Last night was our monthly play party. Doors were supposed to open at 6 with the ponies. I got a call that the person who wrangles the ponies couldn't make it. So we opened at 6 anyway because by then it was too late to change. But things got rolling more around 9. It was small. It was intimate.
Honestly speaking low numbers used to bother me. A lot. I mean a lot. And then two things happened.
The first was years back I was performing in a fundraiser. When one of my co performers said it doesn't matter how many people are out there. If there's only one person out there you give your all to that one person. If there are no people out there you give your all because you're all deserves it.
Years later we were a host house for local rganization and whenever the numbers weren't big the organisers would get so upset. They would go around the party mumbling to themselves about how people didn't show. Making the host house feel responsible for low numbers. The whole thing behind this huge uncomfortable piece of bullshit.
My beloved and I have decided that even if no one shows then that means we get to play. And if only a few people show that we need to honor and cherish who they are and this time with them. Stop being embarrassed over what could have been. But engage in and dance with what is.
