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Finding me, with Him.

My Dom rescued me from supressing myself and for that, I am greatful.
4 years ago. April 6, 2020 at 12:01 AM

Growing up I was told constantly that I needed to "soften" my personality. Be more "girly". Dress more "conservatively". Lose more weight. I was not enough for my mother. I think she wanted someone more quiet and feminine (whatever that meant). She wanted a daughter who did as she was told and never spoke her mind. My personality lead to us fighting and me distancing myself from her. I started to escape into books and fantasy worlds. The more I escaped the harder she held on. I was told that I couldn't talk about my passions or get too excited about anything. It left me feeling lost and confused. Why wasn't I enough? Were all of my interests stupid of wierd? Over the years my mental block grew. I told myself over and over that I was not good enough and being myself was unacceptable.  

The emotional control statements happened almost every day. "Stop being so sad." "Don't be so angry theres nothing to be angry about." "Stop showing that you're annoyed, that's rude." "You're being too loud again, stop that." "You're so bossy stop that." "No boy will like that, this is why you're single." OVER AND OVER AND OVER. And then..."Why don't you tell me more?" "We are all going through things." "You can't do that." "You spend too much time in your own head." "Why don't you go out more?" "Why do you stay in your room?" "You're so quirky, try and tone it down." 

Anyone who says my fmaily was trying to help, shut the fuck up. They were damaging me and despite me pleading with them to stop, it didn't. They rode my reactions off as being "dramatic" or "immature". Only contributing to my fragile self esteem, anxiety and eventual depression. I spent a year strict dieting and running constantly. The entire time suicidal and depressed. 

Then Sir came into my life. I was allowed to be myself. For the first time in years I was allowed to be myself. I was suddenly allowed to be fragile, and strong when appropriate. I was allowed to express my interests without being judged. He wonders why I constantly apologize and self depricate. I wish he could have been there earlier. I wish he could have known that there was someone who actually thought I was a beautiful person. Whatever he wants, he shall have, because he's given me a beautiful gift...the ability to just be. 

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} - Your blog is so similar to my story as well. I was also told I wasn't good enough as a child by my mother. Then both husbands. Finally I have a wonderful man in my corner...my Dom. He is helping me to stop apologizing for everything as well. And helping me understand that I am more than enough for him. That I am cherished and loved by DDFH. Yes, it is wonderful isn't it submissiveprincess? Simply an indescribable feeling.
4 years ago
Calico​(switch female) - I am so sorry you went through all that. I feel almost everything you went through. I was never good enough for my family either. Especially my mom who loved me but was always trying to "fix" me. I was too quirky, too much of a tom boy, too much of a slutty dresser, too loud, too shy. I did good in school but never good enough. I worked hard for love but never felt I earned it. She would compliment me in public but then get home and go over everything I do wrong. Got told at 16 that guys hate fat chicks, they will only fuck me and leave. I have never been able to get that out of my head. Then I met my husband and he reminds me that I am beautiful. Just because i am not beautiful or good enough for her doesnt mean I am not beautiful or good enough for others.

You are wonderfully made and you are more than good enough for yourself and others 💙
4 years ago

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