These are two of the pillars in our community.
Ive drawn an interesting conclusion recently. People don't like truth or honesty, they like the illusion of it because actual truth and honesty is brutal.
This is something i like (maybe it's my inner masochist?) Who knows. The honesty can be challenging but at least you know right?
Wrong.
I've come to realise that people don't like actual honesty and truth (in general). They like find it too difficult. They like the white lies, it's like a comforter to them.
This utterly baffles me, probably baffles some of you here too. We have a concept of your better off knowing than not, at least you can either do something about it or be aware so you don't get as hurt as you could have done.
Believing the crap to my mind you might as well wrap yourself up in a turd coat and block your ears and eyes. It doesn't stop the brick wall from being in front of you, you just can't see it and will walk into it. At least when you can see it you have time to find sticks and build a ladder. This is my way of thinking but it isn't everyones. Some will happily go smack into the wall or walk around in circles to avoid it.
So why?
A friend on here messaged me about contrast and juxtaposition. Ive realised people find the level of truth we are used to here jarring. They can't cope with it. They aren't ignoring the wall they are ignoring the meadow on the other side because acknowledging its very existence is painful.
People like the lie its comfortable, they enjoy the dishonesty as long as it rubs their ego just right...
.... this is one of the things i find deranging because it's different for each person. You do this wrong (shouldn't have to anyway) and your fucked.
This dishonesty, white lies, ego boost or whatever you want to call it is almost used as self justification, building a sense of self. At least for some and its not always intentional either. People like to hear positive things, the good stuff. When challenged with honesty... well... tends to not go well because it can be destabilising.
So when you first come somewhere where brutal honesty exists and phrases like 'i didn't lie, i just wasn't telling the whole truth' don't hold water. It can be really disorienting. Not just because you might be challenged on a few things (we all are). And there have been times ive gone, i will have to give that a think and get back to you. Because im not sure.
It's also challenging and very vulnerable to be that honest with yourself and others.
Being honest with others can mean risking upsetting them. This is can be a big challenge but ... other people are not mind readers and the level of trust required here is a lot higher than most.
How do you expect to build anything without a good foundation?
So, take some time to consider things if need be, allowing yourself to be honest with yourself, things don't need to be answered immediately when points are raised. It's okay to take some time.
And if you can try not to let ego get in the way, wanting to please people all the time to give you a sense of self worth when the cause of being unhappy isn't being addressed isn't going to help. Similarly, needing positive feedback or having a lot of positive feedback then one negative can be equally challenging to deal with. So taking time to consider these points and if anything can be learnt helps.
There is no room for ego with the types of trust and honesty that exist here, especially if safety exists. Side note- doesn't mean ego is a bad thing either, its not, it's actually helpful to judge what we are comfortable with.
But anyways, this can be a jarring experience, contrasting what you thought or had knowledge of to find a whole new world with many possibilities and suddenly there is so much to know it can be seriously daunting.
Your now sat in the meddow, looking back at the wall you kept walking into. It's not an easy imagine from the other side either and is jarring in contrast.
This brutal level of honesty and truth that we have in this lifestyle is to establish trust and is rare. That is because in any other situation pointing out that contrast with truth is considered rude (mainly because it's an affront to ones ego). This honesty one of the reasons i love this lifestyle. I would rather know.
Just my personsl perspective.
Rose
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