Sacrifice, Selflessness and Martyrdom

Sacrifice, Selflessness and Martyrdom

Bunnie • Sep 17, 2019

Is our ability or desire to sacrifice, what makes us a good submissive/slave/person?

Some seem to believe so. Others seem to believe we shouldn’t have to.

Is sacrifice and selflessness seen as a form of Martyrdom?
Martyrdom is a very revered thing in our society...

Is it truly an act of selflessness? Or is it way deep down, merely the desire for ego stroking, even if only by our own hand?

Is it possible to achieve being selfless without losing ourselves? Or is that the whole point?

SubSided​(sub female) • Sep 17, 2019

Martyrdom is the act of giving one's life in support of our refusal to deny their chosen faith.

I don't think that applies in BDSM.

Sacrifice and selflessness are a basic cornerstone to a positive foundation in a relationship.

You seem to be equating submission with these traits. I would argue that a quality Dominant with exhibit the same characteristics, just in a different form.

A Dominant's responsibility is the care and concerm of their submissive. They will go to many lengths to achieve this ; including infliction of pain, degradation, humiliation, sensuality, etc. all in the name of giving the sub what they need.

There might be times when a Dom just wants a blow job but they understand that their sub has different needs at that time. Sacrifice and selflessness.

These are not only for the meek.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Sep 17, 2019

“Is it truly an act of selflessness? Or is it way deep down, merely the desire for ego stroking, even if only by our own hand?“

Good question. This was actually in a Friends episode where Phoebe was making a point to the rest of the group that there is no selfless act. That even things like giving to charity, in turn makes you feel good. So you’re still getting something out of it.

At times I am one of these selfishly selfless people. It does makes me feel good about myself internally to know that between myself and my Sir, I was the one to sacrifice. Obviously, it’s not always me making the sacrifices, I just mean that in those times when one of us has to cave and I decide to be the one to accept fault or concede something, especially when I don’t think I actually am at fault, it brings me some self satisfaction. I think maybe because I realize that in the end, as the submissive I’ll be the one having to bow down anyways, so it’s better if I concede while it feels like a choice rather than the only option.

Also, I do believe that some people sacrifice to be the martyr. (While the definition SubSided gave is accurate, that’s only the first definition; Webster gives three.)

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Sep 17, 2019

Honestly, I've never liked this point. I think it's just splitting hairs. Whenever I see a stray animal in my neighborhood, unless I'm doing something *very* time pressing, I'll stop to see if I can get it to come to me, and check if it has a collar/whether or not I can find its home.

Is this a *purely* selfless act? Do I get an ego boost out of seeing a little girl cry tears of joy because I brought her puppy home? Dos that negate the good of the act?

I dunno, dude. I just like puppies.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 17, 2019

Love your posts bunnie!!

Emotional martyrdom is a very real concept and I believe it applies here as well as within BDSM as a general rule.


I believe the answer to the question lies in whether or not you believe in altruism.

My personal belief is that there is no such thing as pure altruism. I believe that in all things that are done there has to be some sort of self reward or these things are not done.


I don't believe that sacrifice is what makes a good submissive. In fact if you're a half way worth it D type you make sure that what your s-type sacrifices is matched with what you sacrifice and or the rewards that they get for their sacrifice.


I think sacrifice and selfishness can be seen as a type of emotional martyrdom. Personally however I do not view that as a good thing.


I also do not view losing the self as a positive thing. Even if it is lost through selflessness. I think for me I equate emotional martyrdom as something that door mats do. People that are balanced in their submission and act of giving do not need that emotional piece. But, that is just what I think.

Bunnie • Sep 17, 2019

Thank you all for such awesome responses! Sometimes I’m a bit hesitant to post things that are “splitting hair” type things... but that’s what it’s all about for me... I love observing what’s “inside the hair”

I’m glad it seems there are others who do too

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 18, 2019

Bunnie please don't ever stop posting things like above. If we get a vote, I say Split those hairs...you are always giving me things to think about. This one I'm still pondering on. Its rare when my mouth closes LOL

No Body​(dom male) • Sep 18, 2019

There was a time when good deeds were done in the dark. You came and went without anyone knowing you where ever there. It was knowing that you did what you could without all the fanfare we see today. No videos or pictures it was just you and the act of goodness you did. It was not done to gaing anything other than the warm feeling from within. This is also done in our world. The little things a sub does for us that we notice and and remark on that lets the sub know we enjoyed it and welcomed the fact that it was done from their heart.

Not the everyday things but the little acts they find and do for us without being told or asked. For me it was her knowing when I needed a cup of tea. I would be doing something and then there would be my cup with fresh tea made. It was never asked for and made me feel so much better about the day, It was not the everyday type of thing she did but she knew those times I needed it . It was those times and others that made it so hard to have to let her go. There was never any martyrdom or far on your sword act but little things she would do that made having her in my life special.

Zedland​(dom male) • Sep 20, 2019

As someone else pointed out sacrifice and selflessness are general traits of any healthy relationship, kinky or not. It is in fact merely part of being and adult. Because, to paraphrase a great philosopher, you can't always get what you want and you have to try just to get what you need.

On the other hand does the desire to sacrifice self make a good sub. To lose one's self and become no more than an extensions of someone else's will? To give in completely to the whims of another? That would be the description of a perfect sub to many and I can certainly see the appeal. Though personally I prefer my subs to be a little feisty...

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Sep 20, 2019

Wow Bunster, this is a thought provoking one. Keep opening those cans of worms.

''Is our ability or desire to sacrifice, what makes us a good submissive/slave/person?''

I believe we have a choice in everything we do albeit what we do comes with consequence.
Cause and effect.
Is making a choice selfish? Often yes.
It can also be viewed as a form of manipulation...doing something to get what we want.

Is a suicide bomber who desires to maim others and making a sacrifice of their own life a good submissive/
slave/person. An extreme example perhaps.

There is a condition known as Martyr Syndrome and learned folk argue that those that practice martyrdom
do so as lifestyle choice because it gives meaning to their life.
They need recognition for their sacrifices
Beware though..these are usually the people when they don't get the praise they think they deserve for their sacrifice whine constantly to whomsoever will listen.
Whether it be the BDSM or vanilla world if we are in a relationship with someone we care for we want
to make them happy. We make sacrifices because we cannot have everything our own way..it is called compromise.
How can it be selflessness if we have made a choice to be selfless?
Sacrifice doesn't necessarily make us a good anything