wanders back to it frequently. He was....amazing. Perfect. In every single way. I only got a few hours with him, and it wasn’t enough. He made me feel high, I felt everything and nothing all at the same time...it was incredible.
I know I’m probably not the picture perfect girl he wants. I know I have a lot of growth that needs to happen, and certain things need to change. It’s just so hard for me, because of certain aspects of my life and the paths I have chosen. I have a lot of hopes and dreams for the future, it’s just taking the leap and going after them that holds me back.
I worry frequently that I’ll never find someone who wants me and loves me for me. I have my own problems, I have things I haven’t accomplished yet. I’m not where I should be at 26 years old. Eventually I’ll be where I want to be, it’ll just take some hard work I suppose.
I just get scared sometimes that I’ll never find my person. The one to share my life with. Who will love me, take care of me, and push me to be the best version of myself.
Since seeing him....the fear is here even more. I now know this is what I want and what I need. I worry that I’ll never get to have it again.
I know this is silly, but I needed to write down some of my feelings and I know there are some who can relate, I’m sure.
I just hope that my first time experiencing this wasn’t also my last time...