Hi, I’m Satin. When debating long and hard (more like thought about it for thirty seconds and then dove down the rabbit hole) about what I was going to write for my first blog post, I decided to do an About Me of sorts. I’ll talk about what kind of sub I am, as well as what I enjoy. I will describe what being a sub means to me and a bit about my personality. Lastly, I will end with a poem I wrote about what being a submissive feels like for me. Let’s get this party started!
One of the first things I stumbled across was the BDSM Test. It is pretty common, and so I decided I would share my results here:
94% Slave
91% Submissive
82% Boy/Girl
74% Rope bunny
71% Ageplayer
60% Primal (Prey)
58% Experimentalist
55% Masochist
51% Brat
44% Pet
19% Vanilla
4% Degradee
2% Primal (Hunter)
1% Exhibitionist
1% Brat tamer
1% Voyeur
0% Rigger
0% Daddy/Mommy
0% Dominant
0% Degrader
0% Owner
0% Master/Mistress
0% Sadist
0% Non-monogamist
0% Switch
Now, this isn’t entirely accurate, in my opinion, but it is pretty darn close. I want to be good. I want to please, obey, satisfy. I want to be owned, and I want to be cherished. When I get fucked, I want to be used, taken. I am desperate to please my Dom. I like to be spanked until my ass is a gorgeous shade of pink. I like to be covered in bruises and hickeys and scratches. When it is done, and I have pleased my Daddy, I want to be held close, cared for, and told I am a good girl. I crave structure, routine, discipline. I want rules, steps, goals. I want to cook for my Daddy, clean for him, spend time with him always. I want to grow into the best version of myself at my Daddy’s hand, moulded into who he believes I can be. I ache to follow his command. I want to be his baby girl, and I want him to care for me, nurture me, support me. I want to be his in every way that I can. I want to wake up when he tells me to, eat when and what he tells me to, have him choose my clothes and help dress me, pick out a beautiful collar to match. I want it all. Being a submissive is who I am, it is my nature, and I want my purpose to be for my Daddy.
When it comes to what I enjoy and what I do not enjoy, I have a list. I rate each item on a scale of 0-5. Things marked as 0 are my hard limits, and things rated as 5 I would get on my knees and beg for. I rated things at a 3 if I have not done them and really want to try, and a 2 if I have not done them, but am open minded. This list does not have everything, and I am sure I will learn much more that is possible, but it is a start. Here it is:
Abrasion 3
Age Play 4
Anal Sex 4
Anal Plugs (small) 5
Anal Plugs (large) 5
Anal Plus (public under clothes) 5
Animal Roles 3
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders) 2
Asphyxiation 2
Bathroom use control 4
Beating (soft) 4
Beating (hard) 2
Blindfolding 4
Being bitten 5
Branding 1
Boot/Shoe licking 4
Bondage (light) 5
Bondage (heavy) 4
Breast whipping 2
Brown Showers (scat) 0
Cages (locked inside) 0
Caning 3
Cattle prod 1
Cells/closets (locked inside) 0
Chains 4
Choking 5
Chores (domestic service) 5
Clothespins 1
Cock worship 5
Collars (worn in private) 5
Collars (worn in public) 5
Cuffs (leather) 5
Cuffs (metal) 4
Cutting 3
Diapers (wearing) 0
Diapers (wetting) 0
Diapers (soiling) 0
Double Penetration 3
Electricity 3
Enemas 3
Enforced chastity 3
Erotic Dance 5
Examinations (physical) 4
Exercise (forced/required) 5
Exhibitionism 3
Face Slapping 2
Fantasy rape 0
Fisting (anal) 3
Fisting (vaginal) 3
Flame play 2
Foot licking (self) 2
Foot licking (your dom) 3
Forced bedwetting 0
Forced eating 5
Forced masturbation 5
Forced Servitude 5
Full head hoods 1
Gags (cloth) 5
Gags (inflatable) 3
Gags (phallic) 4
Gags (rubber) 2
Gags (tape) 1
Golden Showers 0
Hair brush spankings 4
Hair pulling 5
Having food chosen for you 5
Having clothing chosen for you 5
Hot oils (on genitals) 2
Hot waxing 3
Housework (doing) 5
Human puppy dog 1
Humiliation 0
Ice cubes 5
Immobilization Lectures for misbehavior 4
Nipple clamps 3
Nipple rings (piercing) 2
Nipple weights 2
Oral/anal play 5
Over the knee spanking 5
Orgasm denial 4
Orgasm control 4
Pain (severe) 1
Pain (mild) 4
Personal modification 2
Piercing (temporary, play-pierce) 2
Piercing (permanent) 2
Pussy whipping 2
Riding crops 5
Scarification 1
Sensory deprivation 4
Serving as furniture 1
Serving as a maid 3
Serving as a toilet (urine) 0
Serving as a toilet (feces) 0
Serving as waitress 3
Shaving (body hair) 5
Sleep deprivation 0
Slutty clothing (private) 5
Slutty clothing (public) 4
Spanking 5
Speech restrictions (when/what) 2
Speculums (anal) 3
Speculums (vaginal) 4
Spitting 3
Straight jackets 0
Suspension (upright) 4
Suspension (inverted) 3
Swallowing feces 0
Swallowing semen 5
Swallowing urine 0
Tickling 3
Uniforms 4
Verbal humiliation 1
Water torture 0
Waxing (hair removal) 4
Wearing symbolic jewelry 5
Weight gain (forced) 0
Weight loss (forced) 3
Whipping 2
Wooden paddles 5
Wrestling 2
There are many things I have not done, but would love to try, as you can tell.
When it comes to submission, it feels more vital than breathing for me. When given an order, I feel it settle hot and burning in my stomach. When I do a good job completing a task, and am told that I have done well, a warm heaviness settles over my body that feels heavenly. I want to obey. Submission is a beautiful thing, and now that I have finally come to accept who and what I am, I find myself to be a beautiful creature. It would be nice to one day not be the only one that tells me this. I truly feel like submission is a calling for me. It is something settled deep in my bones, pumping through my veins, a whisper on the wind inviting me home. A submissive is who I am. I am me, I am human, I am a submissive.
Finally, let me share a bit about me beyond the world of BDSM. I am in college as an English major. I am hoping to be a writer, but I also love all things creative (painting, drawing, photography, film, music, etc.) I would love to just live my life being creative all the time, making money that way and expressing myself. I am a very spiritual person. I am a Pagan and I practice modern witchcraft. It is a beautiful existence, and I feel undeniably connected to nature and the world. My favorite holidays are Halloween, Samhain, and Yule. I am an activist and a feminist. I am a supporter of all minorities and I believe in love and kindness. I am needy, loud, wild, crazy, and I am kind, loving, passionate, and funny.
Lastly, I would like to share a poem I wrote about a year ago. It was a time when I was still figuring out who I was and I didn’t know how to describe this ache I felt all the way to my soul. Now that I am more knowledgeable, I realize it for what it is. It was a cry for submission. Here it is:
Passion
To learn how to want,
To desire,
Is to learn how to be.
I discovered how to plead and beg
The first time
I consciously closed my knees.
I cry out,
"Touch me, please!"
As if the fire in your veins
And the lust behind your eyes
Could save me from the world.
I finally feel my heart in my chest,
Pounding behind my breasts,
Excitement, and dread,
Pure corruption,
Dirty, unadulterated
Want.
I want.
I want.
I need.
Touch me, and set me free.
Touch me, and show me who I am.
Touch me.
Silence my cries and teach me how to beg.
I exist and I live,
Now teach me to thrive.
Teach me how to yearn.
Teach me how to plead.
Touch me.
