Dealing with my Heartbreak at 60

Dealing with my Heartbreak at 60

Dalrithian​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

I fear the post will be very long winded but at the end i will be asking for advice so please bear me out. Rarely do i post because i feel i am too new to have much of a option or advice that could be of help to anyone. i spend a lot of time reading the posts and blogs so i can learn more about myself and how to understand these desires i have and never understood. Learning about what it means to be a Dom, the responsibilities and commitments to a sub i have come to realize i have always had the traits of a Dom just never put it all together until about a year ago. My spouse of 5 years wanted to "spice up" things in the bedroom so we started discussing different aspects, fantasies and desires that each of us had. I thought we were opening a new level of intimacies for us. As we explored deeper into the world of BDSM and kinks that interested us she pointed out that i seemed to be a Dom because i was always trying to take care of her, give her anything her heart desired from home to jobs to bedroom and anything she wanted. I also liked being in control in many areas of my life. 10 yrs USMC gave me leadership skills and the need to be in charge while a loving mother raised me to understand that a mans honor and duty was to care for, protect and be the "man of the house. For me and my spouse it seemed (at least to me) that the deeper we delved into her desires and fantasies we found she was interested more in the (for lack of a better word or phrase) dark side of BDSM. In saying that let me also say far be it from me to judge anyone for their choices and desires. I found that i like the restraints, the impact toys and how aroused she and i would get when we were in our play mode. One day she came to me and told me she had been talking to a "friend" about some of the things he said she should try but warned me that if we decided to do this with him he was in control and she would be the one to say enough not me. I expressed a lot of concerns about my hard limits and hers and she assured me that ultimately that nothing could ever come between us and that i should just "enjoy the moment". Not long after the first meet and greet she asked could she be allowed to try some of the things he suggested and i agreed. We were taken to a club where we were the couple and he was our unicorn. When we got inside the owner came up to us and asked her if she was ready and she said yes. She and the "friend" were lead to the center of the room and she was stripped. there was a restraint couch ( _/--\__) that when she got on it she was basicly on her hands and knees. She was the strapped down across her ankles,calfs, lower back, upper back, biceps, forearms and wrists. The owner the annouced that everyone should gather closer and pay attention to the sub and her punishment. He then instructed the "friend" to take a leather strap and use it as he had been trained to on his sub. I was standing just in front of her and she looked up at me and said "remember what we talked about just go in the moment". I watched as he strapped her moving back and forth 25 times on each ass cheek right where her thigh met her ass and it seemed he was swinging with full force with each stroke. I wached as at first she jerked and bit her lips then as he finished she was crying hard and screaming at the last 4 strokes to each side. i was so shocked and didnt know what to think then. When she was released and i helped her stand she told me she wanted to go home. When i started leading her to the door the "friend " stepped in front of me and told me i could leave but she was staying. I told him to move because no one was stopping us from leaving and if he tryed there would be a very ugly scene for everyone. She told him it was ok that she wanted to leave and she would call him in a couple of days. for 3 days she could hardly stand even with all my aftercare and gentleness i was so concerned for her. Then he started callling and texting her wanting to know when the next time she would be available for a show. It was about that time i found out that she and him had planned that without telling me because she thought i wouldnt have agreed if i knew what was going to happen. to cut this short over the next month she and him became closer than i liked and i told her i didnt like him much and wanted him to stop trying to get her to follow him and do these "shows". She even told me she would rather i not come because it made her uncomfortable and she wanted to enjoy everything to the fullest. She would always come home very late and then she stayed gone one night. when she got home she said she had been too worn out and stayed in a hotel for the night. a week later she told me that she was going to move in with him because she had very deep feelings for him and couldnt live without him in her life. She told me she had to do this for herself and she was sorry for hurting me so bad by leaving me. i couldnt stay there and watch her day after day come to work and knowing i couldnt even touch her any more because she was "in a relationship" with him now. I left that city and moved back home to stay with my step father who has helped me get on my feet again. Now 2 months later I have a new job and a new apt but i feel so lost and rejected. She was my life, my heart, my soulmate and a part of me wants her back so badly but the other part tells me i cant trust her anymore and it would never be the same even if she did come back. Please any advice would help me so much. How do i move forward??? How do i forgive her and not be angry at what she did. I have met a wonderful woman who has become a close friend and i would like nothing more than to see where it could go but a part of me is scared to really open up to her. I really like her a lot and i could not ever hurt her feelings but she has opened up to me about her past. She admits she is a sub and would love to have me in her life as her Dom. I even hand crafted a necklace/collar for her but i know what it will mean if i give it to her. She saw it the other night when she was over visiting me and knew instantly it was for her. I feel guilty like i am cheating and i shouldn't feel this way and i don't want to. So again please any one who has some advice, words of comfort, anything to help me understand myself now.....Sorry this was so detailed and long winded but i sure could use some help......sorry if i bored anyone with my sob story. Then ex even told me i should stop whining about what she did and be a "man" and "get the fuck over it"

DaddysLilPrincessSub​(sub female) • Feb 16, 2020

Wow, i cant even begin to imagine the pain your feeling, I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's good that you have found someone to connect with and maybe it can even help heal your heart. I'm a firm believe that everything happens for a reason even if we don't understand it at the time. Maybe this is the world's way of bringing you together with someone who will truly set you free. I wish you luck in finding your happiness again.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

I am going to reply here, but I want to warn you upfront that you may be hearing some things you do not wish to hear, so please, ignore this reply if you are not ready.

