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Ev's kink corner

I've been around a few decades, and have a bit to say. I'm not going to call myself an expert, but I'm happy to share my thoughts on BDSM.
4 years ago. September 2, 2019 at 12:45 AM

Honestly, this always looks like a red flag to me.

Why would someone only want an inexperienced submissive? They aren't cars that will break down because they got driven around for a while. They are not cars, or sandwiches, or locks in doors, or any other random inanimate object. Every relationship and interaction is unique, so there's still plenty of space for wonder. They aren't impossible to "re-train," I mean, we're talking about sentient beings here, even if they are role-playing as something that is not. They might or might not have emotional damage from exes. Welcome to being human. A grown-ass adult can deal with it, and encourage their partner to get professional therapy if needed, since that is a therapist's job, and not one's partner's job.

So, why do people want an inexperienced sub? 

Because honestly, the only reason I can come up with is that they don't want the sub to know better. Like, they want someone who is easier to manipulate, control, and deceive... and I don't mean in a good way. I don't mean in a sexy way. 

Perhaps the dom is new and feels intimidated by playing with a sub who is more experienced than they are? My primary certainly was. But there's a phrase in the horsemanship world- "green on green makes black and blue." It may be a case of wanting someone to learn together with, but in that case? Include that in your ad, and understand that you should really seek out classes and a mentor even then, if it is possible. 

Otherwise, at best it seems like ego or toxic monogamy (there's healthy monogamy, but flipping out about partners someone had before you came on the scene ain't it) at best, or at worst, a sign of a predator. 

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} - Very interesting thoughts. Thank you for writing. I have often wondered the same.
4 years ago
SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female) - Yes, yes, yes, yes, and YES! Thanks for bringing this one up, Evergrey. It's good to see you about.
4 years ago

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