I direct you to my post in that thread. Basically the definition of what a slave is has changed. Not just on an individual level but to the more widely known BDSM community. It no longer simply means to take someone against their will and hold them prisoner (though of course that definition also still applies). It means so much more then that to many. Which will be different on a case by case bases due to those involved having their own meaning with each other. Just try not to confuse the two with each other because they both have the same name.
- Sub wants to be treated as a person but subservient to the Dom.
- Sub wants to have from a tiny to a large say in the relationship even after the final agreement to begin the relationship is established.
- Sub wants the D\s relationship know to other, even just in the kink community.
- Slave wants to be property, owned, or something to be used. This could be anything from being pet like to object like.
- Slave does not have a say in the relationship after the agreement to start relationship is established and there is no violation of any agreed upon points.
Like some of you, I served as a kajira many moons ago. When I started, the title slave was not self-identifying, it was a title that was earned. But I digress.
Treading lightly now...
I have many friends who identify as slave and have read many, many forum posts on the subject of M/s relationships. I was also in one.
I can tell you both from personal experience and from talking with other slaves that not all, but many slaves do not have submissive personalities. In fact, many have very dominant personalities and they choose to surrender to their master. They can submit ( a verb) but are not necessarily submissive
( personality trait).
Also, M/s relationships, like any other are tailored to fit the two people involved. There is not a one size fits all box they can be stuffed into.
For any folks that are new to BDSM, if you are willing to take a bit of advice from an old gal like me, be very careful of anyone preaching one-true-wayisms.
The best explanation I heard came from slave dawn of the Erotic Awaking podcast.
dawn said "a submissive thinks about each submissive act before he/she does them and a slave just does."
Might not be 100% correct, but I think its really close. If someone was listening to that podcast and wants to correct me please do.
Lifestyle subs are a thing.
I think things through by nature. So the point I don't have to think about even important things. I'm that good of "remaining aware". Even pointing it out to others. There's reasons I "just do" as well. For example, being either really happy or really mindfucked or otherwise really "mentally bothered" which might cause a "strange action".
As for slaves not having a say, if something makes a slave down then it would be somewhat foolhardy not to point out "This affects me", I think. Even normal relationships require another "having their say and dealing with it" too. Even a salve needs to speak up in such moments. Yet it can still be the "owners choice alone". Not just because of a D/s dynamic, but because each and every of OUR actions is our OWN of which affects others. Which we're all willing to change if they harm others we care about or make them uncomfortable. By which I mean causing "mental distress". Not just being "a little uncomfortable". I like it rough for example. Wouldn't want to have something on my mind all day, which can lead to all week which might lead to all month which might lead to years.
Perhaps a slave is simply more likely to not "roll over" unless they're put in line? But then there's subs like that as well. Or maybe a slave has yet to know how to "direct themselves" with others and trust in another to handle them. Yet even there reasons for being "a bit odd and needing to be handled in a strange situation" need to be covered. Or at least accepted by another even if not fully understood.
The more I think about it the more I think sub and slave are simply two names for the same thing at the end of the day. Each with varied styles. Kind of like how a fry can also be a chip.
Submissive and slaves are still equal people Should be retreated as respect as they are human. You have to have rights and brain. The foolish player Dom's like to pray on those new in the lifestyle they just want a doormat. Even a submissive hold the key also just as a Dom everything should be agreed there a time and place for it all. I would not want to be with a control freak I like to have a brain and Independence. Still live the lifestyle outside world you have to be yourself but behind closed doors know who you are but know one can take your brain use it someone have to respect you as yourself both ways. Punishment is out of love not hate.
Protect her guide her respect her grow her take care of her treasure her lead her Be the man she needs and she will be the women you want.....
Trust is Earned. Respect is Given. Loyalty is Demonstrated. Betrayal of one is to lose all three. BDSM VS ABUSE They are not the same. key of Elements of BDSM -Communication -Consent -Trust -Respect ----------------------------------- key of elements of abuse -Physical/Emotional Abuse -Fear of partner -No communication or consent -No trust or respect ------------------------------- BDSM is the pleasure of both parties ------------------------------- Abuse causes unwanted pain to one or more parties. ------------------------------------------ Keep in mind distinct difference between fearing partner and fearing pain for example. I flinch when I am spanked Despite the fact I asked to be spanked and I enjoy being spanked. Its still hurts and the body still has fearful reaction. However I trust my partner and do not fear her for she respect my boundaries.