First off, at the first play party, where you said "When i started leading her to the door the "friend " stepped in front of me and told me i could leave but she was staying. " - I do not think that was the action of somebody who had JUST started playing with somebody. to be so brazen as to tell a Dom, a HUSBAND Dom, something like that, he was empowered from previous interactions. Another, less obvious sign was her bringing up bdsm in the first place. I obviously cannot prove it, but I would bet you a wooden nickel that was the date stamp of her first basic interactions with the "friend". So if by chance you have blamed yourself for "allowing" the interaction in the first place, please be aware it most likely had been going on behind your back already, your "allowing" or not, would have made little difference other than slow it down a bit, prolonging your exposure to the pain.

Secondly, at this point in life, your basic character and values have long been established my friend. You are obviously monogamous and loyal to your partner to a fault, those are your core values. She did not just suddenly develop a case of "cheating virus" - she most likely had that long before you met,

Thirdly, you seem to have met a wonderful woman you admire much. But I caution you, your exposed feelings may be clouding your judgement as you seek comfort for your wound. Continue your friendship, but do not dive head over heels into this until you are ready to accept your past, and can release her, or you face two potentially dangerous outcomes...

1. You cause the pain in her you are feeling now by ending it at some point
2, You commit yourself and build her a world built on falsehood, because your principles will not allow you to hurt her such. A world you yourself will then be trapped in, unable to truly find happiness, because you will not leave her and cause that pain. This world would eventually falter and fail at some point, and the pain would be inescapable, as would your knowing for a fact you had caused it.

Just tread carefully buddy....taking it slow, building it slow... will let you build your house from brick instead of straw..

Regards
~I~

Thank you

Dalrithian​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

DaddysLilPrincessSub thank you for your kind words and support. It shows me there are still those who have humankindness in their heart.

IowaDom
Regrettably you really didn't tell me anything I hadn't already suspected when everything went bad I have known her for a very long time and to see the almost instantaneous change told me that there was something going on and there were many conversations where I was able to glean information about what had been going on and yes I was able to put two and two together and like you I firmly believe that she was involved with him way before I knew it but again thank you for your words of support and the knowledge that you have to show me that it's still possible for me to get through this and move forward and still have a happy life and you're right my friend I have to take it slow I have to be able to accept everything that has happened to me and put it to rest if possible may I stay in contact with you if I have further need of advice?

IowaDom​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

Of course, very happy to what I can.

Dealing with my Heartbreak at 60 Post a reply

youlikecontrol​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

Best bet mate, fuck her out, get over her, women are an unreasonable breed of there own, cant win, no logic with them, I've not read the complete post, only scanned, start voting for trump, gain strength, males are doomed.

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Feb 17, 2020

Honestly once trust is broken in a relationship is there really anything left?

Moving forward.....

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Feb 17, 2020

My heart goes out to you. And I concur with previous comments, especially with IowaDom. In the same fashion, I’m going to add a bit so I hope you take it in the light it’s meant. I think IowaDom hit the main points regarding your ex and the friend. And her actions after, saying that you made her uncomfortable attending events with her - did she even consider it made you uncomfortable not to be there? Big red flag and in the future pay attention.

From your description of yourself, and this isn’t an insult, you are more Daddy than Dom. You are a caregiver. And probably an awesome Daddy figure. But she was topping from the bottom, giving all the guidance and direction. And even though you gained a rush from “being the Dom” it sounds like she was calling most of those shots. If you wish to be a Dom, then it means solidifying your responsibility and assuming command. Same as in your previous military history, if you assume command, you assume the entire mantle. Which means when decisions are made, such as going to an event, you are part of the discussion.

There are countless numbers of submissives and littles who would enjoy a Daddy, so you should do some deep soul searching as to what you really are inside. Are you a Dom, a DaddyDom, or more Daddy? Just a thought.

As for the new lady in your life, I am assuming you’ve told her the situation. Take your time moving forward. Make sure you leave the anger and pain you currently feel for your ex and the jack wagon friend behind and don’t bring it into the new relationship. That will be the hardest part.

As for your ex telling you to stop whining and be a man, she doesn’t really have the right. Take as much time to grieve the loss of that relationship as you need, but make sure you’re done before you step into the new one. And realize, you don’t need the pain she is causing you. Get it out of your system, wish her and her new friend an interesting life (actually a Chinese saying and it’s not necessarily wishing them well - LOL), and step into your new adventures. Best of luck.

Miki • Feb 17, 2020

Please, sir-- just relax. So you're "older" Big deal?!?

If she left, screw her and the horse she rode in on!

I admit that was a lengthy post and I had to skim, but I get the gist.

It sucks..

She don't

If not?? She ain't worth the time!