I woke up feeling retrospective and shoved it aside ...
I had two out of five kids sick ... A dog that was puking blue, because someone left a school Valentine out ... My first day at a new job ... Stressors of being the single adult and pulling that weight (for almost 6 years now, fuck) ...
My day at work was great!! I LOVE IT!!! (Full time nanny for infant twins) Not stressful at all. It made me so happy!! You'd think after five of my own I'd be over the baby thing. But I wanted eight kids in all and I still get upset occasionally that my life didn't go as planned.
My kids are over at their Dads now. The house is quiet. This weekend did have some plans that I was so excited about. Had things worked out, I'd be all cozied up in front of a fire, at a lodge in Yosemite. I've never been and I was so excited to go.
But life didn't go as planned, yet again.
The end of relationships are never easy. It's been almost a month ... I think the hard part is that, everything was fine. But a job opportunity roared in one day and it was too good for him to pass up. Our relationship was too new, only four months. I'm not about to stand in the way of an important career move. There was no fighting, no unkind words. I just graciously encouraged him to make the decision that was best for him, and he did. He leaves for Canada soon. We still check up on each other. Just a quick chat here and there.
I'm rambling ...
I know what I want. What I deserve. What I have to offer. Sometimes it just doesn't make it any easier to swallow. But no one is going to do it for me, so I hold my head high. I smile. I do not only what is required but more.
The saying, "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
I know I'm beautiful. And I know many of you are too. I see it everyday here. Sharing happiness, something funny, wisdom, advice. I see people reaching out to each other in times of sadness and difficulty.
I know I can come here and see something that will make me smile, laugh, or bust out a toy 🤣🤣
I'm sad a little, yes. Stressed, always. But everyday I become more and more thankful of this site and all you amazing kittens and Sirs. So thank you for all your posts. The good and the not so good. It's good to know that life is just as real for everyone. I loves ya all!! 💋💋
