Listening to him speak of one of his other girls, I can hear the joy and love in his voice. He has clear affection for her, as he should. She has been the one with him the longest. They share the deeper connection, closer in age and in vicinity. And she is lovely I can not deny. Inside and out just stunning.
His happiness makes me happy. But his admiration makes me feel alone. Not because he neglects me. But more because I want to be looked at that way. I desire for someone to want me the way he does her. That it is a battle to stay apart. He is very good at splitting his attention but I desire more. I want someone I can open up with completely. Mentally, emotionally and physically.
I want the passion.
I want the comfort.
I desire that feeling of being owned.
Yet I find it difficult to find the right person. They all seem so bland and I know I'm not everyones cup of tea.
My desires for ownership actually make me quite antisocial. The opposite of what I should probably be doing.
I dont want someone normal or average.
I want to feel that pull and to know they feel it too.
Too often I feel half the story is made up in my mind. I fall for the Scenario. For the what if's. But they are just that.......Stories... so i close my eyes as escape to my dreams.... one day I know I will get there
