DOMINANTS-what have you done for me lately?]

DOMINANTS-what have you done for me lately?]

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Apr 5, 2020

This is my rant:
Finding an online dom is hard because the ones that have potential end up being really good with their words so you fall onto the trap and then once the doms needs are met, the sub is left hanging in the wind.
Why is it so hard to find a dom to keep their part of the bargain?
I know the sexual side of the deal is a given, but shouldnt you as a dom be as straight forward with your sub and they are being with you.
I find myself in this situation a lot, unfortunately. I just want to find a dom who is not just attractive but keeps and upholds his part of the dynamic b4 and after the sexual parts have happened. Which, leads me to be very apprehensive about what I'm willing to so for an line dom, but it's still a lose lose situation for me.
What does a sub have to do to find a real dom that able to meet my needs, continuously?
Am I putting to much faith and hope for an online connection or am I stuck in my own little fairy tales unwilling to see reality of the situation?

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Apr 5, 2020

My Master told me when I met Him that He would always do what He said He would do, and He did. He proved that in little ways as we were feeling each other out for a potential relationship. You need to know whether or not a dom will keep his word. When you set up a time to talk, does he show? Does he provide excuses? If he says he will do something, does it get done? I would try to find a way to know this for sure before I ever went too deep. Then there are references. Get references from him so that you can talk to his friends, his ex-wife (yes, I did that...) previous subs. If all relationships before ended badly, I think you have information that you need. If someone says, that's too much work for an online relationship, then you also have your answer. They weren't planning to take you seriously anyway.

Online is real to me. It isn't pretend, or make-believe. It affects me emotionally at a deep level and I need that intensity to be respected.

Masterkristopher7​(dom male){buttercup7} • Apr 5, 2020

Hey Friend,

I have been an online dominant for close to 10 years, and yes I’ve seen many problems and challenges faced by both sides.

I am not here to say I have all the answers but I will try my best to help through this.

In my opinion the collapse of relationships because of an online dynamic stems from the fact people aren’t able to see the full effect on the other person. Many Dominants fit into the first two categories I’m going to describe but try your best to find a third style Dominant.

In my mind there are 3 types of online Dominants:

“Picture collector”- this Dominant will continually ask you to send pictures just so they can add them to the list of woman who fallen for it.

“Fifty shades”- this Dominant typically right out of the gates demands things to be done a certain way without regards to learning about you.

“The lifestyle”- this Dominant is looking to create a proper dynamic with having a bond before creating the dynamic. They typically have more than one word answers and are willing to allow time for a connection before handling a dynamic.

Some tips for a successful online dynamic:

Try not to lead with pictures or videos and try to allow your words to describe yourself.

Just because a dominant states they want to play you don’t have to say yes. Explain you want more to learn about them. Be comfortable first.

Watch there writing style. If it’s very short answers and the seem to not give information, typically leads to a break down.

Be upfront, explain that you know who you are in the relationship but are aware that they will be treated as predators until proven otherwise.

Something that may also help is to find a mentor, or a protector to run things past before you proceed. They can help you navigate this journey.

I know it is difficult not to just say forget it. I’m only wasting my time... I have been there. Keep your head up you’ll find what your looking for soon.

-M. Kristopher

individsenior​(sub female) • Apr 5, 2020

I have found that you have to go through a lot of 'wrong' relationships to find the right one. I think, in the beginning, we don't really know what we want and we don't say it. Then as we learn to express ourselves more, the other person feels or says we broke the deal. I have found that our partner, whether in real or on line, doesn't know what we are feeling until we tell them. When something is not meeting your needs, tell your partner. For some subs, it does involve accepting that their needs will not be met, as that is their role. You can learn to mentally accept who you are. If not having your needs met is NOT your thing, change your talk. Communicate clearly. If the partner is not open to your concerns, look elsewhere. It's your life, and you have to seek what you need, and be honest about what you need, and do not be satisfied with any less.

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2020

This is not a one way street I have watched both sides blame the other for this or that when in most cases it was both because they where looking for the wrong things in each other. Instead of taking their time getting to know one another they jumped right into it and it was all about the orders and sex. Sex is great I love it and at times there are those who just want to get off and get out. This is ok as long as you don't say I want long term.

