D/s and M/s contracts

D/s and M/s contracts

GagFan​(sub male) • May 14, 2019

I would like to know what people think should be involved in a master/slave or Dom/sub contract? I'm not making a contract, not yet at least but would like anyone's opinions

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • May 14, 2019

I’m curious about this too. I’ve personally never joined into one and wouldn’t want one with Sir as it just doesn’t fit into our specific dynamic, but I’m curious to hear how common contracts are. And who uses them for long term relationships vs just play partners? And while I know the sub should have the ability to negotiate terms, can subs present a contract to a Dom or do only Doms present them?

GagFan​(sub male) • May 14, 2019

I think a sub could present a contract. Although I think Dom's usually do that.

MsNevermore​(other female) • May 15, 2019

Not knowing your experience I am going to take a step back.

A contract is actually the final step of a multi step process, if your not looking to be in yo yo relationship/dynamics.

First is figuring out exactly who YOU are and what you are willing or needing to give/recieve from said dynamic of the contract.

Find a negotiation list. Fill it out as you would when meeting some one. Limits, likes etc.
This is will or should be needed in any contract.

Are you a slave and what kind.
Are you a submissive and what areas.

How long do you see the contract being for? Most will have a start and end date at least for the first period. What circumstances do you feel should invalidate or break a contract.

What will be their responsibility what is yours? When is it active when is it not? What exactly is the contract for? Who gives/gets what? What's the plan?

Know that any BDSM Contract is rarely is ever going to be legally binding but that doesnt mean it should be taken flippantly or without serious consideration.

There are quite a few books and sites that deal with the different types of contracts.
I had a friend say once that the day you think you want to be signed to a contract mark it on the calendar. In 6 months and a whole lot of soul searching start to hand write it out. His opinion a contract should be at least 15 to 20 pages. When it's done write it out again since you'll need duplicate. If after that you still think you want to enter into one....let the ink dry for 6 months. Then sign.

That sounds all funny and I dont know you beyond this post but it's just to point out that like collars to many times people get caught up in the idea of it and not the actual implications that go along with it.

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 15, 2019

I disagree with contracts. I personally believe that people use contracts to attempt to control emotional outcome.

For me--- if i have to write out everything it

1- doesnt allow for change of the realtionship or the self

2- speaks of insecurity in the partners and the relationship

3- allows for coerced abuse

Contracts dont guarantee anything.
If someone doesnt do their part of the contract- then what-- pull out the paper-- then what?

TheAnt​(dom male) • May 15, 2019

I am in more agreement with MsNevermore than MasterBear. I see a contract being utilized when the Dom or sub wants it known on expectations. The contract is not a purchase receipt or order. It's a declaration of here is what I want, here is what I will definitely get and here is what you want and will get coupled with a addendum stating the parties limitations and reasons for breaches of the contract. Penalties wether monetary, possessions or even sexual favors could be included.
I can see the need and maybe I should draw up a generic one and post it in my blog sometime.
It is similar to a pre or post nuptial.
Ant

MsNevermore​(other female) • May 16, 2019

@MasterBear

I am sorry if that has been your experience in the past. I have found just the opposite in contracts.

For your points:
1. Depending on the dynamic that could be the point of the contract. Clear cut roles and responsibilities of each. It could also actually state what the expectations of growth will be and how that will be achieved during the contracted period.

2. Both parties better be very secure both individually and in the other if entering into a contract together. If there are any questions going on it's not ready to bring in a contract. That doesnt mean that you leave out a clause for the unforeseen or breach of contract. You put it in there so that both are secure in that if X happens Z is the result or end of contract.

3. It actually reduces the chance of abuse if everything is communicated and negotiated beforehand. It all gets included. How my friends contracts ended up 10+ pages long.
An abuser probably would want to think twice about abusing with a contract with vs none at all. Remember when I said a contract was nearly never legally binding? This would be the exception. See how fast in an abuse case the court would allow it, in terms of proving what was vs wasnt consented to.

A contract if looked at seriously is just shy (legal reasons) of a marriage license except most have a set expiration date. Does a marriage license keep a spouse from cheating? No. If someone doesnt live up to their part of the contract? It's called a breach and both walk their separate ways with and how it is written in the contract.

It's not for everyone and honestly I agree with you in part that very few really know enough about them to enter them. They are not what they use to be or mean. Basically they have become the paper version of velcro collars.

BabyGirlFL​(sub female){His} • May 16, 2019

My Dom and I don’t have a contract (and I am not collared) but we have been exclusive for over 6 months and have plans for the future. I think a contract would help me because I have a hard time following the rules/expectations if I don’t know them, and if I don’t know them, I will break them, and if I break them, I will severely disappoint Sir and/or be punished. Granted we are getting to know each other and I am learning about His expectations, but I am really a list girl. It’s often subject to interpretation if it’s not in black and white. And I don’t like the consequences for the gray area stuff. Doesn’t feel fair.

TheAnt​(dom male) • May 16, 2019

I have found an excellent contract framework online. I don't think it is allowed to post a link but you can explore Lovense information. Go to their "kink closet" section and search for contract. I think it's short and to the point with links explaining other addendums you may wish to add.
(I love their toys.. I was kind of channeling Jack Nicholson's Joker when I said that!!)
**** Hey moderators.. can you get me a discount there????????

A very interesting take on a contract

TheAnt​(dom male) • May 16, 2019

The website called dominantguide (no www) has a contract outline where the Dom is the Employer and the sub the Emlployee.
It's very outlined including vehicle and hotel/lodging expenses.
I can see adding parts of this into a contract.