The shelter of where I am is so comfortable. It is safe. It was built with love that is no longer there for whatever reason. But still it is familiar. To change everything to make myself happy is the scariest thing I will ever have to do.
So many demons right now creeping into my space. Filling me with doubt and guilt. Telling me I'm incapable. The stubborn side of me wants to prove them wrong.
So I took some time this week with a family loss to assess what I want. I sat and looked at this person who is basically so beautiful in spirit and has been my safe place and best friend yet I am unable to love him. Like im broken. Completely and utterly closed off and have been for so long. Feel like I have a darkenss that sits over me that he unknowingly prevokes. But still I sat and contemplated, continuously coming back with the same answer....... So tonight i sat and read stories from Dr Suess's Oh The Places You'll Go and never before had a children's book spoken so directly to me....... If you have read the story I am currently in the waiting stage. But no more. I dont want to wait anymore. Wait for the right time, for things to change or for someone to make my mind up for me. So I am going to climb my mountain. It will not be easy but hopefully the view from the top is awe inspiring
