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Random thoughts on my head, my main blog is connected to my profile.
5 years ago. September 25, 2018 at 7:53 AM

<p>I had to explain this story several times.  . . So it easier to just post. I am really. I am picky. I am demi-sexual. I have to have an attraction and connection to any guy I sleep  with. (Do not push me or repeat a request over and over again. This is very irksome, and I will not connect with someone like that. I want someone who submit to not argue with what I want.)

I was with a guy for 8 years. He was a submissive and got me into bondage and how to be a findom. I controlled his paid check, paid the bills, and budgeted his games and such. I decided when we had sex most of the time unless he find my weak spots and encouraged me. 
He would get me gifts, take me shopping, and take me out even on a tight budget. I spoiled him with sex toys, and I was really good at cooking and baking. </p>

Then he wanted to try be dom, and let him, but he wasn’t confident in it. I’m also a natural dominant so it was hard for me to submit. (I will not submit again, I know what I am. I know what I want… I am a dominant sensual mistress who loves control. I want a submissive that I click with and worships and spoils me.)

I said let’s try an open relationship after I had some hormone issues. However the rule was it could not be in the building that I was in. I didnt want to know about, but then i walked in on him and my best friend high school. I got drunk and tried to give him threesome with her to be the awesome girlfriend, but I felt like I was left out. I told him after that no more open relationship, I couldn’t handle it. 

He started to chat with people online, I was still giving him oral, anal, even cuddles. My pussy would hurt with regular sex, I felt like he was ripping my skin. After while he would ignore, live me at home a lone for weeks while he was having an online affair. He rather be on his computer than with me. He wouldn’t go to the doctor with me to get fix so I can have normal sex again. 

He confessed feeling with her two before I broke up with him. My heart was shattered and I had to live family again, I went from  freedom, to Cinderella. It was over a year later, he had just a liver transplant and the he left me for said he wouldn’t make it.  She was a scammer artist, trying to get money from him. His mother and brother saw this and call me a half of dozen times to come and help take of him.  I went against my stepmother suggestions and helped him. It was an emotional Rollercoaster of six weeks. I gave up, my birthday, December 13th, Christmas, and new years to be with him in the hospital. His transplant went well, but he got an aggressive cancer and died in January of this year. 

I haven’t dated (pass two dates), or enjoyed myself. I haven’t had decent orgasm or enjoyed a good cuddle. I want to find someone that I click with… I want a sub, who is at least half as devoted as I am. I want to be worshipped and spoiled. I am a good person, damn it, and deserve a good sub. 


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