If you are a sub, have you ever given up your right to have your own thoughts?
As a Dom, have you ever asked/required your sub to give you their thoughts?
This is an issue that came to a head for Sir and I this weekend. As my Dom, Sir is very intent on being in tune with my thoughts and feelings. So when we are together he will ask what I'm thinking probably 10-15 times in a day. Any time he sees me looking thoughtful, sees me smile to myself, thinks I'm being quiet, etc. he'll say "What?" or "What's on your mind?" or something similar. Typically I'll just say "nothing" because I'm thinking about something insignificant like a billboard I just saw or a conversation I had in the 4th grade, just random thoughts we all have. Sir has trouble accepting "nothing" as an answer and will often press it until I tell him whatever I was thinking. This feels very invasive to me. I submit to him in so many aspects but being able to have my own thoughts was the one thing I felt like I still owned for myself. We are a D/s dynamic, not M/s. We've talked about this many times because it's something we've both struggled with (him deciding when to let it go and when to push for an answer, and me feeling forced into giving him something I didn't want to give). So this weekend Sir and I were in a rental house and I was in one room getting dressed and Sir was in another. I made a thoughtful sound that he heard and so he asked "what?" I responded with "nothing" (I was just looking at a pulled thread in the lace of my panties) and from there it led to conversation I felt unprepared for.
Basically it came down to this; 1) kitten decides to allow Sir to completely own her mind and therefore give him her thoughts whenever he asks or 2) kitten decides that she is not willing to submit in that regard and Sir has to reluctantly come to terms with this.
The decision was ultimately mine, but as a submissive, it didn't really feel like I had a decision at all; I know what Sir wanted and pleasing him is my primary desire in life. So I very begrudgingly chose option 1.
Now before you go casting stones at either of us, please understand that I do not regret my choice and Sir was very clear that our relationship would continue regardless of my choice. I also did not want to keep my thoughts to myself out of brattiness or to keep secrets, I just view it as the most basic human right (even those captured and forced into bondage get to keep that one thing).
So here we are today. I'm learning to accept that I officially have nothing left of myself, every single thing I have and am belongs to Sir. There is freedom in this kind of submission, but it is also terrifying.
Tell me about your dynamics. Do your thoughts belong to you? Would/could you give up that right? How hard was the transition when you did? Do you have any regrets? Do you have any advice for either of us?
=^.^=
