When two natural leaders come together in a D/s dynamic the likelihood of problems arising from this is very high. I can’t speak from the standpoint of the dominant but I can speak of how I struggle with this as a submissive.
I am a decisive, smart, and educated woman. Not only that, but my education lies in the social sciences. So, it is literally my training to analyze relationships, behaviors, and thought patterns then pinpoint where the problems are coming from. This is great for me as a submissive, I am very adept at recognizing needs in our dynamic. The problem is that I’m also trained to form a plan of action to deal with these problems, correct behaviors, circumvent barriers, and if I don’t feel competent or equipped then I either point the way to find someone that is or research my knowledge gap. So one can see how it is difficult for me to be able to not be that whole plan of action person.
Daddy and I have a minor dynamic issue, which I won’t be discussing in detail. I recognized this issue and I made the decision about how to best handle it for me and for him without even giving him a chance to think about the issue and before I even mentioned it. I basically said “This is a problem and we are going to do this and this, I need it and you need it too.” Daddy agreed with me about the issue, not so much about the plan, because I didn’t even give him a chance to.
It took me about 12 hours to realize what I did. In a normal relationship this wouldn’t have been such a major mistake on my part, although even in a normal relationship I should be working with my partner to come to solutions rather than just deciding for us. My mistake here is a little bit more severe considering the parameters of our dynamic.
We aren’t there yet, but the eventual goal is that he fully leads our lives. So, what I did was I decided what I needed, I decided what he needed, and I decided what to do in order to fulfill both of our needs. Uh, isn’t that kind of his job? Yeah, it is. Now, that isn’t to say that if I notice that Daddy is cranky and he needs a sandwich that I shouldn’t go make him a sandwich. When it comes to the dynamic and how it’s guided and handled, that is all his.
I wasn’t wrong to speak up about the problem, I got that part right! I was wrong in the way that I handled that recognition. I should have presented it to him, told him how it’s making me feel, and asked him to take it from there. I should have trusted him to be able to do that, I should have had faith that he would handle it. Trust and faith aren’t born in a handful of months, but they can’t be born if we don’t give them what they need to grow.
Daddy didn’t call me out on this, I called myself out. Part of what makes me a great partner is that I continually analyze myself, my actions, and my feelings. I’m pretty good at recognizing when I have made a mistake and accepting the consequences. In this particular example Daddy hasn’t imposed any consequences, likely because he knows that I have already learned and grown from it.
I’m sure that I’m not the only submissive that struggles with ceded power. I’m certain that I will have similar struggles again and again, but I also have trust and faith in myself to become the slave that Daddy desires. It takes time, effort, humility, thoughtfulness, and love. I am grateful for the opportunity to commit all of those things to my Daddy.
