Daddy and I have recently moved to a new aspect of our dynamic and it is a beginning step towards our ultimate goals. I am no longer allowed to ask for orgasms, I only take what he gives me when he decides to give it. I asked for this!
My sex drive is wild, and I also really depend on orgasms to maintain my balance emotionally. So me putting that into his hands and trusting that he knows what I need and when I need it and choosing if/when he will provide for those needs is a big deal.
I have tried orgasm control with others in the past and it never worked. I would always disobey. Not only would I disobey but I’d also feel indignation. I would think things like “How dare someone think so highly of themselves that they think they can decide what I need?!” Or “This is so stupid and nothing but an ego trip.” Add to that, I never really felt like anyone that I played with knew me well enough, understood my body, or even really gave a fuck about my emotional balance. It was very nearly a hard limit for me, giving over that control. I kept trying though because I found it to be challenging and fun, seeing how long I could make it before I disobeyed was like a fun little game, but I always knew that when *I* wanted it, I’d just disobey and that’s that.
It took Daddy about 12 weeks of constant work to get me to even start considering being a good girl. Add to that another 5 or so to get me to want and need to be a good girl, and to see that I really do trust him with it, I really want him to be the one that chooses now. Granted, I have only gone two weeks without intentionally disobeying, but it feels different now.
I don’t feel like I had anything taken from me, I feel like I have had something given to me. What he has given me is his trust, and a space to exercise the trust that I now feel for him. It has grown so much over the months, and it will only continue to grow.
It has only been a couple of days of trying this, but it hasn’t been hard like before. I’m not having those feelings like it’s stupid, unreasonable, unrealistic, or thoughtless. This time, I feel what I can only describe as a sense of wholeness and a sense of gratitude.
I’m grateful that he cares enough about me to control me, I m grateful that he has given me a way to please and satisfy him, I’m grateful that he spent real time and effort in learning me, I’m grateful that I can trust him with something that I feel is very important to my life balance. I’m also grateful that he didn’t say “Do this” and immediately expect me to be able to, he gave me what I needed to be able to do it first. Then he waited until I came to him and until it was my choice to give it to him.
Well played, Daddy.