The real problem today is the fact that to many are looking to get off and get out. The younger ones have been told iy is all about the sex and not about getting to know the soul behind the eyes. I know a switch who has the most amazing eyes. She is a friend and I care for her deeply BUT there is no way that I would want to see her hurt by anything I said or did. Add the distance between us and you have a friendship that will last till she is ready to move on. We now live in an age where it is not about you and how I can meet your needs but all about me and what I can take before moving on. I am not a good looking man. Time and life has taken it's toll on me but i am ok with it because inside me is the heart of a monster who will awaken when need be to punish anyone who hurts those I care for. I have proven this many time but only 4 times have I ever had to prove my words when I said I would die for you. There is the problem we care to much for ourselves and not enough for each other.

When you have my collar there is more to it than just you are mine and no one else. It implies that I am there 24/7 to listen encourage help in anyway and most of all protect. Your needs are to be meet and respected as are mine to you. When you are given part of my heart you have to understand that there are many others who are there as well and everyone has to right to call and have me run to help them. As I said in my profile there is a reason I have 17 godchildren. Even those in there 30's know they just have to call and I am there. If we where the people were when I took my oath to never take a life unless others would be hurt we would not need a lock down and our store shelves would be full. We have lost our way and the road back is no longer behind us.

SilentMaster​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2020

Part of the problem could be having too high expectations and also a lack of communication and patience.

When I'm talking with a potential sub I do try to use my words to convince her, of course I want to get her attention but I don't lie, I genuinely believe in what I say. But thats just the starting point, from there it's important to communicate express what we really want and not just assume we are talking with our soulmate who knows everything about us, then maybe we will also have to assume that we might not get everything we want.
Once in the relationship I prefer to start slowly and ensure we are both involved before taking more steps. Again its important to keep talking.
Something that happened recently is that after a light session with a sub I gave her some aftercare and I though it was enough, but the next day she told me she would like more attention after the session. So basically my aftercare was not perceived as such by her, but we could fix that in the next session because we talked about it (at the end the relationship didn't work because of other reasons, but we end in good terms and enjoyed the whole process). To summarize, communication is essential and there might be a bit of trial an error before things work as expected so a bit of patience is needed too. And of course if someone does not have this patience and it is not willing to talk then it might not be worth to give it a try.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Apr 5, 2020

There are some wonderful responses to this post! Thank you!

Stevevo​(dom male) • Apr 6, 2020

The problem with this community just like any other is that it attracts people looking for instant gratification.

They are looking to get but not give and don’t understand the dynamics involved.

Many subs are attracted to a Dom because they are looking to fill their needs and give in far too quickly without; requiring that their needs and boundaries are respected.

Read the book “the game” by Neil Strauss. A true Dom doesn’t have to peacock and impress anyone. Spend enough time weeding them out and eventually they will show their true colors.

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Apr 6, 2020

Wow, thank u all for the great advice and feedback. Must admit I was a little apprehensive about the type of responses I would get, if ppl would understand where I was coming . But, I'm glad i wrote this post and got it off my chest because some of your responses made me look at and reevaluate my expectations and contributions.

Thank you all again

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 6, 2020

Oh ho! Our "meek" sub would throw down the gauntlet, eh?

No, indeed, rightfully, albeit a tad disrespectfully so. But, I think I can excuse that.



Why is it a given? If you're not the kind of girl that is willing to have sex on the first date, why are you being sexual right out of the gate in an online circumstance? BDSM isn't something to be taken so lightly. Hell, if you want to develop any kind of actual relationship, you shouldn't take it so lightly.

Why did they ghost you? You gave them everything that they wanted from you, and you gave it to them easily. These weren't doms. You were prey to HNGs.

If I were pursuing a relationship with you, sex would be "off the table" until there was a high degree of trust between us. I'm a hunter. When I stalk a deer, I don't want it to look at me doe-eyed, come over and lay down at my feet so I can shoot it. But, someone with no experience, no skill, would look at that, and say, "hunting is easy" BANG, (if you'll excuse the pun). No, I don't want the deer to submit to its fate so easily. Where's the challenge in that for me? Something given away freely has NO VALUE.

Few men are interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman who so willingly gives up her body. Why? Because if she so willingly gives it up for me in this circumstance, is she going to so willingly give it up to another? There is no way I can respect, or trust her.

The challenge is not getting into her pants, (I can get sex any day I want). It's getting into her mind. Owning her mind. I know that once I have her mind, her body will come along anyway, and I'll have that too, icing on the cake. But getting into her mind isn't easy -- it takes effort, it takes a skilled hunt. It takes building trust over time. It takes building a relationship, one that will last offline.